ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No3

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

And he might give me a Well done sticker or You were very brave or Please come again !

Def helps me relax at the dentist Happy .He has a lovely sensitive touch and talks you thru everything he is doin .....

Ah we all have dreams and I think I am going to go to bed and dream away now (Knight in shining armour rides in swoops up family and squashes XH under hoof)

Nite Nite x

Last night was ok, went out for dinner with my sister. Came back and we chatted about the dcs. Then later he fb me saying thanks for letting him see Lacey and that she's beautiful, and then a kiss. I know he isn't with anyone but it's all so bloody hard and I kinda feel in limbo as I know he's wondering about us sorting it out in a way. I very nearly text him after he left for rudies but am NOT going to go there. Haven't done anything like that since he left and I don't want blurred boundaries.

I tidied up dds room and found a card he wrote me a year ago after I mc. lots of lovely things written, how he could never be without me, talking about us being old and throwing chips at each other (old joke) etc. Sigh.

But onwards and upwards. Sometime, I will be ok.

I don't know what it stands for iether Starting but all your guesses have really made me laugh. Might wright them down next to Maybee's prayer.

PMSL actually.

Hi Pink, glad we gave you a laugh....

Hi Maybees, Screw the fukers gets my vote, better than swear to fuk . I'll happily do market research..........

You do what you think is right for you & dc's Maybees. You're the best judge of that. Don't be beating yourself up. This detachment business is hard work.

Hi Happy, glad you're feeling a bit more positive. Take care.

Hi Scorps, glad last night went well. You're emotions are bound to be all over the place. You need to be careful not to fall back with H without there being some changes or else you will find yourself in the exact same position further down the road. Has your H done anything to show he wants to fight for you & dc's or that he's prepared to change?

Waves to all...........

Hi all, so tired with it all, so busy.........also helping long distance friend who's in a much worse place than us.

No heating again cos of boiler. Man coming tomorow.

Both DS have saved up weeks worth of homework and need to do it tonight (all night prob ) and need my help.

Please Maybees, run me up a FFS t shirt right now, I really need it. Extra large in pink please.

Thank god for laughter, you lot make me die.

"well done sticker, or please come again"

really pmsl

And the knight swooping up family and squashing XH under hoof !!! omg. The DC are so confused, I think they think my ADs have gone into overdrive with me sat here ...sides splitting.

It really is top notch comedy and I think it would be number one in the best comedy books dept.

Come on, if you 2 don't do it then somebody else would.

Maybe done in the style of Janet street Porter "life's too F*cking short".

I can see it in Waterstones now.

Title possibilities ???????

"FFS don't marry a Twunt"

Actually a black t shirt would be more slimming.

"FFS don't marry a Twunt"

That's it Pink, a perfect title. It could be a group effort. Possible chapters...........

How to spot a twunt.
Twunt traits.
How to rise above twuntish behaviour.
Living with a twunt.
Recovery from living with a twunt.
How to seek diversions through painters, dentists, puppy types etc..
Pitfalls of online dating sites, phantom penis texters etc.
Finding senerity through song/music/visualisations etc.
The rise of the Dumpling.
The inevitable fall of the twunt.

Ok, am just going to vent here so I can regain my serenity. Got dd a mobile today & have had to listen to twunt on it twice so far with big grin plastered to face. She just got a text saying Love You xxxxx.

Ok, here's the rage dumping bit. I wanted to grab the phone & text him back you stupid fukface if you loved her you wouldn't have behaved like such a poisoneous fuker. You wouldn't have fu*ked off with no contact for 5 months. Or be too selfish to take dc's overnight.

Other possible replies that sprung to mind :

Was that meant for your latest shag??

& the Father of the Fu*king year award goes to...............

Ok thanks, safer to vomit it on here then carrying that fu*ker in my head!

Yes that is really puke worthy.

Thankfully mine are at an age where they feel free to ignor twunts cringey effing texts. Wanker, hope he chokes on his effing mini eggs, greedy bastard.

Right then, off to tescos to calm down and read some crap mags.

LOVE those titles,

Thanks Pink, grab a family size trifle for me .

Hello all,

I've had a wierd but generally good day today.
Went to counselling to be told not to go back until after the baby is born because I'm coping so well. She said that delving into the past with my family wasn't a good thing to do for the baby while pregnant if I was dealing with things (I guess if I was still feeling messed up I might as well have tried to start sorting through it all)
I can still go back before the baby is born if I start to struggle, but with limited free sessions I'm definitely happy not to waste them.

I've been talking to a lot of people recently, wondering why I wasn't feeling as bad as the rest of you - as the other people who were left have felt at this stage. I don't think I'm still numb about it but I really don't miss H at the moment. I don't feel lonely. I'm sometimes bored but I don't feel lost without him. I wonder now if he was giving me anything other than practical support, whether the love was really long gone. At the moment I'm not sure what I feel for him, but its not romantic love and its not hate.

I do worry that if I start to try to reduce the distance between us - that I've quite deliberately put there - that the feelings will start to creep back in and my contentment will slip so I think I need to slow things down again, because although I've accepted that I need and want to change, I'm not ready to hear the criticisms again. I think perhaps its my pride and my very delicate sense of self worth that are hurt rather than my heart!

Anyway, I do feel like I'm coping at the moment - and am quite content if scared about the future - but I'm not shutting any doors because it hasn't been long, and I don't know how the next year is going to go.

Starting - ranting here is good. The Hs don't generally listen anyway but we need to get it out. I felt the last few days like H was being rather too managing about the whole carpet thing, but rather than trying to discuss it with him, I texted SIL to ask her to come round so I could have a rant It really helped and I could then deal with him in person without wanting to snap at him. I think my calm attitude really comes as a shock to him

I like STF (Screw the Fuckers). Mine needs to be very large though! maternity sized!

Really looking forward to seeing everyone!

Mmm, loving the twunt titles . So, each with slightly different wording on each t for a dumpling outing then.

Good to hear you venting ladies it's making me feel gooooood x

"I don't think I'm still numb about it but I really don't miss H at the moment. I don't feel lonely. I'm sometimes bored but I don't feel lost without him. I wonder now if he was giving me anything other than practical support, whether the love was really long gone. At the moment I'm not sure what I feel for him, but its not romantic love and its not hate".

Chairmum, those words of your describe how I feel too about XH. I feel happier without him and just so glad that the atmosphere he created through his actions is gone. He wasn't giving me what I needed and tbh living with someone who found it hard to commmunicate and ran away from any issue had a huge negative effect on me even before the affair started.

My huge problem is that I have DC issues which have been there for a while but became signifantly worse during XH's year of awful behaviour. I am now left with huge issues with two DCs and an XH who is happy to have "boys nights" with the DCs but has effectively left me to support the family in every way completely solo while he lives a batchelor life with Bumpkin. I am having some good times despite this as I have a good job, DC's that I love to bits, some lovely dumplings to talk to, music nights and some fantastic RL friends but at times things happen that are scary beyond belief.

Hi all.

Chairmum and IfYoureHappy - I too feel like that about XH. I don't love him, I don't hate him. I'm angry about what he has done to his children but my life is calmer without him in it day to day. If anything I pity him, he's just an idiot what can you do?

Watching the programme about separtation on BBC2 at the moment. Trying to get tips on doing the right thing.

Starting - Carry on Ranting - hope you're ok.

Hope you're all ok in fact

I'm not managing to keep up with this thread right now.

My DD is still unwell, but on the mend (ish). Only knocked her sore tongue tonight whilst helping her clean her teeth, right where she bite it last Thursday and took scab off again Now I'm worried she'll sleep badly again and I'm sooooo tired after nights of rubbish sleep.

Instructed solicitors to begin divorce yesterday. Hubby was away all weekend with OW and wouldn't answer my texts when I tried to tell him how ill our DD was. It took a good friend on Monday telling him off by text for him to finally realise and drive down to help and see her. My DD had spent days crying for him. He said after he arrived "if he'd realised how ill she was, he'd have come sooner", I said "I'd sent you numerous texts this weekend telling you she was really poorly", to which he replied "that I used to send him texts last year saying the kids were poorly but when he came they weren't that bad". To which I replied, "I shouldn't have to convince how ill are children are, for you to come home from your affair partner, you SHOULD be here with us, do you realise how awful it is what you just said?" He did apologise later but it made me so As there were many times I needed his help last year when kids were sick and I couldn't get hold of him as he was sh*gging the OW

I think the fact that he agreed to be on a "break" until he made his mind up, after finally confessing the affair never ended was ok. But he now claims it was a slip up seeing her this weekend?!?!? But in order to do it he needed to arrange it by phone and pack an overnight bag to stay for a few days etc. It wasn't a slip up it was pre-meditated. And when I tried to contact him about his DD, he didn't believe me on how ill she was until my friend texted him I guess it was the final straw to actually start divorce process. I'm tired of being treated like a fool, when I have been nothing but patient for 5 months now since we separated and still he cannot decide between us. Much as I wanted it to be his decision, so I'd never be blamed and told well you divorced me etc. I can't do this anymore. I can't be part of this extra marital triangle.

sounds horrible

I have had similar issues with XH - I have to get in touch with him re: DC issues when I knew he was with Bumpkin and it has not gone down well. Whether it's because he thought I was deliberately disturbing him because I knew was with her and lying about the DCs (FFS) or because Bumpkin stopped him from getting involved I just don't know. Either way it's very wrong and simply shows a total lack of responsibility.

good for you for taking some control back and getting strong - are you sure about initiating divorce proceedings now though; are you ready for that?

How was the programme Mave btw? Tried to access on iplayer but can't get it to play?

Aye good old daddy swan in spoil em piss off again.Had that a few times myself startin'
Anyway like smartie says when they are older they will work it out.Good to rant here cos you can be stronger and more settled when dealing with twuntish behaviour in the presence of the kids .
Had a very strange day today but quite confident in true" shark infested waters "
Definate ammo in bitchy women world is to have your dumpling attitude shining thru at all times.

When the speaker asked for questions at the end of the day I really wanted to ask if she thought it important to have a chin up tits out attitude at all times

Startin' just taking it all one step at a time . I am positive not stressed....just makes me realise how much of a safety net I had become for him without even noticing.I think if drink creeps up on the drinker ,the same can be said of partners enabling behaviour.

Waves to everyone,chocs and wine this weekend

Hope ur ok Tea

xp TEA good 2 hear from you FWIW I think you have been dignified and serene throughout and have always been there for your kids .

Immature irresponsible greedy selfish self absorbed hurtful bastards the lot of em.

Happy - I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready for divorce proceedings but I'm so tired of this So I might as well get the ball rolling.

Tea - keep brave, I think you're doing the right thing, you deserve more than being an extra part. I don't think I'll ever be ready for divorce either but I will have to one day.

Watched a film with a friend last night. Things weird with H, he fb me alot last evening, about dcs and then started saying things about missing me etc. I just said me too. I have to distance myself a bit more I think.

Lacey was feeding loads in the night last night - now it's the holidays I'm hoping to get a tad more sleep. Might have a shower and get in pjs early tonight.

Tea - getting the ball rolling and the seeing the solicitor is a good idea - will help with empowerment

Scorps - all bound to be a bit of a rollercoaster I think - would keep your distance for now x