Introducing my partner to feminism...

[blinder]

On the back of a spate of good feminism threads here lately I am looking for book recommendations to give to my DP as an introduction to a feminist critique of society.

He's not a particularly neanderthal man - he loves Naomi Klein for example - but he's a bit uneducated about the reality facing women today.

We have a six month old daughter and it worries us both that she is being launched into a culture that systematically de-humanises (objectifies) girls. I'm sure he would be willing to explore ways that we can parent her consciously so that she can preserve her identity in the face of damaging cultural norms.

At the same time, I don't want him to feel lectured, blamed or patronised by the book. But I would like him to be able to examine his own investment in male superiority and recognise that he does have many assumptions about women and many blind spots about male privilege.

It's a fine line.

So, books for men, fathers or people new to feminism?

Lots of people seem to think I don't know how to parent my daughter.

Its a lovely list Portofino but with respect I was planning to do all those things anyway (apart from using Katie Price as a role model!). I do love her unconditionally already. As I do my son.

This thread isn't about my parenting. It's about introducing my partner to feminist theory.

Go porto...!

I'll be lucky to finish 5th the way I'm going....

Am aghast op at some of the views on this thread. Good for you and your dp to want to bring your daughter up to believe in her right to do whatever her male counterparts can do. Have put dittany's recommendations on Amazon list for DH (I suspect he will prefer the economics based one!).
Dumbledore's girl-I am bemused at your idea of feminism (the pinny ref). I refer you back to earlier points regarding the inroads hard fought feminism has made into inequality over the years, and how you are reaping the rewards. LeQueen, you are indeed lucky to have been on the receiving end of no sexism over the years-do you perchance live in a bubble? Can't even be bothered to respond to daftpunk.

Great links Skatergrrl

porto;

How many points are you behind TT...?

Am hating the way this thread has turned into women sniping at each other (again )

why do these things always turn out this way ?

the Op asked for some book recommendations...not a free-for-all of insults and misunderstandings

52 points. I don't think I can do it. I am going to start a thread asking who she is.

Sugarmousepink:
'Is it right that pole dancing has become so ubiquitous that a well known supermarket at one time included a pole dancing kit in the toy section?! That a clothing store was selling knickers for 3 y/o and over with a cherry (with a bite out) on the front of them?!'

This is exactly why I want DP to know what our little girl is facing. And why it is not a laughing matter, whether daftpunk and others think so or not.

I have added a few of the recommendations from the other thread to my Amazon list.

52 points is catchable...(is that a real word..?)

Don't forget there's 10 games left...

Reviving Ophelia.

Blinder, you don't need to read feminist books for this surely. Just say no, and keep explaining why you think it is wrong.

I am and was not being hostile to you dittany. I am sorry if I gave that impression. I found your bingo link amusing and just picked the obvious witless response from it. But I was not directing that comment at you.

I will leave you all to your debate now.

er say no to what portofino?

I think reading feminist books can be good in providing context, though, Porto. The "oh, it's harmless fun/free choice" argument is insidious and can be persuasive. It's what got me thinking I want to read more. My dd is also quite wee, but I don't want to be faced with all this stuff cold as she gets older, iyswim?

Oh, say no to the pole-dancing toys...

Yes obviously I'll be saying no to that, but the point is that we live in a culture where that can happen: where the sexualisation of little girls can happen even in shops.

A feminist critique exposes that culture from the outside where it can be properly seen. Hence the request for useful texts.

Maybe I didn't put that very well. There is so much on sale these days. Playboy duvets for children. I haven't seen the dancing pole and cherry knickers. But surely MOST parents don't buy these things.

Sure, there will always be some who encourage their daughters in what we might consider to be the "wrong" way. Doesn't mean that is the only way and OUR daughters are doomed to follow. That's what I meant about saying no I guess, followed up by explanation.

I have a 6 yo. She hasn't asked to have her ears pierced (despite most of her friends having it done). She likes Hello Kitty. If she starts expressing an interest in pole dancing equipment, or "sexual" clothing, I will explain very strongly why I would not agree to it. But the reasons, not just no.

But reading feminist texts will, i think, really help with the explanation, esp as girls get older.

anyway, Brian Cox is on now. Hurray!

Blinder this website is also great: Contemporary UK Feminism

and I've thought of another ace book: A Woman's Place. Its a history of women's place in society from the suffragettes to the 1970s.

It's in short essays, one for each decade so very readable and jam-packed with personal stories and stats. The book demonstrates that when UK society has needed women to be more "masculine" (eg when the government needed factory workers in WWI), women were told "You can be anything! Dont just sit at home - come and work!". And at other times, such as in the 1950s when men returned from war and wanted their jobs back, governnnet and media messages pushed women back into the domestic sphere. (Oh and it explains that feminists have been called fat & ugly since the suffragettes - so for over 100 years now).

Favourite quote: 'A woman born at the turn of the century could have lived through two periods when it was her moral duty to devote herself, obsessively, to her children; three when it was her duty to society to neglect them; two when it was right to be seductively "feminine"; and three when it was a pressing social obligation to be the reverse.'

So many people saying 'Why read books about feminism'

Why not? Do you all go around routinely policing other people's literature habits? 'Why are you reading that book about allotments?' 'Why on earth are you reading that book about astrophysics?'

Or is it that you don't like feminism, but don't quite have the chops to say so?

SugarMousePink great post.

Actually, DP will probably get a lot more ready information out of weblinks than books initially.

Joining Object too.

Ooh thanks for the link to contemporary UK feminism!

SugarMousePink, that's a great post. I was reading this thread with some scepticism about precisely how relevant some of the recommended readings were to the problems that young girls and women face today, other than from a historical perspective. eg The Female Eunuch, which I recall my mum reading when it first came out. I was thinking their only value was in setting feminism in a historical context.

Then I read a post like yours and think they are worth reading again if only to discover where they have FAILED women. Yes, since the 70s, many things HAVE improved vastly. eg in employment law and people's general attitudes to working women etc, etc, but then you are smacked in the face by the facts you have listed above. How is it that feminism has succeeded to improve the lot of women in so many important areas, yet failed in others ie. the ones listed in SugarMousePink's post?