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Relationships

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Hundreds of Bankers Confess Reasons for Cheating

179 replies

bankonme · 01/12/2009 20:14

Illicit Encounters, which has over 380,000 members UK-wide, surveyed over 600 men and women to compile the list.

The Top Ten was created by analysing the responses of 639 bankers, who were asked the question, "What were the three main reasons you decided to pursue an extra-marital relationship?".

1st To Feel Loved - Bankers have become Public Enemy No. 1 since the credit crunch hit, so are seeking out some overdue affection.

2nd For The Thrill : Professionally, bankers enjoy a good thrill - risk is partof their job. Many said they were simply looking for a real thrill.

3rd Unstable Home Life - Unsociable hours and long journeys into the city meanBankers spend much time away from home; the lifestyle doesn't promote a healthy relationship.

4th To Escape The Mundane - Fantasy and romanticism play a large role in mostpeople's extra-marital relations.

5th To Boost Their Ego - This was a common response amongst male members.

6th To Avoid Costly Divorce - Many members saw an affair as a way of simply avoiding an expensive divorce

7th To Lavish - Bankers want to find someone they can spend all their hard-earned money on.

8th Because They Feel Entitled - Long hours, high stakes and tough decisions make banking one of the most stressful professions out their. Some members see their affair as a reward for their hard work.

9th Because They Can - Opportunity certainly plays a role. Late nights at the office and evenings out drinking provide more chances to cheat.

10th Peer Pressure - Affairs are common in the city, and, especially for male bankers, taking a mistress can be somewhat of a status symbol.

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 02/12/2009 17:39

higamoushogamous Glad to hear it. Does you Dh/DW know the service you are performing for the sake of your marriage ?

littlestmummystop · 02/12/2009 17:51

I've had a long relationship with a wanker banker.

Affairs were absolutely rife in his office. It would have been so easy for him to have an affair as well. Because he was always away from home and working long hours, I found it hard to trust him tbh.

After we split up, he almost immediately started a new relationship and looking back I strongly suspect now he could have been cheating before.

Mobile always on silent. V reg nights away. And very critical of colleagues who had affairs
Once I noticed scratches on his back and he said they sometimes came up and he had no idea why !!

In end I dumped him for being emotionally cold and v boring. Only afterwards did I suspect cheating. Good luck to his next victim.

Think sometimes cliches about professions are true.

HappyWoman · 02/12/2009 19:04

well i think anyone that wants to have a secret relationship of any kind is pretty sad.

Be proud about what you are doing - otherwise there will be those (me included) who think you must be doing wrong.

And why would you want any relatioship with someone who you know can cheat and lie???

Call me boring if you want.

SoupDragon · 02/12/2009 21:04

"a rather more genteel version of IE. From the forums it seems the members are normal, witty, kind but rather unsatisfied people."

No, it's not more genteel and they're not normal witty and kind they are still a bunch of wankers.

(Kind?! Kind? Oh yes, screwing about behind your partner's back is so kind!)

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 02/12/2009 22:08

I agree SD

horrible

Katiekitty · 02/12/2009 22:12

The shameful Illicit Enconters advertise in marie claire - or they did until I stopped reading/buing it a few months ago. Somewhere in the back alongwith all the boob job companies... attracting people with low self-seteem perchance?

saltyseadog · 02/12/2009 22:16

God the IE site makes for depressing reading.

InMyLittleHead · 02/12/2009 22:19

HappyWoman - everyone can cheat and lie...

PerArduaAdSolInvictus · 02/12/2009 22:23

Ickle diddums higamous - did your wife 'let herself go etc'?

higamoushogamous · 02/12/2009 23:52

PAASI - I am a woman! The main point made by members seems to be that their spouses are totally uninterested in sex.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 03/12/2009 07:47

higamous - fine - then do the decent thing and tell them that you are intending/tempted to to have and affair because of their unreasonable behaviour. Give them the chance to make a choice about whether they wish to continue a marriage under those circumstances, instead of denying them that choice and making a cukold of them.

Call me old-fashioned

mummypies · 03/12/2009 10:02

The point higamoushogamous made about the reasons she joined Illicit Encounters is very common. Two of the most common phrases in women's profiles are "partners uninterested in sex" and "don't want to rock the boat".

Is it better to keep the family together and get sex elsewhere or rock the boat?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 03/12/2009 10:37

mummypies Fair point.

You may call it not rocking the boat. Others may call it having your cake and eating it. I wouldn't want it done to me. It's not the affair per se, it's the deception.

We need SGB on here to talk about the merits of "open relationships"

TheCrackFox · 03/12/2009 10:41

Interesting first post higamoushogamous - you know you are supposed to pay for advertising.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 03/12/2009 10:47

"kind"

mummypies · 03/12/2009 10:53

Jamieandhismagictorch - To be clear I didn't say that but it is a common statement doing a quick browse.

I think you can split the profiles broadly into two. Those who want a bit extra in their lives and those who need to make up for what they haven't got.

mummypies · 03/12/2009 11:02

TheCrackFox - Given the general hostile nature of people posting here to the idea of affairs, I can't see this as a fertile recruitment forum for Illicit Encounters or any other similar organisation to advertise.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 03/12/2009 11:06

Yes, I know mummypies - I should have said "one", not "you"

anotheridentity · 03/12/2009 12:05

Regular poster who has changed her identity.

ok here goes....

I have been married for 15 years and we have a ds and dd. We have been pretty happy together over that time but as far as sex is concerned we are opposites. I want it far more than he does.

Probably the only problems that we have faced is down to sex - effectively me pestering him for sex. Our sex life has diminished even more since the dc.

I found that being eternally sexually frustrated affected my relationship which was otherwise good. I did not want to rock the boat so I decided to have an affair - an affair of convenience if you like.

I did use Illicit Encounters and when I signed up I remember their warning to chose your partner wisely. It took a couple of months and I was inundated with offers but basically I sorted the wheat from the chaff and mat a very nice bloke in exactly the same position as me.

If you decide an affair is for you (and I fully accept that it isn't for most on here) then selecting your partner wisely is crucial. Ironically you need to be honest with each other and if its discretion you need, then make sure you agree on that.

My affair lasted about 9 months during which we had some great times. In the end it sort of petered out but during it my home life improved tremendously.

Post affair I realise how much dh means to me and am now more understanding on his sexual needs. I have to say that things in this department have improved too.

So it was a worthwhile experience. As it says on the Illicit Encounters website - "not everyone is suited to an affair....".

Do I regret it? I regret feeling the need to do it but over all no I don't.

higamoushogamous · 03/12/2009 12:07

Agree with mummypies - and women don't have to pay to join LL so they don't really need to advertise for us. This is a namechange - I'm aware of the flaming anyone who says anything positive about "contacting out" gets on MN.

For over 20 years I paracticed as a solicitor and I can tell you that legal people - esp. barristers away from home for trials - are at least as prone as bankers. The senior solicitors and partners are usually at it with the young pretty trainees and some of the female solicitors are vry prone to getting involved with clients. It is the culture of adrenalin, long hours, plenty of money.

The arguments has been put and reput on many threads - with the same people saying the same things time and time again. I suppose the bottom line on here is that many posters are young and vulnerable women who are at home while their partners are out about. If their husbands dabble on the side their entire future is at risk, and they could lose their home and lifestyle which is not anice prospect.

The other side of the coin is that you see quite a few threads from women who have no libido and on those the partners tend to get criticised for making their desires known and asking for sex. I just think that the discreet arrangements the upper classes and the French have always found very suitable can be the best solution.

agingoth · 03/12/2009 12:17

I do think the original post is an ad. Trying to attract women with the idea of having attention 'lavished' on them. And also just trying to let women know the site is there so the wanker bankers will have someone to play with....

I keep an open mind re. affairs, what people do in their own relationships is not my business and no one knows the full story. However, it seems to me (from talking candidly to male friends etc) that 'happily married', monogamous men are probably in the minority!!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 03/12/2009 12:35

"It is the culture of faithless wankers adrenalin, long hours, plenty of money"

"many posters are deserving of all they get for being lazy, probably
ugly SAHMs young and vulnerable women who are at home while their partners are out and about"

Hullygully · 03/12/2009 13:02

I want to be lavished. How do I go about it?

Hullygully · 03/12/2009 13:06

You may call it not rocking the boat. Others may call it having your cake and eating it. I wouldn't want it done to me. It's not the affair per se, it's the deception.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 03/12/2009 13:16

Exactly hully. Couldn't have said it better myself.