ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Come in here and chat about erection-texts, lechy lecturers and getting the painters in.

thanks maybees

my marriage ended without even a raised voice I just don't like confrontation

Lis did you get sorted with accomodation?

NMC ,I was totally raging ,didnt cry for about 6wks thru total rage but I am working on my Dignity and Serenity and it is truly lovely when you have a" moment" def the way to go.Really nice to know I can find peace in this storm.

After years of sniping at my H just to try to get some reaction out of him, I've been managing dignity in person. Not so good by email on my bad days, but its an improvement.

NMC - indeed. Every time I say it or write it I want to cry (or do) because I just don't want to admit it even to myself.

H has just gone down the pub with a mutual friend. I feel sick thinking that he might be able to talk with her when I am not worth the effort to him - and I wonder what he will say about me, because he seems to have a horribly negative view about me.

I wasn't sleeping before but I'll never be able to get off now until the sick feeling goes

aw it is horrible its a real stab in the heart pain feeling.

a friend who has also been dumped advised me to have dignity at all times she said not to call, text or email him...let him make any first approaches and that way he will be wondering how or what you are up to.

Its physical for me too, sometimes I have to rush to the toilet when those horrid stomach churning feelings hit me. It means sometimes that even when I can switch my brain off, my body lets me down.

anyway must go to bed I am exhausted tonight and working again tomorrow. night

Startin' how is ur holiday fund doin did u sell the bike ?
Happy -you out again this weekend -wow ur never in these days,did you book a holiday?
I might take the dcs camping this year (might practise in the garden first).Dd says she wants a pink sparkly tent

Evening Dumplings, hope you manage to get a good nights sleep notmychoice. Well done on maintaining your dignity. Mine was an overgrown kid aswell that had everything done for him. Never had to take responsibility & still hasn't!

Maybees, glad the counselling went well.

Chairmum, I remember being worried about what exh was saying to other people about me too. Rediculous considering he was the one that behaved like a complete twat.

I certainly didn't always manage to detach & maintain my dignity in the earlier days! I was like a woman posessed hacked into his mobile, email & even stalked his work premises on one occassion . Probably lots more that thankfully I've forgotten.

Hi again Maybees, x post. Holiday fund more or less spent , but I do have money aside for holls. Must go about booking something soon. Sold the bike but no luck yet on threadmill.

startingover - its knowing that this friend might have been told stuff that I might well not have been that sucks most. I've spent years trying to get him to communicate with my properly, but he'd finally convinced me that really he had nothing like that he needed to talk to me about - then it all comes out in one long stream of bile and knocks my world out of orbit.

I think I've been pretty honest with this person about my negative actions etc. I guess one of the things that worries me is that he'll talk about details of our sex life (an issue between us) and that is something that would really really upset me.

Hi Chairman, this is going to be very hard for you & may take some time to accept but you are completely powerless now over anything he might say or do. You need to keep the focus on yourself now.

Your thinking is going to have to change here & it's very hard but it should no longer matter to you what he says or does. I am not beyond still getting triggered by something exh says or does but really it was only when I learnt to detach that I started to find peace for myself.

I know! Honestly I do - it's one of the reasons he needs to move out - so I can't know what he's up to all the time.

It's all very new and raw still though :-(. Hard to break 11 years habits in a couple of weeks

Feel a bit realistic i suppose 2nite, just wondered how I managed to accept being treated this way for so long ,but I guess I truly belived it was all normal cos I loved and trusted this man so much.Just really makes you wonder,Just like 4yo kids pushing the boundaries and seeing wot they can get away with til you cave in ,then keep trying to manipulate / charm u til they gets their own way.
Feel quite sad until I remember thats NOT my life anymore.I am here with dcs and he is NOT !
WOW i am truly HAPPY H isnt here,Im really having a breakthru moment here I need to share.I am honestly much happier without H .
The only way we have a future is if he faces his demons and takes responsibility for his behaviour.He is a great guy just not in a place to have a responsible relationship and I accept that he might never be and I cant change that.

Ah more waves of serenity ,

Had to laugh at predictive text 2nite
H asked if I needed anything bringing in 2nite ,he sat with dcs while I went out.My text first read "Just bring COCK pls"But 2nd choice was "Just bring COAL pls"
Wot a difference 4mths makes

Chairmum, you are going to be very raw for a long time to come. Sending you virtual hugs. I know it's not easy. I was with exh for 11yrs & 3 dc's. It took a long long time to get any bit right. Hang in there, for now you will be all over the place but soon it will start getting a little easier bit by bit.

Maybees, that is fantastic. Great to hear you are doing so well. Glad you can see you are begining to detach for H. Get the COCK somewhere else for now .

Hmm Chairmum, your words seem to match my situation. That post about bile etc, could have been written by me!

ALL, I need to work on Dignity. I do try but having been ok I think I am going through the angry phase now. Sadly I want to DESTROY BE.

Holding out on the legs til tomorrow morning so the fur should keep me warm for one last night.

Am going away actually for a few days so need to get myself ready for that! Maybees, I'm thinking about camping too and have thought about the test erection alos.

Hi Ifyourhappy, had to reread the "test erection" about 3 times before I realised you were talking about the tent . Sorry to hear you're stuck in the angry phase for now. The best revenge will be to live your life well. In this cold weather (-3), I've also become attached to my fur .

Chairman -when my H walked out I drove myself mad wondering wot he was doing ,saying .where he was living etc but at alanon I got a leaflet about detatchment and really helped me to switch off cos i had no control over his behaviour.Less stress in my life now.We were together 15yrs so difficult to just turn it off but having space between us has def helped.I couldnt have been strong enough to make that decision at the start I was like a toddler hanging onto his legs sometimes when he was going out the door(well I would have been if dcs hadnt have been there) ,I still have a little weep when he drives off .But ironically we are all healthier, happier people .

ps must be tough doing all this pg, big hugs and keep posting x

COCK is such a good word eh!Will def find another one at some point.

Re camping I think we will be the ones in a Ben 10 tent with Barbie accessories ,nite nite x

Yes Chairmum, agree with Maybees, must be awful being pg going through this. But, I know you will get through it ok, just one step at a time .

Right, end of happy hour for me, it's far too late night night x

I'm having a pathetic "i want my husband back" day today. Wishing I could tell him the stuff I have been working through in counselling and in my head ( and on the brilliant stately homes thread) and wishing I could just talk to him but I can't. Instead he goes to the pub with other people and stays out half the night. They must have been talking and I'm so jealous :-(

barely slept last night and was sick again in the early hours. And I was having such a good day yesterday

OK Chairmum, there are going to be some good and bad time so it will be a bit of a rollercoaster BUT

It's only 9 O'clock so whilst you may feel crappy now, the day could look up!

The weather here is much better than it has been so hoping same for you wherever you are

What could you do today do you think that would make you feel better? go for a walk, get your hair done, go shopping, go for a swim. IME doing something for ME or the DC's often helps. Sitting at home on MN kind of helps sometimes but I find that if I stare at MN too long then I sometimes start to go downhill and start wondering if some of the horrid things happening to people could happen to me or whether some of the things people have discovered about their XH's are actually things my XH was doing that I just didn't know about!

I recommend - some heavy sobbing following by RL tea and sympathy followed by a trip somewhere! Chin up xx

I have to get out today, otherwise I would be tempted to stay in and brave a grumpy DS.

I've got my 25 week appointment at the doctors, at which I must remember to ask how long it will take for me to get a counselling appointment.

Then I can take DS to nursery and its my afternoon set aside for my email counselling (its not perfect but it is keeping me going till I get some face to face stuff, and is starting to help), so sobbing will be inevitable.

I know I'm going to have up and down days, and I haven't started skipping my planned activities, even on my down days - so even when things are bad I often have to get out and plaster a smile on my face. Sometimes it sticks, but I won't be seeing friends today so who knows.

My main confidante at the moment was the one that went to the pub with H last night - I don't know how I'm going to talk to her now without wanting to interrogate her about everything he said - but they were out very late so I doubt she'd come round before I go out anyway. That's what's tearing me apart today - wanting to know what he said and being so upset that he probably opened up to her about himself and/or us

Chairmum, sending you big hugs. The early days are crap. Just try to do something nice for yourself today.

OMG, things have taken a turn for me overnight. Guess who rang me by mistake last night..........Puppy! Must be faith stepping in......I must be destined to shave my legs & have sex, can't think of any other explanation . I missed the call but sent him a text this am to see was all ok & he said he must have rang by mistake . After a few texts he asked could he ring but I'm rushing to hairdresser so I told him I'd catch up later............

Will update in a few hrs........watch this space!!!!!!!