Hi everyone.
Sorry for the silence. Just been busy thinking and (my sister has been looking after the kids) so trying to relax too.
The meeting was ok last night. It was good to see him as I could read what he was saying. He isn't a very good liar (and I know he lied to me for 4 months, but in that time we never had any alone time to chat, so i guess he could lie without me seeing it, if that makes sense)
He was an absolute wreck, which, in a way, made me feel better as I was so strong and composed. I did, as one of you lovely ladies suggested, listened to what he had to say. Asked what I wanted and made non committal noises etc. Despite it all I felt very powerful as I know the power now.
He did lie to me when I met him. It was only trivial things, but I could see through them and when I told him to stop lying, he did come clean. I think, again as someone said, he made himself believe what he was trying to convince me of.
He admitted that it only stopped as her husband found out, which I don't think was an accidental finding out as OW asked him to leave me as she was going to leave him. He said he couldn't and 2 days later the OW's H 'accidentally' found incriminating messages.
The thing about my DH is that he is very weak and can easily be manipulated, and I'm not blaming her solely as I know that things work both ways, but part of me thinks she was been very manipulative etc. I mean to sit with me during ballet, ask me to take DC to soft play area with her etc etc. I thought us women were meant to stick together?
Anyway, he didn't once try to blame me, or say it was my fault. He freely admitted that the reason it started (as we all predicted) was after DC2 he had no attention and couldn't cope - oh boo hoo, right!
He started just innocently talking to her (even though as he admitted our relationship was good at the time), as she was a friend to begin with, and she was unhappy too, and I guess it was a nice feeling, having attention, the thrill etc etc. I am not condoning what he did, just trying to put it all together and make sense of it all.
He admitted that he had caused arguments with me in the last 4 months, as he felt shit and it made him feel better to try to blame me.
Annie, I so know how you feel as deep down I do feel the same. I love him so much (you just cant turn love off can you) and he is a good boy man. I think he had a total freak out about responsibility, life, children, work etc. But I mean that is no excuse is it.
My worry, like with your story Annie, is that if I do take him back, what happens if things don't work out between OW and her H. Will he go off with her? He says no, but how can I ever believe that. She sounds so wicked doesn't she. I know I only have DH's word, but he tells me she was wanted to leave her husband, now, I guess as she has no-one, she has gone back to him. And us suckers fall for their, I loves you's and sorry's and we forgive.
So they get to do what they want, knowing they can turn the charm on and all will be ok.
Not really sure how I'm feeling, very confused and lonely I guess xx