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Original poster

Another woman fancies my fiancé

393 replies

Robsia · 28/02/2010 21:12

The week before my fiancé G met me (15 months ago, to put the time frame on it) he had a date with a girl called T who he met off the same dating site he met me.

He went back to her house afterwards and, to put it bluntly, she gave him oral sex.

Anyway, she was very taken with him (even talked marriage on the first date!) but he was less taken with her - found her tedious and boring in fact. When he met me, he never looked back. He gave her the excuse that he wasn't over his wife leaving him and was not ready for a relationship.

Since their first date, she has been ringing him daily at first, although it dropped to weekly after a while and is about monthly now. Most of the time he doesn't take the calls but occasionally talks to her out of 'politeness'. She still thinks there could be something there when he is over his break-up and the poor girl has no idea he is engaged to me!

This weekend we were at his house and he had gone out for a short while. The house phone rang and I answered it and it was a woman:

Her: Oh, I think I've got the wrong number.
Me: Are you after G**?
Her: Um yes.
Me: Oh he's just popped out for a bit.
Her. Oh. Er, I'll try again later then.
Me: Who shall I say called?
Her: Tell him it was T**.

I told him when he got home and he showed me a text she had sent him saying that she had rung the home phone and "someone" had answered and she hoped she hadn't got him into trouble.

Now - I have absolutely no doubt that he is doing NOTHING with this girl - I think she is the wronged (although a touch obsessive) party in all this by holding a candle for him all this time and he hasn't let her down gently.

Now that I have her phone number, I am tempted to call her and explain the situation as ask very nicely if she wouldn't mind not ringing my fiancé again.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Robsia · 02/03/2010 16:08

I really don't think it's a good idea to tell Ms Stalker the date of our wedding, somehow. As far as know weddings are public information - it probably wouldn't be that hard for her to find out the venue, armed with the date and the name!!

Personally I would really rather not have her marching down the aisle in a big white frock screaming "It shoulda been me!!"

People make mistakes, especially sexually. I have done more than the female equivalent of accepting a blow job from someone on a first date. BigMac and I are both clear on both our pasts - and I am completely comfortable with what he did with T - it really is none of my business what he did with his exes anyway.

That was never the issue.

"Let he who is without sin" and all that.

The only issue I ever had with this whole thing was that he had not told her that we were engaged, or together in the first place, which made her believe there still might be a chance.

He now has.

If she continues to call, then that is a whole other issue.

OP posts:
OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 02/03/2010 16:09

Rosbia do/did you post on TES? Your name is familiar. ..

Original poster
Robsia · 02/03/2010 16:12

Yes, I use this name most places. Haven't been on TES for a while though - been a bit out of the teaching loop.

OP posts:
OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 02/03/2010 16:15

Tbh it's not worth it, the place has gone right downhill and is full of trolls

VinegarTits · 02/03/2010 16:18

I doubt very much she will call again, now that he has been truthful and she is not being lead to believe he is single anymore

Still of the wankstain opinion here

ClaireDeLoon · 02/03/2010 16:19

I don't understand why this woman is being called a stalker and why bitchy comments like this 'Personally I would really rather not have her marching down the aisle in a big white frock screaming "It shoulda been me!!"' are being thrown into the mix. Does she actually do anything other than occaisonally call the bloke? Has she actually done anything really stalkerish?

AnyFucker · 02/03/2010 16:27

interesting that ain't it Claire

this poor woman has been called tedious, boring, a "stalker", a "bunny boiler", dropped like a hot potato after giving BIGMAC a blowjob (but not properly dropped..),and told lies about the status of this fella she supposedly still fancies ...

and made a few phone calls, after being led up the garden path by secrecy and deceit

and she is the bad guy here ??????? I think not...

displayuntilbestbefore · 02/03/2010 16:28

not exactly what I meant groundhogs but don't let it worry you

BIGMAC2020 · 02/03/2010 16:29

GH, thank you, I couldn't have put it better myself.

In terms of numbers I am self employed and have had the same number for years so it would be a pain to change it, as you say I can always let it go to voicemail so that resolves that.

I called her last night and explained that I am in happily engaged and that I would appreciate it if she did not contact me anymore as it was upsetting my DF. She maintained that she just wanted to be a friend and I just reiterated that she should not contact me any further to prevent any future upset or misunderstandings, wished her well for the future, then hung up.

I absolutely agree that I am not telling her where or when we are getting married as that is definitely a whole EE waiting to happen.

Ditt - Whatever, try reading the posts properly and you may see that everything you purport I said, I didn't.

AnyFucker · 02/03/2010 16:33

BIGMAC, FWIW, I don't recall you saying this woman was a slut

you were otherwise rather mean about her...but not that

Aviendha · 02/03/2010 16:35

All we need now is T* to post, then we have the set!

BIGMAC2020 · 02/03/2010 16:43

AF - Thank you for that, it is appreciated.

I am not proud of what happened that night but we all make mistakes and get carried away, but sometimes in the cold light of day things look different.

To answer Claire, yes she did - When I told her the relationship was not going to progress she actually blocked the door of her house and wouldn't let me leave. She then constantly phoned me daily and even turned up outside my house and called me again demanding to discuss if face to face.

If anything I am guilty of being too honest about my personal details with this person and I regret that, that's probably why I didn't want her to know anything more about my life.

groundhogs · 02/03/2010 16:45

that's ok displayuntil I didn't take your post seriously anyway I prefer constructive comments tbh...

Bigmac Hope that this IS the end of it for you both, only time will tell of course... I dare say we'll never know, cos hardly think you'll be going out of your way to post back to tell us an update... .

FWIW, about 20odd years ago, I knew a guy, we met up, went out, nothing ever, and I mean ever happened, bar a kiss perhaps and a cuddle IIRC - literally.

A few months later, while I was travelling in South America aged 20, he called my parents home and left a message. when I got back months later, I returned the call. A woman answered, I told her my name and she went off to get him. He took forever to come to the phone. I gave up, hung up and took the hint. I knew that he was involved and left it at that.

Original poster
Robsia · 02/03/2010 16:56

"this poor woman has been called tedious, boring"

Perhaps because she was!!

That's not a crime of course, but it IS a reason why BigMac didn't want to see her again.

I have had first dates with people who were tedious and boring - one particular one coincidentally about a week before I met BigMac, with a guy who wouldn't stop going on about his motorbike, interspersed with how much he fancied me.

I realise there are people in the world who are not blessed with braincells or personality, but when it comes to choosing a life partner, it isn't a crime to not want to go out with them.

Perhaps it was a little bitchy of BigMac and I to have a little private giggle over such unfortunates when discussing our experiences of the dating site world, but c'est la vie!

I can't believe, given the content of this thread, I am being accused of being bitchy for daring to make a humorous comment!! The words pot, kettle and black spring to mind.

OP posts:
BenHer · 02/03/2010 17:03

Difficult to be tedious and boring with a mouthful of cock!

Original poster
Robsia · 02/03/2010 17:08

Not really. No need for conversation, see.

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 02/03/2010 17:09

Benhur - point well made!

ClaireDeLoon · 02/03/2010 17:10

AIBU by stealth! So she is a stalker eh?

BIGMAC2020 · 02/03/2010 17:12

Claire, sorry don't get the AIBU bit?

BenHer · 02/03/2010 17:12

My point entirely.He was infact the perfect genteleman for helping the poor girl out of a potentially difficult and embarrassing situation.What a star!

SpicedGerkin · 02/03/2010 17:13

Oh see, i didn't realise you were also on the date/dated her. That puts a whole different slant on things!

SpicedGerkin · 02/03/2010 17:14

Just for the record, PMSL at the selective post answering!

BenHer · 02/03/2010 17:18

I did of course mean gentlemen.Social skills to one side BIGMAC.Was the BJ up to a reasonable standard or is the girl a total write off?

BIGMAC2020 · 02/03/2010 17:22

BH - as she is an ex you can make your own mind up.

BenHer · 02/03/2010 17:26

Really?Enjoyable as they are a BJ would never trump tedious and boring for me,but each to their own I guess.