Are you 100% certain your dp/dh would never cheat on you?

[thesteelfairy2]

if you are why do you feel that way?

I am truly interested in the answers to this seeing as Mark Owen has joined the long line of celebrity cheating ar*eholes.

Also when I first met my ex h I would have bet a £million that he would never cheat on me. Even though it was in my face I trusted him implicitly because of all the things he said and his reactions to other peoples infidelities.

I personally am of the opinion that all men cheat given the opportunity, don't flame me though these are just my personal experiences of men. I have been in the army and worked mostly in male dominated environments so have extensive experience of random men and their relationship habits.

Why do threads like this always end up with a personal atttack on me?
Someone always ends up saying me / my life / my marriage, must be so boring or whatever, simply because they don't understand ( or believe) me when I say how my life is.

I know exactly how I'd behave, in any given situation, why wouldn't I?

Why do people think that me and DH must be some kind of homogenised "lump" , we are individuals, with differing thoughts and opinions, we just both happen to know what those thoughts and opinions are after so many years.

I happen to know that he's keeping a secret from me ( a nice one) atm, he can barely do that - he's itching for me to know and he's quite bemused that I'm not fishing for info, I could find out right now by checking his emails but I want it to be a surprise.

There has been no "element" of infidelity in my marriage thank you, it's all about respect - for yourself and for your partner. I've never so much as flirted with another man.
DH has definitely had women flirt ( and openly proposition) with him, he's been flattered by the attention I'm sure but he would never lay a finger on another woman, ever. He's a lovely, charming, attractive man who really likes women, most of his work friends are women and they will ask him for advice because they respect the fact that he talks openly about his love for me and our daughter, I know because they've told me.

Mal, I'm also uncomfortable with people implying that your marriage is boring - I don't think it is at all!

But as you know, the reason I feel the way I do is that I once had two certainties (amongst many others) - that my DH would never be unfaithful and that if he were, I would end the marriage. It turned out that I was wrong on both counts. I'm very glad indeed that I was wrong about the second belief - what a monumental waste that would have been.

I now think of it as a strength that at the grand old age of 45, I can still surprise myself.

If I don't get the chance again Mal, I know you've got your lovely 25th wedding anniversary holiday coming up. I hope it's wonderful for you, especially having been so recently bereaved. I hope it gives you many special memories - warmest congratulations.

Thank you so much WWIFN, I appreciate it.
I do find it a bit hurtful when people imply I'm either deluded or a bit mad because I'm so resolute.
We may very well be unusual, but I don't think we're in any way unique.

If the stats are true about infidelity, 1 in 6 men will cheat on their wives in a long term relationship, that means 5 of of 6 won't.

Malificence, I can't make any comment on your relationship except to say that you are
rather smug about it. But I disagree totally with your assertion that you can/will know EVERYTHING about somoeone even after 20 years... it's impossible and who would want to anyway? I would hate for my DH to know everything about me

I think my DH would cheat on me. I have caught him chatting to women on alt.com before. He probably already has I just don't know it.

I think I was the poster who mentioned being bored.

I meant I would find it boring within my relationship and by no means meant to infer anyone else's relationship was boring or not a happy one.

Boredom through non excitement due to lack of spontaneity is my nemesis that's why I mentioned it....it is the threat to my personal 100%.

"If the stats are true about infidelity, 1 in 6 men will cheat on their wives in a long term relationship, that means 5 of of 6 won't. "

No, 5 out of 6 men either won't, are lying or won't get caught.

My post wasn't intended to attack anyone or make out that anyone was boring ! Just that in my experience I've met men and women who would swear blind they have never been unfaithful and believe it themselves even though they have been by most people's definition.

The 1 in 6 is bullshit - maybe 1 in 6 will have sex with someone else - but you're not telling me that 5 out of 6 of all married men don't flirt and send the odd racy message to other women ? Just don't believe it for a second. Sorry

soupdragon. I dont think anyone has to expaling why they think it is or isnt deluded/ boring/ cynical that infidelity can happen. People were asked to state their reasons and those reason may reflect judgements. Its not personal it just their perspective - no one is right or wrong (except me of course )

"Boredom through non excitement due to lack of spontaneity is my nemesis that's why I mentioned it....it is the threat to my personal 100%." Marshamallow, I couldn't agree more.

That has nothing to to with knowing someone inside out though. My DH can still surprise me, and I him. It's just that we expect to be surprised.

Fairly certain but not 100% certain, don't thing anyone can be. I trust him implicitly but I am not stupid enough to think that if we were in a very low patch, he felt he needed more and found a sympathetic ear...I don't think it would NEVER happen, but highly unlikely. Besides he is lucky to have a wife 17 years younger than him, so he knows which side his bread is buttered on

While I too would never intend to cheat, from my past experience, lots of alcohol, lowering of inhibitions plus tendency towards low self esteem, I can be easily flattered by male attention. If I did it would be under those circumstances. I could never have an affair (I don't think) just the thought stresses me out and I am far too open to be able to hide something like that for long.

I'm not sure cheating is a deal breaker for me. Just because someone cheats on you, doesn't stop you loving them and wanting them in your life still. Must be very hard to get past though, for both parties, the slate is never quite wiped clean is it?

"It's just that we expect to be surprised."

Ooo I couldn't risk that - knowing my luck I'd expect my surprise on the wrong day compared to what DH has planned and either end up all unprepared or over prepared with no bloomin' surprise!

WRT the statistics, as someone mentioned downthread, a more reliable set of statistics would be responses to the question: "What did you do when someone you were very attracted to offered the opportunity of an affair - and you were certain your DW/DH wouldn't find out?"

I wouldn't believe statistics based on a hypothesis of what people believe they might do.

The three pertinent factors in this more tightly defined question are: the affair partner making the first move, their level of attractiveness (being propositioned by the saddo in the office who lives with his mum is not the same as a come-on from George Clooney or Cheryl Cole ) and the prospect of the shit hitting the fan and discovery.

Suspect if people were being honest in response, a fair proportion would admit they never had received such a proposition, a number would admit to infidelity and a number would admit that they had said "no". But without having seen any statistics whatsoever about this, I would speculate that it would revert to 1 in 6 wouldn't.

But WWIFN - that's the point. The OP asked about DP / DH 'cheating' - not about them having an affair.

The definition of what's cheating and what is or is not acceptable is so broad then it makes the stats meaningless. An affair is a more tightly defined entity.

Stuff my DP does would be unacceptable to someone like Mal and considered cheating, but perfectly okay for me. Just depends on your viewpoint and where you as a couple draw the lines.

"I dont think anyone has to expaling why they think it is or isnt deluded/ boring/ cynical that infidelity can happen. People were asked to state their reasons and those reason may reflect judgements. Its not personal it just their perspective - no one is right or wrong"

Eh?

Given that the OP mentioned Mark Owen and her own ex who both did have affairs, I took it that this is what she meant.

sorry - yeah, I see what you mean. I read cheating in its broadest forms.

I think that it is impossible to predict 100% what another person will do. It's a fact - you are not inside their head, but that doesn't mean you can't trust./

I trust DH, and I believe, as certainly as I can, that he would not be unfaithful. He is the most loyal person I know, this is why I married him.

DH has a photo on his phone of him and seven women, two are balanced on his knees, two are kissing his face, the others are stood behind, and he's grinning from ear to ear - that doesn't bother me in the slightest, it was a work thing and he was the only man invited, that tells me a lot about how women perceive him, as a decent human being and a "safe" married man who wouldn't think of trying it on, when a couple of them asked him for a dance he told them he only dances with me .
I don't consider flirting and having a laugh as even remotely the same as cheating.

What I would consider cheating, is any type of behaviour that he would carry out behind my back that he wouldn't do in my presence.

Soupdragon - It made sense in my head . I meant that people should be able to write that it is deluded or cynical etc to be 100% confident without other posters thinking it was a personal attack on them for having a different perspective. Just agree to disagree with each and not get personal.
Not sure thats much clearer. [dyslexic brain emoticon]

I was absolutely 100% sure DH wouldn't cheat on me.
He has been having sex with my friend for a few months and says he loves her, he's now leaving me for her. I'm 6 months pregnant.
You never can tell...

Malificence, I know nothing of you and your posting history, had no idea you had 'previous' in this sort of debate.
And you know what - I believe that you trust your husband. Good for you. I trust mine too.
Doesn't mean that you can predict the future though.
I was accused of being 'psychic' earlier in this thread. Well no, it's precisely because I'm not psychic (and nor is anybody else) that i can never say definitively 'my partner will never cheat'.

I'm a 100% sure that he knows that if he did cheat, he would be choosing to end our relationship. The same applies to me. Being faithful is a choice, and everyone is free to make that choice. Or not. I am 100% sure that I will never cheat.

lol at thecatatemygymsuit and her gypsy headscarf and Malifience having form. Its a fair cop guv I nearly spat my coffee at the pc. No offence meant meant to either or you but it is a funny image.

No and I think people who are so sure their OH would Never ever chear are naive. It's often the ones you least expect and no-one expects their OH to do it so someone has to be wrong!!!!