Hundreds of Bankers Confess Reasons for Cheating

[bankonme]

Illicit Encounters, which has over 380,000 members UK-wide, surveyed over 600 men and women to compile the list.

The Top Ten was created by analysing the responses of 639 bankers, who were asked the question, "What were the three main reasons you decided to pursue an extra-marital relationship?".

1st To Feel Loved - Bankers have become Public Enemy No. 1 since the credit crunch hit, so are seeking out some overdue affection.

2nd For The Thrill : Professionally, bankers enjoy a good thrill - risk is partof their job. Many said they were simply looking for a real thrill.

3rd Unstable Home Life - Unsociable hours and long journeys into the city meanBankers spend much time away from home; the lifestyle doesn't promote a healthy relationship.

4th To Escape The Mundane - Fantasy and romanticism play a large role in mostpeople's extra-marital relations.

5th To Boost Their Ego - This was a common response amongst male members.

6th To Avoid Costly Divorce - Many members saw an affair as a way of simply avoiding an expensive divorce

7th To Lavish - Bankers want to find someone they can spend all their hard-earned money on.

8th Because They Feel Entitled - Long hours, high stakes and tough decisions make banking one of the most stressful professions out their. Some members see their affair as a reward for their hard work.

9th Because They Can - Opportunity certainly plays a role. Late nights at the office and evenings out drinking provide more chances to cheat.

10th Peer Pressure - Affairs are common in the city, and, especially for male bankers, taking a mistress can be somewhat of a status symbol.

hmmm... just not sure how easy it is to 'tackle intimacy issues' wwifn- yes of course counselling/therapy are available but if one partner just doesn't fancy the other one or can't be bothered...can it ever work?

Agree though that working on it is better than going to a sex site. Just saying we can't judge too harshly if we are not in that situation.

Tackle intimacy issues by betrayal and deceit ... no wonder the banking industry is in trouble. Talking and compromising and respecting your partner even if impasse and divorce may be the outcome are surely preferable to going behind someone's back? Where is the integrity in the other approach? Where is the maturity?

On second thoughts, I notice some wanted to avoid divorce, so clearly alimony/ child support are factors here. Well, they're thinking with their wallets after all. Maybe there is hope for the banks....

I suspect that I might be shot down here.... but we are all assuming that the main reason someone would join this site is for sex - someone referred to it as a sex site.

I think some women and men probably join for a bit of attention, flirty texting, emailing or just chatting and never reach the sex stage.

Am i naive?

Yes, you are naive.

"if one partner just doesn't fancy the other one or can't be bothered...can it ever work?"

Goodness me, yes! There were periods in my 25 year marriage when I really didn't fancy my H, but I fancy the arse off him now and did when I met him and for a long time afterwards. It's the same for him.

For most people, it needs a catalyst to change one's mindset about a person - genuine honesty after the bombshell of an affair did it for me.

We're all different, but for me now, I could never put up with a sexless marriage, medical reasons excepted. Great sex is such a glue within a relationship and for me personally, great sex with someone I love is my idea of heaven.

I understand the reasons people often give about "not rocking the boat" with children and lifestyles - but children learn so much about adult romantic relationships from their parents. If brought up by parents who have no imtimacy, it seeps into their consciousness and becomes the norm. Our (older) kids know we are a sexual couple and this is their norm - that sex is bloody marvellous and that a couple can still have passion for each other after all these years.

When your other half shags around behind your back, they are taking no account of your thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears or dreams or anything else. They are removing CHOICE from your life, making decisions for you. Lying to you because they don't see you as a real, thinking, feeling person. They are wiping you out and that is what hurts - you cease to be.

Katiekitty I so agree. And I think that to objectify your partner in that way, you must be motivated by quite a lot of anger/revenge towards them. So I would question whether a relationship that has that much anger can be all that healthy "in other ways".

hmm, wwifn, as ever my judgment here is clouded by personal issues- I didn't fancy my H at all and the situation continued for 5 years. I told him of this and the result was a split. There were other messy issues but no 'affair' while we were together.

In one way I'm not sorry i was honest, in another I wonder...if I'd just kept my gob shut (and I'm not talking here about having affairs as such) would it have been better for my children....?

So I see what the dilemma is.

well she looks positivley charming

pmsl he is a member of the church of England

id get leslie droning on about his leathers

she felt sexy when she was six apprently?

this site is ful of saddos.

lol i htink Jus photos are pre digital. And lord she needs to use capital letters

holy god, how uninviting. lmao

I dare you to send him a virtual kis

bleurgh!!

When your other half shags around behind your back, they are taking no account of your thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears or dreams or anything else. They are removing CHOICE from your life, making decisions for you. Lying to you because they don't see you as a real, thinking, feeling person. They are wiping you out and that is what hurts - you cease to be.

KatieKitty -- agree wholeheartedly. This is probably why so many cheated-on spouses feel so very humiliated when they find out. Because they know on a visceral level that they mean nothing to their OH. Honest communication may be extremely difficult, it may make both parties extremely uncomfortable, but it is the respectful thing to do.

shit i saw one with a name similar to my dh

snort! that made me look twice.

y, I felt humiliated when my ex fiance did it. And the woman kept ringing our shared house....

However, he has since established an excellent (open) relationship with someone else that has lasted 12 years, we are friends and I love his current partner. He is not a bad person and I know for a fact I didn't 'mean nothing' to him.

He made mistakes, he is human. It isn't all black and white.

WWIFN - you are very wise!

katiekitty - the rhyme is Higamous hogamous, woman's monogamous polygamous, hogamous higamous man is polygamous, or the other way round, or something. I 've known that since I was about 6 (skipping song?)The first name that came into my mind when I switched to talk about having more than one partner!

I don't think those people on IE look too bad - I certainly don't post a photo on Loving Links.

Sorry - one too many "polygamous'" in the middle ( the story of my life?)

HH - you think they don't look too bad?

Each to their own and all that, but seriously?

And what about all the stuff beyond looks? What about their credentials as reasonable human beings?

Perhaps they should be awarded a star-rating system for their ability to lie and deceive too? Always vital things to look for in a good adulterer

Doesn't the "deception worse than the act" thing make the rather optimistic presumption that, if your partner came to you and said, "Erm, I'd like to shag someone else", you'd be perfectly cool with it?

I genuinely wonder what people are meant to do in such a situation. Never, thankfully, having been in one.

I mean, I suppose "put up with it" is one answer ("for better, for worse") but we are heading dangerously close to "my mother/Daily Mail" territory there again.

"Divorce" is another, but there could be a dozen reasons why this is not realistic or desirable.

Well, if they said to you 'um, I'd like to shag someone else' at least it offers you the
chance to prevent your relationship breaking jp/having a partner that shags about it gives you that choice.

When the partner shags about and lies about it - it's two bad things.

Plus, the deception is often mis-placed guilt so if the shagger abouter has no qualms about their shagging, why on earth cover it up and treat their other half as an idiot. Or, make them think they're imagining it, or any of the many, many different scenarios you read about on here, or live through yourself.

"Doesn't the "deception worse than the act" thing make the rather optimistic presumption that, if your partner came to you and said, "Erm, I'd like to shag someone else", you'd be perfectly cool with it?"

No, of course not UQD, although perhaps some would be! But if your partner had the guts to say this to you before acting on this urge, you've got some choices. If you can see that your marriage needs a shake-up and you both need to make changes, you can do that, because you've been given the opportunity to act. It then becomes a level playing field.

We have to be realistic about temptation and the lure of someone new - none of us are immune to this. It's far healthier for a couple to be honest with one another and say "Look, I'm developing an attraction to someone else and I'd like to talk about it..."

My H wishes to God he'd had the courage to do this, except in his case it would have been "I've been getting some E mails from a woman I thought was attractive when I last saw her, her compliments are making me feel good about myself - I need you to help me feel good about myself..." He knows now that once the secrecy is gone, the allure diminishes. We also both know that if he'd come clean about these adoring E mails he'd been getting, myself (or any third party for that matter) would have detected the woman's agenda a mile off. As it happens, had my H actually seen OW at this time, the whole dalliance would have come to a very abrupt end - but that's a different story and in our lighter moments, I've actually felt sorry for him that the Size 10 creature he'd remembered was now 4 stone heavier...

In her initial E mails, my H's OW was claiming to be blissfully married, so my H thought the correspondence was reasonably safe - but this claim was somewhat iniquitous with the constant references to how gorgeous, popular, funny etc. my H was.

This is what I mean about a level playing field and understanding temptation. I can quite see that at a time when I might have been complaining that he hadn't showered that day or hadn't put the rubbish out, there was no competition with the addictive nature of being told you are in fact, sex on legs and can do no wrong.

I expect others to find my H attractive - and he thinks the same feelings will come my way. We both expect we will find other people attractive too - but the healthy way is to acknowledge it and recognise things for the mirage they are. This means not being complacent and being honest about threats to the marriage.