ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

How are you Happy ?
Reading Pinks post there made me think this will all turn into money ,cos his friend will be filling his head with shite now.Really upset dont want to think of my family being broken.
Going to put the kettle on.
ps we got a trampie with a bar and ds went straight over the top 2nd bounce,still kept bouncing but you were right to heed the warning.

Maybees, I was in denial for so long too. It's hard to give up the dream of the happy ever after. Sounds to me like the only way dc's will have stability is without H. If he can't stop drinking or admit there is a prob after 6 mts, that your answer. My exh used to tell me I was controlling aswell. It's funny cause it was the complete opposite, he was controlling with his bullying/aggressive nature. He also called me the bi*ch. We'd be grand if it wasn't for me breaking up our happy marriage! That's the joke of the century!!!!!!!!!!

Seems much better now thanks Maybees

I was "controlling" ladies too apparently - must be a dumpling characteristic - helps us get the cleaning done I guess

Ah Happy, great to see you back.

My H said I made him feel emasculated

Just writing an e-mail to him about money. However as he is away with OW, I can already imagine him reading it to her, being rude about me and them laughing or slagging me off

He needs a job so he's no longer on JSA. Am I right that he'll have a court order on what to pay me in divorce and will have to, whether he can afford it or not? As he's hopeless with money, I always did budgeting and he has racked up £7,000 on a credit card last year whilst carrying on the affair. So he has more overheads than a normal chap and still no sign of a job on the horizon but he can somehow afford to go to Scotland for a week????

Thats the thing girlies he led the life of riley getting wasted every nite,in the pub every nite,never taking me out,start a row if i ever complained tell me to "Just leave then"or call me a "fucking weirdo "Thing about it is until you leave you really think its you cos they keep telling you. He used to tell me i was a weirdo b4 i met him nothing to do with him.I actually felt better when he left home cos i still loved him and thought he would come back home but i dont love my husband anymore and he wants to come home and i have to tell him he cant live here anymore with us .How painful is that.

He sounds dreadful, why did you stay with him this long? My H is a selfish lazy man but your H beats him by miles

Get that divorce rolling, it takes 2 to make a marriage work babe.

Hi Tea, that sounds awful. You should prob get legal advice on how to deal with that. Can you get free legal aid?? I didn't realise you were paying off a loan for him aswell. Maybe you should get advice now before it goes on too long.

Hi Maybees, from reading that there's no doubt you are doing the right thing. Your dc's will thank you for this. It doesn't sound like you ever got much from your marriage.

It's a joint loan, so we're jointly liable. Hence fast tracking divorce as much as I can. He WAS helping when earning, now only on JSA he's pretty penniless. Just sent him an e-mail explaining situation to him again. Hoping he takes it on board...

It does sound v bad Maybees. Mine was selfish & immature too but he always made sure I had everything I wanted, took me out all the time, always took dc's to nice places, was always surprising me with little presents ................Ah fu*k, I have to stop now or I'll be wondering why I dumped him .

btw am getting legal aid, hence divorce cracking along nicely

Gosh starting my H used to just sit on sofa watching tv every night

Keep wanting to believe that he is making an effort but starting to see that he will never make that effort.He wants a woman to do what i did leave him in peace to drink dont FGS moan about it !He wants nice food his clothes put away a tidy house and to veg out to Bravo or Dave .If he cant have that even when the drinking escalates he will run away and switch off his phone.The rest as they say is history ,until you get to the place where we started ... saying to H"You are a dada now why dont you cut back on your drinking and sort things out so that you are fit for your kids." I shouldnt have to say it though after 6mths he should be on his recovery road,like cheryl cole says you gotta fight for this love and my h isnt.

Hi Tea, that's a bummer! You're right to fast track divorce so. I've had to do similar.

No you sound like a doormat maybee to him

Tea, I'd have given it all up for a normal life. Hold on a sec, I did

Maybees, it's v v sad. No different to me with exh, I was so heartbroken but had no choice but to walk away. That level of self destruction around dc's will only bring heartbreak & suffering all round. Remember this too shall pass.

My head feels like it is in a vice all of a sudden, time for bed! I am coming down with a cold so probably related.

Night dumplings x

Tea Hs behaviour got worse rapidly after we had kids.He was a good looking charmer .When he gave me attention it felt good .We had a great sex life.You can understand now why i posted earlier about self esteem and i had many good times in my marriage but when kids come along especially close together people all react differently to that stress IMO.

Maybees, I've never told you this but giving up the drink isn't always the answer. My exh had a prob with drink like yours but gave it up 27 yrs ago. I never saw him drink however he was a dry drunk & just went from one addiction to another, food, shopping, gambling, perscription tablets, you name it. Putting down the drink is only the start.

Night Tea x

Like this one "Tea, I'd have given it all up for a normal life. Hold on a sec, I did"

Maybees, it feels to me like your life is normal without him there. Am I right do you think?

That's SO sad Maybees, sounds like he's been pushing you away for a long long time. You've put up with such a lot and now you have NO CHOICE but to push him away, for good. He's been sucking the life blood out of you and no human being has the right to do that to someone else, especialy not to a spouse.

You can either be sad with him forever or sad without him but happier and healthier.

I can't imagine being in your position of the decicision being in my hands.... my H left and I had no choice in the matter. I think your situation is harder because deciding to make him leave will be so difficult and heartbreaking but you know it will be right. You've put up with more than enough abuse for one life time.

You can either be sad with him forever or sad without him but happier and healthier. That is so true Pink.

Starting sounds horrible

I mean that sounds horrible for you Starting not "Starting sounds horrible"

Yes Smartie that is all true but i will always be the mummy that made our daddy leave