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Original poster

If you're good looking, is it harder to find someone who really is decent?

141 replies

electra · 03/02/2010 09:39

......in much the same way that rich people sometimes don't know how much a person is with them for their money?

It's a serious question...

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 03/02/2010 09:45

Yes.

The really big danger of being very lucky in the genetic lottery of life is that good looks alone can get you a long way in life when you are young. So you may not have to develop other skills and characteristics as much in order to get on as people who are not as genetically blessed. It can make for quite shallow people.

Hence you may attract rather shallow people and be content with them for quite a while before the wake-up call!

Goodadvice1980 · 03/02/2010 10:02

Yes, it is!!!

There have been guys I have really liked over the years and they never asked me out because they thought I wouldn't be interested in them! Only now am I finding out about this from some of them.

Also, it can cause problems with female relationships too, not just friends/relatives but also work colleagues. I guess this is why women will probably never take over the world; most are to busy stabbing other women in the back

Goodadvice1980 · 03/02/2010 10:03

whoops "too busy"

Original poster
electra · 03/02/2010 10:04

Hmmm, I'm wondering if this is part of my problem. I seem to attract men who are very much into the way I look but I end up getting used. I don't wish to sound conceited but it is becoming quite irritating to note that most men I have any kind of relationship with are focused primarily on how I look - and it often ends badly. I see how you are more likely to attract shallow people.

OP posts:
Original poster
electra · 03/02/2010 10:05

Yes I have female friends who keep me at arms length because of comments their husbands have made about me.

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 03/02/2010 10:05

Can you try to change the way you dress and the sorts of interests you project in order to attract men with a bit more character?

Where do you man hunt?

SolidGoldBrass · 03/02/2010 10:08

It can be. Potential partners think, variously, that you are 'out of their league' so they won't approach you, that you are vain and thick, or, if they do approach you, some people seem to think that a beautiful person is an object or a trophy.

It also seems to be true that if one partner is much, much more visually pleasing than the other, the relationship can struggle. It takes a very confident, decent and self-aware person to put up with constant background mutter of 'Why on earh are those two together when s/he is so gorgeous and the other one so not gorgeous?'.

Original poster
electra · 03/02/2010 10:09

I don't really look for people, they just seem to come along - so perhaps I am behaving like a sitting duck? I don't consider myself shallow at all but sometimes I trust people too quickly. You are right, though, I probably need to do something about the image of myself that I project.

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 03/02/2010 10:14

Yes, if you behave like a "sitting duck" you aren't doing yourself any favours, IMO.

You want to socialise in places where people are valued mainly for their brains/character rather than their looks.

Goodadvice1980 · 03/02/2010 10:17

Yep, friends will be extra wary that you plan to nick their fella!

Would never steal anyone's bloke, but they were even wary when I had one of my own!

Women - don't do this 2 each other!

fruitshootsandheaves · 03/02/2010 10:21

I wouldn't know as I am an ugly old cow!
I've always wanted to walk in somewhere and have people turn to look at me.
they do turn to look at me sometimes but not for the right reasons!

Original poster
electra · 03/02/2010 10:22

Ok, clearly I need to give this some thought because the same thing is happening over and over...

Goodadvice - I completely agree - why should it be only good looking women who plan to steal someone's man? And I would never ever do such a thing - if a guy is taken it is a big turn off for me actually.

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 03/02/2010 10:25

What job do you do, electra?

TwentiethCenturyHeffa · 03/02/2010 10:25

My brother is very attractive and has never had to work at starting relationships. I think in the past he's often ended up with whichever woman has been most determined rather than seeking out someone who's actually good for him. Equally, I suspect that a lot of the time, those women were after him because he's attractive rather than for him. He's happily married now but it has made me think in the past that I'm glad I'm nothing special.

Original poster
electra · 03/02/2010 10:29

Bonsoir - I don't work - I have a baby. Actually I haven't worked for some time because I have an older girl with ASD and have spent a lot of time at home running her ABA program. So the men I tend to meet are either when I'm out with friends, or people who are friends of friends iyswim...

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 03/02/2010 10:31

Oh gosh, you must be very busy!

Do you get any time to yourself to develop other adult interests?

GypsyMoth · 03/02/2010 10:36

i'm nothing special in looks department either...but do find being so tall (almost 6 foot) is a head turner and many men approach due to fact i am long legged! obviously,i cant change this,but i seem to attract short men alot too....why!!!

RoyaltyIsMyOnlyDelusion · 03/02/2010 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KerryMumbles · 03/02/2010 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
electra · 03/02/2010 10:42

Maybe that is the answer Bonsoir......I'm obviously in the wrong places!

OP posts:
Ladyscratt · 03/02/2010 10:55

I have a stunning boss, who looks like Pocahontis with Lara Crofts body.

She is a really lovely person and does not dress provocatively either.

She is classy and a genuinely nice person, too nice sometimes.

Actually she makes me sick, but I love her.

You can only be you at the end of the day and as long as you are a good person and don't flash your flesh everywhere, you can do no more.

Not all good looking men are awful either, I happen to think my husband is really good looking and really got that sexy older man look. Slightly rugged tall and handsome and he is a genuinely good person.

Make the most of your looks in a elegant and classy way don't feel bad about the way you are, if you are gorgeous, lucky you. Hats off! I am also a bit

Original poster
electra · 03/02/2010 12:10

Well I know it sounds horribly affected to some, but honestly I am fed up with the crushing realisation that a man's intentions were not what I thought they were and he wasn't genuinely interested in me. Ladyscratt - I agree. I never dress provocatively because if I did I would be sure to get even more undesirables chasing.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 03/02/2010 12:15

Not so much looks but I always used to find that my huge breasts attracted men who were solely breast fixated.

coldtits · 03/02/2010 12:15

I'm a bit dull looking. My friend is gorgeous. And now she's rich too.

Consequently, she has never been out with a man who isn't totally obsessed with her looks. And now she's having to filter through the gold diggers too.

I have never had enough good looks for anyone to get obsessed about. Any man dating me really does like me - because I have nothing to offer but myself.

beatiebow · 03/02/2010 12:23

But coldtits you look lovely in that photo in your profile!

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