The almost interesting saga of the almost-OM update

[HesterPrynne]

Sorry, I had hoped to come back before the original thread disappeared off the first page, but then... nada.

As you may remember I had emailed a local counsellor, but H persuaded me not to make an appointment, but to save, money and neuroses, for Relate, which he absolutely promised to arrange.

So far nothing's happened... "I've been too busy, will do it tomorrow." "They're not answering the phone/email" "They said I had to confirm the date (poss this Wed) with you, now they're not answering again," are a selection of the excuses I have been given.

Now even asking about it causes snappiness and sulks.

I'm really tempted to say, if we're not in a conversation with a third party by Wednesday night, then that's it - you'll have confirmed our marriage is not your priority.

Can't decide if that's a fair ultimatum or not.

Still trying hard to keep almost-OM at more than arms length, but its so difficult when things are so tense at home.

And although I haven't come completely clean, I have told H that my vows are under considerable strain, but my intention is to make our marriage work if he'll work with me. No real sign of that yet, though

Now you've both gone. You were talking behind my back!

I've got a dinner to eat and other stuff, promised to play a game with DS, but will get back on later. Probably round 9 if anyone would care to join me

God yes, I sit and mull over things that happened when we had been going out for just a few months - and we've been together nearly eighteen years!

I can see where patterns were being laid down for an unhealthy relationship, and I try to explain this to him - and he just thinks I'm bonkers for even remembering stuff from all those years ago. I'm starting to think he's right

I think my therapy has had a big effect. I don't regret it, though.

I almost envy my dh's ability to live in the moment. I wish I could do it. At the moment I seem to be either regretting the past or fearing the future...

I'm the same...

Sorry for disappearing acts. DD is 2.5 and very good at it! Was just rejoicing that she's eaten something approaching normal food (even if it was broccoli cheese so not exactly healthy) although she pronounced the chicken "ewwww" as usual. Only an hour behind schedule

Back later!

Anyone about?

Just... Watching "Seven Ages Of Britain" and daring to argue with some of the historical "accuracy". In my head, you understand, I haven't started randomly shouting at the television as I sit here alone just yet!

Oh, I do, all the time!

Gosh, that's very intellectual. I've just finished watching Dancing on Ice

Evening. Just got DS to bed after playing Taboo. It's the first time we've had a family game in ages, even the girls got on, while we were playing

LOL! I wish...

Dancing on Ice conflicts with DD schedule so I'd never get to see all of it. Used to watch it avidly!

So, I'm sitting on the sofa; contemplating a cup of tea; downloading a programme on Benin bronzes as have to write OU essay on the wretched things in next couple of weeks. It's a thrill a minute here!

Are you feeling ok?

Hi Hester - that sounds like a lovely evening.

I keep meaning to do something like that, but seem to be too wrapped up in myself/the marriage to do much family stuff

Hope it's not going to rub off on them too much. Kids notice a lot more than we realise, don't they?

Have you had a better day today, Hester? It's nice you got flowers

Feeling pretty crap - headachey and nauseous. But I think it's psychological rather than anything physical. I tend to get a bit under the weather when stressing.

What fun I am

I think children do notice more than we realise/hope for but I think they forgive and understand so much more also...

I hope so.

You've inspired me to watch 7 ages of Britain.

Not keen on Dimbers.

Bobbie, do you feel under more stress today? Are you ok? Well, clearly, not with the headache etc, but you know what I mean.

No, I'm not keen either!! It's not a great programme, to be honest.

I'm okay, Belle, it's just that I'm doing two lots of therapy at the same time and they're both reaching a bit of a crescendo. I'm also struggling with a situation I can't really go into here, plus I'm supporting three RL friends who are going through relationship/mid life crisis problems of their own.

It's all going a bit tits up, tbh. I'm knackered.

Sorry you're feeling down Bobbie and very of your Benin Bronzes, Belle - can't remember the last time I did anything remotely intellectual.

I sometimes think that's part of the problem - H and I don't share any intellectual passions, his is music, mine is more literature, with a bit of art/craft thrown. So to follow our own interests means necessarily doing things separately, and because then it's doing things by yourself in isolation, it all just peters out.

I long to be intellectually stimulated, as much as in other ways

It sounds like you could do with a break Bobbie. Maybe with your own problems and RL friends' aswell, you should let us 'internet sprites' fend for ourselves. Not that I want you to go, obviously, but you don't sound your 'normal' self tonight.

Bobbie, that's awful for you. The therapy thing is tiring too. You must be shattered. Wish I could find some way to help you

That's familiar too.

We don't laugh together enough, either. that's one of the things that makes me sad. I can't remember the last time we really guffawed together over something.

Hester, I didn't go to University because we had no money and despite being bright enough, etc, it just wasn't an option. It was leave school at 16 and get a job to contribute to home. Which is what I did. Sooo, at 44, and many years of yearning, I am finally going to get a BA in English Lang/Lit. Sadly, I am single parent working full time so have no time at all to do this really. OU is only option and I find myself taking full advantage of my company's flexible working policy to complete assignments. Also, I have to do a foundation course (hence the Benin) before I can start the actual BA. I wanted to do something that was just for me.

I'm doing pretty well so far although my tutor knows I'm skating it. I'm not doing all the reading - just what I need to complete the work. She's ok with that though as she knows what I'm up to!

Phew - sorry. Felt good to talk about it!

I do seem to be bringing the thread down a bit, don't I?

I think it's all got a bit on top of me this weekend.

You are helping, Belle, just by caring enough to ask.

I've got a week off from both therapies thanks to half term. I have to say, I'll be glad of the break!

Nor us. Even when we both find something funny on the TV, say we/I feel almost uncomfortable laughing. It's as if I don't want him to seem me be happy with him for even a few minutes, because then he'll think everything's all right.

Which written out just sound's mad

God, that's a hard one to resolve really. I've always thought that shared interests weren't that important but perhaps when you start to feel isolated in a relationship you need something other than DCs to share?

That sounds great, Belle.

As far as skating it goes...isn't that what you are supposed to do when you are doing a literature degree?

Does anyone read every word of every text?

I'm starting an MA in September. Do you think I should work on improving my attitude?