Another woman fancies my fiancé

[Robsia]

The week before my fiancé G met me (15 months ago, to put the time frame on it) he had a date with a girl called T who he met off the same dating site he met me.

He went back to her house afterwards and, to put it bluntly, she gave him oral sex.

Anyway, she was very taken with him (even talked marriage on the first date!) but he was less taken with her - found her tedious and boring in fact. When he met me, he never looked back. He gave her the excuse that he wasn't over his wife leaving him and was not ready for a relationship.

Since their first date, she has been ringing him daily at first, although it dropped to weekly after a while and is about monthly now. Most of the time he doesn't take the calls but occasionally talks to her out of 'politeness'. She still thinks there could be something there when he is over his break-up and the poor girl has no idea he is engaged to me!

This weekend we were at his house and he had gone out for a short while. The house phone rang and I answered it and it was a woman:

Her: Oh, I think I've got the wrong number.
Me: Are you after G**?
Her: Um yes.
Me: Oh he's just popped out for a bit.
Her. Oh. Er, I'll try again later then.
Me: Who shall I say called?
Her: Tell him it was T**.

I told him when he got home and he showed me a text she had sent him saying that she had rung the home phone and "someone" had answered and she hoped she hadn't got him into trouble.

Now - I have absolutely no doubt that he is doing NOTHING with this girl - I think she is the wronged (although a touch obsessive) party in all this by holding a candle for him all this time and he hasn't let her down gently.

Now that I have her phone number, I am tempted to call her and explain the situation as ask very nicely if she wouldn't mind not ringing my fiancé again.

What do you think?

"denegrate" ?

Do you mean denigrate?

Thank you for correcting my spelling error, I trust you provide this service to all the people that post on here?

Only those whose spelling errors undermine their air of superiority.

I don't need an air, I am well aware of it.

From what I read in the OP and from skimming through the thread (not very interesting so did not read all) the OP has been given good advice, simple advice, tell the other woman you are off the market and move on.

It is a bit sad that you feel the need to jump up and down and rant bigM but you go for it, we like a bit of troll poking on a slow Wednesday afternoon between doing the Tesco shop and the school run.

First rule of Mumsnet if your can't take it then don't dish it out, I am sure posters would have had more respect for your DP if you had left her to get on with it.

Run OP he also has a controlling side

Did I miss summat?

she does. Display is an equal oppertunity pedant.

ummm. Robsia came here for advice and she got it. She may not have agreed with it but most people tried to respond honestly according to the situation she described. No one is taking the piss out of her are they?

The only people taking the piss out of you are doing so because you are being pretty silly really.

Why don't you go and have a little relax and contemplate that maybe mumsnet is just not your thing?
I justthink otherwise you are going to invest a lot of energy into tryingto make people agree with your perspective when the truth is most won't.
And you are getting awfully het up.

Its up to you of course. You are welcome to stay. there is a dadsnet section and everything.

Kimi, it's not the advice I have an issue with, it's the complete biased rubbish that automatically assumes that because I am a man then I must be up to something.

As far as dishing out goes I am just responding to the level it has reached and usually does on an anonymous forum where some people enjoy being nasty just because they can. The respect part is about me, not my DP and in a free world I have the right to reply to comments about my character.

pag, fair comment, but doesn't that make all the others silly for bothering to be so vicious?

Probably. And that includes me.

But to everyone else on this thread it is now a frippery, a joke, a nonsense. So they click on it and post - walk away and think no more of it. It is not personal , it has no resonance other than the bursts of sometime entertaining humour.
You, on the other hand seem to be trying to achieve something that you will fail to achieve.
So your silliness may be slightly more silly as you are getting narked.

Pag - I am not getting narked, I just prefer not to be spoken about in such terms by people that don't know me. I actually came on to read what had been said and in fairness there were a couple (and only a couple) of people that truly seemed to understand the situation. The rest as you say just stuck an oar in for spite.

I had hoped that trying to clarify some points may have helped, but that was not the case and just allowed for further ridiculous comments.

At the end of it all I have done as I was asked as I really didn't see that it had become such an issue to my DF and hopefully it will resolve the matter

I am happy to let it rest at that, but there are some that just don't seem to want to.

Yup, I definitely missed the kick-off. Typical.

A blokes view.....Fact is BM that you and your partner have some form of communication problem,hence her choice to hang your underwear on here to dry,rather than having a quick chat with you.

In order to man up and grow a pair,all you needed to do was ring the girl in question and explain that you were now engaged and didn't feel it appropriate to maintain contact,wishing her luck for the future and hoping that she understood.

Instead you chose to come on here and rock your cot,thus inviting everyone to give an opinion,bad move imho as you're always going to hear something you don't like.Good luck with the last word!

You also fail to recognise that what you saw as vicious character assasination was actually people trying to genuinely express their view ( based on what your fiance had said) that you may be about to betray and hurt her.

So you saythey are wrong. Fair enough.
But you miss the important point that in many many other cases the person posting will be being played,and be hurt badly.

For a bunch of women to give their time to give honest advice is a good thing I think.

Websites and posters can only convey a fraction of any reality. People responding do their best withthe info given tothem.

You continue to choose to ignore the fact that people took time topost replies to your fiance. Thatthey offered advice when asked. Because you don't like that advice you swaggered on here and were pretty hostile yourself - as you have continued to be.
You have been pretty mealy mouthed when the situation arose because of your behaviour - the only point for discussion is at what point the events were no longer within your control.
Had you come on and said " fair enough. I shouldn't have messed about and should have told her I was engaged - then my fiance wouldn't have been wondering if she should tell and started this whole thread. But since then the other person has been persistent in a way I cannot control" then people would have agreed with you.

But you want people to say you are totally in the right andthey just won't. Because you weren't.

Cross posted ....

Umm.

"The rest as you say just stuck an oar in for spite."

I didn't say that. Not least because that is total bollocks.

I am pretty sure the views expressed about the situation were genuine.
The silly stuff started after you turned up and tried to tell everyone off.

Pag - I came in at page 6 and if you read it I was not telling people off (Like a school playground) I was actually trying to give some more information about how it came to this point. I agree that my DF should not have posted this but sometimes you want to get a broader opinion than your own and sometimes you actually get that, most often you get crap.

As I have said before this is a free country and if I choose to reply that is up to me, if I wanna leave it alone that is also up to me, same as the rest of you.

BenH, appreciate the man view - The opinions were there before I entered the fray, and that is the only reason I did. It is possible to advise on a situation without actually referring to someone as a wank stain, spineless twat etc etc.

I think you keep misunderstanding me.

You said " I agree that my DF should not have posted this ".

I don't the problem arose because she posted. I think that the problem arose because she felt she had to post because you would not tell said girl that you were engaged.
I am not blaming her for posting and neither should you. My point was that you should be taking responsibilty for this arising because you would not admit to the engagement. Her post expressed that she was anxious about whether she should tell instead

I don't think anyone has told you that you can't post though have they? Just wondered what you are trying to achieve and suggested it may not be terribly helpful.

have you looked at the rest of MN btw?

The advice is often brusque but nearly always well intentioned and often astonishingly helpful.
Sometimes telling someone that thier partner/friend/brother is being a wankstain is exactly what they need to hear.

Not my fav. I prefer total twat.

Whilst this is fun. I do have to go out now.

I will check in though to see why it remains everyone elses fault and not yours though.
I have a teenage son. This may prove useful in helping him with lessons about honesty and personal responsibility

Pag - I am not interested in the rest of MN as it seems that if you feel that brusque is the only way to help someone then it would not be for me, as it is possible to advise without being rude and nasty.

I don't recall it being anyone's fault! If you put something out to an open forum you get mixed responses, you don't always expect pure bile. In the greater scheme of things it is unimportant and I applaud you for wanting to school your son in honesty and personal responsibility, maybe you can also add in the lessons of not being rude and offensive as well.

Check back as often as you like, this might go away if people stopped responding.

Is BigMac still here?

I like BenHer's style although did read it as "rock your cock"

Oh Sorry, am I the wrong sex?

blimey.

surely the point of asking for advice is to get a viewpoint that is different to your own?

anyway....my dh had a hanger on. he told her we were together and the in their next conversation she told him that she had reason to believe i was a 'headcase' and that he'd 'need all the help he could get' she tricked a mutual friend into letting her look at my profile on facebook too to spy on me/us. although i'd love to rub it in her face that we went on to get married and have dd, one of the best pieces of advice i have ever been given regarding exes is this 'DON'T INVITE CONTACT'

sun - absolutely agree, however it does not require bitchy comments and assumptions about someone. And I agree about the no contact thing, but sometimes you can answer a call not knowing who it is and surely if you don't initiate contact with someone it should be a BIG indicator that you don't want to maintain contact.

"this might go away if people stopped responding."

so true.

come on Pag, leave it now love.

Let's go and have a nice cup of tea.

Pag - Good spot on the irony