Signs that a man is a bastard and you should RUN

[electra]

Please post yours - this may help me! (following on from my other thread...)

...has an ex wife who divorced him for "unreasonable behaviour" whom he refers to as "mad bitch"

He can do/say anything.
You get a list of what to do and say.

Insists you burn your clothes because "other boy friends bought them"

Throws the TV down the stairs during a "discussion" about what to watch

Starts odd jobs round the house and never never finishes them, and then somehow it is YOUR fault they are not done.

Will relate an incident/occasion at which you were present in a way that you can barely recognise as the incident being described as HE is suddenly the hero of the incident, or was greatly wronged in said incident, while your participation in the incident is minimised to the point that no one listening would know you were there in the first place.

Whoops, went a bit biographical there...

Oh my friends sad tosspot abuser tried to lift the TV to chuck it but he couldn't lift it. Stupid weak bastard, my ex twat would never have heard the end of that one!

Is quick to accuse everyone else in the world - but particularly you of having "no sense of humour".

Ironically, these characters wouldn't recognise a sense of humour if it walked up the front path and invited itself in for supper.

Everything that's already been said and-
makes negative comments about women based on supposed (or otherwise) sexual promiscuity

I don't speak to any of my exes. Prob coz some of them were bastards and what's the point if you want to move on anyway? I don't think that's a sign.

My list is:

Rubbishes your hobbies, opinions and lifestyle whist pressuring you to adopt his,
Dissing your friends and family.
Seems to hate people in general and is racist/sexist.
tells you what to wear and eat.
tells you you need to loose wieght.
Criticises housework
Tells you what to read.
Nothing is ever right/changing goalposts.

I could go on.

I have to add that my abusive ex (who almost killed me) LOVEd animals but hated humans.

Hating animals is horrid but make sure that you don't end up with one who regards humnans as more ''disgusting'' than animals. You will be treated worse than a (very unloved) maggot.

I have had awful luck in my previous relationships and I think that some of my exes are twunts. Does that make me undateable?

Of course I'd try not to tell any prospective partners about such men.

Some men are damaged by previous relationships as are us women.That dosn't mean we don't deserve another chance but mabe we should use our lovers as ways of getting over previous relationships.

Sorry - I meant ''shouldn't''

Maybe that is the difference though, psm, that you wouldn't say it because you know that it would make you look unbalanced?

I sometimes wonder about this though, as well - if someone asks me why we divorced, my instinctive answer is "it was all his fault"!

But I can cite the fact that he has been divorced 7 times as evidence that it wasnt my fault

Good shout Bertie, that look .

Listen to your body, trust your instincts. If his behaviour induces a negative adrenaline reaction, react! Do not ignore it.

I'd encourage flight over fight

God it's chilling, isn't it, EcoMouse, and from the description instantly recognisable if you have ever seen someone do it It just stuck in my mind because I told someone in RL about it today for the first time. She mentioned it first

The fleeting "glare" - a controlling look designed to let you know you've overstepped the mark in public.

Road rage - tailgating, reckless speeding, and the need to overtake every car he comes up behind

Always being right

Arrogance

Pushing you into doing things which make you feel awkward - asking people close to you for unreasonable favours etc on his insistence, and sulking if you refuse.

Great post, so much of these ring true, glad I'm out of it now..

Yes! Asking people close to you for unreasonable favours -- like a job interview where you work.
'Helping' you with your cv and insisting on putting things into it that are not true or really stretching the truth -- helping you with anything and insisting on doing it his way.
Telling you you should apply for jobs or promotions you know you're not qualified for -- trying to get you into things that are out of your depth or far from your comfort level.
It's always significant if he teaches you to do anything, like changing a wheel, or even driving, and you end up feeling like you've been run over by a train, emotionally.

I don't think no/limited contact with his kids is a sign of badness if he talks about them a lot. That mightn't be down to him.

Usually something like supervised contact is a red flag though, because that is something that SS have had a say in.

Oh God yes - I wasn't meaning that at all. I'd run a mile in that case.

My Ex was really kind used to go to the shops to buy me magazines, but i had to wait till a certain time to read them - he was doing it for my own good.

Constantly put my family and friend's down excused them of doing drugs and shout slag at them down the phone if i spoke to them.

Told me to get a job with a member of his family.

I could go out but only with his daughter so she could keep a eye on me and make sure i didnt get hassle of other men.

The list is endless.

There is the odd one that doesn't fit the mould though and you have to watch:
-Is extremely nice to you and on the surface very sociable.
-Disappears a lot without explanation or claiming to be visiting his children.
-Has a couple of mobile phones but never leaves them lying around.
-doesn't answer his mobile in front of you
-always has a ready answer for where he has been or if you spot something that doesn't add up.
-makes you feel like you are the only person in the world that matters and that he can trust.
-starts buying you clothes...that you don't necessarily like but have to accept and wear so you don't hurt his feelings
-subtly controls your movements, eg by telling you that he will be at yours at a certain time so you get there on time then he doesn't turn up until midnight.
-moves into your place rather quickly.
-Doesn't see his children is a clear sign that there is something wrong with him, although if he lies well about it you really have no way of knowing.
-Doesn't speak to any of his exes but is probably still shagging some that he claims are exes...I could carry on all day!
The bottom line is: "if you think that something is wrong then it probably is! And get out!" x

Has a distorted sense of reality - will describe a situation or conversation which you witnessed, but in a completely different way. Re-writes history and conversation, will utterly deny saying something you clearly heard come out of his mouth - can make you feel you're going mad.

Has few friends, lots of acquaintances but doesn't let anyone close

Compartmentalises his life - so he can get away with all sorts without getting found out.

Seems very different around different people - has a work persona, a family persona etc but isn't consistent.

Insincere - sucks up to people he feels could do something for him, doesn't bother with anyone else.

...has anyone mentioned illness yet?

If you are ill then he acts like you did it out of spite, or on purpose, to annoy him.

You get no sympathy when ill

He tells you it is all in your mind.

If you have a cold he complains it has made you "unattractive"

oh yes migsie..!! If you ever sneeze or cough he acts as if you're doing it deliberately simply to irritate him..

Yes! A suck-up, very deferential to some, very superior to others.
And buying clothes...

Agree with Chippy about conversations that you've had or he's had and has later accused you of saying something that you didn't or denies something that he has said.

Ditto re inconsistent personality.

Some more:

Uses cliche and cheesy romantic language when he's only seen you a few times.

Asks very personal/ intimate questions early on.

Invasive and interferes with your decisions.

Asking you to lie or cover something up for him.

The list is endless. I should write a book on this.

Thanks for all your contributions - I will read this over and over!

Eats breakfast cereal with a teaspoon.

(well maybe it's not relevant, but he is a bastard and I've never met another adult who does this!)