The almost interesting saga of the almost-OM update

[HesterPrynne]

Sorry, I had hoped to come back before the original thread disappeared off the first page, but then... nada.

As you may remember I had emailed a local counsellor, but H persuaded me not to make an appointment, but to save, money and neuroses, for Relate, which he absolutely promised to arrange.

So far nothing's happened... "I've been too busy, will do it tomorrow." "They're not answering the phone/email" "They said I had to confirm the date (poss this Wed) with you, now they're not answering again," are a selection of the excuses I have been given.

Now even asking about it causes snappiness and sulks.

I'm really tempted to say, if we're not in a conversation with a third party by Wednesday night, then that's it - you'll have confirmed our marriage is not your priority.

Can't decide if that's a fair ultimatum or not.

Still trying hard to keep almost-OM at more than arms length, but its so difficult when things are so tense at home.

And although I haven't come completely clean, I have told H that my vows are under considerable strain, but my intention is to make our marriage work if he'll work with me. No real sign of that yet, though

Hester, it's not mad. If you're upset/cross with someone, you don't want to share stuff like that with them. It's like you're betraying yourself and letting them off.

I've been there, re: the not wanting to seem happy thing.

I think that happens when you're really angry with your husband, and you want to communicate that anger all the time, even subconsciously.

It's really exhausting.

I think your attitude is perfect for remaining sane and not turning into one of those terribly intense types!

I was really a bit scared about going into the University for the tutorials too. Weird because I'm quite happy to do most things but felt a bit odd but probably because it's something I really want so cared more than usual. Then, once the tutorial started, I was, of course, the only one who spoke up!

What will you be studying?

Now I know any admiration from you to me is all wrong Belle.

I have spent the last few months with little work during the week just pottering round the house, doing nothing but feel sorry for myself and bored

I keep considering applying for a part-time primary teacher course, run by the local uni, they still have places for an April start, and I've got time to do the school stuff they want before you do training, but I can't seem to summon up that last bit of energy I need to actually apply.

Will you have the week off with the kids Bobbie?

I'll be doing an MA in writing, Belle. I've done various courses before, but this is quite vocational and hopefully will lead to a job in the field.

Yes, I'll be off with the kids, Hester - am planning a couple of nice days out with them.

Sadly though, they are at the age when I need a screen and a ringtone for me to be of any interest to them whatsoever

When you start the full Eng Lit we should set up an intellectual book club, and discuss your novels, cos obviously Bobbie and I'd be great as we recognise Byron's oeuvre at a glance.

Hester - you won't though, if you're not feeling 100%. It's hard to make yourself do anything. Even if it's something you really want.

God, yes, Byron, he was the one that wrote that thing about daffodils, wasn't he?

Ooh. What sort of writing do you want to do Bobbie, I'm a professional writer of sorts, (No I know you would never have guessed but have been sidetracked recently into stuff that's easier to earn money from.

I know one DS is 9 how old and what sort are the other/s?

Two boys, 11 and 9.

I write fiction, drama and poetry - only just started taking it seriously in the last couple of years though (thanks to therapy!)

I've had a couple of little things published, which has made me want more.

Am between courses at the moment, though, and missing the threat of looming deadlines and the support of a group. Hopefully things will improve when the MA starts.

And I would have guessed you are a writer by your posts. I had suspicions...

Yeah, Byron - hmmm, how shameful was that?! How could I not have remembered? Hey ho.

I'm going to, ahem, take advantage of my love of certain types of literature to (hopefully) skate some of the modules. If they don't change them, I'm very familiar with about 80% of them already. Being a pretentious teenager is finally paying off!

Nothing wrong with that, Belle.

I, however, read a lot of Danielle Steel as a teenager, which I don't think will come in very handy...

Two professional writers - wow! My dream job and you're both doing it/about to do it/will be making millions from your work v soon etc.

My real dream job would be to have an "opinion" column. Wouldn't it be great to be paid for your opinion?

Me too, Bobbie - don't go thinking it was Anna snap out of it woman Karenina!

God, yes.

I read those columns with envy...I mean, to be paid to write about how much you love your kids, or whether Mumsnet is full of bullies, or the state of John Terry's marriage.

I would rock at it.

Who wouldn't?

I'm not a professional writer yet...more an enthusiastic amateur with delusions of grandeur

I'm reading Anna Karenina at the moment!

I know what you mean about snapping out of it...

Now I'm dead impressed - a proper writer - I've always shied away from anything that demands creativity. It's just too scary

I'm more of a hack, unfortunately.

Oh and nag away Belle, H always take a 'well if that's want you want to do then do it, or not' line, whereas a touch of shared enthusiasm would go a long way.

Tell me where you live and I can pretend that's where I'll end up working

Do it, Hester!

In all seriousness, something new to aim for/think about might be just what you need.

I'm certainly hoping it will do the trick for me.

I love Anna Karenina and all the Russians. I used to dream of being the Ambassador of the Court of King James to Moscow. I suspected I would marry a passionate/dark brooding Russian. Maybe that's why I'm having such issues with my lightweight Essex lad

But before I discovered Tolstoy et al, I devoured Harold Robbins

And psst I do those sort of columns, very occasionally. Don't tell anyone though

Do you really?

How fantastic!

I too have a thing about Russia/ Russians. The accent is the sexiest in the world, and they are so intense.

I remember giving a Russian 2p to make up his bus fare. You'd have thought I'd donated a kidney to his only child, such was his gratitude. I swooned for weeks

Ooooh, how wonderful!

I live in the frozen wastes of Yorkshire - it's not good for a girl (hah!) from Suffolk. It's very chilly.

I'm going to be rude now and depart. I need to fix this very annoying pc and then go to bed! I will read your conversations when my DD drags me out of bed at 6am (groan).

Night Belle!

Thanks for being kind earlier. You and Hester have cheered me up

Good night Belle. And I will start on my application form tomorrow.

So glad we've cheered you up, Bobbie, you do sound better.

Unless you too have to sleep, I'm eager to find more spooky links between us.

I think I'll bow out now, too.

Sorry I was a bit off earlier, Hester. I think an early night will do me good.

I'll be checking to see if you've filled in your form tomorrow...