If you're good looking, is it harder to find someone who really is decent?

[electra]

......in much the same way that rich people sometimes don't know how much a person is with them for their money?

It's a serious question...

I know a very attractive, effortlessly cool man who gets chased by endless women who swoon over him non-stop. But what happens is, he just ends up with whoever nabbed him when he last happened to be single. He doesn't ever have to chase or think about finding a girlfriend - he just gets pursued and falls into relationships with a serious of women who, basically, fancy him but rarely have anything in common with him. It fizzles out - and onto the next one.

Something I noticed when in hospital having DS was that a lot of the most devoted, besotted dads who hung around being supportive to their DW and gazing at their baby all day long were, to put it kindly, not the hottest lookers. A man like that probably gets a successful relationship by being really nice and caring and funny. In most cases he probably wouldn't dare approach a classically gorgeous woman and would think she was out of his league. So in that sense, it may be harder to get a "keeper" if you're stunning, and easier to attract arrogant men who think they are really hot themselves and don't think they have to make an effort in other ways.

Pssht, Janos, now I know you're a STUNNA I'm really sorry I was nice to you on your thread! < Grace proves theory and sticks out tongue >

Hey Grace

Wouldn't say I was a stunna

Anyhow, I bet you are neither fat nor frumpy!

I so am. It's an experiment, though - gimme a few weeks

You're on Grace. Though I stand by my previous comments!

'what happens is, he just ends up with whoever nabbed him when he last happened to be single. He doesn't ever have to chase or think about finding a girlfriend - he just gets pursued and falls into relationships with a serious of women who, basically, fancy him but rarely have anything in common with him. It fizzles out - and onto the next one.'

yes, sounds awfully familiar!!!!!!

This is going to sound really arrogant but here goes anyway...

I am really very attractive. I appeal to some men a lot more than others - Americans and "posh" English mostly with a fair smattering of continental types for variety.

Anyway, my point is that it gets tedious. Men declaring their undying lust love and desire, blah, blah, blah when they don't even know me and, really, they aren't interested in me at all.

I admit, however, that now I've isolated myself by working at home; having a child "out of wedlock"; working full time; and looking knackered with no make up only the die hards keep in touch (and you've got to admire their tenacity).

sorry ladies, but you havent convinced me that its better being plain.

BelleDame

I once had some bloke tell me 'you're so beautiful, you must have had the perfect life'.

Eerrrr, NO.

Janos I think you may have hit on another possible answer there! Do some men think that because we're gorgeous that we must therefore be able to offer them perfection in their lives?

I have been told that I am (as per Mary Poppins and thingy in Four Weddings) either "practically perfect in every way" or "perfect". I'm not - I'm a bloody nightmare mixture of neuroses and bad temper.

Hmmmm - perhaps good looks equate to good life in some way?

My DD gets a few looks when she tells people she's going to be a Maths teacher.
She's popular with the computer geeks on one of her degree modules as she knows all the ins and outs of Halo too.
She also works p-time in a posh restaurant and makes a fortune in tips from business men.

She still does that weird twisty face pout that they all seem to do on Facebook though.

I don't know BelleDame.

TBH I feel a bit cringey talking about myself in this way!

To answer, I really don't know. I think people associate a certain set of qualities with good looks and perhaps expect you (general you) to embody those qualities?

Heh, LeQueen, if I'd actually had any confidence in my pre-middle-aged years, I might have been as disdainful of the mirror as you. Cheers for "metaphorically slapping blokes with my IQ" - made me laff out loud!!

It is a total pain in the ass, though - the way men assume you're stupid & women assume you're a bitch. One of my favourite (hah) quotes is from the lecturer who said "I'm gobsmacked to announce [Grace] scored the highest points". Yes, I'm blonde ...

BUT I still see your underlying self-worth thing at work here. One of my classmates (same course) was (and is) smarter, blonder and more classically beautiful than me. She never drew narky comments from lecturers, nor was her career impacted by her looks. She's a stable, sane human being from a sane, happy family. I think that's what makes the difference, bugger the looks!

I must tell you about the Brainiest Girl In School one day. Mine was an academically demanding school; she's superhumanly brainy ... Great story. Right now, I'm trying to catch up on Desperate Housewives!

Janos I'd never have this conversation in RL! I know exactly what you mean.

I hate the hostility from other women the most, I can't help being tall, thin (i'm the 'fattest' out my siblings) and having big boobs, I could help my blonde hair, but I like it!
I can handle the asshole guys, but when other women don't want to be friends or are downright ignorant it can be pretty lonely!

maybe the other women who are hostile to you beauties are ones who fancy their own looks?
Anyone who knows they are plain has nowt to be jealous about.

I think the ideal sort of looks are neither plain nor glam, but sweet-faced, for want of a better word to describe it. There are some women who just make you want to be their friend, and it is nowt to do with beauty, just a certain something that attracts both men and women.

LeQueen

Good point nighbynight.

I don't carry myself with an 'I'm so gorgeous' attitude. And I wouldn't particularly say I was beautiful either.

Actually I spent most of my twenties hating my appearance, as I was very overweight and had a problem with acne. It's only since I hit my thirties that I feel a measure of 'peace' with how I look.

I remember a great line from Peep Show "she was an irresistible combination of good looks and low self-esteem". That was me and it attracted all the wrong men. And the nice ones wouldn't approach me because they didn't dare.

Now that I'm an old bag I feel more comfortable in my skin but it was a mixed blessing when it really mattered.

And leading on from that I think that confidence and self esteem are also very attractive.

Habing good looks is not a guarantee you will have either of those, however.

Habing = Having.

Yes sparkybint I remember that line very well, probably for the same reasons too.

When I lived/worked in London I started to notice when travelling on the tube/bus/whatever that nearly all women have something beautiful about them. I still think that now (oh so many years later).

Not sure what point I'm making here!

lol at LeQueen and Tolkein. DD will be very similar, I hope. Pretty (but not in a duckface pose teen way) and bookish.

Still cannot see how good looks can be a hinderence. I presume when women don't like me it's because of my personality flaws not because they think I could nab their hubbies. Saying that I've had a few come onto me, husbands that is, much to my disgust. Would never go there, men can be a bit stupid sometimes.