ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Morning

Sorry to hear you,re having bad time Ifyourhappy being new I dont know your story but if you are taking time off work it must be difficult I hope that it gets sorted. Am not religious but lots of positive vibes being sent from me

Chairmum good to hear from you

Armbow I take my hat off to you you sound amazingly together considering how recently this has happened dont put yourself under too much pressure to be "normal" and cope perfectly. I feel for you on the will he come back or not front and its impossible not to hope inside he will when you still love him. As I said before I knew inside once exh had moved out that he wouldnt come back in spite of all his "i am moving out to decide what I want" statements . It didnt stop me hoping on some level though and it was hard to take when a month later he said that was the end. Reading other threads I think he knew along that he wanted to be with ow but didnt want to see himself or others to see him as someone who left his wife and dcs to be with someone else

Everyone situation differs though and your H may be different and in some ways I think hoping protects you against some of the horrors of accepting what is going on until you are in better emotional shape to deal with it. One thing I read which has proved to be true over time is that the subconscious mind will not allow information in until we are ready to deal with it. Hence a lot of realisations come out gradually over time and you think how did I not see that before

Really starting to enjoy being able to do what I like , dd was out all day yesterday so I popped out here and there and didnt need to even look at my watch. Exh wasnt a tyrant but its just a case of not needing to even refer to anyone else- does that make sense ?

Anyway have agood day everyone. Keep strong

Makes sense to me gettin ...for me it just made me realise how i never actually put myself first and how wrong that is in a relationship.but that was me getting it wrong btw i realise that now.I also got the im working bit lots too and therefore the pub entitlement .I worked pt after kids but always financially independent before dcs ,anyway anyone that says looking after 2 dcs under 2yo isnt a full time job hasnt actually done it IMO [or any age to be honest]

They dont need babysitters to go to the pub ,they have us ......

Enjoy your freedom gettin'and treat yourself to some pampering if you get a chance all dumplings deserve a treatment when they can.

Waves to everyone wishing you calmness thru your journey.

Hadn't much calmness here today. Access with dc's went horribly wrong & ended up with dd ringing me hysterical, had to get police to intervene & make sure dc's were safe till I got there. Am really & truly worn out from xh.

Oh no

I'm so sorry Starting. at your ex H

Thanks Tea, am going to see counsellor in the morn so hopefully will feel better after that. I'm just so so sick of trying to deal with xh .

can i just add my story basically is that after a turbulent home life h left nov but completely by boxing day and has been in hindsight sorting himself out on his own journey.Although i wish things had been more logical and less painful ,we had been together 15yrs,i know now this time apart has been a gift,someone thru a boulder in our way and made us look at the negativity in our lives and told us it was time to change our path.the dcs have been protected because they never saw h at his most self destructive and it has made me realise i needed to focus on my self esteem .H has distanced himself from old aquaintances now and i was able to detatch after 2 months and see i couldnt change him only he could do that.I dont know whats round the corner ,marriage counselling was mixed to say the least.I drove myself mad re infidelity but that wasnt what he was looking for ,we both loved each other very much but also resented each other for the people we became after kids were born.I became responsible parent and he still wanted a calm stress free home after a days work didnt happen so started goin to the pub.He also stopped doing positive past times ,i guess he thought that was taking to much at the weekends but he also lost motivation thru relying on drink to relax.We are having more positive familly days now but we still live apart.i am going to try and stay in the moment and see what happens.i am less resentful now and trying not to stay in the past.Who knows what is ahead of us ,but i will never lose my quest for inner peace and i will continue to grow x

x post sorry to hear that startin big hugs x

Starting was all ready to get on here and rant then I read your post and realised its not so bad. I know you will side step this but what does exh do to involve police ? I spent 4 1/2 years in an abusive relationship pre exh and it was hell. Anyway whatever it is I am so sorry.

My exh rang me today re financial settlement and divorce. Everything he has said to me for 6 months has been ditched and now we can "cut our cloth". Dcs who live in a lovely little community and have ALL THEIR LIVES 13 and 11 can "manage". They can cycle 20 min to school and I can "easily" get a pt job that fits in school hours and calendar of £12,oooo pa (having not worked for 4 years).

I am now that mug female who put her all into her family and stayed at home who now is a liability as it no longer suits exh . Sorry should explain we knew would have to leave family home but thought we could move to small house but now will have to move out of area altogether.

Dad happened to be here when all this kicking off on phone says go to court dont let him do this to you. Exh powerful and clever man but not a law maker so know Dads right but wtf how can he be like this after making such heavy weather of putting dcs first and being man with halo in spite of also being man at door with suitcase in his hand

I know that men reneging on agreements is par for the course but its weird that after such prolonged time of I will see you right its suddenly get on with it. OW has had lots of time to whisper her poison so why the sudden abrupt change it cant be her can it ?

All I know is it looks like I have a fight on my hands in addition to everything else[Sad]

Starting - I hope that today is better and that through discussions with the counsellor you can find a good way through this

Gettingeasier - sounds awful, and that he is trying to tell you what will happen. If you haven't already, go to citizens advice and see a good solicitor. They will sometimes give you one free session although sadly IME the good ones sometimes don't do that. He absolutely cannot at this point dictate what will happen, that is not his choice, the route to this should be discussed with your solicitor. Do you feel able to say roughly where you are as someone on MN may know a good solicitor. There is also another topic on MN (can't remember the name) with legal advice that you can try.

Starting sorry yesterday was shit

getting - I suspect similar will happen to me - the worm was already starting to turn last night . I guess al we can do is fight our corner but the timing is hardly great is it. we need to be at our strongest when our life is at its shittest !!

I have already had comments like "things could be a lot worse for you I could have left you with nothing - be thankful I am a nice bloke" .... and it has only been 4/5 days !!!

Quickly.

So sorry Starting. Wish you had a system of supervised access (())

Another saying:

Marriage is about love. Divorce is strictly business!

Sad but true .

Getting, sorry to hear your xh has done an about turn. I'm a bit cynical atm but I think a lot of them end up doing this. I would defo agree with getting a solicitor & getting best possible solution for yourself & dc's. Fwiw you were not a mug to put your dc's & family before advancing your career. It might take all of us who did that a few years to get back on track but we'll get there in the end!

Police are involved with xh as he became v aggressive & violent when I ended the marriage. He had a tendency to blow up & get psychotic. He ticks all the boxes of having a fairly nasty personality disorder & I may be wrong but I think he's taking drugs & has been since marriage started to fall apart. He blew up at eldest dd y'day & then said he was dropping them off at police station. At the same time he portrays himself as a respectable v successful business man & has loads of connections in the political world, media, police dept etc. Normal rules of law do not apply to him! He is hosting an event tonight for 150 people which will include all the top shakers & if you saw him groomed & in action (personality of the year type) you would never figure he was the same person me or dc's have had to put up with .

Armbow, sorry to hear things are starting to turn for you too. I guess all you can do when the time comes is get a good solicitor & get the best deal possible.

Maybees, hope all's going well for you.

Happy, hope you've managed to make a bit of progress & that things are not looking so bleak.

Thanks Mumfun, I haven't heard anything since & will not be allowing access for now anyway. My solicitor is away atm so will wait till she's back & see where we can go from here.

Starting Poor DD and kids. They must be so shocked (())

Waves to all........

Have realised that there's only 10 posts to go on this thread & it's making me feel positive. Need to put the events of the past wk behind me & restart again so what better way of doing that then on a new thread where I will post solely about eating copious amounts of trifle & getting laid by some as yet unknown creature of delight

a quote from Grease came into my head today - Frenchie says it to Sandy

"men are rats ... they are worse than rats... they flees on rats...they are amoebas on flees on rats! The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy."

(I had to google amoeba to make sure I spelt it right )

Mumfun, had a good chat with dc's & let them vent it all out. Also got advice this morn. They had a lovely day today & are happy & content again. Younger two don't really realise the implications I think & older dd is just saying she doesn't want to see him for now. Will just let life continue on as normal now & deal with things as they arise.

Hope all's going well for you atm.

No offence Armbow but my poor girls most certainly cannot depend on their fuckwit daddy!!!!!!!!!!!! Understand what you mean by that quote though.........

I will post solely about eating copious amounts of trifle & getting laid by some as yet unknown creature of delight Love it starting.

Yeah my 2 DCs definitely cannot depend on their cowardly weasle of a dad - but he is indeed a rat!

So tired. Having an early night tonight.

Hi Tea, hope you get plenty of sleep. Maybe we should call the new thread "The All New Road to Getting Laid for the Recently Ditched"

oh yeah did not get the twisted irony

blame it on the fact i am tired ...

You're forgiven Armbow . I think quiet a few of the twunts found on these pages can be v selfish & therefore perhaps not the best of fathers. Thankfully not all of the male species are like this of course

no thankfully my dad is ACE !!!!!!

Horay for that

Aye and even if its not the car of your dreams,you can always drive a courtesy car a few times round the block,seriously thinking of getting stricter with h re access ,was only making it easy visiting the house for dcs sakes ,but this do what you like when you like parenting is a fucking joke and mummy needs to go out and find a courtesy car ive given him all the chances and i cant let him hurt me anymore, if i ever thought he would do this i never would have married him,fucking selfish eejit x

ps if we ever do a west end version of grease ,a dumpling spectacular ,bagsie im Rizzo

Mine's not too bad either actually

Who's ready to start us off on the new thread??

Dumplings Unite..........