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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No3

1000 replies

startingovernow · 12/03/2010 21:44

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

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pinksmarties · 01/04/2010 21:53

Well done Tea. You say you wanted it to be HIS decision so you would not be blamed.

Well iit Is his decision isn't it. HE decided to have an affair not you and he wants to have his cake and eat it. Either that or he's too much of a chicken (it being Easter) to tell you he's chosen her.

He's a low down coward. A quitter and desserter (like mine) and he dosen't deserve you.

No one has grounds to blame you for anything so don't worry about that.

Also it's much better in every way for you to be the petitioner in the divorce. It means that with the help of your sol you "lead" it so to speak.

Your H knows that if he was the petitioner that then he'd look very shabby in deed.

It sounds harsh but he might have been waiting for you to do this.

I hope your sol is good.

You need to be strong and gain confidence and self esteem and self worth because it's an emotional road, well travelled, but you need to get away from him as he really is treating you like sh*t because you've been letting him. (I know that's hard to hear).

Well done for taking the first step to eventual relief and contentment.

As my sol said to me a few weeks ago "you need to get your head out of the sand"

She was strict with me and I'm so glad

As it gave me the strength to move forward with the div. It's a word which is so alien to me as he always was the love of my life and I'll never really get over him, but I'm learning to move on and to see him as part of my past, and the bad days are getting less frequent.

pinksmarties · 01/04/2010 21:54

Easter bunny ! I love Easter SO much

pinksmarties · 01/04/2010 21:58

Tea and everyone I hope your're all going to buy yourselves some lovely daffs tomorow. We all need daffs. I've got to do that bunny thing again.

going to bed. Nite x

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 01/04/2010 22:09

Pink - glad you are finding the bad days fewer

Loving the bunnies

maybees · 01/04/2010 22:16

Lovin the bunnies smartie so glad you have a good sol.This week I have been made to be aware of hs bhaviour again and it is stressing me right out.I am reading support thread for addicts only got to end of May so far.Tea have a lovely Easter think we all know deep down what steps we have to take to bring peace and contentment back into our lives x

Peace and love to everyone x

startingovernow · 01/04/2010 22:34

Evening all, hope everybody is doing ok.

Hi Happy, I think once couples separate in the majority of cases you can forget about any real support/taking responsibility etc for dc's. They'll take the good bits & you'll have to deal with the rest . Hope things are not too stressfull for you at the moment.

Hi Tea, glad you're taking back some of your power by filing for divorce. Hope your dd is feeling a bit better & that you managed to catch up on a bit of sleep.

Hi Mavis, glad things are going ok for you. Any tips on the separation prog you watched??

Hi Maybees, glad you're feeling empowered again. "Immature irresponsible greedy selfish self absorbed hurtful bastards the lot of em." What can I add, perfect! .

Hi Scorps, hope you are doing ok.

Hi Pink, you have really come a long way from the first time you posted (on first thread I think). It gives me great hope & it's great to hear you are moving on with your life again.

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startingovernow · 01/04/2010 22:38

Hi Maybees, x post. Sorry you're feeling a bit stressed again. It'll pass, hang in there. I think I gave you this like before but anyway I remember way back when finding this helpful www.12stepforums.net. Just click into the alanon message board.

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startingovernow · 01/04/2010 22:41

Happy, I'm feeling happy, happy, happy . I think I may manage to travel on the 10th afterall. Can you tell me how far gatwick is from where we're meeting?? The times to gatwick suit far better than heathrow so if it's not too far that might be an option. Oh I feel so excited if I'll be able to make it!

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IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 01/04/2010 22:53

not a bad journey and maybe if you and Maybees come to Gatwick we could meet somewhere like Victoria which is the station where the train comes in

in any case not a bad journey

fingers crossed x

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 01/04/2010 22:56

30 to 35 mins to Victoria (plenty of trains) - just checked

startingovernow · 01/04/2010 23:02

Great, if all goes to plan will book over next day or two. Fingers x.

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IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 01/04/2010 23:08

No pressure but I really hope you can come (bunny praying emoticon)

maybees · 01/04/2010 23:11

Just read an AA link about wives of alcoholics and then one on detatchment.I am totally wiped out .So stressed out humiliated etc this week I know I shouldnt be ashamed but I really am.Also really sad and frightened about our lives now cause I have lost my best friend and have to do it all myself with H seeing kids 3hrs on a Sunday.Dont know if i will be any use next sat TBH Fuck knows what will have happened by then.Just so stressful trying to keep it together for the dinky doos x

where is the confused bunny?

maybees · 01/04/2010 23:16

Just wish it would all go away...
but I have to deal with it and it is so so painful at the moment ,just need a hug x

startingovernow · 01/04/2010 23:16

Maybees, you'll get there, Rome wasn't built in a day. It's like peeks & valleys, we all have bad days but we're all heading in a better direction. I know what you mean about losing your best friend. I used to feel like this about exh but really deep down know that no best friend would have treated me the way he did. When your H is that bad the dc's will be better off only seeing him for 3 hrs, remember this is only for now.

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startingovernow · 01/04/2010 23:16

Maybees, sending you big virtual hugs

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startingovernow · 01/04/2010 23:17

Happy, I really hope I can get there too. Could do with the break & a bit of a laugh.

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maybees · 01/04/2010 23:21

Its just all the pressure if I say its over he is goin to go and drink if he has hope he wont....not fair on me I just want some peace in my head.

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 01/04/2010 23:22

Hi Maybees

Sounds like you've crashed this week which is what has happened to me also, albeit for different reasons. Don't you find that the better times get longer though in general and the bad ones shorter or less often?

It will pass, that awful feeling, you know that! A dance in the fields, some time with the DC's, some dumpling fabulosity and a jolly good chinwag and things will feel like they're looking up. If you're feeling down I suggest a visit to the sing-along-thread in the morning and some loud singing x

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 01/04/2010 23:24

Maybees it's not fair on you you're right. He can't base his actions on what you do - he has to get himself sorted whatever.

startingovernow · 01/04/2010 23:29

Maybees, you know he has to do this for himself. If he doesn't drink because you give him hope it won't last, you know this in your heart & soul. He's got to do this for himself, because he wants to & not to save his marriage. He won't get sober until he hits his own rock bottom. If he was able to do it for you or the dc's he'd have done it a long time ago. You've got to let him go. Remember it's just for today.

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startingovernow · 01/04/2010 23:31

Hi Happy, sorry to hear you've crashed aswell this week. I know you've been having a very hard time of it so sending you big virtual hugs. I really really hope things start to get better for you soon, you deserve it & so do we all after what we've been through.

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maybees · 01/04/2010 23:31

Thanks Happy going out with a friend tomorrow not seen her since this all started .

Happened last nite aswell just reading things that wont let me deny my RL.Really horrible thoughts and memories etc I think it is all about healing tbh If you cant face the bad bits you cant move on.Its a bit like having a fit of the giggles but the other end of the scale.Wont last long but sore while it happens.Just feeling sorry for myself ,my kids, my husband .

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 01/04/2010 23:38

If we do get to meet I think there will be a few tears you know ... let's hope they are tears of laughter though

startingovernow · 01/04/2010 23:39

Maybees, I completely agree. I think in order to heal properly you have to feel the feelings & stay with the pain. It's been a long journey for me but I'm glad I stayed with it. I know I will come out of this completely free.

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