ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No3

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Hi y'all

Been a busy and emotional couple of days but back on the rollercoaster. Will be having my fortnightly support session later! Sounds like a traumatic week for many so let's hope things look up!

Will be sifting through email more thoroughly and getting in touch re: Dumpling meet up also - anyone missed out and interested please let me know.

Right onto today's business.

We're definitely in need of some fun tonight so the Dumpling Soundtrack evening is ON. If you can't make it shout quickly as a solitaire soundtrack will not be too much fun. Get your carrot sticks crisps chocs and vino at the ready and start thinking of some Happy songs - lyrics, links to you tube renditions and most other things you can think of will be accepted. I'll start a new thread for it later (for Dumplings and lurkers/guests - make sense do you think?)

Looking forward to it Happy will try and do some links.
Went shopping and only bought one pkt of choc biscuits,(no bars)and emergency custard creams .
Also bought fruit veg rice fish chicken seeds and couscous (H hated couscous)
Think counsellor guy has given me a good kick up the butt about my diet ,so making a real effort to eat healthy .Bit more expensive but good to eat some strawberries.

I'm up for the soundtrack - got a few things I've been listening to lately. Hopefully it won't be too late though, as I'm planning to do a bit of housework then have pamper time and a glass of wine! (my weekly portion!)

Think it will be an allniter alldayer kinda thing so pop along and share some sounds when you can,everyone welcome x

Roll back your rugs,throw some talc on the laminate and dance dumplings !

Miaow maybe not do the talc for health and safety reasons re pg dumplings too slippy but good for slides and spins x

Hi all! I'm up for some tunes tonight - without dcs all weekend and no concrete plans so definately at a loose end. Rubbish on tv too so armed with a bottle of Aussie finest I will be boring you all to death with my questionable taste in music!

catch ya later

Looking forward to seeing you on the song thread............the wine is flowing.....

I clearly missed out last night! I was watching a film with a good friend.

My hubby rang me yesterday and said that he had to be honest he'd met up with OW whilst in London for an interview. I said I thought you were on a break whilst you made your mind up, why did you do that and he said you don't want to know the answer.... because I miss her.

Cue me saying tearfully I can't go on like this, you need to make a choice. I feel like you're using me every time you come by and we have family time and do things together right now... We haven't had s*x in months and months but I still feel like he's using my kindness in very very frequent contact with children for long stretches.

Sounds pretty cr** Tea, I think you need to keep your distance now. Do you agree?

If you could create some space for yourself now could that help? I certainly find that I feel at my best when BE is well out of the way.

And if he chose you now, could you believe him at the moment? When I pushed BE to leave in a similar situation he said that it only then hit him what "leaving" really meant. No family home, visits/access by appointment only, less money etc.

Sad you missed our Soundtrack - but go and look and play the music anyway

Still singing here......

Ground control to Major Tom....

I know Petula Clark is a litle old (don't worry, I'm not that old) but she is belting out Downtown quite nicely here....

Having problems winding down on the music front and the counsellor did say it was good for me . Just have to turn them off if the words get too dodgy.

How's it going Tea?

Looking forward to the kids going to bed, so I can zone out in front of telly and pretend my life isn't as cr*p as it is. My DD has bitten her tongue quite badly a few days ago and it's still bothering her it's actually waking her at night as she sucks a dummy to sleep and it agitates her then as it really hurts. Could do with a good nights sleep...

So much for space working, as it just gives him even more opportunity to develop his relationship with her, as he has done since we separated. Fed up. Wish he'd realise what he has here, his kids are so lovely and he's throwing it away for a bit of ***

Mmmm, hard though it is I think it's time for you to start doing what you want (read that somewhere on MN, every you think about him and what he wants, think....and what do I want and go and do something that is good for you). Obviously you want him (I think) BUT I think it's probably time to start trying to have some ok times for you and the kids without him.

And....we are most likely meeting up on 10th so I think you need to come! Tea and cake would be included, I'm sure!

xx

By the way ... I know it's not easy at all Tea, I have been through a lot of it myself and still not totally out of the other end. I wasn't as strong as you have been and didn't have MN guidance either. But if I had my time again I definitely would have been much firmer. It would have been better for me and the DCs.

Tea

Im sorry hes treating you like that. Its really hard I know. I havent been firm enough at all - but it is better not to let him have cake and eat it.

(()) and come and chat here if it helps

Thx for all the music last night ladeez. Missed most of it but some great suggestions

Starting - r u there and ok? - was XH visiting today?

Trying to type quietly as my DD is in my room with PC asleep.

Can you try and CAT me about 10th? See if it works?

I love taking my LO's swimming but cannot do it alone. That's the thing that makes me most sad, if we don't work things out. Shame none of you dumplings live near me...

C-A-Tted you Tea

Could you take the DC's swimming separately? May not be the same but would that be ok to do?

Poor tea. Its sad that the space isn't helping you - I know it really helped me.

The way I look at it though, is that this time apart is for me too. I am proving to myself, as well as to him, that I can cope and I can cope well.

Is your H having the kids on his own at all? I think that's important so that you can have some space and so that he gets a small reminder of how difficult things can be, and how strong you are to deal with it all!

Big hugs though, and hope you can make the meetup!

Tea just to say I know what you mean about the swimming I have no one to help me either but something the counsellor picked me up on this week was when I used words like No one... or Never going to ..or I can't.
At the moment (last 5 mths )I am a single mum and if this is the way its going to be I need to find solutions or my kids wont be going swimming etc and my social life will be mostly virtual (not complaining ATM but nice to have the choice)
Re space and boundaries .Happy and Startin' used to tell me back in Jan to make some boundaries to protect myself and give me some stability and that is what I did .I started to think about me ,I started to take some control back.Little things like making him aware that I had told the nursery our home situation,trying to bring him back to reality .When H realised that their is a real chance this situation is permanent he started treating me with a lot more respect.Unfortunately I think he is too long out of my bed to be my H .ATM I don't trust or respect him in the same way and that has taken the attraction away.He wants to come home - I dont want him home .
But it is my decision ,hope you get some counselling soon cos this stuff wrecks your head.
I need to know that what I am doing is best for me and the kids I do not feel obliged to take him back.I have my boundaries re drink and my happiness ,I made the choices to change my lifestyle when I was pg ,he didnt.
I made the choices thru counselling to raise my self esteem ,he didnt.
I made the choice when seperated to become empowered ,he didn't.
If I am firing on all cylinders ,I can handle life better ,positivity,serenity and dignity are the new words that I try and live with every day.
Are you waiting for him to decide what you do next or are you going to take some control back.

Looking forward to meet up. I can put people up overnight if that helps anyone. I'm cattable !

A party at Smartie's
Very tempted x

Glad your still singing Happy .Need to practise my links for next time,I hope there will be another Happy party.
Ate really healthy today .Kids officially hate couscous x

Evening Fellow Dumplings, just put dd to bed. Today went great tg. The dc's are all a bit sick & obviously it was a very emotional day for them so they were a bit unsettled after they came back. I had expected this so just went with the flow. Everything went great though & they are all really happy.

He asked dd to ask me could he take her out wed aft which is typical of him. I'm not going to react to anything like that though and I'm going to do my best now to use this as an opportunity to sort out coparenting once and for all. If he behaves in a stable manner I would be happy to give him unlimited access but it will have to be flexible to suit both him and me. I am not going to let him get all his own way on this.

I do think this could be a huge step forward though. As I really do think he went totally insane but does love the dc's & must be heart broken. I don't want to get my hopes up too much but this could be a huge turning point. My life could be a hell of a lot easier if exh agreed to work together with me on the parenting front. I am meeting sol on tues and am going to get he to push hard for a parenting course asap. Fingers x, I really hope things start to change for the better because I'm not sure I could cope with watching dc's being hurt again.

Tea, really sorry to hear what happened. Hope you're feeling a bit better now. On the swimming front. I remember when I first split it was a nightmare with 3 dc's (1.5, 2 & 9). It was hard going at times but well worth it. In fact now that I think of it I must bring them again as we havent been for ages as eldest dd goes with school. A friend of mine who had 4 dc's when she separated used to bring an older cousin or babysitter with her.

Maybees, you're an inspiration.

Happy, thanks for thinking of me & thanks for the music .

Waves to chairmum & pink

Phew, relaxes again - glad it went well Starting. Fingers crossed that it carries on that way

Thanks Happy. I'm nervous of it all going horribly wrong again but I'm going to try my hardest to get exh to engage & make this work for dc's.