Beautiful's Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether we were dating, cohabiting or married, we are now to use therapist-speak well effed-off about the whole business and are desperate to regain our fabulosity.

Well, this is the place! This is where we regain our positivity, our self-confidence and eventually our mojos. We might think at the moment that we'd also like to regain our men, but that might not last long, as we'll soon realise that anyone who could put us through this does not deserve us.

Come in and start regaining your brilliance! I will be setting us exercises to complete that are based vaguely on self-help books, beauy tips and Feng Shui, or we'll just have a right good bitch until we feel completely drained and sick of the sound of our ex's names. Whatever works.

Hello again! Startingover - hope the statement went ok and that you and your dcs are coping alright given the circumstances. How old are your dcs?

Fluffy - well we did try and warn you ! He sounds like a lot bit of a man child tbh, probably best not get involved.

Beautiful - how are all the dates going? Anything to report?

Not much going on here. DS1 appears to be on the mend but ds2 has now come down with the lurgy and has an eye infection aswell. That and the elusive teeth are really bothering him poor love.

Oh, and a word to the wise. On no account attempt the Kirstie Gallagher fitness dvd if you have any doubts at all about the state of your pelvic floor. Got a taster of my final years in the Bide A Wee Home For Long Term Divorcees (Cats Welcome)....

Off to catch up with Dr Who now. (DT being the only Scots man I would consider right now )

StartingOver so sorry you've had an awful day. Are you OK? It all sounds very traumatic and a bit frightening. I'm thinking of you and you know you've got loads of support on here any time.

Fluffy, he sounds like a bit of a game player. He knows you're gonna see the Facebook thing and he's playing you. A bit of a twat really to mess with your head like that. You deserve better.

Thanks Mumfun, am still waiting but at least now have dc's in bed. 2 asleep,1 still banging away upstairs with toys.

Don't remember your circumstances with x but is there any possibility of having x over for dinner on xmas day or if not dinner maybe for an hour or two in morning while presents are being opened. If this could be agreed it would prevent dc's being shipped off next year for xmas & depending on circumstances could be great for dc's.

Beauty, any possibility of you doing anything like the above? If you could share xmas between you it would mean that nobody would end up alone without dc's for full day on xmas day. Just a thought, know it wouldn't work in all circumstances, depends on individuals involved.

I did this last year but god only knows what will happen this year.

Fluffy, that's head wrecking stuff, take care of yourself.

My update is now "I'm not angry any more, just very, very disappointed" This will really hit him, he hates to think that I think less of him and he logged off within a few minutes of me posting this, and I bloody well do think less of him! My next one's going to be "[fluffy] doesn't play games" I do deserve better. I'm taking no shite off him. I can give out better.

I hope you are all OK

Hi Lamby, today was grand really, just dealing with the aftermath of yesterday.

Ah Mavis, nervous & all that I am, just got a laugh about you fitness dvd! Am obviously slightly deranged now myself, as I've more important things that I should be thinking about, but I'm just wondering following on from the whole pelvic floor thing, do any of ye worry about not being em.. you know virgin tightish after dc's & going with NM etc. Didn't really give a shite with xh (as they were his dc's too), but can often pop into my mind that I'm not quite the same I'd say after 3 dc's (To ans you Q Mavis 9, 4 & 2).

Bought one of those kagal thingies but really the only thing I'd achieve if I'd the energy to use it would be an orgasm id say, it's so long since anything of any interest was in that direction!!

Beautiful - didn't you have a date on Monday? how was it?

Felt I was doing very well yesterday until new member of staff at work said " That X - when he calls for you he always sounds really nice on the phone .... will he be at the meeting I'm going to for you tomorrow?"

hmmm felt like saying "yes, he is lovely if you fancy being wife number 5 and have an interest in foot fetishism, dogs having sex and anal porn" Didn't though.

Beauty, yes we're all dying for an up-date. Did you also do the speed dating thing yet, or was that tomorrow night?

Joined one of the online dating sites last night & even paid membership! Prompted from depression/boredom, not sure that I'd actually go ahead & meet anyone. Posted "No weirdos please" so got a message about that.

Veryconfused, jesus was the bit about the dogs true? If so drop to your knees & thank god for removing him from your life.

BTW, couldn't think of a suitable name online so I'm now a Beauty too!

Anoher Dumpette here on tenterhooks waiting for Beauty's Matchman update because I am tragic living vicariously.

Startingover - any likely candidates ? or are they all a bit rough ? ( in answer to your question above - I have many muscles which have the consistency of egg custard, however I have a pelvic floor as tight as Joan River's face - now all I have to do is find a man to appreciate it ).

Veryconfused - dogs having sex ? He is one smooth operator - I'm finding it hard to think of anything less erotic that doesn't involve Jimmy Saville.

Fluffy - on the sticking a model up his arse front - I'm thinking something large and irregularly shaped - The Starship Enterprise ( boldly go etc ) as opposed to Thomas the Tank ? Get back to me on that.

Yes, this has been posted before - in fact I was suspected of being a troll because of it - he sent me an email attachment of a picture of his dogs bonking and had appended the words " A VCAU and X production" Now I just thought it wierd at the time, as an animal lover of the more normal type what upset me is that he is actually trying to mate his dogs to get puppies to sell - when there are far too many unwanted dogs in the world anyway.

Sounds like you're well shot of him then - not really the way to a woman's heart is it ?

Ah Caramela, you always give me a laugh, you've a great way with words.

I'm sure mine are probably fairly toned aswell, I think my main problem is lack of use to be honest.

Veryconfused, you're well shot of him. Even giving him the benefit of the doubt that it was a joke, it shows his brain to be on the same wavelenght as an 8-10yo.

Thank you Startingover, I'm glad I made you laugh, frankly laughing is the only thing keeping me going - I came home early from work and cried so hard that I left mascara marks on the dog.

Ah Caramela, a big (()). We will come through this & be stronger, sexier etc (sexier due to that slightly haunted look of those who've suffered).

In time this will pass for all of us, we will love again, we will laugh again, we will have sex again etc..

How long were you with your twat? Do you have dc's?

Caramela you do make me laugh (Starship Enterprise and all that). Sorry you've had a crap day. Has twatface been in touch? It'll feel better tomorrow (I normally do after a good crying sesh).

I've probably had the best day yet today in terms of not thinking about xp every nanosecond (actually been thinking more about sex than anything else - am starting to miss it). Note to self - find a FB! (only in the dark).

I am prob going to put an offer in on a house tomorrow (not my ideal but all I can afford). It's a Victorian terraced 3-bed house and has been done up very sympathetically (God! Sound like an estate agent!) Has got original fireplaces etc but bedrooms are a bit small. Hey, can't get perfection for the money I've got but that's OK. It's very cosy and comforting and won't take long to clean!

Hope everyone is OK.

Hello all. Lamby - I am so of you putting an offer in on a house. This is my Main Long Term Goal but as there is the small matter of me not having a job at the moment it's looking rather unlikely. If you need tiles picking out, curtains, cushions, anything, I will help

Where has Beautiful got too?? Doesn't she know there are people waiting for news?

Well, joy of joys I have my soon-to-be-X-MIL coming for a weekend visit in a couple of weeks. It should be alright as we've always got on however I will have to try really hard not to get drunk outline in many and varied ways just how badly her son has fucked up. Who knows what we shall talk about - best stick to anecdotes about the boys methinks.

Hope everyone is doing ok. With regards to the pelvic floor and related areas question - I have no idea how I'm faring down there however ds2 was 9lbs 13oz so I suspect term 'bucket' may be bandied.....

Sorry! I'm just dashing in, no time to read everything properly will have to catch up tomorrow. Sorry, dumplings.

I met Womaniser on Monday for lunch and had a great time! He is very funny, paid for everything again, all good. He kissed me on the cheek at the end and then sent me a text. I told him I'm speeddating and meeting other men and he said "Good for you."

I sent him a few texts last night which obviously he replied to as he's good like that, but I've come to a decision. I'm going to say straight out, listen mate - I love your company but you set my player alarm off at full volume! If you're prepared to stop the drunk-texting and the quest to get into my pants, I'd happily be your friend as you're great company, and funny. But romantically - you're a bad bet so I'm withdrawing my interest in that direction.

Evening Dumplings,

Lamby, I'm so pleased for you about the house, it sounds lovely. I hope you'll be very happy there, best off luck with it all.

Mavis, glad to hear you're doing well. Good you're getting the support of MIL.

Beauty, glad you're enjoying the good life of being wined & dined.

Just got a flirt from someone so am off to check that out.

I'm not going to see Womaniser any more, my best male friend told me that W sounds exactly like a Player. So i won't see him again.

But I was just thinking about what it was I liked about W, and realised it was his really full, busy, interesting life. I haven't got that! It vanished when I married X and I need to get it back. So I'm going to get to know myself and discover what makes me happy.

Hi Beauty, that's great, I'm delighted to hear that. I think it's great to have a bit of fun but it would be tragic for any of us to end up jumping into something & getting burnt again. I would have also thought he was a player which I think is ideal if you just want a bit of fun.

I was lucky in lots of senses in that I had built up a fairly full life for myself before the split. I think I'm also a long way towards finding myself.

The thing that is holding me back the most is that I still love x. Not in a desperate to have him back way but still enough that I don't think I'd want another relationship for now.

I'm quiet happy with my life, the only thing that could motivate me back out there is lack of sex. I would love to have sex with someone I fancied. God just want someone desirable to rip the clothes off me & shag me senseless........... excuse the slutyness but christ do I miss sex!!

My prayer for today is "God please send me a ride to fu*k me senseless."

I know what's going to happen, ye'll all have moved on with ye're lives & I'll be here all alone still posting.

Just did school run & popped to supermarket. Knew hair was slightly dishevelled but figured it would pass for such mundane tasks. There are gales here so by the time I got to supermarket unbeknownest to myself, I was looking rather frightening. Met loads of people I know (including members of opposite sex). Just looked in mirror & feel appalled with self.

Fear not, StartingOver, you won't be the only one not moving on just yet! Sadly it will take a long time for me to be able to trust and open my heart to anyone else.

And that's when I am eventually able to "let go" of the love which is still there

It's good to read about others picking themselves up, dusting down and getting out there again but I know that, right now, this is not for me.

I think there WILL come a time when I'm able to take this step and I'm still a glass half full lady with a lot of positives The overwhelming cloud of sadness WILL lift eventually and I'll smile properly, instead of the pretend smile right now.

It's simply that old adage about "time" isn't it?

Hi Lesterlass,
welcome aboard. Sounds like you've been through the mill, same as most of us here. Agree, time is a great healer. Moving on is harder when you've dc's I think.

How long since you've split up? Do you have dc's?

I'm still here Startingover albeit less miserable today ( I've just re-read some of the messenger conversation I've had with Bollock Face - god he sounds like an arse. Could this be a miniscule chink of light as I realise I have been besotted with a pompous fuckwit for a year ? - hmmmm, possibly ).

I agree with you about not wanting to love someone again - my new persona will be a flinty hearted bitch, relentlessly shagging George Clooney looky-likeys - discarding them as shattered husks of their former selves when I have taken my fill. < tosses hair, gives evil laugh >.

Beauty - you do know that there's a real possibility Womaniser will be driven wild by you being impervious to his charms ? Gird your loins, love.

Lamby - your house sounds lovely, I'm so glad something is going well for you at last.

Hello Mavis and Lesterlassone, have a lovely evening.

It's a long story StartingOver and will not add to the many sad posts here today, but thanks for asking.

It's about 8 months now, with just a couple of texts/emails received and a several texts/emails sent + a letter. I've tried to maintain a dignified silence, distance or whatever, as to be face to face again would be unbearable.

No children together (second time round, later life (50's) relationship) but both have DC's separately, so situation different of course but raw emotion is the same and so is missing the physical stuff but the thought of intimacy with any one else is kind of repulsive at the moment! Hey ho ....