Beautiful's Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether we were dating, cohabiting or married, we are now to use therapist-speak well effed-off about the whole business and are desperate to regain our fabulosity.

Well, this is the place! This is where we regain our positivity, our self-confidence and eventually our mojos. We might think at the moment that we'd also like to regain our men, but that might not last long, as we'll soon realise that anyone who could put us through this does not deserve us.

Come in and start regaining your brilliance! I will be setting us exercises to complete that are based vaguely on self-help books, beauy tips and Feng Shui, or we'll just have a right good bitch until we feel completely drained and sick of the sound of our ex's names. Whatever works.

Beautiful I think a lot about whether I'll ever meet anyone again. I'm sure I will but don't know whether I'll ever want anyone else or love anyone else like I love xp. I am still totally in love with him and it's like I have a different life than I did a month ago. Normally at work on a Monday I would day dream all day about xp coming over that evening and do the same on Wednesday, We were in a lovely routine and it's all been ripped away. It takes some getting used to. Not that I have got used to it yet.

He never replied to my texts on Saturday. I had not contacted him at all for weeks and I don't know how to interpret not hearing from him. He said to me when he left that if I needed to talk to call him. I guess he didn't mean it after all. Go between calling him a bastard and loving him to death.

God - what to do eh!

How you doing now Beautiful? Seems to be changing every half an hour doesn't it?

Can I join? My DH has been a twat for last year or so. Long story, cant b arsed to tell at mo. Thinking of kicking him out but no idea how I'll cope financially. Can't take much more odhis behavior, kicked off over a year ago where he threatened to walk out, managed to talk him oyut of it but am now wishing he'd just gone anyway.
feel pretty shit. Only kids keeping me going at mo. Smiled at all these posts though, guess there is life after I make the big decision after all

Beautiful - We are the same age, right? We are still young, right? We've got ages 64 weeks until we hit 40, right? When we are 60 we will look back at being 38 and wistful smile and think, "I was but a child". This will of course be muttered in the arms of the true love of our lives.

One can hope.

Actually I'm ok about the being dumped bit. I can deal with that. What makes me so sad is that my dcs won't have the 'family' Christmas's, the 'family' holidays. It makes me sad that my 3 year old feels he has to say "daddy doesn't want us" .

And yes, I really don't want to think I may be on my own from here on in.

Thanks Lamby. I feel awful after writing that list and have decided against this "letting it all out" business! Ugh. That achieved nothing at all and I'm not doing it again! Fabulosity has been resumed.

Oh Married sorry to hear you're going through a bad time. You will cope financially if you decide to go ahead with this. We all do come what may. If you have any kind of job and work over 16 hours a week, there is tax credits. That's what I do and it's fine. If not job, you will be entitled to income support. Don't let the finances thing stop you. Thinking of you.

marriedtoafuckwit - there is a lot to be said of being on 'the other side' as it were. Even though I was the dumpee rather than the dumper my life as a single mother on benefits is loads less stressful.

I was terrifed about managing financially but, you know, you work it out. Have you looked at entitledto?

Good luck and keep posting!

You're all FABULOUS!!!

What were your arsehole husbands thinking of to dump you all?

Their loss.

Hi Beautiful and Mutha. Yes 2 , 6 and 10 for me too. Hard isnt it?

I did look at Guardian Soulmates (a dumped friend did meet someone very nice off that)and have to say I wasnt inspired - oh well Im definitely not ready for that yet - need to have some healing time -do some more reconnecting with and making new friends first.
Had a bad time today as invited to very nice party and cant go because of H behaviour - hard to explain here but was very grrrr for a while.

Mavis -so sorry your 3 year old had to say that. Its so heart breaking. My H is seeing the kids regularly and I am still heartbroken about my 3 year old saying where is my daddy - when is he coming back - never mind what your sweetheart said. Im also devastated about the family times and family xmases etc - I might spend time with H this Xmas tho as I dont think either of us will agree to be without the kids - its only one day isnt it?Hmmm have to see.

So glad for this thread. I feel the need for a website - Im sure justbeendumped.com would do really well - there must be people all round the country who could do with it to meet up for spare weekends etc. A project for you Beautiful?

MarriedtoaFuckwit, the tax credits are really good! Look it up on the HMRC website, they'll give you an estimate. They pay 80% of my childcare costs! I couldn't get over that.

Mumfun - I looked at Soulmates - first person that came up was a colleague of my H's - err, no thanks!

Anyway ladies I'm inspired and have another tab open signing up for match.com. Just for a looksie you understand.....

Hey everyone. Just a very small breakthrough. I just got a text and for the first time I didn't automatically think it was from xp! A small thing I know but very significant. Come celebrate!

Mavis - yes, we're miles (cough) away from 40. I know we'll look back on ourselves now -- when we're loved-up octogenerians (not loved-up with each other, you understand... but give me a couple more sex-free weeks and I'll reconsider) as practically foetuses. I know. I know.

It's stoopid, as I remember v disctinctly feeling, at 29, that I was all washed-up.

Argh! OK, I'm sick of this. This is bullshit. We are young! We are fantastic! Luckily for us, marriage vows have become completely worthless and there must be loads of divorced cock out there! We just need to (eww) sniff some out.

Yay Lamby!! That is progress. Check you out, you hair-tossing feisty break-up beater!

Mumfun, don't let Soulmates put you off online-dating. If online-dating were a party, Soulmates would be the ugly group over by the bookcase getting canapes in their goatees and arguing wildly about punctuation.

MySingleFriend has the tastiest-looking members, I've found; Match is good for having lots of members in your area; and PlentyofFish is free.

Hey beautiful - you've got it bad. Are you missing having a shag by any chance??

Can I join? After 7 years of being single (seriously), I meet a lovely man, then it all goes tits up, now he see's me as a really close friend who he wants to share everything with, get to know really well la da da. We have so much in common, even have the same accidents, get on really well, he just wants to be friends though. Damn!

Hello fellow dumpees!

How I'm loving this thread - thanks to Beautiful/Cilla for creating it.

I would like to join itwascertainly and maledetta in the pregnant and dumped subgroup.

A familiar tale ...... all appeared to be going swimmingly in life when - oops, unplanned pregnancy. ExP packed his bags and left at the speed of light saying that, actually, he hadn't been that happy anyway.

Am now 9 weeks down the single road and have to say that I'm not feeling that bad considering I can't drink, smoke, do illegal substances, shag the nearest bloke or anything similar to take my mind off things.

I can, however, eat , buy lots of overpriced fabulous materity wear and get alot of sympathy from my brilliant friends and family.

Also, on the self-esteem front I have never contacted him, have started going to salsa lessons and have planned/taken trips abroad.

Why are things going ok I wonder? I think because when you realise that the person you were seeing is actually a selfish, egotistical, childish, spineless coward - you really don't want him back.

Oh! And I don't have to keep my chin up to push my tits out at the moment

Beautiful - so the next thread title will have to have reference to 'on the search for divorced cock'.....

At least new posters would know what they wre getting into then...

My 'friend' is on plenty of fish!! Smooch is really bad, you have to pay for my single friend, the blokes are good looking though.

I'm going to join a gym and a sports club.

Mumfun, why can't you go to the party? Can you not get a babysitter...? Pls explain, thx. I'm sure we could sort it, couldn't we, in the Chucked Collective?

I know I'm butting in, but I would not spend Christmas day with your XH! OMG I could not think of anything more heartbreaking. The champagne, the presents, the laughter, the Why-Don't-You-Love-Me-Anymore-You-Cunt, snowball-induced crying jag! Noo. Let him sit alone and miserable, imagining you living it up somewhere in a glittery snowflake twinset.

I told my XH that I'd have them this Xmas Eve/Day, and next year we'd swap it. If he doesn't like it... Um, I'll spinelessly rethink!

I know exactly what you all mean about the loss of family times. On my first Xmas after the first DC was born, with my parents over to our house for the day, I remember putting the turkey into the oven and thinking "This is the happiest day of my life".

I wonder how many of us actually miss our husbands, and how many of us miss the dream, the happily-ever-after-ness, the ideal?

Beautiful, you have hit on a very good point. Do we miss the man himself or the relationship? Do we miss the person he is or that warm feeling of having someone, anyone in our lives so we don't feel so alone?

I need to consider this further.

Puma!! You sound brilliant. Does your ex have any plans to see the baby? Are you living v close to your lovely family? Are you going to name the child something completely outlandish just because you can?!

You sound so strong and nut-kickingly feisty! I'm pleased to have you in the BreakUp Bootcamp!

FluffysBeenBitten... Who approached who right at the beginning? Did he approach you? And then you went a bit overboard with the niceness, talked to him about everything, stayed on the phone for hours, were an open book... then he backpedalled and decided on the "friends" bit? Am I close?

If so, just pull RIGHT back. Don't answer his calls for 2 weeks, then be mysterious about why not. Happy, busy, booked-up, can't see him for ages then meet for a 30-minute coffee where you remain elusive and preoccupied... Stop talking about any problems or emotional stuff, don't act like his "friend" and he'll go all keen again.

(Yes, I am aware of the irony of me giving love advice!)