Beautiful's Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether we were dating, cohabiting or married, we are now to use therapist-speak well effed-off about the whole business and are desperate to regain our fabulosity.

Well, this is the place! This is where we regain our positivity, our self-confidence and eventually our mojos. We might think at the moment that we'd also like to regain our men, but that might not last long, as we'll soon realise that anyone who could put us through this does not deserve us.

Come in and start regaining your brilliance! I will be setting us exercises to complete that are based vaguely on self-help books, beauy tips and Feng Shui, or we'll just have a right good bitch until we feel completely drained and sick of the sound of our ex's names. Whatever works.

Second what Beautiful says..

Stringing you along...

haven't even opened the wine yet!

I am getting sick of it/him now, I'll be pleased when he goes home. I'm going to have to say something to him, it's not right to do it now when he's so stressed though. I'll leave it a bit.

Caramela - I'm with you on the Davina thing. Once you get past the 'OMG I look like such a dick doing this in my living room, quick are the curtains properly shut' it's really quite good!

I've set myself the programme of 3x per week until Christmas. I don't need to lose weight as such, I'm just sick of having to breathe in in company!

OK Fluffy, just mind you do say something when the time is right.

Fluff, don't listen to what he says and let it confuse you, just listen to what he does. Which unfortunately isn't asking you out on a lovely date. So no need to chat to him about it all. Just understand that men who like us, ask us out.

In the meantime, laugh along then go home and finish your online-dating profile!

Womaniser has vanished. He sent me a text on Wednesday night but my phone was broken so I couldn't reply. Nothing since then. I'm gutted! It's so stupid - here I am again, waiting for some knobjockey to ring me.

I realised earlier that I haven't been single in 12 years! I went from live-in ex to a rebound with now X. I have to sort this out, I need to make it so that I'm ok by myself and don't need to know that some bloody wanky old man likes me. I'm fed up with the distractio of waiting for a call, etc. I want to be emotionally free!

And I will be. er, just after I go speeddating on Weds.

Am definitely getting Davina McCall dvd. I find her so annoying, I'll just pretend I'm kickboxing her stupid gurning face in.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand, relax.

Early night for me I think.

Thanks beautiful.

I can't see him asing me out as he's become addicted to his PS3! He's regressing into his childhood. He's going home for a few days so I'll see what he's like when he comes back. He's behaving like a teenager at the moment, not a 28 year old. I'm not sure what's going on with him, he's got problems at work, gran died, problems with his family etc. He's not normally like this.

The womaniser does sound like a twonk, it's a good escape for you. I've not tried speed dating, I may though. I hope it goes well for you.

oh very confused your outfit did sound special and lovely -and you did really really well in the situation. And missing out a marriage in your life - hmmm that does say a lot really - and far too many men like the chase, the first 2 years of excited limerance love but arent so good at the settled down working harder at it stuff.

Good to hear being kind to ourselves is staring to take a higher priority for the sisterhood than the pursuit of twonks (like that word)

Just about to cuddle up with 5 year old man - who is taking it turn about with 3 year sis at present to sleep with me. Sweethearts!

Hope weekends are kind to everyone.(())

Hi all. I hope everyone is doing OK. Sorry VeryConfused that you're feeling a bit crap again - it does go up and down doesn't it.

I've had a very bad week and have spent most it crying about my lot in life. God that sounds self-pitying but sometimes you've got to give into it. Then I berate myself because at least I'm not living in a tin shed in South Africa or in the war zone in Afghanistan or living in a cardboard box on the streets! Then I immediately feel sorry for myself again.

Still battling big time with xh who is surpassing himself in his fuckwitdom and is sinking lower than even I thought he would in his desire to destroy my life for having the audacity to leave him.

My feelings of loss over xp have cranked up again and have spent the last two days bursting into tears at the drop of a hat and missing him even more than ever. I still am having a hard time believing that he is never going to want me again or come back to me. It's too much at the moment. I feel cast aside, thrown away, discarded, unlovable, ugly, fat. I want him back so badly and there is a huge hole in my life now. I'm worried that I won't be able to move on because I still love him and can't see that stopping. I still can't believe that he doesn't love me anymore - we were so so close and he meant so much to me. I felt loved and accepted and important and then nothing.

It's so hard to deal with everything else that's happening and this aswell.

Sorry for self-indulgent posting but feeling really crap again this evening.

Hope everyone is doing OK and thanks for all your support.

Oh lamby Im really sorry. You have had so much loss - even if you wanted to leave xh - you still lost the lovely marriage you had hoped for - and now youve lost Xp.Its so hard to have loss upon loss. Have you seen your GP for a chat - could they get you some counselling. Sorry if youve done this before.

Evening fellow dumplings,
had college this evening so only getting a chance to catch up now.

Itwas & beauty, thanks again for the feedback. Ok, I'll hold onto my ££ & leave it till a last resort.

Ok,here are some other ideas I had.I mentioned previously there is a nice fellow my age on my course. I thought there could be a bit of a spark between us but it's not the best of environments for pursuing romance (counselling degree, so a bit serious,you couldn't exactly have a quick shag with someone without it really interferring with the group rapport). Option 1 is to wait & see does anything progress.Option 2 is tell him I'm trying to build up a social life again (he knows I'm separated), and ask him could I tag along when he's going out with his friends??????

Option 3, my friend is a fire officer, I brought my kids for a tour of the station & she said loads of her work mates were asking who was the fine half etc.. I could take to droping in to see her or else I could again ask her could I go to their xmas night out?

Option 4, a group I'm involved with organise a trip for all of it's members to meet up every year in Spain for a w'end. This is coming up in a few wks, there would be about a thousand members so would be great hunting ground. I went to this last year but was too heartbroken to socialise & spent most of my time alone in my room. This year I would deffinately be up to the social side. The 400e would take me there & actually save me money because I could stock up on duty free while there. The only real difficulty with this is trying to get someone to mind the dc's. I'm already really struggling to organise dc's for college, could I really justify trying to call in favours for a w'end of pleasure????

Also there would be a remote possibility that xh could turn up if he thought I was going again this year.

Advice Dumplings, what way forward.

veryconfused, you'd a lucky escape, who wants to be xw no 5?? You wouldn't even get decent maintenance. Four failed marriages, it's obvious where the problem lies. You're grieving for the dream rather than the reality as someone else said. Your dress sounds great though, keep yourself looking fab, chin up & this will pass.

Following on from the whole Davina McCall discussion. I am always trying to teach the dc's healthy ways for dealing with their emotions/anger etc. Last night we all had great fun kicking the shit out of a bean bag. V theraputic for anyone in possession of a bean bag. Dc's had a ball, especially ds.

Lamby, I know exactly how you feel because I am feeling exactly the same way.

Feeling so sad and worry that I may not be able to move on too. It's daft (and very unhealthy) but I am still clinging to the hope that he will 'wake up', realise what he has thrown away away and come begging for me to take him back. I spent most of yesterday sobbing over him again.

I know that I shouldn't be feeling like this, he doesn't deserve me weeping and wailing for him, breaking my heart over him, it was his doing - I know all of this, so why am I still doing it?

Lamby, I hope your problems with xh are easier. I am thinking of you, I wish I could be of more help.

Lamby/squirrel - am sorry you are going through such a crappy time at the mo. But remember you are grieving, you've suffered a loss and sometimes I do think it does you good to have a good cry when the moment takes you rather than hold back, let it build up and then it becomes worse in the long term.

I have no idea if this is right or not! I just know that I went through every feeling/emotional/thought you are going through but I am a fair few months down the line.

I still think of him nearly every day but it is no longer with hurt/sadness.

((hug))

Well, turns out my frog/prince has met someone. I am slightly pissed off, considering the amount of flirting, ah well.

Still feel really crap, why do I miss him so much?

Why can't I move on? Its driving me insane, I feel so bloody pathetic, no man is worth this surely?

I thought last week I was doing ok, but now I am right back down there

Squirrel, it's a gradual process - there are good and bad days and at some point you will notice that you are having more good days than bad days - really, that's the way it works. Try and do something nice for yourself today. Good luck, let us know how you get on.

fluffy

i do think he has been kinda keeping you in the wings, maybe in case things weren't going to happen with this other girl?

sorry if that sounds harsh but he's obv not as nice as you think

and for squirrel too. as caramela said it's a gradual process that is more like a rollercoaster than you think....you can be fine for days and then have one day when all you do is cry.

you aren't pathetic - remember he has had time to get his head round this and slowly turn his feelings off before ending things with you (and sadly not telling you this) - you've not had that priviledge.

Squirrel, you are doing OK. I'm exactly the same as you. A week ago I was on the road to recovery but this week is a different story. I feel devastated all over again and have spent a couple of days crying again. The pain seems to have got worse the longer amount of time it is between any communication with him (that is a one-way communication from me to him which I have now stopped completely and will not do again).

I still love him and couldn't contemplate being with anyone else at the moment but I tell myself that this will change in time. I'm ashamed to say that if he wanted to come back I would take him back after I'd made him suffer for a bit! I fantasise a lot about this but am increasingly telling myself that this pretty much won't happen. He said he didn't love me anymore and that's about it then isn't it.

Squirrel we will be OK eventually but I think we have to go through this bit in our lives in order to come out the other side.

I have decided to live by the following mantra "nothing lasts forever, good or bad". For me this seems to sum up life.

Take care of yourself.

Hello lamby, it's crap isn't it ? I would definitely have Bollock Face back - if only for the sex. At least he doesn't know that.

We will all be ok in the end and gorgeous and our suffering will lend us an air of slight wistfulness which will be irresistible to legions of sensitive, romantic, seriously hot men .

Fluffy, he must not have any taste - the wazzock.

Hello people. (I like 'dumplings' - great word)

Can I join in?

I was dumped a year and a half ago by x-twat-h. I have another thread about it but think it would be good to join this positive thread (in the main it's positive) and try to dish up some help too as I am perhaps a little further along the line than some of you lovely ladies.

It DOES get better.
You WILL cry a lot.
It DOES get better.
Promise.
You just have to get through the days and hours and then months between it being unbearably shit....and then Zing!! It starts to get immeasureably better with only tolerable troughs.

Hi Dumplings, had a crap day today. X had a major psychotic eposide in front of dc's. My daughter had the sense to get his mobile & ring me so I was able to keep her on the phone while I drove to collect them.

He'd only had them about half an hour & luckily I was there in about 10mins but being honest I feel so sad for dc's. They've been through so much, they've only seen him for about 2 hrs 4 times over past 10 wks or so.

I think my dc's lost any last hope of having their father in their lives today & I just feel so sad. Brought them out for a nice day so they're all happy & luckily they don't understand the implications of what happened today.

Have that horrible sick feeling in stomach & am half in dread that someone is going to knock on the door & tell me he's dead.

I'm so sorry, startingover, not much consructive I can say but I'm thinking of you

Thanks Caramela, I'm just going to have a nice night with dc's & deal with whatever happens. The dc's are fine anyway tg, but my eldest was pretty shook up when it happened.It is so hard to make the right decisions when you're caught between dc's that desperately want to see their father & a man that's so mentally unwell!

I have not cried, I just feel drained. I had to take ds into his shop today, I kept walking out. He was trying to talk to me, asking me what was wrong I have sent him a text telling him his behaviour on Thursday was a step too far, I don't want to hear that his friend likes my breasts or talk about his bum, I have asked him not to do this before and I said how embarassed I was. He's a real twazzock if he think's it's ok to say this to me and not expect me to be pissed at him. I'm really tired of his head games. I've turned my phone off so he can't call me. I should have known better, he sucks his thumb and plays with little plastic models!

Just think ladies, there's a prince out there for you somewhere. Alot of bastard frogs though [angyr]