he's left me

[fallingtopieces]

namechanger here, lavenderrr, glass plates, red rug, judge flounce etc etc

my dp of 5 years left me today.
Things had been a bit iffy for 2-3 months, not communicating, taking each other for granted etc. I've not had much of a sex drive for a long time so that had kind of been crap too.. maybe once a month or so but I spent three weeks in hospital for an illness and now I have energy, am healthy, our sex life has been fantastic etc etc

About 3 weeks ago he was very down and told me he needed some time out alone to think things over and that he would stay at his parents. he never went and things would improve for a few days and then he'd get down and moody again. He was going to stay the odd night at his parents and seemed to come back rejuvenated from that.

On Monday, something made me look at his pc history and I saw he'd been looking at a woman on facebook a lot, a bit more digging and I discovered that rather than being at his parents he was staying nights with her.

I confrtonted him and he said that he had ended it with her and realised it was me he wanted all along and that we could fix things etc etc. I agreed to this because I can see that I have some responsibility for our problems too and I love him.

So this week has been difficult, I've been hurt and angry and he's been very sorry and reassured me that he loves me, even talked about our getting married and stuff like that.

then last night she sent him a long email saying she'd fallen for him and all kinds of stuff including that she knew they had no future because he kept talking and thinking about me, and since then he turned very hostile to me and is dragging up arguments and rows from years and years ago and trying to make it all my fault.

He went to work this morning still saying he loves me and wants us to work things out and then he came home and hour ago, packed a bag and left, saying that he's going to stay at his parents to think things ovre - that he needs time alone and won't be seeing her either and will call me from there to prove it, but I saw a message from him to her that he's going to meet her.

She works at the same place as him, although in a different building.

he said that if I make any kind of contact with him then I will never see or hear from again.

I don't know what to do now. My heart is thumping, I cant stop shaking, I feel sick and almost like someone's died.

I should add, of course she realizes he has feelings from you, not from what HE is doing and saying, but from what YOU have forwarded her.

With you he has a home, without you he would be a pathetic loser living with his parents. The other woman is probably NOT keen to put this man up, like a freeloader.

good morning

unlikelyamazonian is right , he is unbelievable wanted you to pick him up , i really think at this stage you should have no further contact with him as he will keep trying to dangle you & the OW while he sorts himself out , he is very selfish imo & you have done sooooooo well up to now telling him to get lost , if you do take him back after all this please ask yourself what kind of future will you have with a loser like him ? he is treating you very badly , sorry if i seem harsh but I'm very on your behalf . great news about the painting though x

Went back to bed for a bit.

I love you ladies!!!! Of course you're all absolutely right. Thank you for waking me up again!!!!

I think I was weak last night cos I'd had a couple of drinks with my friend for her birthday, and he was very convincing. Won't make that mistake again.

He can stay at his parents for the time being, and I see that there is no further contact with her (and I think if he doesn't get me back straightaway, he will try with her again too) then maybe in a few weeks we can review things. He hasn't been fired yet but has been given a warning, so he needs to pull his socks up and show some self control and maturity.

Going to have some breakfast with my big, beautiful son now and then get going on the painting

falling - its only natural that you will have times of "weakness" he wants his cake & to eat it iykwim , you need to show him how strong you have become & that you wont put up with him treating you like this .
happy painting

So glad your son is with you today. Have you told him about it at all? If you have, what does he think?

Just think, tonight you will have a lovely freshly painted room that you will have achieved yourself! Good for you!

Thanks you both

No I've not told my son anything. He'd want to kill him and that's the last thing I need is him getting into trouble.

apparently I'm in the way while he's doing the ceiling so been sent back into my study with a cup of tea, lol

Best not say anything then! Think your job today then is to keep out from under his feet and provide refreshments!

lol yes,
we got the paintpod out of the garage to test out on the ceiling, it's pretty good, no splashes

agree with previous post about ex sounding like a freeloader. wouldnt believe a word he says at the moment, all credibility is gone.
unlike you who is fully credible, nay, incredible!
as predicted further back, he wants you back now. the swine.

what a lovely son, coming round to help his ma do the painting
'twill be lovely to sit beneath the painted ceiling.

enjoy!

He has ended things with her and is at his friend's house. She doesn't trust him either, lol.

He now thinks he might be bi-polar??? I suppose it's possible, he is very up and down, doesn't handle stress well etc etc etc

I dunno, seems like more bloody excuses to me but I'll have a google.

Fallingtopieces - bipolar my foot. just an excuse! dump him would be my suggestion, and get yourself a better man..

So he's messed up big time, got no excuses left so he has now become bi-polar! Don't fall for it! Stay as strong as you are.

have googled, doesn't sound like he's bi-polar, more like some kind of anxiety/depression thing. I say that because if I even say make a tiny cut on my finger when I'm cooking or something, he panics like mad as tho it's a really serious injury. He panics if I go to the corner shop and take longer than usual, stuff like that, or rather, he used to. Although last night I did fess up to the not eating and sleeping thing so now he's in a flap over that. He also has very, very low self esteem and is very pessimistic, always expecting things to go wrong and his moods change quite quickly.

Not that any of that excuses his behaviour and in fact I took him to the doctor a few weeks ago about it and he insisted he was fine.

I suppose I'm just looking for explanations aren't I and wasting my time cos the only valid one is that he's behaving like a fuckwit.

Love that post - fuckwit! Yes!

ftp, I have the very strong feeling you are going to punish him for a bit longer...

...and then take him back

that would be very foolish

no, AF

I think I'm just trying to find some sense in all of this mess. Some kind of explanation or reason or just something

I can't ever take him back, he's said and done too many things and caused too many hurts. There is no way back from the things that have happened. A few days ago you probably would've been right, but not now.

I know I can live without him, and live well too.

I hope so, ftp

help! help! I tripped over!

the pavement was bumpy

I was tired

I wasn't looking

I saw a bird with big knockers

I am bi-polar

I am a devious knob

Help!

Noooo UA!

even I'm not THAT gullible.

thing is he's now talking about doing away with himself, I texted the person he's with to ask them to keep an eye on him but he saw the message. friend said he's in a bad way :/

Personally I think he's got himself into a mess and now can't see the wood for the trees, so being the stressy type person he is he can't cope and is doing his own head in.

I do think he needs to see a doctor (irrespective of what's gone on) but he doesn't agree.

yep, he is following the script

threatening to harm himself-check

ignore it, ftp

it is designed to manipulate you

offer to give him a very sharp knife or film his suicide for youtube

pathetic

I realize what you're saying af.... but I also realize that you never really want to mess with suicide threats. Best to try to get him to see a dr or make sure he's with that friend - but don't let yourself get dragged in.

He's with his friend, they can look after him now.

star, I also realise what I am saying

and i stand by it

ftp is right...let his friend deal with it

ftp has done no wrong here...it is not her responsibilty to make sure he is ok

if he threatens to harm himself..I say "go for it, mate, I am no longer interested in how bad you have made yourself feel..."