ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Come in here and chat about erection-texts, lechy lecturers and getting the painters in.

Hi Maybees et al, we're the same age I'll be 38 later this year . Great to see that you're begining to see that this could be an exciting new start. I need to take a leaf of my own medicine & try to be less of a hermit! Your emotions are bound to still swing all over the place with when you see H. Hope you have a lovely Alanon meeting tonight.

Anyway, I've tears in my eyes now as you've made me remember the joys of Puppy & as you've given your blessing . Sorry if tmi but I kid you not, this guy believed in she comes first (and insisted that it was 3/4/5 times), before he satisfied himself . It was v v hard to walk away from & I've been tempted to run back manys a time. In fact if this thread continues in this vein I'll be back before the week is out .

All im saying Startin' is if both of you are cool and safe just have a bit of fun.I would do something I enjoy or something new and invite him along.Why dont you do something that you always wanted to do but never have ,invite him & have a lovely day ,feel really alive and then have amazing sex - sounds like a great day to me !
Can any college friends babysit?I also have babysitting issues but unless I am going to sit in for the next ten yrs or so I will have to sort them.
Alanon cool ,wore my red jacket,head a bit mixed up but it all helps.One of things H used to say to me was"let me talk" cos whenever I did get him to talk(not often) I would be that excited that I would butt in and talk over him.This would get him really frustrated.I know it is bad mannered and I really want to improve on this as a skill (self control) so not speaking for an hour and listening to others good practice .Lots of good stories it always makes me think, which is good .

Hope 4 legged pupster getting her strength back.

Flapjack nearly gone.....away for another piece x

I really believe we know when things r meant to happen 4 us.Wot did it feel like when you met him recently .If it felt nice and relaxed thats a good sign .Dont really know the negatives in this situation cos not been there recently.But I have a lovely memory of very unsuitable romance in late teens that will never leave me cos he felt so good inside ,if you know wot I mean.Never going to be marriage material but all part of my story .
Anyway both your auras must have been warm and fuzzy by the sound of things with plenty of good vibrations x

Hi Maybees, sorry I didn't get back to you but I'd college again & was up the walls. I also used to find the meetings a great way to take some time out to reflect & hear other people's perspectives. Glad you enjoyed it last night, your head is bound to be a bit mixed up, mine can still be at times & I'm a lot further down the road than you.

You're right about having to sort the babysitting so that we manage to get a life! I'll certainly need to organise myself better next year to make college less stressful if I manage to go ahead with it.

Four legged puppy got her stitches out today so fingers x now that all will heal well.

The thing about the other puppy is that it's really only sex. I'd have no interest in spending time with him outside of bed , even though he is lovely. The only feelings I can recall having when I last saw him was lust . I'm finding it hard to use him as a human vibrator for now (even though he's quite willing to be used ). Somehow I can't see how this will add to my life. Anyway, lust may win out over logic & I could be posting here in the near future that I've succumbed to the lustful delights of puppy!

Dear all,

I am a rookie here... My DP told me on Valentine's day that he is moving out. So in terms of where I am emotionally - does ' wreck' even begin to describe it?

I did write a message last week, and several kind people replied - thank you, you know who you are!

In the mean time, I still haven't found anywhere to live for myself and our daughter (complicated situation but we're also going to have to move out now). I have to be out within a week but haven't found anywhere to live, so the stress levels are extremely high...

Anyway, that wasn't what I wanted to talk about. I just wanted to offload to someone who's 'been there and done that'... The most horrible thing right now is that I truly feel the main cause of everything that was wrong in our relationship was me. I never cheated and never lied. But I was mean sometimes, and had a short fuse, and was generally not always kind. I got angry and upset with perhaps little things. And now he tells me he can't be with me anymore for all of these reasons. And even though I try to tell myself that logically, it takes two to tango and he had a fair hand in our demise too, but still a little voice in my head says that I am awful and I don't deserve love. Not his, nor anybody else's.

My dad left me and my mum when I was little, and this is just dejavu all over again. I cant believe it's happening to me...

Yeah Startin' you'll make the right decision,it just kinda happens and" whats for you will not go by you"I just think when things calm down a bit I'll prob just click with someone and enjoy their company , some intelligent conversation,and great sex.Patience im sure will obtain all things.Some things just cant be rushed and I need time to heal.
Looking 4ward to seeing counsellor 2morrow.Head going to be mince afterwards but desperately need to talk things thru.Have learnt so much since the split,will be interesting to see how it goes.Feeling quite drained with things so going to try and get a few early nights.
Glad pupster doin well.
Well done on doing your homework.
Still got loads of ironing to do since orange juice incident stopped me in my tracks.Im working up to seeing if vinegar did the trick(2morrow perhaps)
Take it easy
Waves to everyone x

Hi Lis496, welcome aboard. I can't really give advise on practical stuff like accommodation, benefits etc as I don't live in the UK. Maybe put up a seperate thread looking for advise on accommodation rights etc, if nobody comes along on here with practical suggestions.

Unfortunately women who had abuse or rejection in childhood are generally destined to repeat those patterns in adulthood. Like you, I learned this the hard way. The thing you really need to hold onto now to help you through this difficult period is that you are changing that pattern for your beautiful dd.

Marriages are indeed 50/50. 'But I was mean sometimes, and had a short fuse, and was generally not always kind. I got angry and upset with perhaps little things.' Nobody walks out of a marriage over someone behaving as you've set out above. People who love each other will work through those issues & in fact far greater ones. You might not be seeing the full picture for now (& maybe you never will), but nobody walks away from a life partner & dd for what you've set out above.

Anyway, the reality for now is that your DP does not want to work on your relationship & so you've got to keep the focus on you & dd 100%. The first step will be sorting out all the practical things like accommodation, access etc..

I would recommend after you've the urgent things sorted that you take time out to grieve & heal from the relationship you've lost. It would also be great if you could get some counselling to deal with your childhood rejection from your father leaving. It might not seem important now but I think it's vital you deal with this when you've had time to heal so that the pattern stops here.

I found it very helpful to post all my madness, sadness, insane rambling etc on here. It also helped to give me a good laugh or hope during times that were very sad. I'm sending you virtual hugs. You are not alone & it does get easier.

Big hugs Lis ,things still very fresh so try not to beat yourself up.Really all about taking one day at a time .Amazing the strength you will find .I remember this quote that said "women are like teabags ,you put us in hot water and we just get stronger"Keep posting x

ps Valentine's Day ....FFS! .

Hi Maybees, x post. Did I miss something re the orange juice incident?? I'm seeing my counsellor tomorrow too . I'm ashamed to say I still use the dryer for everything & fold when hot to avoid ironing . My last bill was astronomical so this could be changing rapidly!!

I'm also permently exhausted. It's never ending but I find I'm really begining to enjoy the simplicity of life with just dc's.

You're right Maybees, Valentine's Day.......FFS!!

PS with the wedding season just about to kick off I cant look at an advert in a newspaper without thinking ,smug bitch.Completely ridiculous ....but my reaction to some random bridalgown model makes me laugh everytime.Ahh this too will pass...

ds filled iron with oj

hey everyone I'm not happy to be joining you all but since I was dumped last monday I qualify to join your club

finding things a bit easier than last week, really missing him though especially at bedtime thats when it hits me again that he has gone

Luckily for me I am staying on in the house (council) we have removed his name from the tenancy agreement. So dont have any stress of having to leave here.

This is my 2nd marriage I just feel very embarrassed and feel a failure. I didn;t see any problems but he said he wasn't been happy for a year. I just didn't see it

Hi Everyone and welcome Lis

Lis, it sounds like everything is very raw for you now and I can understand why! Horrible tho' it is I think that you will feel better when you and your daughter are in your new home and creating a new world for yourselves. I can relate to what you say about you feeling you're the main cause of what happened. Sometimes I feel too that I did things that weren't great in my relationship and I did blame myself at times, but I don't do that anymore. Why? Because I can remember things that my XP did over the years that weren't great either and tbh, however unhappy and fed up I was at times, I at least did love my XP and try to talk to him about how to make things better, which is more than he was able to do. And the twunt didn't need to commence a relationship with OW and begin a double life did he . Anyway...enough about me, keep posting on MN and talking to others in your predicament and I think you'll find that the world gets brighter, little by little.

Maybees and Starting - I am enthralled by the tales of flapjack making and the will she won't she puppy debate. I think a bit of baking and a quick sh*g is probably what I need. I should be able to organise the baking bit anyway .

Ha, ha, I remember going through this stage too. I used to look at my neighbors playing happy families & think the fukers, why did they get the happy life . Have past it now tg, just look at them now & think they'll have their own shte someday, same as the rest of us!

Dc's are gas with what they get up to.......

Evening Ifyourhappy, you just gave me a great laugh "I think a bit of baking and a quick sh*g is probably what I need."

Gosh, xposts galore - must be the dumpling happy hour . (Note: can we move happy hour to 10-11 as this is a bit late for me? Is OK for a different slot on Wednesday though as clashes with Dezzy Housewives - do you get that where you are Starting?)

Welcome to dumpling island notmychoice. You'll feel better now you're on the island.

so how many of us are here

Wow, another new comer tonight. Welcome aboard notmychoice. I may be completely wrong here but really if your dh wasn't happy for a year surely he would have said something?? As I said to Lis, I don't think normal people walk away from marriages without trying to work through issues. Are you sure you're seeing the full picture??

I used to find that the nights were really hard but it does get easier. It's very early days & you're going to need a lot of time to heal & grieve.

It's not your failure as you were not the one that walked out on the marriage. Sending you virtual hugs.

Ifyourhappy, I love D Housewives, it's about the only thing I watch on tv . We have it on tues or wed but I was too busy with college work (& on here) to watch it tonight so set it to record. I agree to happy hour change of slot to earlier time . I'll be regreting staying up so late when I'm up in a few hours with dc's!

Oh, I'll just hang on a minute to talk with notmychoice. Well, I'd say that there are probably about 3 real regulars at the moment, about 4 lost at sea, probably a couple who may have resumed relations with XP's and have therefore disappeared (what dya reckon Starting - is that a sensible theory?) and about another 4-5 who were here at the beginning and sail back from time to time.

Notmychoice, our numbers fluctuate but ifyouhappy & I are veterans . This thread has been going for a long time. Some heal fast or move on to greener pastures & some of us are here for the long haul .

We were really happy a good couple, active sex life etc etc etc

he was a bit quiet for about a week I felt a bit uneasy anyway checked our mobile account online and discovered he has been texting a woman from work the texts started on 11th feb he told me he was leaving on the 21st. When I say lots of texts I mean over 50 on some of the days.

so I'm guessing this is prob the cause of my marriage breakdown. I don't buy the "I've not been happy for a year" bit at all

hes a tosser

X post ifyourhappy, I think you're bang on with your theory re members returning to xp's .......