Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What do you do about the mess after sex?

128 replies

HeatherTrott · 04/04/2010 22:14

Yes, I've name changed, I'm not really Heather Trott.

I just want to know what everybody else, who doesn't use condoms does about the mess after sex?

Do you go to the bathroom and sort yourself you, and wear a pad to catch the rest?

I'm fed up with waking up with a gigantic pool of stuff having leaked out of me.

I always used condoms before I met DH, so maybe he produces more than average "stuff", I'm not sure.

If you've found this page in your search of how to clean up after sex and cleaning your sex toys, you might find our guide to the best sex toy cleaners useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
NinaJane · 05/04/2010 00:07

DH and I never do it in our bedroom, as we have little people (in the nightmare phase) sharing our bedroom.

We usually do our thing in the TV room, with the Travel Channel on - then when we are done, DH takes his shirt off (with him still in me), I place it over my fanjo, he pulls out, wipes himself with one end of the shirt, then I walk to the bathroom (bent over on tip toes) clutching the shirt between my legs, do the coughing thing on the loo, wipe about 500 times, cough some more, wipe some more and voila (!) Bob's your uncle - pop the shirt into the washing machine on my way back and is back in the TV room just in time to see Ian Wright (my favourite travel presenter) do his thing.

We have to be very careful about not spilling, as my cleaning girl knows her stains.

thelunar66 · 05/04/2010 00:08

kittya... I think I went out with that bloke too

wastwinsetandpearls · 05/04/2010 00:10

It goes down to once a week in term time, we have just come back from a weekend away and dd is away with her Dad.

wastwinsetandpearls · 05/04/2010 00:12

It goes down to once a week in term time, we have just come back from a weekend away and dd is away with her Dad.

kittya · 05/04/2010 00:13

such a Monica!! this wasnt the same one who took me to paris I wouldnt sit down on the seats on the metro nor hold the handles when he stood up, would rather fall over!! god, Ive had some wierdos in my time!! I think you can be too clean.

templemaiden · 05/04/2010 00:20

I rarely leak in the bed - we cuddle for a while then I go to the loo, wipe and wash with a flannel and soap.

Then he washes too.

I have been known to swallow but it's usually the other receptacle.

SugarTits · 05/04/2010 00:32
Biscuit
alypaly · 05/04/2010 00:50

why do some men produce much more than others?
It fun trying to get to the tissues whilst still locked together

Fizzfiend · 05/04/2010 01:09

I also prefer to wallow in it...and love the leakage next day....makes me smile to remember the fun the night before.

Feel that running to the loo just kills the love vibes...may be just me tho!

jasper · 05/04/2010 02:15

what adult woman needs to ask this question? Really?

AnnieBeansMum · 05/04/2010 07:39

If you don't like the thread jasper, here's an idea, don't read it and don't respond to it. Obviously a few women were interested in what other people do as there are 62 responses!

damnedchilblains · 05/04/2010 08:02

"I keep loo roll by the bed for such occasions. Usually I remember to move it to within reaching distance.

When we are done, I lift my hips as DP withdraws, he hands me some loo rolls and I wipe away the splooge. Sometimes I have to get up a few minutes later and wipe again as the splooge can take some time to decend. Loo roll gets thrown in the bedroom bin or the floor depending on how tired/slatternly I am.

If I have forgotten to move the loo roll beforehand we perform some sort of shuffle with DP still inside. I absolutely hate getting a damp patch in the bed so we worked out this absurd routine to keep me happy. "

same as ant3nna works for me everytime! Are dc's used to come into the bedroom at all times (not whilst we we're doing it - I'm not that poster) but I used to hate the thought that they would get some of the ick on them so would make sure it was all cleaned up or towel down!

oh and absolutely lmao at ninajane, that sounds completely nutty!

templemaiden · 05/04/2010 09:37

I once took part in a thread on washing after sex on a different forum which took a nasty tirn, with those who did being accused of being cold and indifferent, and those who didn't feeling like they were being accused of being dirty.

Personally I always wash after sex, ever since I went out with a Muslim who always washed after sex. He never once mentioned it, but I started to also and I preferred the feeling of being clean afterwards. Ever since then I always wash after sex, and my subsequent partners have also taken up the habit.

HOWEVER

It is a personal choice whether to wash or not, and no one should be made to feel wrong for doing it, or not doing it, whatever is your choice.

It only becomes a problem if you or your partner has a problem with you or him washing after sex. By that I mean, if one does and one doesn't and the one who doesn't feels like the one who does is dashing off to hurriedly wash off the dirtiness of sex.

If that is ever the case then you need to have a talk. I don't know if my current partner used to wash after sex with his wife before he met me - I haven't asked. But if he had a problem with me washing after sex, then a conversation would definitely be called for.

beanlet · 05/04/2010 10:23

Couple of tissues between the legs immediately so as not to disturb cuddling. I don't know how, but they stay put all night.

Tissues, by the way, have a long history in this respect. In 700 year old Japanese erotic prints, even if you can't quite see what's going on, you can tell because the woman will be holding tissues in her hand!

EggyAllenPoe · 05/04/2010 10:31

i usually go for a wee after and if i am worried abut uti's hop in the bath to give my fanjo a quick wash....

MissJacksonIfYourNasty · 05/04/2010 10:36

at wearing a pantyliner afyer sex

morningpaper · 05/04/2010 10:43

I just fall asleep and leave it to the Sperm Fairies

Should do more laundry TBH...

GinaFord9 · 05/04/2010 11:47

Message deleted

tethersend · 05/04/2010 12:01

School holidays again is it?

TrillianAstra · 05/04/2010 12:12

Tissues by the side of the bed.

I think it was BoF who once said that swallowing practically counts as doing housework, as you're preventing so much mess!

AnnieBeansMum · 05/04/2010 16:06

"What ghastly bunch of selfish unpleasant slappers you all are ! "

Why?? What has been said by anyone to class us as selfish or slappers??

bellavita · 05/04/2010 16:39

I squeeze my pelvic floor muscles together whilst DH gets out of bed and gets the toilet roll for me.

Nemofish · 05/04/2010 17:54

This thread has made me quite nostalgic, I haven't fancied any of that sort of thing for around 18months.

I may have a nice relaxing bath tonight, dig out some slightly sexy nightwear and assault approach dh when he comes (haha) back from the pub.

damnedchilblains · 05/04/2010 17:58

Templemaiden I actually think washing after sex isn't a bad thing. When I first met my dh I was sooooooo offended by him getting up and washing himself but now it really doesn't bother me and if I have any energy left I go join him.

OnlyWantsOne · 05/04/2010 20:54

firstly, ginaford have a

And secondly "I try and scoop it up by rubbing my fanjo up and down the bed while making hoover noises." awwww cute

DP and I scuttle to the bath room together for a wash - I, like templemaiden like to feel clean, and its nice - however there are the odd time where I fall asleep too soon