Beautiful's Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether we were dating, cohabiting or married, we are now to use therapist-speak well effed-off about the whole business and are desperate to regain our fabulosity.

Well, this is the place! This is where we regain our positivity, our self-confidence and eventually our mojos. We might think at the moment that we'd also like to regain our men, but that might not last long, as we'll soon realise that anyone who could put us through this does not deserve us.

Come in and start regaining your brilliance! I will be setting us exercises to complete that are based vaguely on self-help books, beauy tips and Feng Shui, or we'll just have a right good bitch until we feel completely drained and sick of the sound of our ex's names. Whatever works.

Beautiful - you'd love this then - I've got exH arriving on Christmas Eve and leaving Boxing Day!!! It has been pretty amicable to til now and he will have been abroad for 3 months, plus it's ds2's first christmas so we thought it should be as 'normal' as possible for the dcs. I tell you - I'm a fecking mug saint!

Just expect drunken posts on christmas night..

And yes, I think there's a lot to be said for missing the dream rather than the man. After all, the dream doesn't leave boxers on the floor or farts in time to the Match of the Day theme tune...

BTW, not much in the way of talent on Match.com. Quantity over quality (like I'm choosy)

Has anyone bought the ebook "STOP YOUR DIVORCE"? I have! I think it's good. Is it against the law for me to forward you all copies of it?

It's by a man who gives the most no-nonsense, brutal, reverse-psychology advice on getting back your ex spouse. It's written from the POV of a man trying to get his wife back, but maybe it would work with women. In short, you:

-- Agree with your ex that splitting up is wonderful idea;
-- Never have emotional talks anymore, just idle chitchat about weather, etc;
-- DATE OTHERS, asap, definitely;
-- Never argue, recriminate, beg, plead, none of that. Nothing more personal than "How are you? Good? Great."
-- Agree with stuff they say about the divorce. "It's genius! I've never been happier!" etc, but you know, believably.

I also have advice from that Stepford Book on getting back an ex-husband but that is VERY VERY VERY over-the-top Stepfording, and although it might work, I just can't face it.

Should we try these techniques while simulataneously surfing for Divorced Cock on Match.com? Or would that just ressurect the Hope and do our heads in?

He approached me, he'd not long moved here and I met him in the game shop he now runs. He went out of his way to chat me up (this was in August), attentive, considerate etc. He did the 'I only see you as a friend now' about a month ago, we did and still talk nearly every night and I'm in the shop all the time, either with ds or by myself. I did refuse to talk to him about problems/emotional stuff, he's not had many friends so it's either all or nothing with him though, he told me last week that he either wants to be really close friends or aquaintances and will not spend time getting to know me if this is the case. We've been out for a pizza tonight and got on really well. I told him I was really disappointed in how things had turned out between us, this really upset him He's been trying really hard since I said this to him, we went to the cinema on Saturday, pizza tonight. I can't work him out.

Beautiful - repeat after me -

WE DO NOT WANT THEM BACK. THEY ARE COCK MUNCHERS THAT HAVE NO APPRECIATION FOR THE FINER POINTS OF WOMANHOOD AND OBVIOUSLY CAN'T RECOGNISE TOP TOTTY WHEN THEY ARE MARRIED TO IT. HEAVEN HELP THEM. WE DON'T NEED HOPE!

As you were.

Match.com just caused my IE to crash such was the woeful selection of dough faced under achievers that were display. May have to move house.

Um, lovely Mavis... How is being together for Christmas day "normal" now? How old are your DC?

How are you going to appear busy, elusive, up to your ears in divorced cock and Wanted if you spend all that time passing Quality Street to your ex and commenting to the Queen's cardigan?

Surely our aim is to be feisty and free and unattainable now, to the men who treated us like shite? Let him sit in a Holiday Inn wanking into a box of Matchmakers.

Smooch is really bad, avoid at all costs!!

Fluffy... Don't go in the shop any more and stop talking to him on the phone until he's ringing you up asking for dates. You are NOT going to get this man by being his "friend", you won't get under his skin, or make him fall in love with you by being nice, or any of that. You'll get him when he misses you and realises what he lost, and panics about your getting chatted up by other men.

It was too much, too soon. That's why he wants to be your friend - it was all getting too heavy. You lost your mystery.

Trust me: don't go in the shop now and watch how he starts ringing you up all the time. Try it!

ha ha ha, I wonder if wanking into a box of matchmakers would imapact on his lactose intolerance...

Well, dc's are 3.6 and 7 months (H left when ds2 was 7 weeks old). I am trying to do the right thing by the boys and encourage an amicable co-parenting approach. This is a lot easier when he's out of the country and I can just get on with things. My stance is that's he's not a bad person, not a bad father, just a crap husband.

There will be a fine line between co-operative and doormat.

Must make sure I'm not wearing same cardigan as the queen..

I'm still dying laughing at this from Mavis: "Match.com just caused my IE to crash such was the woeful selection of dough faced under achievers that were display." !!!!!

Try mysinglefriend then report back, pls thx.

Mavis -- this is a tricky one, isn't it? Does the Modern Divorcee opt for cooperative co-parenting, or for letting the wankstain walker-offer feel the consequences of his actions?

I think you're being VERY nice on this one. The younger DC won't notice, he'll just be pulling the baubles off the tree. And the 3-year-old will surely be more confused if Daddy suddenly reappears for Christmas?

It's none of my business and your mind might altready be made up, but are you sure you'll be able to cope with it? Won't your heart be breaking? Won't you be sobbing into the turkey or pissed on 8 boxes of liqueur chocs by 7am?

even when I don't go in he's talking to me on fb/msn. He went home for his birthday a couple of weeks ago and sent me a text to say he had got there OK and we ended up chatting on MSN. I'm back at work next week so I can't go in. I'm not sure if it's too late with him now, it wasn't serious, I hadn't slept with him, we have so much in common and get on so well it's spooky though. He's got a real competitive streak, he's quite insecure though and doesn't like to think he's upset someone. It really hurt him when I said I wasn't angry with how things worked out but was really disappointed he gave up so easily

Hi Beautiful!

Not really sure if ExP wants much to do with the baby, although he has said he wants to come to the next scan ..... of course, am planning to look utterly fabulous so he won't know whether to stare at the ultrasound screen or me

As to outlandish names ..... my French baby names book has some classics. Clodomir anyone? Balderic? Theophraste? Volodia?

And that's just the boys.

Sorry I'm late!! Have been catching up with the recent posts.

Just to report back...Checked out mysinglefriend.com (for Somerset area) eeew, no, no, no! Noted one had described himself as 'not very domesticated and enjoys the pub', Pardon me?

I figure that I'm stuck with him as the father of the boys and that my best bet it maintaining the moral high ground.

At some point ds2 will figure out his father left the family home when he was 7 weeks old. At some point H will let down my 3 year old and reveal the self absorbed workaholic that is flimsily disguised by his 'fun daddy' persona.

Sigh. It would actually be easier if he'd fucked off completely. As it is he might be abroad but we have calls every couple of days. In fact he's in touch more now than when we were together

Will consider the mechanics of modern divorce whilst trawling through more of Match.com finest. Have reduced my age range and increased the geography...

PumaGirl - Clodomir?? Sounds like an STD

Plenty of lovely names to think about and it's your choice, how lovely is that?

'not very domesticated and enjoys the pub'

you've got to wonder if his exP is on here somewhere wailing "he does NOTHING at home and he's always in the fecking boozer"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry if this is the calibre of 'talent' on offer!

Poor bloke, he really needs educating. Who'd want that? 'not very domesticated and enjoys the pub', a messy, dirty pisshead more like. I find the pictures of blokes with a pint a real turn off, what's this all about. Can't they talk either? "R U OK?" ARGH!!!!

Flashfried - lovely indeed, will enjoy the choices.

Beautiful - will never be able to think about Matchmakers in the same way again. Haven't laughed so much in ages!

Having trawled through 32 pages of, ahem, talent, I have seen one bloke who looks interesting. However I think I just like his glasses.

Back to the drawing board.

Yuck and the ones who parade their wares topless!

Also the ones who say, 'can't be bothered with writing a profile, if you want to know anything just ask'...by which time, I'd have clicked off!

At this point, an interesting question please...

Are looks important? My exP was (sticks in my craw) gorgeous but a complete tosser!

Can any of us see ourselves settling for thoroughly decent bloke over thoroughly good looking. You might think I'd have learned my lesson!

Or the ones that have taken a picture on their phone in front of a vaseline smeared mirror with a pile of dirty boxers on the floor behind them (I may have made that last bit up but you get the gist).

Do men really think "hey I look great in this picture, bound to snag a supermodel with this"?

I will, of course, be investing in photoshop if I ever get as far as completing my profile.

OMG! I've just arranged a date with someone from Match!

BEAUTIFUL - how'd you find the time to arrange a date amongst all this lot?!!