he's left me

[fallingtopieces]

namechanger here, lavenderrr, glass plates, red rug, judge flounce etc etc

my dp of 5 years left me today.
Things had been a bit iffy for 2-3 months, not communicating, taking each other for granted etc. I've not had much of a sex drive for a long time so that had kind of been crap too.. maybe once a month or so but I spent three weeks in hospital for an illness and now I have energy, am healthy, our sex life has been fantastic etc etc

About 3 weeks ago he was very down and told me he needed some time out alone to think things over and that he would stay at his parents. he never went and things would improve for a few days and then he'd get down and moody again. He was going to stay the odd night at his parents and seemed to come back rejuvenated from that.

On Monday, something made me look at his pc history and I saw he'd been looking at a woman on facebook a lot, a bit more digging and I discovered that rather than being at his parents he was staying nights with her.

I confrtonted him and he said that he had ended it with her and realised it was me he wanted all along and that we could fix things etc etc. I agreed to this because I can see that I have some responsibility for our problems too and I love him.

So this week has been difficult, I've been hurt and angry and he's been very sorry and reassured me that he loves me, even talked about our getting married and stuff like that.

then last night she sent him a long email saying she'd fallen for him and all kinds of stuff including that she knew they had no future because he kept talking and thinking about me, and since then he turned very hostile to me and is dragging up arguments and rows from years and years ago and trying to make it all my fault.

He went to work this morning still saying he loves me and wants us to work things out and then he came home and hour ago, packed a bag and left, saying that he's going to stay at his parents to think things ovre - that he needs time alone and won't be seeing her either and will call me from there to prove it, but I saw a message from him to her that he's going to meet her.

She works at the same place as him, although in a different building.

he said that if I make any kind of contact with him then I will never see or hear from again.

I don't know what to do now. My heart is thumping, I cant stop shaking, I feel sick and almost like someone's died.

as low as you have felt, by keeping away from him you are protecting yourself from feeling that low again.

repeat after me, i will love and protect myself, i will love and protect myself, i will love and protect myself...

well done!

Thank you mlb

I'll use that to go to sleep tonight - that seems to be when the thoughts start.

right now I feel like wonderwoman or something

Hoorah! Well done you. x

Thanks again sooo much.. I'd never have done it without you all behind me!

I'm bloody starving, off to raid the fridge

Double hoorah - she's eating!

I've eaten, had a bubble bath, got my pjs on and I still feel ok

I just hope I'm not going to get another slump. I know there'll be trouble tomorrow when she checks her email but I shall not respond to any of it.

I'm gonna be fine

enjoy this time to yourself, to rest and recoup.

keep us posted.

night

I slept naturally for the first time in about 3 weeks - without the aid of medication Only trouble is cos I fell asleep so early, I'm up super early, lol.

More messages from him, that he's come to his senses and will talk to me soon, then another saying he's realised now that she is the enemy of our relationship.

I'm just like, yeah, whatever. I really don't feel anything, which is weird given how devastated I was a few days ago. I'm not going to reply. He can do as he pleases. I don't know if I'll change my mind. At the moment I don't want to see or speak to him, I was looking at photos of him last night and it was like looking at a stranger.

Funny how a few weeks ago I had a perfect life and now it's completely different, but still ok.

Hi FTP. I'm a lurker and have been following your thread and I think you're doing amazingly well. (I'm in the USA and it's only 9.40 pm here)

hi Ispy, thank you for the message. I'm amazed and overwhelmed at how much support I've received here. I can truly say that the people on this thread have got me through all the recent events - I think I'd be on the floor if it weren't for these wonderful women.

I went to sleep last night saying 'i will love and protect myself' instead of counting sheep

"he's realised now that she is the enemy of our relationship" Not just she, he as well. And he should have realized that a while ago.

Good to hear you had some sleep.

You're a bit of a hero you know!

These threads usually don't go so well, and the poor women being treated so badly often don't have the balls that you have.

Well done! The irony is that because of the respect that you so obviously have for yourself, he probably will want you back. It's ironic because you're unlikely to want to touch him with a bargepole for the same reason.

The women who are quite obviously desperate to get the man back on any terms are, sadly, much less likely to be seen as someone 'worth' going back to.

I guess many people just want what they can't have or that needs to be worked for.

shitstorm this morning, lol
gave me all the guff about how I don't understand him etc etc etc

I told him to just get lost and have a happy life and he's being all dramatic n stuff.

Anyway, job really done now and I can really move forward

Would never have managed it without all of you wonderful women behind me!

I'm blardy starving! can't seem to stop eating, lol

Hmmm..the thing that worries me most is your line from this morning "I don't know if I will change my mind." Please don't - it would be madness.

wwifn, I definitely won't now. I suppose a tiny bit of me has been giving him the benefit of the doubt til now but that's gone after how he's behaving over the stuff I forwarded to her.

He actually said.. "how could you do this to me after all these years?" with absolutely no sense of irony whatsoever.

All I see in him now is a weak, immature idiot and I certainly don't need one of those in my life.

i think you are bound to feel like changing your mind at times, even in the worst situations, we build bonds and relationships and feel attatchments (stockholm syndrome anyone?) but i think if you did get back with him, you would be prolonging the agony, because he isnt the right person for you.

year of the dodo is right when she says you are a hero!
lots of people talk the talk but dont walk the walk.

you have come so far and are doing fabulously!

Aagh, this man gets worse! He really is some piece of work if he feels victimised by your behaviour.

Glad you're resolute. However, a note of caution. These are still early days and it's actually pretty hard to stop loving someone this quickly. So no contact really is best, as it tends to feed the addiction to him. I'd be inclined to change my phone number.

Any chance of you getting away somewhere hot and sunny where he cannot doorstep you, in the absence of phone contact?

I don't think he'll turn up here, I doubt she'll let him out of her sight for a while and anyway, he's too gutless for that.

I've got lots of plans for the weekend so I should be fine for that, it's night time and weekends that are hardest isn't it?

I might feel weak at times but I won't give in to it.

FTP I"ve been watching this thread too and I'm cheering you on, you've been very brave, don't give in to this man. You'd never be able to trust him if you had him back so it would mean going through all of this again. Pamper yourself a bit and enjoy your new freedom.

at the audacity of the man. You are right - completely unaware of the irony. Glad you are ok and eating. Well done you

Thanks again everyone.. I'll keep you posted with developments, I fully expect that there will be something at some point.

Just checked the account and he's skint, so won't be having a very romantic weekend lmfao!

Looks like he may have lost his job as he's sending out his cv also.

I hope she was worth it.

Soo... he's left her, or so he says. She apparently understands that he has feelings for me and is prepared to wait for them to fade Wanted me to drive down and pick him up last night. I said no because I don't want to see him yet, so he's back at his parents' again.

He sounded just like his old self on the phone, rather than the cold person that's been there til now, very odd and very confusing.

There is a suggestion that we meet on Sunday just for an hour to chat but I'm not sure I want to. Will see how I feel as the time approaches.

Meanwhile my son came to stay last night and is going to help me finish the painting today (he's tall so can reach the high bits easily)

Hi ftp. Like you I am up and thinking way to early for a saturday!

'He's left her and can you go and pick him up'? Sorry but he just sounds as usual as though he isn't out of short trousers yet. What a bloody cheek. Couldn't he get a bus or a taxi back to his parents house?? He doesn't honestly think that you are going to rush over to get him and believe that things are all sorted? If he does he needs a clip round the ear and a detention.

I have followed your thread and think really that you are better off without him. It would take a lot of hard work on his part to put things any way towards right between you and to regain your love and trust. And if the OW is always going to be hovering around like a vulture 'waiting for his feelings for you to fade' (why the hell did he tell you that btw? what a nasty piece of work they both are) it aint going to happen.

You have done so well - continue to stand your ground and think only about a secure, peaceful and happy future for yourself and what you can do to achieve that.

....also 'he has feelings' for you? Well I 'have feelings' for crunchy nut cornflakes but they aren't going to sustain a lifelong commitment. I could easily switch my feelings to coco-pops if pushed.

He has most likely been dumped. Dont fool yourself.

He just isnt that much into you.

If he did really love you, he would not have fallen in love with another woman. He would not have let you go through this shit.

He wants to come back to you now because

1. His affair has cost him his job
2. He realizes he has NO assets and isnt really a catch
3. His girlfriend has dumped upon realizing the above.

Do you really want to be the woman he comes crawling to when everything else fails?