ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No3

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Happy, not only will we survive but someday we will be gratefull to the twunts we married because we will know true happiness. The type of happiness that only comes from within & from overcoming adversity .

Will need to google appropriate song to reflect this theme tomorrow night. .

Thanks Startin' I didnt know what he was doin b4 whereas this week its in my life again and its been pretty close to rock bottom if you ask me .Prob if he hadnt phoned and spoken to me it would have happened and by me encouragin him to find better accomodation it is probably postponing it.Anyway I just feel the worry is back and it is really stressing me out thought I was ok but it has just eaten away at me this week .

Have told him lots that he needs to be sober to be back in my life but more and more I feel my feelings being eroded.He knows my feelings have changed.

He knows to be a good Dada he needs to be sober.

I just cant watch him hit rock bottom it is tearing me apart.

I dont trust him anymore I question everything again, He wants my support but I feel I dont want to be in his life just now if I am to be strong enough for the kids

On a different note operation house is continuing with a vengence. Am worn out but begining to see progress. Poor dd complained of being dirty tonight going to bed cause I was too busy to bath her. Am neglecting dc's for the greater good of operation house . Am determined to rid house of crap & restore to perfect order .

About every three months I go on a massive cleaning/clearing frenzy. Driven by determination to have perfect clean orderly house. Who am I kidding, one of these day's I'll throw in the towel...........

I just think people dont understand that once it goes this far it becomes their priority above everything else .They know what they should be doing but they cant ,then they feel shame x a million billion for letting their loved ones down and rpt and rpt.......

But your loved one becomes a liar a manipulator a professional sneaky fucker x a million billion.......

So very difficult to tell the Jeckyll from the Hyde

Maybees, trust your feelings about not wanting to be in his life right now. Try to detatch from the drama of his life at the moment. Remember though that your human. It's very hard to watch someone you love go down this path.

Take time out with your friend tomorrow & just try to be kind to yourself for now. Don't take on guilt for his addiction. Remember you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.

I lived with Jeckyl & Hyde for a long long time, eventually they just became one

You can only save yourself & dc's.

Talking about alcohol addiction in my post BTW
NOT cleaning

Thanks Startin Just dont want him to F**k it up again but that is why I get upset cos I know I cant do anything and I dont want him in my life just now makes me very emotional.I saw him on Sunday everything cool but couldnt stay always desperate to get away so he can drink no other reason,so whatever I hear him say I just think your a fucking liar you just want a drink .Not a great way to look at your husband anyway 2morrow is another day.

ps does anyone else think it strange in laws have never contacted me in 5mths re H or grandchildren they live 25mins away.Just wondered if others keep in touch or dare I use the word SUPPORT........ ROFL

If he Fu*ks it up again you will know you have made the right decision & if he doesn't in time you can review things.

Tomorrow is another day & hopefully you will feel better.

In laws would need a whole other thread I guess . My MIL was very nice but was too elderly to give any real support but she died in Sept. The rest sweek FA use.

Never so much as a phonecall to offer support. Fu*king wankers the lot of them...........

Nite

Your in laws are probably in complete denial about H's "little problem". To acknowledge you would be to acknowledge that, prob easier to keep heads firmly buried in sand!!!!!

Acknowledging H has a prob might mean acknowledging mistakes had been made in the past etc.........

Am defo off now but Happy just thought of a song to kick off events tomorrow night..........

"I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair" (or something to that effect??)

Just think its sad for my dcs but Yes couldnt agree more Startin' all about that big river in Eygpt again.......nite x

H asked me yesterday to talk - I said yes I will talk but you know how I feel (want to try again slowly) and je said he wants to hear me out. He picked up dcs and said he couldn't talk tonight (last night) as he was ill, and would like to Friday or Saturday if I'm not busy. Then half an hour later he starts texting me saying how good I look. I'm so nervous about talking as I want him to be able to see what the problems were and how things have changed. I only want to go slow, not live together yet etc. Neither of us are happy apart. I'm thinking that I just give him the option and let it be. I think his main concern is my behaviour - yes I know he cheated but I claimed to forgive him and I was seriously an evil cow. I have learnt alot since being apart, I hope he realises. But I'm already sure he won't want me

Maybees, I know nothing of drink adiction and am too cold to sit her. No heating till tuesday. Fucking british gas, bunch of crettins.

I just know that you are not responsible for his actions and you have nothing to feel ashamed of.

Iknow it must be SO hard to break an addiction (I had one myself) but he CAN do it if he wants. It's up to him and it's his choice. He's choosing to be a victim to it which is so damaging and cowardly. Hope I'm not speaking out of turn. I know a few addicts and they're all very "poor me" while they leave a trail of utter devastation, grief and suffering behind them. They choose to see no further than thier next fix/drink and it's a pathetic sight to see.

It's easy to become an addict and see the world through a drunken stupor. Not so easy to have sole responsibility of DCs, home, bills, mortgage, etc etc.

He's an adult in charge of himself and he should feel ashamed enough to do something about it. I know it's hard but life is fucking hard.

Starting has wonderful advice and you are so switched on that you know yourself what you need to do to protect yourself and DCs.

Addicts are SO SELFISH.

I got no support from MIL and have cut contact with her. Her loss.

Hope you've all got nice daffs in your kitchen.

more bunnies coming up.......... xxx

Now ladies, I am going to get paranoid here if I'm not careful. I come on here at times and there's no-one here and then off I go to bed AND!!!! suddenly it's chat time. Soooo many posts, how do I even start to reply.

Now Maybees, I don't know much about alcoholism so it's hard to give advice but...I think your own mantra is the one to remember

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference x

PIL's - well, thats's a funny one for me. Having had a pretty traumatic teenagehood myself family wise, I have good relationships with my family but find that they're not so good at helping. They want to and they are there for me (not local mind), but we're not close. My family was pulled apart by a few things that happened when I was younger and it's left us all a bit emotionally wounded IYSWIM. On the other hand, I've had a fairly good relationship with the IL's over the years and, in my current situation, I can actually talk with them quite openly about the DC issues and they're friendly and helpful. They're a long way away though which unfortunately means that they just can't get that involved. A real shame actually as I really need their help. The only awkwardness though, of course, is when XH comes into the conversation and I have to be careful there not to say - amazing how you can see the issues and be so engaged when XH is off sh*** with head in sand. They are, of course, supportive of him too but recognise although they wouldn't say it that XH should be doing a lot more.

Scorps, I can see that it's hard to know what to do about XH - only you know what is right on that one - I think you're right to keep some distance and even if you think that you could get back together, take it very very slowly.

Pink, sending you warmth - it's looking a bit more sunny now but I did see a forecast for rain yesterday . Fan heater or duvet day?

Starting - not sure what we can do on the songs today? - can't get anything to work on YouTube which is a nightmare

And, I forgot mention....

With all of these bunnies around it's time to bake.

He just text - we are talking tonight. He already knows how I feel. Said he is nervous about talking. I can't work out what he wants - some signs look good. Others not.

I literally don't know what to say. Even after 4 months it's all so jumbled.I don't even know HOW we would start again - like what we would do. IF he even wants that. I'm not gonna be available for sex and nothing else though.

God I'm not gonna cope if he doesn't wana know. He hasn't seen anyone else in the time we've been apart, neither have I.

Thanks Pink and Happy .Lovely to check my phone and people there who care

Nothing has changed realistically this week just more In MY Face and got a fright ,felt responsible (know im NOT)

Bad song cry your heart out,rip your guts out feelings/good song know you have def made the right decision IYSWIM is Beyonce Your Just A Boy.

WARNING Lock up your breakables ,you will want to smash every plate in the house type of feelings.A sort of cry your heart out song that lets you know they did too much to ever come home.

Not meant to be a sad thing I no longer see crying as SAD more one more step along the road I go AWAY from a life of PAIN from a selfish twunt.

No rush on music nite Happy if its on its on if not.How about we just post when we want to share and some nites there will be more people at the party .

Good luck with keeping your knickers on Scorps .I was always very poor indeed when H was involved.He is lucky you are even talking to him re last line of ur post never mind thinking HE might NOT WANT YOU just remember its your rules honey x

Hi Scorps, go steady, you've been through a lot with him and I'm conscious that he wasn't there for you was he when you had Lacey?

So many people here gave you advice at Xmas didn't they about this and I'm wondering if its worth getting their input again as well as ours - what do you think? I need to read your old thread again and remember the full history......what do your parents think btw? - I remember I think that they have been wonderful throughout all of this

Parents would not be happy but they have said they will support me whatever i do. He left a couple of weeks before I had Lacey, I told him not to come to the birth, it wasn't his choice to not be there.

I'm so nervous. He knows how I feel and surely wouldn't put me through a chat for nothing?!

cake in the oven - will get it out and then off for a shop

Happy to join in sing song tonight...informal music nite on here? (still grumpy cos I can't get YouTube to work which makes it less fun [pissed off easter emoticon]

ffs how long does a cake take to cook?

Afternoon fellow Dumplings, glad you're all doing ok. Forgot to put the rubish out this am, it was the recycables so it'll be another two weeks before collection & have loads due to operation house . Dc's were all washed this am & have ignored operation house due to feeling worn out. Younger dc's have terrible coughs & have woken up every night for the past wk so lack of sleep is now catching up.

Father of the Year has been ringing & texting dd continuously. Refuses to speak to me & is trying to organise access through dd . Have engaged in deep breathing & ignoring tactics. Half regret getting dd the phone as it's given him a way in but there's nothing I can do about it now. Am still hoping he'll agree to the parenting course but it's hardly likely. Heard nothing back from sol yet so not looking good I'd say. Anyway, chin up, padded bra firmly on.......

Happy, my baking abilities are a bit so keeping head firmly down ........