am i an old fashioned budiamma?

[stitch]

but i always thought life was supposed to go , childhood, youth, marriage, kids and responsibilities.
why do people have kids when they are still kids themselves?
why do people have kids without getting some sort of legal connection, ie a marriage certificate?
what is this dillydallying around, 'oh, we are expecting our first child, but dont want to get married yet?'
why do people make life difficult for themselves by trying to do everything at the same time, kids, relationship, education and carreer?

or am i just not in tune with the youth of the 21st century?

I did read it and, as a lot of posters on here, am offended by her inferences.

Has it ever crossed your mind that the best laid plans don't come to fruition. In an ideal world i would love what you suggest. I find this a lot these days, people who think they have made it all alone.They have never had anything shake up their lives and redirect their life choices. Sometimes things don't work out as you wish and you move on. I am pleased that your life is following its chosen pattern, you are lucky.

I think our parents generation feel that if you're not prepared to get married your relationship is insecure in some way.

They forget that for many of us in our 30's we may have lived (as married) for 5-10 years before having a baby and are as stable as they were after 5-10 years married. Took my Dad a while to get his head around our unmarried situation...my Mum didn't care. Just releaved to be getting a grandchild at last.

As for dillydallying about marriage/kids....I did and I'm glad I did because I feel I've made better decisions over time than just being carried along by the pink dreams of marriage and happy ever after.

Finally...having everything at the same time. I think it is possible that having a more open view of how you can spend your hours in the week can have benefits for your child. Why crow bar your whole family in to the woman at home 5 days a week and a man working from 7am-7pm if there is a way in which a child can have time with both parents through the week and both parents can enjoy a career as well. The obsession we have with the prescribed 'social norms' is a very narrow view for our children.

Your life has obviously worked out well for you Stitch and that's great, but you shouldn't worry about people who choose to do things a little differently as long as they and their children are happy.

I agree with FairyFly (nice to see you back btw!). I would have loved that exact path that you suggest but fell in love with someone who wasn't yet divorced and then he dragged his heels getting divorced so we never married. Then I got pg by accident (using Persona and a cap) so ended up an unmarried mother. Then he f**ked off to have an affair so am a single mother. Life just dealt me that hand. Other friends of mine have done it all 'right' and lucky them I say. That just wasn't how it turned out for me and it shocked me for some time but now I'm cool with it and glad things went how they did. Life just isn't always that simple but it's a fun ride!

I can't see why asking questions offends anyone, unless people are unhappy with their life choices.

Thanks Listmaker

I'm not offended btw, not in the slightest, just giving my pov

I tnink life is about choice and trying to make the most of it..but everyone is different.

Your original post does have an old fashioned ring to it or maybe just the strand of life you admire is a parallel ont ot that which a lot of mns are pursuing.

Surely most people are simultaneously juggling education (does that have to be a prerogative of youth..no), relationships (most have them ), kids once here and career or work or job the combination of these things and others like leisure and entertainment, altruism, imagination and creativity, politics etc etc

There may be an element of planning but I'm sure a lot of people find that serendipity of the lack of it plays an important part in life and enriches it.

Marriage does not necessarily confer greater blessings on parents or kids or relationships neither does the age you are when you have children.

I love diversity it would be a weird society if we all did things as outlined in the OP.

Stitch, why did you 'always' think life was 'supposed' to be a certain way? Who says it is 'supposed' to be like that, and why? And why do you believe them?
Your use of the phrase 'dillydallying around' is hardly positive or even neutral. why do you assume that having children and doing anything else in your life is 'making life difficult' - why can't it be, 'making life richer/more interesting/more fulfilling'. What on earth is wrong with having children and doing other things? Since when were people unable to do more than one thing at a time in their lives? If when we had children we all stopped working, being educated and having relationships (!) what kind of world would it be? Where would all the female teachers/doctors/writers/lawyers/bus drivers/whatever go? would you like the fact that nobody who ever taught or treated your child had any experience of being a mother themselves, or that there were no mothers who had political power in the world?
In short, yes, I do think you are horribly out of touch, and I am 41, married, two kids, part time work (which I should be doing right now...eeek!).
Oh, and finally, please consider that people are insulted by your post because it is was pretty insensitively worded. It sounds very critical of other people's perfectly valid choices, which you can respect even if you don't want to make the same ones yourself.

I got married when i was 18, had ds1 when i was 19 and now that the boys are at nursery i'm at college getting my career sorted.

There you go - do i fit your ideal???

assumedname, perhaps because the original post has the inference that choices, different to those listed, are wrong.

Also can i point out that not all married people are happy and made the right choice. I think as a single mother i am probably happier than a lot of them. I constantly hear women moaning about their needs not being met and feeling neglected by their husbands. I never ever have to feel that, so how on earth is my life more difficult? It isn't in my opinion, it seems to work with less complication.

You sound like my Mom, Stitch...she does read the Daily Mail!!! She constantly comments on whether parents are married or not, but then her mother was illegitimate which was more rare back then and led my grandmother to feel very insecure and inadequate throughout her life. Mom simply does not understand that times and society have changed.
I did everything the "right" way round (with the exception of "living in sin" for 5 years before getting married!) and am no happier or fulfilled than my friends who have chosen other paths.....
I think your post is a tad strongly worded and could come across as condescending, although you seem to have recognised this...

Indeed, if you say that things are 'supposed' to happen in a certain way, then you are saying that they are NOT supposed to happen any other way.

Are you old fashioned stitch, I think the answer is definitely yes or alternatively naive and idealisitic with a puritanical streak (still not sure what a buddiama is? Have i missed it somewhere?)

I am almost certainly old enough to be your mother [48]

HA, this is HILARIOUS. I have one DS, am not married to DP and work part time. I'm happy, DS is happy, DP is happy. I don't need a 'legal connection' - and what a frankly bizaree thing to say BTW. One day we very well may get married but so what that we're not now. "dillydalling around" - are you serious?!
I think you are living on a different planet.

I am afraid I am with Stitch on this one so shoot me all. I believe if we try to follow the process as we should then we would have less issue with teenage prenancies, having babies for different people and just walking out of marriage as we please. I know that the people that follow the "normal" route still have these problems but the scale definately cannot be compared to the ones that just treat sex as a hobby and if they get pregnant so be it. What is wrong in having a high moral standard.
The thing is marriage/making babies has been taken too lightly by most people and I feel most are not as committed as they should be.
Children need to be brought up in a stable home where mum are dad are married.

"should"? "need"? Who says? You?
As for 'high moral standard' - oh please. You just mean you think everyone should be just like you and do what you do. But I'm sure plenty of people thank God they are nothing like you.

But lots of people have stable homes and children and are not married

and being with a partner does not necessarily confer greater success or happiness on children

I've only read the first qtr of posts but can't read the rest. Initial post is offensive and quite frankly ridiculous

I never want to grow up
I have a child out of wedlock who has a different surname to me and I'm no longer living in sin with the father
I also, had a child, studied fulltime hours for a degree and worked fulltime whilst being a single mum.

Your choices are yours and mine are mine. Just because mine are different to yours doesn't make me inferior. Both myself and my dd are extremely happy. Wake up and step into the century.

I am not going to get into exchanging heated views just adding my point of view. Still stand on what I believe. If u feel having no morals is the deal then please go ahead doing what u are doing .

at Just a lurker. ~You must be jokin, right?

Or perhaps, we should all 'follow the process'..

Please leave individual thoughts and opinions in the womb and remember to stay on the left of the yellow line - this way only. And clothes can only be made from grey cotton. Wouldn't life be boring.

Or perhaps you prefer us all to live in the matrix?

Cripes Justalurker, that sounds very 1984 to me...that we "should follow processes"!!!

You aren't exchanging heated views...you 'just' think that anyone who doesn't agree with you has 'no morals'. What an idiot you are.