ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Come in here and chat about erection-texts, lechy lecturers and getting the painters in.

Oh FFS, just got a call to say exh has found out about MD & is out for blood!! One rule for him & another for me!! Hope to f.. this blows over & someone talks sense to him. Person who rang warned me I can't say anything to MD or exh will know it came from him.

Hope ur ok Startin'all so stressful for you this week ,bet you just long for a tranquil day at the moment.As long as you and the kids are safe thats the main thing Im sure your painter can handle himself ,do you reckon?
Just saw H briefly, came and saw kids .Basically told him calmly I'm not going to wait for ever and 12 wks long enough seperation to know if he still has feelings for me.I know I said I was going to be patient but I need a civilised sit down chat to discuss our future.If its over I want to be able to start my new life and cut myself free from this hold he has over me .All about keeping my kids secure and I think they would benefit from an answer too.We need to be allowed to move on if we are finished.He is much more stable than previously ,he is working everyday and I just feel you either love someone or you dont, you want to work at something or you dont.Would be a definate crossroads decision in my life and I feel I have been more patient than most.He had just crossed the line too many times and I was standing up to him so he left.You either want to make amends or you dont and im not waiting forever.This isnt about him moving back in that would be a long way away this is about giving me back some control and it not all being on his terms.He has to face the fact that i will move on i will sleep with other people and if he has a problem with me having a relationship with another man I cant help that he had his chance.
Dont know if ive been impulsive.
Dont know if its too much pressure ,
All I know is after 15yrs together and a 3mth seperation im due an answer.

Hi Maybees, I don't think you'll get your answer verbally from your h, I think it's his actions that will tell you how things are going. No harm asking the questions though. Maybe start acting like you are separated for now anyway. I went through all of that last year so I don't envy you.

Onto me, I'm just completely fed up of it all now to be honest. I'm here with dc's 24/7, have dropped most of my social outlets because of hassle of babysitter etc. A mutual friend of mine & md recently asked me was there something going on between us as they'd heard there was. Obviously this came from MD himself (twat, he knows exh is a psycho & I wanted to keep it low profile). I told mutual friend there was nothing going on but that he should tell MD he'd want to be careful because if exh got wind of it he probably wouldn't take it too well.

I'm just going to try & detach from it all. There's no point trying to warn MD, he already knows what he's like & we had discussed the risks before getting involved (he said he was able to take care of himself). The only reason exh has found out is from MD himself, he must have a bloody death wish!

Friend who rang me said exh is insane over this! Oh God, am I ever going to manage to have a life! Am completely tied to dc's & by the sounds of it anyone who I ever date will have exh to deal with! Am going to be as nervous as f*ck about facing that lunatic in court in two weeks. Friend who rang warned me to be very careful exh is looking to hit me with something at courtcase . He is liable to come up with anything, it'll be open court & I'll end up on the verge of a panic attack & won't be able to string a sentence together never mind defend myself!

Starting Over and Maybees - thanks again for your nice words.

Hmmm sounds like you've both got quite a but going on.

Maybees - agree with Starting on H, I guess actions are going to speak louder than words on this one. Whatever he says, if he wants to make a go of it, for example, will he be able to do what it takes to make it a success?

StartingOver - nightmare situation for you by the sound of it. I assume it's him being tried in court, is that right? If that's the case how can he come out with something about you that will cause any major problem or is it more that he will be really hurtful in public which is completely awful in itself?

Oh...and Starting, know what you mean about the 24/7 thing. I feel the same although I'm sure it's worse for you given the issues with your XH and the lack of DC contact. BE is now having more contact with the DC's which does give me a little free time (not much!), but even then TBH DC responsibility is totally mine. BE seems to have changed from father to some kind of kindly uncle figure who provides sweets and the odd pudding (ah, that's what a parent does ).

Hi Ifyourhappy, hope things are going a bit better for you on the dc front. Had to laugh at the providing sweets thing, I only fully realised when I split from exh that his complete parenting skills involved providing sweets & taking them somewhere nice! He probably thinks I'm having the life of riley god love him, he's probably completely clueless to the fact I'm tied down 24/7 & worn out (wouldn't even have the energy for sex anymore).

It's not a case that he was doing so much in the house & with dc's (complete opposite), but he was earning enough to allow me to have cleaner, gardener, babysitter etc..

My friend who called was suggesting that he might try to use something in his defence such as "I'm a wanton slut" . This from the woman who was completely faithful for 12yrs & even last year when I first separated stayed completely faithful for a further 12 mts despite discovering evidence that suggested he had been anything but even while we were married .

I guess I'm just nervous & will be until it's all over. I don't see how he can produce anything in his defence at this late stage as he's already been in court several times for the same issue & his defence to date is that he came off his anti depressants! He actually hadn't but was knocking back enough other medication to make him seriously mentally unstable & obviously by his behaviour little has changed!

Just need to distance myself at visits .Too emotional for me to spend time in the same room so i have to stop putting myself thru it.We are on our own the rest of the time and I can cope so need to keep my boundaries.Just want some tranquility myself wonder if I will ever feel peace again.Just want to be able to lie in the grass with the sun on my face.

Dont know anything at all re court Startin' just feel you need to be firing on all cylinders to take this basterd on.Can your solicitor recommend something for you ,surely there is some kind of back up to support people when they know wot you have had to cope with recently.What i would do is get a fabulous outfit ,beautiful underwear ,splash out at the beauty therapists massage ,waxing ,manicure,pedicure , hair done, spray tan (just a touch if ur not used to it def gives a positive glow) exfoliate the old and moisturise the new - feel amazing.(If i could afford it I would get a massage every week or some complimentary therapy really believe in any anti stress treatment.)If you are looking drop dead gorgeous it will make you feel strong!
Get out some brisk walks with the dog on your own if kids got playgroup and celebrate what it is 2b Startin over .

I sort out my world walking miles across fields and tracks,with small dog and small chidren.

Take it easy x

ps no mouse activity to report this evening

Thanks Happy I do just need to be patient and see wot happens - nothing else for it x

Ah Thanks Maybees, your right I need to start celebrating what it means to be starting over! Will get there someday! I also was just thinking of summer holiday & sun in my face, roll on.

Re court case, I'm 20yrs younger than exh so I'll look fab anyway ! Solicitor can't really offer much support as it's the state are proscuting him i.e. through the police. There is one female officer who has been handling case from the offset & she is great. I know she said she was going to meet with me prior to case to run through everything & she'll be with me on the day, so that side will be fine.

On your own front, I remember the saddest & worst time was actually when exh was having contact with the dc's in our home. I thought it was for the best at the time. I cringe now at the thought. I used cook the fucker dinner everytime & leave it on a plate for him! It was only when contact in the house stopped, I was able to start accepting the situation.

It's a very hard place to be so my heart goes out to you. I still remember that awful pain watching exh come into the house to mind dc's & treat me like crap. Stay strong, this too shall pass.

Glad the mouse situation is getting under control.

Minus 9 with us this morning -brrrr!

Is it wrong that I am so frustrated about my current situation. Just want him out of my life now. Just want to move on.Seems like he was trying to punish me and it has all spiralled out of control.Everything is such a mess .Just got no time for the self pity crap anymore.Why wont he talk about anything????Doin ma head in!

Hope everyone else had a good day x

Woke up this morning to 3 voicemails from H.All nasty ,angry about me poisoning kids minds against him and generally blaming me for everything again.Just thought thats it Ive had enough I want a clean split ,end of.I was his wife ,his best friend and then he dumps me after 15yrs and he expects us to be friends FUCK OFF and let me grieve for my marriage you arsehole.
My self esteem takes a nose dive every time he is"nice "to me.Then I hear his agression and I am so glad I dont need to live with him anymore.He is no longer my problem .
February 4th 2010 the day my life changed forever.

Chin up -tits out!

No rear view mirrors on this vehicle x

Hi Maybees, I am sorry to hear you've had this again with h. I had so many of those messages/phonecalls from x, so I know how emotionally upsetting they can be. It is so hard to accept & upsetting when someone who has behaved so badly & should be ringing to beg forgiveness actually rings blaming you & nasty etc.. I also had the whole "poisoning the kids against him".

Glad to hear you've bounced back in fighting form.

I had a very heavy session with my counsellor this morning so I'm a bit wobbly but it's necessary to prepare me for court case & also to see clearly how I ended up in this crap (early childhood conditioning).

I am determined to move forward with my life & also to put my experiences to use in helping others.

Chin up, padded bra on .

Boy, you too seem to have plenty in common!

Maybees, you seem like you're feeling strong and ready to take no sh**. Good move!

StartingOver, I really DO think you're moving forward wonderfully, given all that has happened and the padding will definitely help.

As for me, chin is up but wobbling occasionally and tits are definitely out in my newish lingerie (no padding required).

The common factor being the behaviour of the twunts we were unlucky enough to marry .

Ifyourhappy, no padding required . What can I do, my future men will just have to be ass men , I'm well endowed in that department . Hope things have settled down a bit for you.

Waves to Mavis, all other dumplings & lurkers

OK - where has everybody gone?

All out regaining their fabulosity I hope ....

Hi Pumagirl, welcome back. How are things going for you now?? A lot of the dumplings seem to have abandoned ship! Probably moved on to better things .

Waves to Maybees & Ifyourhappy, hope all is going well for you both.

Probably out having great sex!Well done girls!Meanwhile I am still setting mousetraps and trying to remember where I put my rabbit.But my day will come - I am travelling first class on the recovery train from LOSER CITY to SEXY MINX CENTRAL -ALL ABOARD !

Going to buy a journal tomorrow and write it all down so I dont ever forget any of this ,will keep me going on my wobbily days .
No twunts allowed on my train.Oh God just imagined wot would happen if mens bits ended up in a mousetrap oooh thats almost medieval.Must draw a picture in my new journal 2morrow .

Ha, ha, Maybees, that gave me a good laugh. Next time your h is behaving like a twunt just imagine his bits in a mousetrap! It's so good in fact that I might use this visualisation if I need to keep focused during the courtcase .

I kept a journal for the past few years but when I was giving it another shot with exh last year I decided to leave all that shit in the past & I dumped them. If I'd had them they'd probably have been a great help over past 6 mts but how's ever. Anyway, new one I started 6 mts ago is crammed with enough crapish behaviour from exh to keep me away for life! Never mind all I've forgotten for the previous 11yrs.....

I'm in the same boat as you maybees. Sometimes I harbour thoughts of contacting puppy to resume rampant sex but then I think do I really want to go to the bother of shaving my legs & organising babysitter etc..........Will wait till after court case & see how things pan out, don't want to be risking his life if exh were to find out!!

I've become a bit like a hermit, I've dropped most of my evening outlets & only leave the house by night if I absolutely have to!

Think I will include a whole illustrated section called "Unfortunate things that could happen to your cock" Artwork therapy the way to go !

My journals used to be all about him, what he'd done blah, blah, blah. Very slowly they became about me......the road to recovery . If he'd spent a fraction of the time I spent obsessing about him, thinking about me, we'd never have ended up where we are. Unfortunately he was completely self centered & I spent too little time taking care of ME.

Set up an appointment today to meet with someone over the next week or two to discuss family therapy for dc's. They seem to mostly be fine but I want to make sure eldest dd isn't carrying any crap!

Its all a journey but main thing is getting rid of partners incapable of reasonable behaviour.Much better for kids to be in happy ,calm ,loving environment and that is what we have provided .Strong mums make strong daughters and respectful sons I think .
Have a nice weekend x

Just read another hurtful txt from H but now thinking of mousetrap etc and finding it much easier to deal with ,nite nite x

Well said Maybees, here, here. With regards to the text, delete & ignore!

Am meant to be doing assignment but have shag all done as keep popping on here!