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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 4

1000 replies

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 12/04/2010 22:42

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

OP posts:
IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 14/04/2010 21:23

well maybe a bit of a drink in a bit

why not entertain me with your cleaning progress?

OP posts:
ChairmumMiaowGoingItAlone · 14/04/2010 21:24

I managed to spend 85 quid on my tesco delivery today! That distracted me. There looks like there's too much beer in the house for a pregnant woman but its hard to find 250ml bottles so I stocked up!

And I've been scrubbing kitchen cupboards and throwing out out-of-date food today. The excitement never ends here!

ChairmumMiaowGoingItAlone · 14/04/2010 21:26

I also bought a sand/water table, trampoline and slide for the garden that arrived today. Preparing for summer breastfeeding on the swing and the time soon when I don't want to waddle to the park.

maybees · 14/04/2010 21:28

ok asshole h just left told me he cant afford counselling but still smoking and drinking .Think he will be so stubborn and stupid not to try again cos he will have to change and the more together he gets and the more he listens to his divorced pal he will turn me into hate bitch and dump me good and proper.Thing is even when i write it all down i still used to think its not that bad we can make it work but even this is changing now he really doesnt seem to care that he is desperately running out of time.Nearly 6mths and still he doesnt seem to get it.He definately isnt going to put himself out.Just makes me feel that he thinks i should apologise and want him back ROFL

ChairmumMiaowGoingItAlone · 14/04/2010 21:30

maybees - that sucks!

If he goes through relate though, he might be able to get them cheaper / some free ones (that's what they said to me anyway)

startingovernow · 14/04/2010 21:31

Well not v entertaining but tackled spare room today. Thought of Pink's tips & was ruthless in dumping efforts. Operation garden ground to a standstill as I cannot stand straight due to back injury caused by bloody leaf sucking machine!!!!!!!!

startingovernow · 14/04/2010 21:34

Maybees, why not get in there first. Tell him you've enough of his twuntery & call it a day?? You've nothing to loose.

startingovernow · 14/04/2010 21:35

Chairmum, that sounds fab. Dc's will get years of fun from those. I've a trampoline in garden & dc's love it. Great for all ages.

maybees · 14/04/2010 21:37

and his grumpiness and the tiredness and the soreness really bring me down(do i need to hear about it everyday not being ungrateful honest i just mean sort it FFS;do something else with your money chiropractor whatever it takes but all the "DOOM" fucking stop moaning !)...... i feel so guilty that he has to work.If only i could have won euro millions and been a proper wife

ChairmumMiaowGoingItAlone · 14/04/2010 21:39

starting - just a little exercise trampette thing, but I think he will like it. I couldn't get it assembled on my own so had to ask H. He struggled too! Anyway, DS hasn't really played with any of it yet so we should have some fun tomorrow.

H clearly did not approve of me spending the money on them (particularly as his mother bought a trampoline, but there was no way I was going to ask for that!) but its tough shit. I need to entertain the poor boy and I'm getting bigger by the day! (or at least feeling it!)

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 14/04/2010 21:41

He is responsible for his own grumpiness

You are responsible for your own fabulosity and you are fabulous

OP posts:
ChairmumMiaowGoingItAlone · 14/04/2010 21:43

We are all fabulous ladies!

startingovernow · 14/04/2010 21:44

Chairmum, I think money spent on stuff like that is always good. You are right, it'll make life easier for you with lo arrives. I think I know the one you're talking about. Is it a small square one with a bar coming up? My neighbour has one. I had a small one for yrs before I got the big one & dc's got yrs of value from that one two.

pinksmarties · 14/04/2010 21:45

Hi all, raging pmt at the mo so took to my bed for a luxury nap this pm. Also, been on here sooo late this holiday, till 3am some nights so my body clock is up the spout ( would have said buggered but I notice were getting a bit less sweary these days !)

Maybees....I remember that poem from school ans so often say the first 2 lines in my head.

pmsl .....home cinema and swimming pool. I bet you have got that Starting and don't want to tell us.

Maybees....shame about the dentist, you were so chirpy after your first visit. Dental work is bloody awful though, hope it's ok.

Happy....I love Perfect Day, thanks for that.

TEAANDCAKE....right then, I don't know if the other dumplings aggree but I think it's time for you to start feeling angry, REALLY F@@KING ANGRY. The fact that you are paying your joint loan out of your account is apalling. It must stop. My friend is in exactly the same position as you and she'll be totally skint for the next 5 years until it's paid off. I know you are liable as it's in your name too but you need to get advice about this from your sol. Hopefuly his half of the loan that you're paying will come out of his money in the divorce but I'd try and get it sorted beforehand.

Your H is beyond contempt and I realy wish you wouldn't feel guilty for having less than kind thoughts towards him.

OMG if you knew the vile and evil things I fantasize happening to my H on a daily basis it would make your toes curl.

Not that I actually want them to happen but the anger and fury as well as tons of laughs and humour is what has fuelled me for the last 2 years.

I don't mean unhealthy allconsuming nasty thoughts, but enough to get me up off my sad crying arse and off to the sol with any bit of evidence against him that I can find.
Plus self essteem courses, self help books (good excerpt you wrote) etc.

You have to be active and one step ahead of him in order to get as much as you can financialy. It's what you and the DCs deserve and if you don't then you'll regret it because it will be too late.

Wise up

Get Strong

Fight for yourself

Don't feel guilty about him, he's a total bastard and his sol will be advising him on how to leave this marriage with as much as possible. It's a nasty business and in the end it only comes down to money.

He'll try and fleece you and is allready doing so.

Come on TEA, rise up, be strong and fight (calmly) for what you knoe you deserve.

I do plenty of crying believe me and the heartbreak is unbearable but heartbreak and poverty will be much worse.

He's treating you SO SO badly, like a doormat actually. He's an excuse of a man and I'm so glad his car broke down.
It's what he deserved.

Tea, a few little swear words Really help.

He's a TWUNT, say it out loud a few times, it'll make you feel better

And breath......

ChairmumMiaowGoingItAlone · 14/04/2010 21:47

starting - was going to get one like that but SIL reckons that as they get bigger they lean on the bar too much and she's seen some nasty accidents so I went for an adult exercise one so he doesn't get overconfident.

He saw the box and went "ooooh! My bounce!"
(he says my for me/I)

startingovernow · 14/04/2010 21:47

Happy, well said! Maybees, take that on board. When he starts to moan just interrupt & say sorry I'm busy right now. If that doesn't work just say straight out that you need to keep your focus on yourself & dc's for now but your sorry to hear he's feeling x & leave it at that. If he gets no sympathy / hearing he'll get the message.

ChairmumMiaowGoingItAlone · 14/04/2010 21:49

Right ladies, I need to go to bed. Nearly fell asleep while DS was dozing on me today!

Happy - I hope you get some more distractions and that everything works out ok with DS.

teaandcakeplease · 14/04/2010 21:50

I don't like swearing, I'm a church girl it actually makes me feel horrid if I do

startingovernow · 14/04/2010 21:53

Chairmum, the one I used to have was the adult excercise one too . Lasted for years, good buy! I love when dc's say stuff like that or the cute words they make up.

maybees · 14/04/2010 21:54

Cos i am still in denial that this is my life ,that truly must be the answer Startin' dont want to give up my home etc want stability for my kids ,h that i saw 2wks ago gone again or is it that i have truly moved on this time.

Chairmum I cant force him and if he wanted to go he would have made an appointment.I have lived like this for 15yrs I have a good/fun idea but he doesnt even try just gets wasted cos its "good to chill "
His answer to everything .Never could force him to do anything he always told me i was being controlling if i tried to get him to cut down.

Now i reckon he will be back to single lad life cos no bitch is ever goin to tell him wot to do.

Really sad eh !Thats the thing he will crash and burn ....

Anyway he will always be jealous and bitter cos obviously i have ruined his life,meant to be going to counselling together soon on a waiting list prob middle of may.

Chin up! tits out!

startingovernow · 14/04/2010 21:54

Happy are you still with us & are you ok??

pinksmarties · 14/04/2010 21:59

Are you ok Happy... ?

startingovernow · 14/04/2010 21:59

Hi Pink, sorry to hear about your pmt. Glad to hear you're looking after yourself with courses etc. Agree that broken hearted & poverty is a dire situtation for anyone. It's important to get the finances sorted asap.

PMSL where I live, an outdoor swimming pool . Would freeze the balls off a brass monkey!! (good expression). However now that you mention it, exh did want to convert attic into home cinema.................

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 14/04/2010 22:00

I'm still here

DS a lot better now so not so bad this time as has been on occasions - certainly much better than 2.5 weeks ago

Maybees - 15 years is a long time

OP posts:
startingovernow · 14/04/2010 22:00

Hi Tea, how are things going??

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