Beautiful's Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether we were dating, cohabiting or married, we are now to use therapist-speak well effed-off about the whole business and are desperate to regain our fabulosity.

Well, this is the place! This is where we regain our positivity, our self-confidence and eventually our mojos. We might think at the moment that we'd also like to regain our men, but that might not last long, as we'll soon realise that anyone who could put us through this does not deserve us.

Come in and start regaining your brilliance! I will be setting us exercises to complete that are based vaguely on self-help books, beauy tips and Feng Shui, or we'll just have a right good bitch until we feel completely drained and sick of the sound of our ex's names. Whatever works.

Hello all - welcome Lester. Glad to see you here joining the merry band of dumpettes!

Beauty - good decision about Womaniser I think. As startingover rightly points out, just think how this situation has made us, why would we want to risk that again so quickly? (ok, that's not exactly what she said, I may be paraphrasing slightly)

Caramela - like the George Clooney lookey likey plan, although stangely I've never really 'got' GC, but think he would be great to go out for cocktails with.

Hope everyone else is doing ok today. My day has been fine despite huge garage bill as my faitful old car was dragged, protesting, through its MOT. Lucky I now have control of the purse strings and was therefore able to pay for it without having to cancel christmas. I may be going out for the first time since the arrival of ds2 soon - MIL offered to babysit so a few drinks with friends may be in order. Tired just thinking about it really!

Evening Dumplings,

Lester, I know what you mean, raw pain is raw pain & circumstances don't really matter. We'll all come out of this better, stronger, more independant, happier etc... just got to get through the shite first! Hang in there things will get better for all of us.

Mavis, I'm so glad to hear you're getting a night off & that you have support of MIL.

Ladies, have a confession to make. I mentioned previously that I had become partial to devouring whole tubs of sherry trifle of late. Anyway, had purchased one for this very purpose at supermarket today. Shock, horror, discovered just before bed time that sherry trifle was not sitting on shelf in fridge where it should have been, waiting to be devoured when dc's asleep. Had asked my dd to carry said trifle from supermarket while I was juggling 2 younger dc's & shopping bags.

Unfortunately, distraction occured somewhere between counter & car, as trifle was nowhere to be found. DD was consoled that it was in no way her fault but cravings proved to be too strong & 3 pj clad dc's were loaded into car & I again braved the elements (storm, gale & rain), to return to supermarket for trifle. I am now sat here stuffing same into my mouth, this is what my life has been reduced to!!!!!!!!!!

startingovernow - that is HILARIOUS about the PJ run for trifle! Obviously I will be notifying Social Services that there are 3 children in the sole care of a pudding addict, but it's funny all the same!

caramela, I too will be a black-souled heartbreaker in future, snapping men's hearts like dead twigs in the forest of pain. or, er, something.

Speed Dating Report!

So I went speeddating last night. I got dressed up, and wore the dress I bought for my first date with Womaniser. I was absolutely shitting self when got there, and had awful repetitive thoughts like, "You must be a saddo loser if you have been reduceed to speeddating by yourself. you have no man and no friends!"

Thoughts were stopped by knocking back a G&T in next-door pub, and I sailed in. I jumped on two women who were at the bar looking equally terrified and told them my calculated lie that my "friend" had meant to come but had "bottled out" at last minute.

We were all standing around at the bar, men and women, and I was very aware of being checked-out by men as if I were an animal in a zoo. Hopefully an exotic snow-leopard, but more likely an orangutan eating own poo.

I snuck out for a cigarette, and a cab pulled up outside and a GORGEOUS man got out and asked me if it was the so-and-so winebar. I stammered that it was and he sailed in. I checked make-up in the taxi window and told the driver I was speed-dating, and he said that thre gorgeous man was too. My driver then very sweetly announced that he would speed-date with me any night of the week, bless him.

The speeddating began and it was great fun! You just sit there and men keep appearing at your table, chatting to you. One, a little tiny guy, became very enamoured with me, asking me if I worked in fashion (!). Later on in the evening, I would have to literally run away from this tiny man because he wouldn't leave me alone.

Just before the interval, Mr Gorgeous sat down at my table saying, "There you are, the Hot girl I met outside." THE HOT GIRL! GIRL! HOT!

I said I was just off for another cigarette so he invited himself along, and we stood outside smoking and chatting to someone else. Back inside for speeddating, the tables were very small so it became impossible to not notice the stench of Mr Gorgeous's bad breath pumping into my face.

Few more dates, a doctor, a songwriter, some randoms... then all over. I didn't stay around for the mingling bollocks.

And that was it! All very good fun. Now I wait for them to open the bit on the website where I tick all the men yes or no, and find out who ticked me.

Home watching TrueBlood in PJs by 11pm.

I only told one of them that I had children (a big, quite tasty, black man from New York who said he was an Economist). So it's all a lie really, as they probably see me as a nice-dress-wearing singleton instead of someone who spent yesterday morning scraping poo off DS2's sheet.

X had the DC and he rang me asking if I could bring round something for one of them. So I obviously did that after I'd got ready, so he could witness my glammed-up loveliness. he asked where I was off to and I refused to tell them, then did. He perked up and said, "Oh really! How much is that?" like he'd been thinking of doing it.

Felt like saying, "You couldn't make conversation for three whole minutes, you uncommunicative berk!" but took the high road instead and just said, "I'm not blowing my child benefit on it, if that's what you're getting at!"

I'm actually getting to the stage where I'm a bit past men now. On Friday night, I'm going to take myself off to the theatre. This is to watch a play and NOT to wander round the bar in interval, catching men's eyes, and it is DEFINITELY not so I have something interesting to tell Womaniser about if he ever rings me again. Because I am past men, like I said. Am going to build full, wonderful, busy life for self.

Hi Girlies I have been AWOL and I'm sorry I have just now read through your funny and sad stories I was PMSL at the sherry trifle incident.

Why oh why do we bother with men I thought I had met mr perfect for me last week had a date with him on saturday after much text flirting I thought woo hoo sorted perfect for me.........then silence!!!!Until I got the thanks you're very nice not for me text this morning. I have had to tell myself that no matter how much I liked him I love myself more !!!!

So I have wallowed a bit stuffed my face with Galaxy and drank enough wine to kill me this is not good not just today of course that would be fab oops I mean wrong

So like Beutiful I am going to build a wonderful busy life for myself too

Morning Dumplings,
Beauty, so glad to see you back here & really enjoyed hearing about the speed dating. I'm deffinately going to go for a laugh if it comes to my area, will use your excuse of friend backing out etc.. so as not to appear as you said manless & friendless.

Hi Loobie, welcome back. Glad you were all entertained by my sad existance. Weather is still shite here so I'm going to venture out as little as possible. Ds is having his first ever play day in an hr. He's so excited & because my life is slightly reduced at present, I'm v excited too.

Anyway, onto more serious matters. I've had a lightbulb moment that I need to share with my fellow dumplings. Beauty, I know from your previous posts about being partial to self help books etc that you should be as excited as me about this.

Moment of revelation......... Dumplings, we are going about this the wrong way. Those of us that are up to moving on do not need to be wasting out time trawling through pubs, speed dating events, online sites etc.. looking for MR Right where there are only other people's cast off & the rejects of society. What we do need to be doing is obtaining a copy of the book the secret & visualising our perfect men & the universe will send them our way. Cosmopolitan ordering, law of spiritual attraction etc.. can't fail.

I think the way forward is to replace the once suggested moaning hour (we've moaned enough), with group/individual visualisations!!!!!!

Just to be proactive, in case the universe does not send my Mr Right knocking on my door, I have approached my friend about gate crashing the fire stations xmas night out.

The visualisatiin hour idea is genius (as long as you can be persuaded not to visualise cream-topped desserts loaded with sheery and custard).

I have that book already, yes, I am totally up for that.

Hi Beauty, I knew you'd be a kindred spirit & was fairly certain as a self professed lover of all nature of self help paraphernalia that you'd be in possession of the book.

Well Dumplings, those of you in possession of a copy, dust it off & get to work, this is the way forward. All others, set yourself the task of obtaining a copy as a matter of priority.

For those of you not in the know so to speak, the secret behind the secret, is to visualise & actually feel as if you already have that which you seek. Well Dumplings, I am beside myself with happiness, as I sit here & type, I am in actual fact feeling multiple orgasms course through my body. I am estatic, why did I not think of this previously. Oh happy days dumplings, I'm in ecstasy!!

Loobie, Mr perfect for you was in fact Mr anything but perfect for you. Thank the universe for the lucky escape & get visualising!!!!!!!

Okay book ordered should be here tomorrow like you startingover i cannot promise to keep my visualising totally clean but i'm prepared to give it a try.

Just had hair done feeling a bit more glam so all those gorgeous perfect men out there had better watch out lol

Beautiful I am really glad you put your speed dating experience on here I never thought i'd ever have the nerve and would morph into a numpty but it sounds like it could be fun.

I have another date tonight I have been chattting to him on e mail for 2 weeks and he has not turned the conversation round to full on smut once, mildly flirted otherwise I would worry that he was another Librarian ( another disaster date) so fingers crossed this one will be a bit better than the last one.

Other than that I do have a new man moving in with me on Sunday, he's a british shorthaired kitten and he's 12 weeks old I am working on the theory that I can smother him with love and forget about the male human species

Starting - loved the trifle run with Pjs - hilarious. Am surprised that kids didnt insist on sharing as price for cooperation!

Beauty - glad speed dating was a goodish expereince and that you got some compliment boosts from it at least! Have cated again -with no message this time in case MN Towers disapproved of the last one or are we paying for something that doesnt exist!

Loobie -sorry Mr Right wasnt.

But glad the girls are generally taking the busy self improvement line. Better to date in future from position of strength.

Love the visualision ideas -what book is it from? Have to wade through book on overcoming infidelity etc first as need ideas where to go from here really

Salsa class this week was excellent - moved up a level and danced with some lovely guys. Its nice to be interracting with guys in a fun happy safe place. But is it wrong to half fancy someone hot in their 20s But I guess not at all surprising due to said fact of general dumpettes condition of sex and sensuality deprivation.

Anyway got party invite to lovely friend party just before Christmas - can go to this one thank goodness.

I am really finding out who my friends are now - and also which rellys are kindest and most emotionally competent. Interesting times - but still wishing it wasnt me going through this - being honest with myself the big difference for me is that many of you have accepted the situation and I havent. Acceptance is something I know that has to happen eventually but I havent got there yet - and can only do what I can do TBH.

Hope you all have best days possible. Have bough Sound of Music at 3.98 from Amazon posted for me and DCs to watch tomorrow for a treat!

Loobie, you're being very proactive, book ordered & a date, I like your style.

Good luck with both your new men (four legged & two legged).

Let us know all after the event.

Thanks the nerves have set in now, he's just text me to say 8pm and he's looking forward to it ,gulp> I'll report back tomorrow whilst clutching my new book duly delivered I hope by Amazon

Hi beautiful, you're an inspiration.

Hi all, two weeks ago my relationship of 18 months ended. He lived other side of the country, so I guess mine was a LDR.. However, without going into all details it's only been two weeks since the split. Not sure if it was me or him who ended it.. feel it was me, however, had my hand forced really.. blah blah..

However, a tip from me, about feelings of making contact. I too still get the feeling, LOADS. Our relationship was mainly phone calls and texting. I saw him every other weekend. Well, when I feel the need to say make contact, I compose a text then I save to my phone, I never send them. I date it! How sad is that... but I find it helps me to carry on, saying what I want to say to him, but knowing it's pointless sending it. We're finished, it wasn't working, or else we would be together. Hey ho.

Well, hope that tip helps. We will survive... I've survived once, twice, three times.. oh well, you know what I mean.. Take Care Ladies and Hugs to you all

Hello everyone - loved the trifle dash - I hope it was a proper family sized one not one of those microscopic individual versions, Startingover.

Beauty thanks for the speed date report, I hope Hot Halitosis man invests in some Listerine and gets in touch.

Loobie - Mr Right ? Mr Arsewipe more like.

Bubalicious, I've done the whole writing and not sending texts and emails thing - in fact this very morning I wrote a text saying ' Go fck yourself, you self-pitying cnt ' in response to a particularly navel gazing email from him. I'm sorry, I know swearing is neither big nor clever.

So when's the mass visualisation hour then ? And what happens if by the sheer raw power of combined, sex starved Dumpling minds we cause a hole in the space time continuum ?

Caramela.. no it's neither big nor clever, but doesn't it just make you feel that teensy bit more fluffing better! lol

Loobie, hae a wonderful time! Remember, it doesn't matter what he thinks of you; what matters is what you think of him. So no nerves! no need.

Where did you meet him?

I need to focus on being a better mother. Since X left, I'm much more impatient with the DC, especially by 6pm. I've asked the school nurse to refer me to a parenting course, because I'm hopeless at it, I really am. I just get so shouty now, especilly when I've had them solely from Wednesday to Wednesday.

i know lots of you are coping with DC by yourselves the whole time so I'm so sorry to moan. How do you do it?? How do you keep calm and consistent and nice and reasonable and inspiring?

Evening Fellow Dumplings,

Hi Mumfun, dc's don't like trifle tg. The book is called The Secret, can be applied to all areas of life, but of course for the purpose of this thread we will be focusing on the chapter for Relationships.

I think acceptance is a daily thing, some days I have it & some days I don't. I found out who my friends were too, my own were generally very good, however most of our couple friends abandoned ship on both sides!!

Buba, welcome aboard. Did the whole saving texts back in the days (except on bad days when they were all sent).

Oh Caramela, don't ever abandon us dumplings. I am still laughing at your post, you are pure genius with words.

You do not seriously think I braved the elements to procure a microscopic portion!! Largest family size & nothing less.

Beauty, it's v hard being on our own with dc's. I find the hardest hour for me can be just before bedtime. We're only human & we're bound to be tired at times. Well done for nipping it in the bud & signing up for parenting course. The tricks I use to stay calm is pray i.e. dear god please do not leave me scream (repeat this silently over & over), look beyond the behaviour at their little angelic faces, I think of how hard the split has been for them, when all else fails I stick head out window & have a cig, or lock myself in loo for a few mins..

I use star charts all the time & find them great for keeping dc's in line most of time. The threat of taking a star away usually is enough. The goal is to collect all the stars & get a treat at end of week. I find the more I do with dc's the better they behave, playdates, park, movie nights etc.. I use these things as motivators aswell i.e. stop that now or you will not be allowed...

Hi, well glad to know i'm not the only one to have the compulsion to still contact him. Even though my head is saying.. DON'T!!.. That's what i've found so comforting, reading through your posts.. we all have a common denominator.. a sad excuse for a man! I'm not alone...

Beautiful, I've raised my DD (look i'm even getting the abbreviations) alone, since the day she was born, my XH left when I was 8months pregnant. It's always felt hard and I often think I'm not doing a good job, but then I stop and say to myself "you've not done bad".. I'm sure you're not as bad as you think you are at parenting either.

My DD is 14 now and these teen years I have found offer different challenges. Only advice I can offer (and I shout too at times) is to be just that, consistent, I try and remember I'm the adult and not get into tit for tat arguments and not to take stuff personally...I also know to lose a few battles to win a war...oh and counting to 10 yeah that does work lol

..oh yes btw I think that's great advice startingover