Signs that a man is a bastard and you should RUN

[electra]

Please post yours - this may help me! (following on from my other thread...)

oh...and total lack of sponteneity...they can't control it you see

See what his mates are like. That's what he is like when not trying to impress you.

See how they treat you, this reflects what they have been told about you / whether you are trodding a well worn path.

What a great thread - just split with someone who exhibited a worrying number of these traits - doh....

He failed the waitress test 3 times on our
recent holiday (actually one of them was a flight attendant). And then, he told me that my grey roots needed doing. And he didn't have any mates, and he told me he loved me unconditionally after 3 weeks.....and.....

Roan- that's a fantastic quote...I may have to file it with my other favourite from Eleanor Roosevelt: "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent"

Criticising you openly in the early days, esp if he is implying that he knows better than you how she should walk/dress/do your hair. "I don't like that dress. You should let me take you shopping [i.e. choose your clothes]"

Doing things that you don't like, even after you have told him you don't like it, almost as if defying you to stop him (knowing you can't). Esp physical stuff e.g. tickling you if you don't like it, sticking his tongue in your ear. [ugh emoticon]

Sparkybink, I remember your threads about him. Hope you managed to get yourself out of that one ok. He sounded a nightmare.

Roan, have just put that quote on FB think it's fab. BoF, saving your one too.

Definitely waiter test.

Friends again- especially complete lack of.

Reactions towards the small stuff in life- look closely at that. For example, if they trod dog poo or nearly ran a cat over in car, do they get angry and 'blame' the animal etc.

BOF, good old Eleanor Very true indeed.

Also agree with Migsie: "Pouring scorn on your interests, implying those interests and friends are "not worth dpoing", suggesting something is actually wrong with you for liking certain things (that he does not like)
"

where was this thread four months ago before i got pregnant to the a*???!!!! Just about everything on here rings a bell.......ladies beware of coppers from leeds!

Admiring your figure hugging clothes then telling you to cover up once into the relationship.

Declaring love in the first few weeks.

Agree with lots of other signs already mentioned.

I can add another.......

paranoia and constantly accusing you of cheating!

Rindercella, yes thanks, I'm well and truly out of it. Hope my relationship radar works better next time...

Not showing any care, attention or affection on a day-to-day basis, but becoming all lovey-dovey and devastated when you start to pull away from him.

Not sure if anyone else has found this, but just making you uncomfortable, either physically or emotionally. Something about interacting with him esp sexually just feels kind of...ick.

Probably because subconsciously you know he doesn't care about your needs or wishes.

This cropped up on another thread; never seen it anywhere else though - turns up at your home uninvited?

Definitely agree with the waitress test and with telling you what you think/feel/want.

Stories of past dishonesty told with pride & amusement, not remorse.

Cruelty to animals as a child.

You find yourself 'making allowances' for things that gave you an initial jolt.

"turns up at your home uninvited" - yes, often disguised as a surprise, a treat for which you should be grateful.

I had to at this one by 2old4thislark
"Farts in front of you in the early days when he's supposed to be on his best behaviour. Because a few years downthe line he'll be replicating the camp fire scene from the film Blazing Saddles on a nightly basis!"

my OH is very "polite" with farting and i am not the most discreet wind-popper, so i had to ask him if he ever farted (in fake incredulity) and then do it in front of him and tell him it was fine.
now he thinks it's hilarious, but always apologises if it smells awful

Elephants I know what you mean with that one.
it's almost, "oh, you don't like me enough to cuddle or kiss me normally, but you just expect me to be turned on and want to have sex with you"

Can I add:
Inability to be alone
Wants to be with you all the time.
Doesn't want you to see friends and family, and will make disparaging comments then pretend its only because he cares.

I work in a project focusing on domestic abuse, mainly for women. The biggie Ive noticed that crops up in the beginning is that they are FULL ON straight away. Obviously there are exceptions. But if someone is declaring undying love, and wants to commit very soon into a relationship, they are bad news indeed.

Also if they dont have anything positive to say about any past girlfriends. And have all waste of space friends. Personally, due to having an awful father, I have a very sensitive bastard radar, which is very helpful for my friends, can sniff one out a mile off

Oh and ANY hint of sexism, even if it's either a) a hilarious joke (it is what he really thinks) or b) in the form of "interesting new research" he has read about e.g. women's innate inability to think logically. He thinks you are less than him, don't believe it and be warned this means he thinks you are not really much of a person and your feelings don't matter. It will get much worse.

What about: living in a scum-pit, and/or not knowing how to look after themselves (can't cook even simple food, no idea about basic finances, doesn't clean, mum still doing his washing, can't/won't hold down a job but with no good reason...)? Not as bad as being violent of course, but still not necessarily someone you'll want as a "partner" in the long run!

See what he is like with his friends as soon as you can, and who his friends are - it's very telling about what sort of person he is.

Ex-girlfriends - huge red flag (to me, anyway) if he can't summon up at least one girl that he has stayed friends with or hasn't got a good word to say about any of his exes.

But really, it's about being watchful. Do his actions match up with his behaviour - does he call when he says he will? Is he kind? Respectful? Balanced?

I've had two relationships with awful, dreadful men and, tbh, looking back, I was the common denominator. I heard what I wanted to hear, rather than what was said, and brushed over or excused their 'bad' behaviour because I wanted it not to matter. But it does.

Don't ignore those niggling doubts - they're there for a reason.

Yes MrsWill, the FULL ON thing is a massive red flag. If the person in genuine, they will wait, simple as that. Whereas as a controlling person cannot.

Blames you for the way he feels - cannot accept responsibility for his own emotions and will punish you for how you "make" him feel.

Cannot say he is sorry, or always qualifies the apology with a "but..." - no matter what he's saying he isn't sorry.

Promises the world but "forgets" to deliver (or is late or ruins things some other way) - he wants you to make him feel good by being grateful in the first place, but never had any intention of following through with his promises.

wasn't there a thread about something similar last summer?
it inc.a link to a site which was about signs you're dating a loser
was v.illuminating for want of a better word!
hopefully someone will come along with more info on this