ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No3

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Good for you mioaw !

Feeling realistic after counselling.Bloke said we will work on peace and calmness next time.
I said I had started looking at my husband the way that others see him,rather than with the eyes of someone in love with him .This is a really painful thing for me cos I am feeling like I am letting the kids down cos their is no hope of us ever getting back together.(I know that is wrong )He was looking after kids for me when I was out and I was crying when I got home and he asked if I wanted a hug and I said no.First time in 15yrs I didnt want a hug from my husband.Really sad cos I loved him so much and part of me thinks he isnt goin to try anymore cos he knows he cant manipulate me if I dont fancy him.He just disrespected me so much in the end Im finding it really hard to get over that .The thing that gets me is how one day I just woke up (sunday)and the feelings I had were gone .You either feel it or you dont and whatever I feel now it isnt man and wife.

Big hugs to you Startin' having a bit of a weepy one myself ,hang in there ,bet your boots looked fab x

Well, up and down today I think on Dumpling island. I guess that's the way it is for us. Sometimes a lovely beach with palm trees, sometimes marooned or besieged by pirates.

Maybees and Starting - I don't know what words of support to offer really, but if you can face it this did make me chuckle earlier poo poo and more poo

God Bless You Happy x

Xp Startin'

I am feeling your injustice in the style of a suffragette x

Did something today that I have been waiting to do for 2yrs.Mission successful so far but TOP SECRET

Nearly got a new job ,unrelated story.

Anyway just remembered lacrimans is latin for tears ,just a nicer way to describe them i guess .

Away to read the poo story again x

That's amazing Happy. I read poo thread last night and was litteraly crying with laughter. Was going to mention it on here,(I don't know how to do the link thing) and you've just done it !!! bloody funny isn't it.

Starting, hpoe you're feeling a bit better after you majorly shite day in court. It really makes you understand how people (who are weaker than us dumplings) can commit, well lets call them "crimes of passion".

It's so devastating when justice does not prevail. Karma, however, is a different matter.

What goes around comes around.

I don't know how that judge sleeps at night.

Hi Again, have been trying to sort out a project for dd & the ink has run out in printer.............. I GIVE UP!

Chairmum, that's great about the swim.

Maybees, glad you got to counselling but sorry to hear it was a hard session . That's great news about the job. How will you manage childcare? I've 3 dc's with three different collection times so I couldn't manage it for now.

P.S. another small rant. Exh suggested today (through his solicitor)that I should get a job! I loved working & worked till I had last dc, had to give up then as cost of having 3 dc's minded would defeat the purpose. TWUNT!

Pink, x post. Never mind the judge, I'm wondering how exh sleeps at night! I've lost faith in karma & justice.............

Hopefully tomorrow I'll pick myself back up & have my positive attitude restored!

I work pt Startin but this was something else.It was just the fact that I thought "That looks like the boss I think I will ask him for a job"Totally out of the blue makes me laff I feel like I am virtually unstoppable at the moment Will wear off soon im sure
Didnt get a job but gave him my business card, bloke seemed genuinely upset that he couldnt employ me .
Counsellor quoted freud to me tonite and I nearly PMSL all I could think of was dick envy,then unfortunate cock accidents.

I need to tap into your positivity tonight until I get my own back tomorrow .

You gave me a smile with Freud anyway so that's a start.

Counsellor bloke really irratating me now dont know why ?Then at the end I just burst into tears for no apparent reason.Whats that all about.He asked me earlier if I was eating a healthy diet,didnt confess my 4 mars bar 4 coffee day 2day,but said I would try and make a better effort next month.

Maybe the 4 mars bars for a pound special offer not such a good idea after all this morning.Maybe irratibility related to choc

Good luck finding toy for wee one, nite nite x

How long have you been seeing him?? It usually takes a few sessions to get into it so might be worth sticking with it for now. If you're not getting the most out of it after sticking with it you might be better off trying to find someone else. Tears are usually good.

Glad to hear about the 4 mars bars (doesn't make the 8 club milks seem so bad)!

6 sessions since sept.
Started going to improve self esteem and 6 weeks later sp[it with H.
I dont think I ever get immediate response ,I did initially but lately seems to be more gradual sinking in thing.
Think its tough cos things changing so much all the time ATM.

Brain and heart now both mince 2morrow is another day .
He told me I couldnt approach everything as a fight hence the peace and calmness work; I told him I wasnt going to be letting my guard down any time soon .
Mice in the kitchen eating my food
Good luck with the ink.

Its Group Hug Time dumplings! I think everyone needs a bit of TLC this week.

maybees - I think counselling is hard sometimes as you're dealing with the fallout for some time afterwards - I find things I talked about popping into my head at random times when I don't want to have to deal with them, and that's tough. (like at 5am in the morning when I keep waking up and not being able to go back to sleep)

And even though I went swimming last night, I had chips on the way home , so we're all at the comfort eating I think.

I've determined to eat better though as I want to do everything I can to keep my mood and energy up. More fruit and veg, less crisps and chocolate. And I need to drink more as I keep having protein in my samples when I go to the midwife and no UTI so I have to go back to the consultant to check that out in case there's something wrong with my kidneys

Back to the docs this morning to get my ADs reviewed.

I don't understand how legal process works, as I've only had one solicitor appointment so far. But is there no way at all that you can go back to court again and get another judge? As that judge clearly doesn't have a clue about protecting children. Can't believe your exh was sniggering as well that would make me so

I'm still eating too much chocolate myself. Going swimming this morning with LO's and my H. So he will see all my wobbly bits. Can't compare to that 21 year old he's shagging though

Tea - starting is under different country legal system so different to here.

21 year old has no class or integrity - he has gpne down to her level -will have to work hard to get back up to yours again -twunt.

Starting - cant believe and yet I can that twunt wanted you to get job -all about money now.Grrr

Arghhhh watched chocolate slavery program last night and all about men being sh*ts too.

MB - yes counselling is hard hard work. Crying supposed to be good - but of cpourse awful when it happens.

(()) to all dumplings having a rough time this week!

Thanks for all the kind words of support. I think yesterday was one of my lowest days ever. It just showed me that there is no justice. I am really trying to dig deep & pick myself back up but it's a struggle. I'm thinking of telling police I'm not going to testify in charges against exh as what is the point, it's only me & dc's will suffer in the end. Feeling very negative but struggling to stay positive. Couldn't sleep last night, am feeling really worn out & cold is back with a vengence.

Maybees, it's probably hard to establish a relationship with counsellor when you're only seeing them once a month. Hope you're feeling a bit better this morning. It does sound like it is working for you though, crying, healing, understanding yourself & H better etc.

Chairmum, hope you manage to get the protein thing sorted out. It's horrible to be worrying about that on top of everything else. You're allowed to pig out though, at least you have an excuse.

Tea, hope the swimming goes well for you this morn.

Mumfun, thanks for the hugs, badly needed. The thing about the job is that I actually do have an income through something I set up years ago. If things follow the trend of yesterday I am now going to loose out big time financially aswell . Think that is another way that exh is going to try to get me back .

I feel like I'm drowning from it all............

Ray Mears knows nothing about survival if you ask me ,just alot of messing about with sticks.

Totally skint so counselling appointments a total luxury.Was going fortnightly, then monthly, then gap, then back last month,so enjoying them when Im there but totally agree would be fab to relax a bit more and just enjoy them.
Think im not sure what exactly it is im working on.Need to write something down I think.Definately improved self esteem,better body image ,more positive life plan in general.Read an anger management thing he gave me and realised im not as angry as I thought.I just think I had reason to be cross with Hs unreasonable behaviour and biggest thing that gets me stressed now is being late so time management the key.

Going to try and get some seasonal work just so we re not so skint but I look at this as a phase we are going rather than my life forever and ever.
When you are qualified you will be earning Startin' studying to me is equivalent of a job - progressing to employment.Not like ur sitting on your arse.

I see this as part of your bumpy seperation road.At least you know what you have to deal with now and you can start to take advice and work on a plan.Its managing the emotional stress I find difficult.I think part of me has just closed down mentally to cope with everyday things.Think thats what all the tears were last nite, he made me face my emotions and how H had been treating me.I do feel I can be myself with counsellor and thats whats important.I also feel it is a positive thing I am going there but I agree once a week would be luxurious .

I just feel when kids are at school I will be earning and relish my independence from H.

Woke up this morning with massive ugly cold sore creepin across my face .So feeling gorgeous .Lucky no hot dates planned this weekend

Think body is telling me TIME OUT on the stress and mars bars x

Hi all. Apologies - I seem to be a part time member of the dumpling army, as usual my excuse is I'm trying not to spend all my spare time online.

I am thinking of you all though

Starting - so sorry you're so down at the moment and I totally understand about thinking about not testifying against xH. However if you can bring yourself to then I think you should. The judge on Wednesday was obviously an arse and at some point there will be another judge and you may just end up thinking "I wish I pursued that crap back then, it would be helping me now". Just a thought? Or am I just ruthless

Maybees - step away from the Mars Bars (like I can talk). We all need to be looking after ourselves - future fabulosity will not be maintained by mainling poor grade cocoa products. (again, like I can talk).

Not much to report here. DS1 still finding it hard when H leaves but preparation is now on for DS2's birthday in a few days How did that year go by so quickly? Oh yeah, it's been quite eventful....

Catch up soon.

Starting - if I were you I wouldn't make any decisions about anything H related until you've had a good while to come to terms with this shitty judgement. At least once you've had a bit of space you can feel a bit more sure you're doing things for the right reasons!

On the meetup front, I can do the 10th now! So long as its daytime. I think I'd struggle to afford a hotel, but could definitely do a lovely long lunch in London!

Evening fellow dumplings, I feel I'm coming back to myself again thank god. Thank you all once again for your kind words & posts, it really helped get me through the depression I went into since yesterday. For me, when something like that hits I just have to sit with the pain till it passes, there's no escape or quick fix.

I forced myself to get on with it today & do nice stuff with dc's. Got replacement comfort toy for dd, not a replica but close enough. Left older dd have a friend over & wait for this WENT BAKING . I am now in the middle of making a brilliant (even if I say so) fancy dress costume for dd for tomorrow.

In between all of this I stayed with my feelings & tried to process my thoughts. The reality is I do want dc's to have contact with their father as I believe that will be the best possible thing for them. I would have preferred that exh was forced to get help for mental instability but I have now accepted this is not going to happen. I am going to hold my positive attitude that this will work out & deal with anything as it arises.

I know exh will try to fight me & make life as difficult for me as possible but hopefully if he sees that this wont work he'll eventually give up. Anything that comes up with dc's I will just try to work it through with dc's.

I contacted my sol this morning to tell her how upset I was about yesterday & set up an appointment for Tues. I am going to do my best to protect myself financially & try to get separation pushed through as fast as possible (nearest court date will be close to end of year though). I am going to request a parenting course with exh even though it's unlikely exh will agree to it (he refuses to speak to me or have anything to do with me ).

In the meantime I am just going to try to get on with my life as best I can. I am still very unsure about testifying on the charges pending but I will speak to my sol & don't have to make a decision till nearer the time. In the end I will probably have to go through with it or police will be very unhappy & may not give me the protection I would need if their were any further incidents in the future. I'm going to put it out of my head for now though.

I also asked my sol this morn to change times of visits on Sun's to one hour earlier as it would facilitate me going to a support group that I like (exh knows this) & would also give exh the chance to bring dc's to lunch. He refused . Judge would have given me my choice yesterday but it happened so quickly & I was in such shock I couldn't think straight. I know exh deliberately asked for that time so it wouldn't suit me. I could go back & get it changed but for now I'm going to let it go. I know it'll only be a matter of weeks when exh will look to change times anyway & when he does I'll pick times that suit me better.

For now I'm going to just get on with my life as best I can. When I'm back on my feet I'm going to go ahead & try and organise a single parents group locally.

Maybees, I know what you mean, I've had to cut down on my counselling too but I've been very lucky to have had a lot of counselling up to now. Stick with what you can manage, it'll stand to you in the end. You are so right that this is just a phase in our lives. When my youngest dd goes to school I will either be able to go back to my previous career or if I've managed to continue with my studies I won't be too far from being qualified. It's the next two years will be hard for me with all three at different times.

Hi Mavis, great to hear from you again. Is your ds going to be one? Hope things are sorting themselves out for you with regard to your move.

Hi Chairmum, thanks for the advice & you are spot on, I won't make any major decisions at the moment.

If the meet up goes ahead on the 10th, I will do be best to be able to make it. The idea of doing something mad like hopping on a plane for lunch really appeals to me right now .........