ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

My H has gone up to Scotland this week with the OW - I think he thinks I believe him on going alone, no chance of that, as it's the anniversary of when their relationship "crossed the line" (in his words) i.e. they got jiggy! So he's blatantly gone to stay in his parents house is Scotland with her. Especially as he went by hers on Sunday night on the way up.

He's only given me £25 this month and my finances are so bad right now, but he can afford to go on hols with the OW

Anyway his car broke down and the engine has seized and is irreparable. So he's stranded in Scotland at house with the OW and will have to catch the train home to his dads. His dad cannot afford to buy him another car, so he will be car-less. Which will make it very difficult to his beau, unless he catches trains to her or meets her in London if she catches a train down. If he can afford the train fares on JSA.

I'm really not sorry about this. But feel guilty for feeling this way. Feels like retribution to me that he will be without transport, as he has basically spent the last year driving up and down to Mancs to see her, as she doesn't drive.

He also isn't at all bothered that we are getting divorced at all and is happily seeing the OW now and not hiding it. Which also hurts a lot.

I'm bad aren't I?

Hi Tea, you're not bad at all, you're v hurt & so it's normal to feel like this. I know it's hard but try to detach from what he's doing & keep working at building your own life up. Hard I know but I found keeping the focus on what my exh was doing just caused me more & more pain. It's like a form of self torture! It's hard to accept but once they've moved out they don't really care about you anymore. Your H is avoiding looking at his own behaviour & escaping into relationship with OW so he doesn't have to look at the hurt & pain his actions have caused. Instead of feeling like sh*te he's using OW to feel good about himself.

Have you checked out if you're getting all of your benefits etc??

Tea - it all sounds perfectly normal to me.

Starting's right about benefits though - look at every option. For example I get 6.20 a week healthy start vouchers as I'm pregnant and have a small Ds ( to spend on fruit, veg and milk) and that adds a nice little chunk to my shopping budget!

I'm sofa bound typing one handed on my phone at the mo because DS is snoozing on me and I don't want to move him!

Ah reminds me of when ds used to nap on my bump

Tea ...hard not to think that you reap what you sow in this life..

Starting just had a thought that good self esteem really makes your life so much more stable and positive in every dept.I make better choices now and therefore dont analyse forever anymore I just deal with a situation when it happens.I am more balanced emotionally less tears less shouty more patience and therefore a better role model for my kids.I am naturally more assertive and less likely to be bullied into doing things id rather not do.Basically goin to counselling in sept was the best thing i could have done ,thinking about myself and my happiness for a change.Seeking out peace and serenity for my world is my mission now sooooooo important for me and dcs .Counselling session next week and we are working on calmness and relaxation.

Thanks again for everyones support i am still at the early stage of my recovery road but so much stronger and enjoying my healing and growing

Tea, you're not bad at all. IMO he seems to be being insensitive and thinking of purely of himself here.

Quick one before I go.

Maybees, what you say is so right - and by the way I think you are an inspiration to us all!

Maybees - the baby keeps kicking him in the head, and still he sleeps!

You're so right about the self esteem too. I didn't realise just how much of mine had gone!

Just applied for my healthy start vouchers funnily enough. I'm definitely getting everything I'm meant to. Our main problem is I'm paying our joint loan out of my account right now. Hence wanting to get divorce sorted asap.

Maybees, you are so right. In the earlier yrs with exh I'd have had been more needy/co-dependant. Counselling helped me be the complete opposite. Being honest I'd have never felt as good about myself as in the yrs before separating. It surprises me as I should prob have been able to handle my marriage breaking up a lot better but for some reason it blew me out of the water.

I'm still on waiting list for counselling although they tell me I'm at the top now....

Is anyone there?

DS not ok

Happy - what's up?

DS has done something he shouldn't do can't talk about it. He's upstairs.

Can we chat on here?

Happy, sorry just sat down. R u ok???

Kind of, need to keep chaecking DS

x post Happy, take deep breaths, make yourself a cuppa. It will be ok.

Just keep a check on him but calm yourself. If you need to call someone to be there with you do.

do you want distracting?

ok - could only call H but idea of calling H makes me feel sick so will just pour glass of wine

Don't drink too much until you've fully assessed situation.

hope your DS is safe and well now though.

How you doin Happy ?

only half glass in bottle so v small bit

I think I do need distracting a bit ....

I'm failing to think of distracting things!

Happy, actually if things are calm maybe you should crack open another bottle. For distraction purposes.