Beautiful's Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether we were dating, cohabiting or married, we are now to use therapist-speak well effed-off about the whole business and are desperate to regain our fabulosity.

Well, this is the place! This is where we regain our positivity, our self-confidence and eventually our mojos. We might think at the moment that we'd also like to regain our men, but that might not last long, as we'll soon realise that anyone who could put us through this does not deserve us.

Come in and start regaining your brilliance! I will be setting us exercises to complete that are based vaguely on self-help books, beauy tips and Feng Shui, or we'll just have a right good bitch until we feel completely drained and sick of the sound of our ex's names. Whatever works.

Hello everyone, Lamby are you ok ? I know nothing whatsoever about social services but if you want my email address, you can have it.

Squirrel - I concur with the others - a big fat NO on sending the tosspot his present, geddit flogged and buy yourself something totally frivolous - I expect you to come on here and tell us what you've bought, do not disappoint your fellow Dumpettes.

Mavis, no I don't work for ROSPA but have seen the outcome of many novelty accidents during the course of my work. As I am a model of professional propriety I shan't relate them here but should we ever meet in a social situation where alcohol is involved, it's a fair bet that you may get to hear them.

Startingover, I don't think any illness/personality disorder is an excuse for that kind of abuse, the man is clearly a loathsome, poisonous wankstain of the highest order.I have my fingers crossed that even now he is shamefully wandering into an A&E somewhere, his head covered with a blanket as he explains to the triage nurse the nature of his household incident.

Hello Littlest and welcome , I'm thinking we have enough recruits now to form some kind of Dumpettes Army - not sure how it'd work but the uniform would be fabulous.

littlestmummystop -- hello! Whizz me up a quick mango, orange and ginger in that juicer wouldja please? And slosh a load of vodka in too.

Can I be really nosy and ask how old you are?

I love your story. I want to be able to post that in 4 months' time.

I dd have a blissful singleton moment earlier. On the sofa under a blanket, treating myself to a TrueBlood "Sucky is Maaaaaaahn" repeat-marathon, stuffing in treat-size Mars bars (why? Why?). I thought, you know, I wouldn't want to be sharing this with anyone. Not the Mars bars, the moment. Although not the Mars bars either.

Then I washed all the downstairs floors and remembered how that was X's job, only I had to remind him every time. His not-washing the floors caused so, so much more bad feeling and anger than my quickly doing them myself!

So a dull and domesticated but v REVEALING evening here at Beautifulville. Hmmm.

I don't know why but I've hit my stride with dealing with X. I must have just been infatuated with him, because it's getting very easy to have him here and not harbour any secret mushy feelings for him. He came over earlier to fix the bannister, and he even looked different... Sort of gangly.

Beauty, enjoy the mars bars (I've been eating them & a lot more with them since halloween). I just ate a whole sherry trifle myself so feeling quite queezy.

Caramela, don't think x will be appearing in a&e but he will be appearing in court shortly where he will have to do explaining of an equally embarrassing nature.

Lamby, still thinking of you & hope you're doing ok with whatever's going on for you.

Hello

Hi Fluffy, was just thinking about you & how things were going for you as you hadn't posted for awhile.

Am off to bed now.

Morning all - well as a lot of us are using singledom as an excuse to eat whole packs of stuff (sherry trifle - yum!) then I must confess to a whole pack of dark chocolate covered ginger biscuits yesterday.

Anyhoo, ds1 was off nursery yesterday but was bouncing about like the healthiest child in Scotland. Grrr. He's been sick again this morning and now ds2 looks a bit peaky and I have to say I don't feel that great (although this could be biscuit related). This too shall pass I suppose...

Last night I dreamt that ds2 suddenly started walking but the only person to share it with was a delivery driver who happened to be bringing christmas pressies . Also dreamt that xH was being a twunt (even in my sleep!) so didn't feel so depressed about sharing ds2's significant milestone with the woman from dhl. Good lord the subconscious is weird!

Right off to catch up properly. Nearly the weekend dumpettes!

Picking up on the spirit of the thread the other day I half registered on a dating forum just for fun.

And I am now getting the most bizarre emails from all kinds of strange men. None of them sound like guys I'd like to meet but amusing nevertheless. Methinks attractive suitable men of my age group are not plentiful.

Too soon for this anyway - better to stick with girlie treats right now.

Agree with you on the comment on X Beauty. At times I look and almost laugh out loud.

Beautiful.... I am nearly 33

But felt more panicky at being 30 (and not with the right man) than being older and single....

It's like my brain has finally realised how fat I am today. This morning it was saying to me, "Why is all that flab just hanging off your upper arms? And this gut - what's going on with this? Do you have any plans to rectify this anytime soon?"

So I'm starting the Scarsdale Diet on Sunday. I can't start it today as it's booze-free and I have friends over tomorrow. No, I couldn't start it today anyway then just have a small glass of wine tomorrow, shut up.

It's very expensive. I spent £100 on the food, although this was Waitrose. And why I'm shopping at Waitrose, I have no idea as I have been literally crapping money since X left and am too scared to check balance.

But, if you follow the diet, you lose 1lb a day, it's soOOo healthy (loads of fresh fruit, veg, fish and lean meat) and last time I didn't regain the weight till I got knocked-up with DS2.

I'd love to be really slim and gorgeous - it's the only thing about me I have a complex about. I'm 12stone 9 today! EEEK.

Fluffster! There you are!! Stay and spill th beans - any new developments? Did you see CoffeeGuy again? and if so, was he any less gay-seeming?

Good luck with the diet, Beauty. I bought a weighing scales, but haven't plucked up courage to remove it from the box yet, let alone stand on it.

Did use slow cooker to come home to home-made vegetable and lentil soup last night. Then this morning ex made me an hour and a half late for work by not collecting DD as agreed, so in a fury ate two pecan and maple pastries. Why, oh why? Hardly an effective expression of rage against ex. Snarl.

I have a new phone, camp guy sent me a text on the old one asking for the number again, he's on fb anyway so he can contact me on there, I've not replied yet. The smooch site is really crap, avoid ladies!! I had one mingy bloke send me a message just saying "please"

Game boy is going home on Sunday for a few days, I had the "my friend thinks you are really attractive" yesterday, followed with alot of flirting from him, he knows from when we were kind of dating that I like his bum, he just kept talkin about why I like it, depsite me saying he didn't want me to talk about this any more as we are just 'friends'. I hope the space helps him to sort his head out, if he just wants to be friends then he needs to stop the smut and flirting. ARGH!! MEN!! I'm quite pleased I'm back at work next week, I need some space!

Afternoon Dumplings,

Mavis, hope your dc's are ok

Well I got finally got to talk to woman from just for lunch just now (kept missing her calls). Anyhow, it's 400e for 6mts. She said she has 200 members in my area. What do you guys think?? To avoid dealing with the sex deviants of online dating, would it be worth giving it a shot?????

Can't remember who but someone advised me against this on a previous thread. Can you explain again the pitfalls? I'm thinking that anyone who is prepared to hand over the dosh for this must be fairly serious etc..

Oh I'm having a really crap day. Yesterday I went to a conference in London, those who know my situation will be aware that X and I sit on a committee together. Thought I could be mature enough to be at conference with him and another nice female member. Anyway, he was in good spirits and quite friendly so I just kept thinking how I didn't want him anyway, and how could I ever have got naked with him etc. etc. I've also recently discovered he has in fact been married 4 times and not 3 - and surely no one could ever be reliable if they have had 4 failed marriages? And what a whopping lie to tell me
only 3 times - think it would have coloured my view of him considerably.

Felt vindicated in many respects when he went to get a round in at the station bar and then immediately said, oh, OK when I said I ought to get the drinks( 3 drinks - £15.50!! - thought he would say lets go halves, as the other lady bought some snacks for the train - the point being he was really mean and never spend any money on me.)

We all enjoyed the conference and had a good day.

Eventually I thought it was just wrong not to say anything about us so just before we parted company I did say that I was fine, and I'd realised it was an impossible relationship we were both better out of. And I felt really cool and in control as i walked out of the stationand then I just cried all the way back to my car and I keep crying now.

I've had a bit of bad news today about something technical to do with work, and I could do with talking to him about it on a professional basis, but I just feel so crap and miserable. I'm just wondering if this is the right place to say all this because now I am more confusedandupset than ever.

I really really know the relationship was wrong, it would have been a disaster and I'm just so much better off without him. But there is still something I want and I don't really know what it is. At its most basic I just want a really good male friend I can just talk to and feel understands me. And then I get cross with myself because I could have had that with X if it hadn't gone further and we had not got romantially involved and I feel that was my fault because at the end of the day I wasn't good enough and I got dumped.

I feel I should never have thought in the first place that anyone would want me and care about me and love me.

I know this sounds shallow but he always used to say how nice I looked when I got dressed up and yesterday I was wearing Brora embroidered boots, new Brora print frock, Brora Cashmere cardi and some new bits of jewellry from Links and I thought I looked pretty good, but he didn't say anything.

It just feels to dreadful to be rejected by someone technically so un desirable, and so sad that I wanted and loved him - by that I mean I must have been sad. And that means I am totally useless.

I know that logically none of this is valid. That he pursued me relentlessly for ages, so he must have desired and wanted me even if in a very base way.

I suppose the bottom line is I don't understand how men say to women that they feel unappreicated and un loved and unhappy, that they feel sad if you don't ring the day is bleak and they pursue you - he even followed me to Tesco one evening just to see me and then once you have lapped all this up and fallen in love you are just surplus to requirements and dumped.

I did ask him yesterday if he was happy - it might have helped me really if I'd thought we had both ended up happy and out of a mistake, but he just said he was unhappy and he was always unhappy and it didn't matter.

So here I am not wanting him and wanting something and I don't know what it is and I just can't stop crying and I feel rubbish, I'm ashamed I've got insufficient strength of character to cope with this.

Beautiful - Was 12 stone 11 a fortnight ago, 12 ston3 5 now!

Veryconfused -- oh, come here. (((((veryconfusedandupset)))) I LOVE the sound of your outfit, and I love what you said to him about it being good that you split. That'll show him, the tightwad commitmentphobe! Even though he'd never give you the pleasure of knowing it, it will have got to him, a lot.

You were brilliant. Billiant, brilliant, brilliant. I am so proud of you.

Some men, sadly (and usually those with shitty self-esteem) are just addicted to the chase. They don't want us to love them, they want us to keep rejecting them. That's why they love the pursuit but then get bored when a relationship eventually happens - because they hate themselves, they despise us for liking them.

How long were you together as a couple?

You did fantastically. I'm so sorry that it hurts, and it does, I know. But you can hold your head up now as that was wonderful. You were beautiful, dignified and generous! You are walking into such a happy future, and TwatFace is standing forever at the cashpoint of life, and has pretended to have forgotten his pin.

Or, er, something.

400e is a fuckload of cash! Spend it on new clothes, a facial "freshen" and lots of socialising. Or two nights with a talented gigolo.

All they do is trawl internet-dating sites looking for people for you anyway. My brother was on mysinglefriend.com and had an email from the Drawing Down the Moon agency, saying he'd be perfect for one of their members.

It's just so much money. SO much. That would buy you memberships at about 10 online agencies for a year, and there's bound to be one sane member in your area.

Thank you, Beautiful, only 4 months, but I did get very carried away.

My single best friend has some nice blokes on it

I knew it wouldn't have been much longer than 3 months -- blokes often reevaluate and vanish around the 12-week mark.

"TwatFace is standing forever at the cashpoint of life, and has pretended to have forgotten his pin."

That really should mean something shouldn't it??!!

I agree 400e is Far Too Much Money when there must be other avenues. That could get you a nice weekend away in order to hang around continental bars eyeing up European totty.

Veryconfused...so sorry you're having a crap day. I second what Beautiful (possibly minus the cashpoint reference..)

Fluffy - he's just going to keep springing you along you know. He possibly doesn't even realuse he's doing it but he has to stop the flirting crap or you need to walk away.

Lamby - you ok?

OK, so I have Dr Who on now and Alexander Armstrong on later. And a bottle of wine. Who says Friday night on your own again can't be fun!

Hello everyone, sorry you've had a rough time, veryconfused - I did read your own thread - you did better than I would have done if I'd had to meet Bollock Face again - there's no way I wouldn't have been a snotty faced wailing mess, certainly wouldn't have had your composure.

On the whole weight loss thing ( and please bear in mind, I am the least sporty person you will have ever encountered ) - I can recommend Davina McColl's workout dvds - not only do they work, I actually enjoyed them and you may find the kickboxing element very cathartic - I find shouting ' Take that you fucker ' as one imagines the slimebucket's face on the receiving end of your trainer works a treat.