Are you 100% certain your dp/dh would never cheat on you?

[thesteelfairy2]

if you are why do you feel that way?

I am truly interested in the answers to this seeing as Mark Owen has joined the long line of celebrity cheating ar*eholes.

Also when I first met my ex h I would have bet a £million that he would never cheat on me. Even though it was in my face I trusted him implicitly because of all the things he said and his reactions to other peoples infidelities.

I personally am of the opinion that all men cheat given the opportunity, don't flame me though these are just my personal experiences of men. I have been in the army and worked mostly in male dominated environments so have extensive experience of random men and their relationship habits.

Can't answer you Malificence. What else in life are you 100% sure of?

Wooooah, your claws are out TheBreastmilksOnMe, aren't they?

My DH is a decent, caring and wonderful man, a far nicer person than I am, for sure.

I do trust him implicitly but it could happen, my parents showed me that, the church going "perfect" families I know currently being ripped apart by the Father's infidelity have shown me that. These are hands on, decent, respectable Fathers who seemingly would be the last men to stray, but they did.

It would highly highly unlikely for my DH to cheat, it really would, but would I say I am 100% sure he never would, no, I wouldn't.

"And whats the difference between 100% and 95%?"

5%?

Mali, I've known my DP for over 20 years - I wouldn't be so arrogant as to presume that I knew everything about him.

In fact, it would be pretty boring if I did!!

Lol lowenergy. I wanted to post that but bit my tongue!

Its a difficult one. My ex always went on about how we were the most important thing in his life and he didnt understand men who cheated, but he cheated all the time!!

I have male friends who I have discussd the breakdown of my marriage with - everyone was shocked at the time - and they say they understand why men cheat but wouldnt do it.

I think there are men out there who are faithful, but there are an awful lot who would cheat given the chance if they thought they wouldnt get caught out.

If it makes you feel any better, deep down I always thought he was a cheat, so trust your instincts

That we'll love each other till the day we die, that I'll stay faithful to him for all my life, whether he's here or not, and no, I don't expect the same from him before anyone jumps down my throat and says I can't control his life after I die.

I'm also 100% sure that he would DIE before hurting me / our daughter.

I think you can be 95% certain somebody hasn't cheated on you in the past, but it would be crazy to be so confident about the future. The husbands themselves don't know how they're going to feel in a year or five years!

To be 95% certain your husband has never cheated on you in the past is high anyway. A married couple is made of two separate people. Nobody ever knows 100% what somebody else is thinking, feeling, planning, and they certainly can't know what that person will feel in 2 years time.

It's not an accusation. It just recognition of the fact that we can't 1) read minds, 2) see in to the future.

I just wanna say my DH was sat beside me discussing this thread when I wrote my reply way back in this thread, saying I don't believe 100% he would never, ever cheat.....he said he doesn't trust me 100% to never, ever cheat either!

He's right...I don't even trust myself 100% to never, ever cheat.....but we both said we would do our utmost to not cheat....but due to unknown circumstances neither of use would say it was impossible.

I think that's quite a positive outlook tbh...at least we are both aware that there may be temptations that may need resisting at some stage. I think not being 100% sure keeps both of us on our toes and working on our relationship.

Oh and I have no 'ishoos' to influence my lack of belief in him/me being 100% faithful...never been cheated on, never cheated and both sets of parents (mine and DH's) have been married for eons with no cheating - as far as I am aware. It just doesn't seem sensible to give myself over to anything 100%.....even my marriage...life's too uncertain for 100%'s.

Personally I'd be a bit worried if I didn't know everything about someone after 20 years.

I was going to add it to the post myself but thought I would let someone else have some fun
anyway I know that you knew I mean't emotionally!

Oh fgs Malificence. I can't be doing with this nonsense.

Mali, maybe my DP and I are a little bit more interesting and complex than you and your DH

That's ridiculous Malifcence, I wouldn't even say that I could be 100% sure my mother wouldn't ever have an affair!

Quite creepy to think you can know everything about somebody, like they're merged into you. YOu have dehumanised them partially by believing you can be 100% sure of their next move.

I think its possible to be almost certain that your other half wouldn't cheat, but not 100% certain. To be 100% certain of anything pertaining to someone else is an impossibility, because not matter how close you are or how well you get on/how long you have been together/how adamant they have been about their views on cheating, you cannot predict what another person will do in the future, because the future is still yet to happen. If it was possible to do that, free will would be impossible and of course we do have free will.

Some people on this thread seem to equate being close to their partner to actually BEING them. You are not one person, but two separate people, and therefore it's impossible to say with total certainty that you know what they would do or think about any particular thing. Also, people change and evolve over time, as do their connections to other people. Because life is all about constant change and readjustment, it makes it very hard to ever stand still for a moment in a place of certainty and say 'this will never happen'. How do you know? Never say never, isn't that what they advise?

I do think that everyone has an agenda based on past experience and what they want from life. So someone like Mal who has been lucky enough to find a great match and has 25 years of marriage behind her is going to be leaning towards the view that 100% fidelity is possible, whereas someone cheated on in every relationship will have a hard tome believing that total certainly with regards to fidelity is possible. We are all obviously approaching things from different perspectives. But I do think that from a philosophical/logical point of view, 100% certainty is just not possible on this earth. There are too many variables that you could never factor in, and you CANNOT know someone and their mind/their possible future reactions 100%. To do so would be to know what is going to happen to that person every minute of their remaining life - and exactly how they will feel and react. As it hasn't happened yet, we can't know for certain.

Phew! Okay, I'm off for a cuppa!

MarshaMallow, I agree with you. It's healthy. Like a recognition that your partner is another person, not an extension of yourself.

You can't argue with that vicky. Enjoy your well-deserved cuppa .

I feel stifled by your post Malificence and am not even married to you.
How can you know everything that another person is thinking? And why would you even want to?

This is an enlightening debate.

JulietBravo, yes that's what I was trying to express.

DH is an individual as am I...even after 20 years of me being married I would never presume to know exactly what he is thinking...tbh I don't want to know...it would leave no surprises - then I could become bored and that may lead me to finding someone else more exciting perhaps......and I just don't want to go there.

I like DH being separate from me and me from him.

Given that I've sometimes done things in life that have surprised me, I don't think we can ever be certain how we would behave, let alone someone else.

I do think there are factors that might increase confidence and belief that a partner will stay faithful. If you have honest conversations about fidelity and dealing with temptation, if you both know what your weak spots (and situations) are - and recognise warning signs - all of this mitigates against the likelihood of infidelity. Having a happy marriage is not a barrier to infidelity, especially if that happy marriage doesn't include realistic and honest conversations about temptation.

I do think there is a difference between people who go looking for an opportunity and those who respond to a cast-iron offer. So if you know that your partner has been approached, was tempted and still said no - that increases confidence. I'd have less confidence in someone who had never been approached, never been tempted and never been fancied by another - their response to temptation is therefore unknown territory.

Infidelity is all about the person doing it - it cannot be prevented by another person.

The hurt is magnified for those who felt that their partner could never do this, because along with the pain that goes with the territory of infidelity, there is also the pain of shattered beliefs and assumptions - that actually you were wrong in your beliefs. This causes you to doubt yourself as much as your partner.

Best to never say never, fight against complacency and have lots of honest dialogue. But in the final summary, we can only control what we do, not someone else's actions.

Well done Malificence.
The op asked "if people did know 100% why did they feel that way". Answering the question honestly doesn't make someone smug or deluded. It's really nasty to say that.
This isn't about dehumanising someone or being less interesting. It's about shared values, integrity, respect, love, and loyalty.
My dh is attractive, funny, clever, good job ect. Trusting him 100% doesn't take any of that away for me.
I've had the cheating scumbag type with dd1s father, that's why I know that this time I've got it right.
You can't know what you have never had so those of you that say it's not possible, well you have clearly never been with that man.

Well I trust DH but I guess most people do trust their partners and yet affairs happen.

I also don't know everything about him and he doesn't know everything about me - as another poster said - most of us hold a little back.

And a drunken one-off kiss would not be a deal breaker for me - obviously I wouldn't be terribly impressed but I could get over it. For me an emotional attachment would be far harder to deal with.

I'm 100% sure that all relationships actually have an element of infidelity. Just depends on your definition of infidelity and what you think constitutes cheating.

I've been involved in the past with married men who didn't think text sex, hand/blow jobs and snogging were ' proper ' cheating. And were adamant that they would never cheat on their wives !

Would my DP have sex with another person - probably not. Would he engage in slightly risque behaviour with another person - yes, he probably does as he's flirty and gregarious and its one of the reasons I love him.

Marsha Mallow
Cheerful Vicky
When will I feel normal

Very good points, agree with all you say.

i would say i trust dh 99%, don't think anyone can be 100% sure, you never know!

dh is surrounded by 19-21 years old girls most days where he teaches, he's disappointed none of them have ever flirted with him. but he's a grumpy old sod, so am not surprised!