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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hundreds of Bankers Confess Reasons for Cheating

179 replies

bankonme · 01/12/2009 20:14

Illicit Encounters, which has over 380,000 members UK-wide, surveyed over 600 men and women to compile the list.

The Top Ten was created by analysing the responses of 639 bankers, who were asked the question, "What were the three main reasons you decided to pursue an extra-marital relationship?".

1st To Feel Loved - Bankers have become Public Enemy No. 1 since the credit crunch hit, so are seeking out some overdue affection.

2nd For The Thrill : Professionally, bankers enjoy a good thrill - risk is partof their job. Many said they were simply looking for a real thrill.

3rd Unstable Home Life - Unsociable hours and long journeys into the city meanBankers spend much time away from home; the lifestyle doesn't promote a healthy relationship.

4th To Escape The Mundane - Fantasy and romanticism play a large role in mostpeople's extra-marital relations.

5th To Boost Their Ego - This was a common response amongst male members.

6th To Avoid Costly Divorce - Many members saw an affair as a way of simply avoiding an expensive divorce

7th To Lavish - Bankers want to find someone they can spend all their hard-earned money on.

8th Because They Feel Entitled - Long hours, high stakes and tough decisions make banking one of the most stressful professions out their. Some members see their affair as a reward for their hard work.

9th Because They Can - Opportunity certainly plays a role. Late nights at the office and evenings out drinking provide more chances to cheat.

10th Peer Pressure - Affairs are common in the city, and, especially for male bankers, taking a mistress can be somewhat of a status symbol.

OP posts:
Kaloki · 04/12/2009 03:10

My personal feelings on affairs are, if you are that tempted to be with someone else then leave who you are with to be with them. Don't try and have it both ways, it seems cowardly to do it illicitly just so as "not to rock the boat". Either work with the relationship you have, or find a new one.

And if you still think you should be able to have both, then have the grace to tell your current partner, and give them the option to find themselves someone extra too.

agingoth · 04/12/2009 12:43

I'm with UQD. Ok if it was me i'd rather be told 'I want to shag someone else'- but then i've never been against the idea of open relationships so we could work with it.

for someone else that could just be the end and then you end up on your own. Possibly a single parent. We dont' live in a world of perfect moral actors and I think we have to acknowledge that.

blondebimbo · 04/12/2009 14:03

interesting thread. i had no idea that there is so many people (women) out there in the situation similar to mine. i'm realtively young, apparently not ugly, have a lovely 2 yo toddler. i don't find my husband attractive and he doesn't have much libido. we go on for months without having sex. the sex that we have lasts about 5 min and is rather dull. over the years we have tried to address the issue, but we just end up getting back to the same status quo evey time. there is no option of splitting up - i would never break the family up just because i don't get enough sex. and the idea of being a single parent is just to scary.

anyway - it turns out that other men do find me attractive (lack of interest from my husband and baby fat has taken my confidence away from me for a while). I had 'an offer' of an affair. The OM makes me feel amazing about myself. The idea of cheating on my DH doesn't bother me that much, I have done it before, but never on long term basis. But how to do it without getting emotionally involved? and getting hurt and torn at the end of it?

i would be greatful if someone shared their experince, it's a new teritory for me...

gentletouch · 04/12/2009 14:41

Hello blondebimbo

If you've read this thread then you'll see that youre not exactly talking to a sympathetic audience in the main!! (understatement of the day). So you are a brave girl!!

I will admit to taking a look around IE as a result of this thread and there are a great deal of women who are on there and in your exact situation.

I have been surprised by some of the vocal outbursts on here and I wonder if there are a lot of other women who would have posted as you have, if they didn't believe they were going to get flamed.

higgle · 04/12/2009 16:44

I've been lurking around here but not contributing so far - this is a fascinating thread. Without going into the morality of it I was a bit shocked about what was said about the people who had posted their details on IE - OK the man was a hit
or was it just the pose? The two ladies who had their appearances slated were just normal looking people, one was a rather unflattering photo and one - the lady with blondish hair and gold necklace looked quite ordinary and attractive.

I have no idea if the picture of the very pert bum was really that of the lady whose profile it was on, but I'm envious of that one!

To me it just seemed petty and rude to be so critical and unpleasant and just those who take the "high moral ground" seem as if they are being childish. The profiles attached to the pictures are nothing special, just ordinary descriptions of ordinary people.

So, I suppose the IE people might be misguided, I suppose they might be storing up a lot of unhappiness for themselves, but really why should some people be so incensed about it?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 04/12/2009 17:05

I agree that it is a fascinating discussion. I don't think anyone has been particularly childish, but some of us (me included) feel quite strongly about it. If it is more than a theoretical/philosophical discussion to you, then you are bound to feel angry.

FWIW, I do not think that any of us is "above" being tempted into an affair, depending on the circumstances, but I think that the most mature responses have come from kitty and WWIFN.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 04/12/2009 17:10

I also want to re-iterate that those of you who are not getting what you want and deserve in terms of intimacy in your marriage, are also justified in feeling sad and angry.

I am sorry if I have come over as judgmental about that.

blondebimbo · 04/12/2009 17:12

thanks gentletouch for a friendly response.

i'm hopinh more girls with similar stories will come forward, it's good to know i'm not the only misierable soul with such a dilemma.

as for those on the high horse - i don't really care. i dont think that being desperate makes you a bad person. as i said before - to me it seems like a lesser evil for all involved

gentletouch · 04/12/2009 17:13

Higgle - I think thats the point in that most people on IE and other dating sites are just ordinary people - not models and body builders - and most probably have a few miles on the clock.

But thats life...

gentletouch · 04/12/2009 18:05

I think it will be interesting to see how this thread goes. If the flamers have burned themselves out then maybe those who have felt a little oppressed so far may feel able to speak a little more freely.

We'll see....

blondebimbo · 04/12/2009 18:14

yes. i think it's now 'kids to bed' time, but we'll see what happens in the evening, when the wine comes out. i'll bump it in a few hours

blondebimbo · 04/12/2009 22:13

so, friday night.kids in bed, wine is out. any of you ladies want to talk about sexless marriages and how to cope with them?

gentletouch · 04/12/2009 22:53

Maybe theyre all writing their profiles on IE

blondebimbo · 04/12/2009 23:00

so anyway gentletouch - tell me your story. have a feeling we would get on!

NoLongerDH · 05/12/2009 07:32

Hi. This is my first ever post to Mumsnet. I thought I would add to this thread for a couple of reasons:

  1. I work in a bank and never have, and never would, cheat on my wife. I love her and our two y.o. todler more than anything in the world.

  2. I am blondebimbo's husband and I am so upset I am shaking.

gentletouch · 05/12/2009 13:41

blondebimbo - If NoLongerDH is who he says he is (and only you will know that) then I think you might be a bit busy right now! Keep in touch

EllieorOllie · 05/12/2009 20:08

Oh. My. God.

Never did I think that would be the end result of this thread...

Bloody hell...

Katiekitty · 05/12/2009 21:26

Oh and, I meant to add... mummupies your reply to lavenderkate thus:

02-Dec-09 12:14:57
Was he the one that smelled of lavender? lol

Your response is reprehensible. I think it reflects very poorly on you.

What, pray tell might you smell of?

Pies?

Please do feel free to correct me

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/12/2009 09:21

Ellie I suspect it's a wind-up.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/12/2009 11:38

katie don't have a go at them - they feel oppressed as it is

blondebimbo · 06/12/2009 21:59

Ladies,

this wasn't a wind up. i wasn't careful with internet and i got found out. i have only realised tonight that my DH has posted here!

he moved out, is very hurt. i think he wants to separate.

obviously i'm very uset. most of all, i'm upset for my DD. all weekend she thought daddy was at work and was waiting for him in the eve at the top of the stairs. i feel like a very bad and selfish mother. those on the high horse are probably feeling quite smug now...

i'm not sure what happens next (i haven't been in this situation before). i have offered to make a go of it, get counselling etc but i have a feeling it's all over.

for those of you in similar situation, considering an affair or signing up for the sites mentioned above - think twice. explore all avenues before you embark on a journey that might just ruin your marriage. when the kids are involved, there is so much more at stake than a good shag

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/12/2009 22:15

blondebimbo Jeez - I'm sorry. I hope you can work it out.

gentletouch · 06/12/2009 22:17

Blondebimbo - Take care hun and keep posting

Kaloki · 06/12/2009 22:19

No smugness here, I really hope you two sort things out. I'm so sad it turned out this way for you.

SqueezinAroundTheXmasTree · 06/12/2009 22:25

Jesus.