He just told me he doesn't want to marry me!!

[xb2b]

Dp proposed in December. Bought me a beautiful ring. We have been together 5 years, have 2 children. Things are good, great i would say.
We chose a date, spoke to the priest, booked the church, viewed hotels, booked a reception. Ordered my dream dress with all accessories, looked in kilt hire shops for his outfits.
Chose flower girl outfits together, bought them. Had an engagement party, lots of family and friends. Asked the best man, bridesmaids. Told our parents.
Last night, he was in silence, went to bed early, when i went up i asked him what was up. He said, "i don't want to get married, i have been thinking and i am not ready, sorry" He then went onto saying he would LEAVE today. He hasn't went into work because he needs to pack. He hasn't started packing but will not speak to me at all.
Last night i asked why, he said " it's not you it's me"

What the hell? I am so confused. Things have been great i thought. I am so upset. I haven't slept, i can't eat. I have no one to talk to, he wont answer me.

No no no, they are artificial lol. It was this summer.

Honestly, ignore anyone who implies this is your fault.

If a washing pile was cause for a partner to leave, my dh would have left years ago (mine is actually climbing the wall despite me doing at least 2 loads a day for the past week and a trip to the laundrette to do the beds)!!!

Rhubarb, you are lovely!

OP, will he be staying at your house? Why can't he take the kids over to his mothers? Might be wrong, but sounds like you are leaving the house overnight so he can be there? Surely that's not right?

Good that he's remembered that he has kids at last though

Anyone else thinking what a useful phrase OP's DP former scumbag has come up with there? Might adopt it: "it's your choice, either you make me a cup of tea and a trayful of homemade brownies every hour on the hour, or it's your fault this family breaks up."

Good for you OP, keep it up x

His parents live 30 miles away. He doesn't drive. The kids don't have beds there and his mum has expressed her disappointment in him and is not driving through for him. So he would have to get two buses and a train with two kids, and bedding etc.
I don't mind, he asked me to stay in, but i can't do that, i am so full of rage, i dont even want to look at him.

xb2b have a haircut,get some make up,treat yourself.

dvd,fave snacks,cuddles on sofa with the weans too

live this minute by minute,day by day

Ds and i shared snac a jacks and watched poo poo (winnie the pooh haha) He is so bright, he doesn't deserve this!

yep,it is unfair and you have to try hold it together for the weans

times like this you find out who your friends are,and will discover how resourceful and strong you can be

doesnt feel it now,but you will get through this.you will get a plan and come through other side

No he doesn't deserve this but because you are handling this so well the damage will be minimal - you are acting in the best way to make this as easy for you children as you can and that's all anyone can ask of you.

So pleased to see that you are not swallowing any of his bullshit and you can see what is really going on - you are absolutely right to make it as easy as possible for him to see his children - it is tempting to make it difficult of course but that is not what your children need - thank goodness you children have you because you arebehaving with remarkable grace under fire.

Keep your chin up sweetheart - have a nice haircut, get some more wine in and have a good bitch and take comfort from your girly mates - I am sure there will be more revelations to come over the next few days or weeks but you are doing everything you can to protect your children from it - you are a great Mummy, really putting their feelings before your own.

lol Elephants

xb2b, thank goodness his mother has at least "expressed disappointment" -- that's slightly better than before I guess, when it seemed like she was unconditionally on his side.

So is he there, right now -- if he was at the door this morning? Or is he coming back later?

Just wondering if you can get out for a bit on your own & get that haircut, breathing space, etc, if he is staying with the kids. Wonder what he'll say to your older child about it all, though . Can you engage with one another enough to agree on an explanation for DS that is fair and not too scary?

Totally, my xdp had asked our friends if he could stay there last night and they said no he wasn't welcome. They were our friends, but i am glad that they realize how out of order he is being.
It will cool down, i know. I'm so glad mumsnet is around.

No he came here before work, he said he had left his bank card, but i dunno, why would you leave your bank card? He never does. He is working till 6, then coming back.
I don't know, ds is only 2, so young enough to not get freaked out i guess.

I found a good way to help with my anger was to take it out on a garden wall with my exDp's golf clubs.

I agree that a bit of pampering, haircut etc is in order. My 'revenge' was to lose weight, look fabulous (was younger then!) and show the stupid git what he had thrown away.

This doesn't mean you can't mope a bit - just don't let him see you. What unbelievable cheek he has to expect you to wait around for him while he tries other options. Selfish little bugger.

I'm so glad you have some good friends around you.

knotty, i like your thinking. When he comes in at 6 i will look gorgeous, and then i will go out.
His mum just text me saying i shouldn't hold this against him?? LOL yeah, okay then.

Not hold it against him?!

Glad your friends refused to let him stay.

tbh no point berating his mum,he's the tit.she is probably mortified and trying in her awkward way to smooth things over

Why don't you ask him in writing; why are you doubting marrying me all of a sudden because it is not about my housekeeping standards. Who is Alice & have you slept with her yet or are you just thinking about it? When you give me the answers to this then we can decide whether our relationship is over or not.

Would be very interesting to see if he has the guts to reply to those questions.

What a complete arse, your fault!!!!! He's just told you it's over because of the washing pile and he needs 2 weeks to think about it!

Yeah she is trying to make excuses for him. It won't make any thing any better. But God loves a trier eh.
I am off to make myself look fabulous! Thank you all again.

my dh said thats a pathetic excuse too, my dh has had to live with overflowing washing baskets PLUS mess for 18 years.

you are doing absolutely the right things in all of this OP. and anyone who even implies that this is anything other than him being a weak pathetic coward is so out of order. you know its not because of you or your washing basket!

go and get that hair do, and be very kind to yourself - as for him, keep on doing exactly what you are doing. he doesnt deserve any more time from you, so let him see the kids but do exactly as you are and make yourself scarce while he does it.

'He said it is my choice now, i give him time on his own or it is my fault the family splits. knob. why put this on me? where did his responsibilities go? bastard.'

What a twat. He tells you he doesn't want to marry you as he's not ready, that he's leaving, then that he needs a fortnight to think about things because the house is always untidy and it's still all your fault.

You don't need or deserve this.

I hope you don't take him back because you'd be selling yourself short, also wouldn't be able to enjoy the run-up to the wedding for thinking he might pull this shite again if you don't march to his drum.

He's a fuckwit.

Your children are young, and with someone as strong as you are, they'll do fine.

I'd tell him tomorrow he needs to find somewhere to go and give him a deadline.

If he wanted a fortnight to think, then he must have arranged another place to go.

He wants to decide whether or not he loves you, leaves, but now he:

1. Left his cash card
2. Can't get his mom to drive him places
3. Wants to spend the night.

He's a teenager.

I wouldn't have him spend the night. He left last night, so why not tell him that you need to think things over for a fortnight.

Fine, he wants contact with the kids, but why does it have to be at the house? His problem, not yours.

You are making things very easy for him by letting him drop in whenever he wants.

Bit of a personal question, but trying to be practical - are you okay for money.

If not, you need to agree some of level maintenance quickly.

I hope you're looking fantastic and are now having a good evening with a friend or two.

'It'll be your fault' !!!! let me think about that, who walked out saying that he couldn't marry you and has been texting a girl at work

Keep your chin up!

xb2b, I hope you have a good time tonight.

If you can it would be worth saying to him:

• your behaviour has been appalling - you have refused to talk to me, offered me a ridiculous non-explanation for wanting to walk out on your family, and you are clearly texting another woman

• all these things lead me to agree with you that you should move out for two weeks. I remind you that this is what you want. Actually what you demand.

• you need to understand that at the end of the two weeks you will not be telling me how I will be spending the rest of my life. You will be telling me how you would like to spend the rest of your life. Then I will tell you how I would like to spend the rest of mine. If our wishes agree, fine. I must however give you notice that due to your behaviour I am unlikely to want you back and I will be consulting a solicitor while you are away.

• all this has come about because of your behaviour. And if our relationship is over, and it looks like it is, it is down to you, and the way you have behaved.

• now off you fuck.

@ balloonslayer

OP, I hope you're looking great and having a brilliant time tonight.

pragmatically you need to have conversation about.as difficult as that will be

what next
what are the housing arrangements
do you have shared finances
when will he see children
how will he support them

maybe get some legal advice.
look at direct.gov and CAB or any legal advice centres