ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No3

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Fingers crossed Startin'
As you know my H "flipped out " and when I started posting here I truly did not recognise him mentally but giving him his space and independence was the only way for me to go.I could not FIX him though God truly knows I tried .I had to let him fall and have nobody to pick him up but himself.This is truly about him facing his demons.
Dont know if he ever will take full responsibility ,hes not coming over til lunchtime 2morrow cos hes having a lie in
But if he takes the kids out for a few hours and they have fun then thats a good thing

Thanks Maybees. Have just enjoyed reading the newbie/troll thread. Something lighthearted & just what I needed to chill before bed . Nite.

Enjoy your break tomorrow.

Had to laugh, my mission in the past had been to FIX exh too .

Read abit -mentioned bum love-thought is that about shagging arseholes -I'm a fecking expert !

Still makes me laugh, nite everyone x

You and me both .

Had just gone back to read the update, oh the joy of single life on a sat nite

Glad it went as well as that Starting -hope he'll do the parenting course

Tea -sympathise with where youre coming from - my upset was that I couldnt take them out on their bikes together for various reasons. H has taken DS out recently which is good. Could a friend go with you. One thing I discovered though is that there are some pools where I can take the 2 of them and some where absolutely not due to layout etc. Maybe a survey of all local pools is needed!

Happy sunny day - remember clocks went back

Will find that newbie thread!

The harder they come
The harder they fall
One and all
Oh the harder they come
The harder they fall

Bad morning - been on a quite a high - and then, suddenly a chat with a friend and ended up blubbering (which I don't do often, my mask is good!) and home to DC issue. Now feeling tense.................will have a quiet afternoon and hopefully perk up later. Why oh why is life never straightforward?

And they think that they have got the battle won,
I say,forgive them Lord ,they know not what they've done

THTC

great song Happy- big hugs
away to find
"Dry your eyes mate" by The Streets on you tube -nice terrier in the video

xx

OMG big DC issue, scared. Will be ok, working through it.

More hugs hope your ok honey catch up later x

Bit better now - help on the way

Hi Happy, sorry to hear you are having difficulty again. Hope you're ok, glad to hear you're getting help. Sending you big hugs.

Visitation went well again today tg. He's looking to see them again on tues though so will have to try and sort out a plan moving forward.

Have a play with dd later & exh told dd he was going to go. Am a bit in dread now. Having the two of us sitting in different locations will be akward. Will try to work on things though so that in future it might be possible to sit together at events for dc's. Prob hoping for too much but you'd never know. If he really wants to sort things for dc's maybe he'll finally grow up a bit.

Waves to all

Returned hugs Starting

Glad all went well - sounds like some good steps forward, fingers crossed that it all continues ok.

"The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I'm strong"

And you are so chin up tits out

And let's face it! (rediscovers sense of humour) it's better than us all singing "I'm on the road to nowhere" which is not our song.

Typing quietly as DD in my bedroom yet again where PC is as she's still sleeping terribly and miserable. Humongous tantrums today, probably as she's so overtired now from days and days of poor sleep. Praying for her to get better ASAP. I completely lost it with her tonight when she was being difficult now feel like a total failure as a mother. She deserves better.

Hubby is still AWOL. Presumably in Manchester with his mistress still.

Sounds like an emotional weekend all round. Hope everyone's feeling a bit better.

tea don't even begin to see yourself as a failure. You're there for your DD, loving her, feeding her, comforting her and protecting her.

You're doing it all by yourself which isn't what you signed up for. You didn't leave or abandon her. We all lose it with our DC sometimes, it's part of parenting and if you didn't then there'd be something wrong.

If she's overtired from poor sleep then you must be too and for you to be managing so much on your own while h is with mistress makes you a bloody hero in my book so no more thoughts of being a failure ok, there's only one of those and that's your h.

Can your DD sleep in your bed with you ?

It might help. ?

Tea I remember getting cross one night with the kids cause they weren't going to bed and thinking how dare H put me under all this stress that I take it out on my children.My biggest wish was that my kids could be brought up with calmness and patience.I got kids to bed and sat down quietly and thought he doesnt have any idea wot my RL is at all.It just really hit me how H had put me under so much pressure to keep it together for the kids at a stage when I found it hard not to burst into tears.He was out drinking I was at home trying to be supermum.
That is what I meant before about protecting yourself and thinking about YOU.I couldnt control H's behaviour but I had to detatch from it and start to take control of my own life and my kids.Things are less stressed now and we do ok.

Maybees
Top tips with tantrums.
I always went with leave them alone as long as safe,never appease them.dont get embarrassed if in public .But lots of positivity when they calm down ,big welldones for calming down.I have also found then the tantrum ends on a happy note IYSWIM teaching the child its FAB to calm down and I end up smiling and hugging my wee one I was always smacked for going into a rage as a child and that was like pouring petrol on an already raging inferno.I was never taught to control my emotions with praise just punished and made to feel ashamed.

Just some things that worked for me.

Sleep tips.Get them back into routine as soon as.Sleep deprevation and H induced stress really bad for your health .Any word re counsellor ?

You are doing so well ....big hugs....it will get easier x

Startin' hope you had a good evening,its been a crazy old week for you ,can you squeeze in a massage or aromatherapy type relaxation thing ,just the thought of a spa treatment gives me a boost,definately something else I am going to treat myself to this year or a facial ,never had one b4 sooooo indulgent

Would never have thought this way b4 - another thing I've learned as a dumpling !

Happy hope your still singing

Mavis and Mumfun are you coming to the meet up?

Where is Partytime ?
What about Moviegirl hope you got on ok this week ?

Was just remembering one day I cried all day long from dawn til dusk and Mumfun gave me a big virtual hug and sent some kind words ,that meant so much to me that night.

Hi to Maggie thanks again for the tunes the other nite.

Smartie hope your cool !

Busy week ahead so off to bed .take care x

ps found top tips on how to become a better listener .Going to work hard and change the habit of a life time and stop interupting people

I'm cool Maybees.
Just sooo tired all the time though. Need to tear myself from computor and go up for my bath but just the thought of climbing the stairs...........

Hope everyone has as good a week as possible.

Going to my sol tomorow. Hate going so much. It forces me to focus on the d word. Don't even want to think about it, wish it would all just go away.

Lovely Dumplings, what have we all done so wrong in our lives to deserve all this effing shit ?? I mean FFS I've never even harmed a bloody fly !!

Going for that bath before my hackles start rising.

What are hackles anyway ?

Nite nite lovely lovely dumplings xx

I have killed a lot of cockroaches but it is a secret

Good luck 2morrow Smartie .Can you have some "Smartie time "after SOL .We all need nourishing dont you think

Hope ur kids are cool too.
We are all so blessed to have our babies.
Big hugs to everyone x

Peace and calmness for all dumplings.....

Evening all, just back from dd's show . Exh was a no show so dd was a bit upset but I made no big deal about it & told her something must have come up for him (twunt). Tg I'm seeing sol on Tues so hopefully I'll get him to work with me & get proper bounderies in place with dc's etc.

Pink, good luck with sol. Try to see it as something positive, it will bring a bit of closure to you. As for what did we do wrong, I often think that on the bad days but I try to see it that what we've been through helps us to really appreciate the good stuff that other people take for granted.

Maybees love the idea of praising for calming down. I just tend to leave mine have the space for tantrums aswell. I just feel the pain of daddy not living with them has to come out somewhere & try to leave them off.

Tea, as pink said don't knock yourself. You're at a very hard place & when you're going through so much emotional pain it's hard to be there 100% for dc's. Just try to mind yourself & remember it'll get easier you're at the worst stage at the moment.

Happy, hope things have settled down for you. Am humming road to nowhere in my brain!

Pink - hope all ok tomorrow - I am in sol denial

Starting - sad he did not turn up

a few words..they were in my head..forget the road to nowhere Starting, big mistake

(Go west) life is peaceful there.
(Go west) lots of open air.
(Go west) to begin life new.
(Go west) this is what we'll do.
(Go west) sun in winter time.
(Go west) we will do just fine.
(Go west) where the skies are blue .
(Go west) this and more we'll do.

Nowhere could be good i.e. we're content just where we are .

ok then