Beautiful's Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether we were dating, cohabiting or married, we are now to use therapist-speak well effed-off about the whole business and are desperate to regain our fabulosity.

Well, this is the place! This is where we regain our positivity, our self-confidence and eventually our mojos. We might think at the moment that we'd also like to regain our men, but that might not last long, as we'll soon realise that anyone who could put us through this does not deserve us.

Come in and start regaining your brilliance! I will be setting us exercises to complete that are based vaguely on self-help books, beauy tips and Feng Shui, or we'll just have a right good bitch until we feel completely drained and sick of the sound of our ex's names. Whatever works.

Sorry didn't realise I had gone on so long on last post, blame it on singledom!

Oh MuthaH, I got such a laugh reading about your last exp with the roller boots.

Beauty, delighted that you're being so proactive. Keep up the good work.

No, startingover, I love good, long posts! I'm thrilled for you, about your body, your bras and your award!! What a fantastic boost. If you went back to work could you get an au pair to help ith the kids? Must be sooo hard to be looking after 3 by yourself. I find it nightmarish with just 2!

Do you do anything productive in the evenings? I'm finding I'm so exhausted by 7pm that I'm just fit for TV and MN. Such a change as I used to do a lot in the evenings, like baking and cooking and tidying up. Now I'm just...

Hooray for you! You sound fabulous, you really do.

Matchman told me to look up his band's website and I did... Hmm. Under his profile thing it says lots of stuff, then "He has the voice of an angel and an eye for the ladies. Lucky, lucky ladies."

That's put me off. Eye for the ladies? Cocky twunt!

Hi beautiful, how are you today?

He sounds like a tart, it could all be for show though.

Beauty, that gave me a laugh, however I can't overemphasie the bra's for those of us less endowed, better than any boob job & of course much cheaper.

An eye for the ladies!!!!!! You deffinately don't want to be going there, I'd take my chances with Mr enthuastic.

God, I'm always wrecked in the evenings. Mine don't go down till 8.30 ish & am usually another hr at least restoring chaos & preparing for next day. X no loss there though as he was oblivious to everything going on around him in evenings, just lay on couch watching telly after dinner. So actually life is easier in lots of ways, far less cleaning, washing etc..

I'm involved in a few organisation, groups etc & usually I'm out 2/3 evenings a wk with them. Not the great social life it might sound, go out at about 8 & home for 10 usually. It does help to have a life outside of dc's though. I'm also in a book club, do coffee mornings with school mums, have female friends over some nights, study, do assignments, now MN.... I cram loads into my evenings when the dc's are down!!

I did find a big diff between 2 & 3 dc's but my last two came v close together (unplanned). Also have 2 skids (they're older though & don't live with me but are her often which is great), so it's a bit of a mad house at times

I think we all sound like great women, it'd be lovely if we ever got to meet up someday.

Morning fellow dumplings,

I was doing ok(ish), I ate a proper meal for the first time in weeks yesterday. I had a glass of wine yesterday evening to congratulate myself on not even thinking of contacting him.

But this morning I turned on my compter to see he has blocked me from msn etc. I know it shouldn't matter but it does somehow. It was like another kick in the guts.

I feel old, I feel that I am going to be on my own now for the rest of my life. Who is going to want a disabled, old woman? My son is talking about moving in with his girlfriend so I will be in this house alone most of the time.

I wish I didn't feel so bloody lonely!

Mr Enthusiastic "I miss you so much" is the same man who has "an eye for the ladies". He does loads f stuff, he's in a part-time band... he's not going to want to settle down with me and the DC, is he?! I think I'll just play it very, very cool and see if he can win me over.

I have already told him that I don't shag people for 6 months! lolol. In one of his texts he put, "and I'm not going to wait 6 months". I replied, "Oh yes you are".

Aside from being old with 2 DC, at least I don't have to get married again! Now I can just date forever.

Squirrel, could you get a lodger? Or live with a friend? Or take in students? Something to give the house a bit of life!

I really don't fancy the idea of taking in a lodger or students. I can see me having to clean up after them etc, it would drive me mad.

I just need to organise some sort of a social life. I have even emailed the local AmDram group to offer my services (not that I can do much because of my disability).

I have no friends that live close by, its amazing how many friends you lose when you become disabled.

Beautiful, you are doing so well, I wish I could be like you and get on with my life. I am so trying hard.

How long have you been a dumpling? How long does it take before you can entertain the idea of dating again because at the moment there is no way I can se myself dating anyone - even if he is mega rich, handsome and the nicest man on the planet.

Hi all, not read all your reads threads yet! but was wondering can I join?
I'm 34 and came to mn April 2008 when Dh went off to China for business, as my wonderful lovely DH and came back a total knob, having screwed the Chinese whore business partner. He moved out, blah ,blah, blah

Since then I have partially moved on, got a job, bought a car, bought a house, started Uni through work/job and am now doing a BA in English with the hope of becoming an English teacher. Still miss him sometimes but thats just for company as I certainly do not love him anymore. We had been together since we were 19 and married 10 years!

Im enjoying not having any partner at the moment, though ex H does not help much with the DC (5 and 10) useless twonk.

My biggest achievement though was going on holiday summer just gone without him! and Ive booked and half paid for a holiday of a lifetime to Florida , all on my own with kids!!!

so Im pretty proud of myself! oh and Tosspots girlfriend (he imported her in!!!! - made in China!!!!) has so far come over with her delinquent son and burnt down our business and the flat ex H was living in!

hmmm wondering if he regrets his grass is always greener move yet?!!!

Morning fellow dumplings,

Beauty, sorry didn't realise Mr Enthuastic of the I miss u's was the same person as the voice of an angel womaniser. Be v wary. Womaniser is not a trait I'd be looking for in a future mate. Womaniser types (while v appealing by nature), don't really do the whole commitment thing too well usually. No reason why you can't still have fun with him though.

You are not old, I am only a yr younger & I consider myself a youthful creature.

Squirrel, that sounds great about joining the drama group. Anything that adds to your life & gets you out and about will really help. What about a dog for company? Nice warm furry creature to keep you company & share your bed? They're easy to please & more loyal then a lot of the male species.

Moo, you sound great. God you've really moved on & achieved a lot. Sounds like X has a lot of regrets I'd say.

Hi Moo. Youve done a lot and really got on with things!

Squirrel - yes its hard when its lonely. Good idea to look into clubs, societies etc where you can meet people.

Beauty - hmmm yes he does sound a wee bit keen on the ladies but TBH when youre dating its not such a big deal. Dating allows this - its taking it further when it matters And LOL at the 6 months rule - I love it when men get the unexpected from women. Ever tried going to pub and buying drinks for men - I know its expensive but its fun as a one off and gets a lot of chat and attention

Squirrel, DH said he wanted a trial separation on Sept 10th (this year) and moved out on October 1st. After a month, I said, "Do you think we've done the right thing?" and he said yes.

That was it for me, that Yes. I cried but then suddenly thought, OK, that's that, then. Dust yourself down and get back up! I do get mopey and wistful but very quickly realised that there is absolutely no point in being like that. He wasn't perfect, it was often very hard work, he is hard to talk to and sometimes infuriatingly negative! It helps to remind yourself of their bad points, it really, really does.

I am also lucky to have probably the world's greatest Mum, who is being like a fabulous life-coach - very encouraging, supportive and positive!

You are amazing, also very lucky too. I don't have a 'Mum'.

I really do keep trying to pick myself up, dust myself down and think to the future but it isn't easy. I admire your strength, its funny because anyone who has ever met me has said what a strong woman I am etc, and to a point I would have had to agree with them but now I am not so sure...

Well, at least I haven't spent all day crying. That's got to be a step forward hasn't it?

I think the secret is that you have to feel there's a future. At the moment you're worrying you won't meet anyone else, aren't you? That fear of the future will keep you looking back to the past, so after you've gone off this most recent ex, you might feel tempted to look up other exes from longer ago.

Somehow you need to face your worst fear and banish it. What is your fear? Loneliness? never meeting anyone else? Establish what that fear is and find ways to solve it. Like... joining clubs where you'll meet people. Going to social events, even just to make new girl friends.

Are you taking any vitamins? St John's Wort is meant to be wonderful for lifting spirits.

Going all day without crying is fabulous!!!!!!! I bet that felt impossible even very recently, so look, you're on your way. You're doing it!

I'd arranged to meet Womaniser (let's call the Match man that from now on) on Weds, but I had to cancel it today. He said could he pin me down? I said was he ever free for lunch. He said he was free tomorrow or next Monday, so I said next Monday was perfect. (You always go for the farthest-away option.)

He replied, "No it's not. It's 7 days away and that electricity-fuelled kiss on the cheek is still buzzing my head."

I replied, "No, that was the nicotine."

Am meeting HotProspect soon for coffee. He said do I ever get up into London. Um, no, I am not schlepping up to town to meet a strange man, thanks v much.

I have deleted all Womaniser's texts and the Match email with his number in, so I can't be tempted to text him.

Thank you Beautiful, yes I am afraid being alone. Afraid that no-one else will want me, that I will never want anyone else.

I am making progress, I can see that he wasn't right for me. I can see that whatever I did it wouldn't be enough for him. I can see that he dragged me down and made me not like myself very much.

But I still miss him, I know I am well rid of him but...It doesn't make sense does it?

BUT...

I AM making progress and I can't wait for the day I don't think of him once.

Wow Squirrel - you put it in one - yes I want the day I dont think of him once!

Cant write what I did yesterday but it was bad and ended in lots of tears and me screaming at him. BUt there you are -today is another day I have had a good day - the kids have been sweetie pies and I have a homemade yum cake (not by me) waiting to be eaten!

I do have a mum but shes not lovely and supportive. She told me the affair was all my fault etc etc- she is an unpleasant bitch to put it mildly. If I had a mum like Beautifuls it would make me very happy so well done Beautiful mum for being so lovely!

Well doen for arranging another date Beautiful. Good to be building up a rampant social life!

He sounds like a frog beautiful, he's one to be wary off, I'm sorry. Have your wits about you with this one.

I went to see my frog/prince today as his gran died yesterday, he seemed OK though, talkative. It's his day off tomorrow and I suggested meeting for lunch, he said he didn't know yet (he's going training) but would speak to me later.

Evening Fellow Dumplings,

Squirrel, that's great progress. I think we've all felt like that, deep down we know we're better off without them but when they're gone we tend to glorify them & sink into the pits of despair.

Beauty, well done to you, you're playing him well. Wouldn't it be gas if he knew there was a team of women analysing his every move.

Hello all!

Squirrel, as others have said - hang in there. It will get better. I'm still wasting time going over all the rubbish things H did in our 10 years together but there really isn't any point. It won't get me anywhere but frustrated that I let him get away with far too much nonsense for far too long.

Startingover.. I like your career plans and well done on your award. I've just completed the OU conversion diploma in psychology which I really enjoyed.

Moo - hello there! I think I remember your threads from earlier in the year. Well done for moving on!

Beautiful - I'd watch out with The Womaniser! And you realise you will have to wait 6 months now (with this one at least )

I told H I may be moving yesterday. He seemed to take the news quite well but we shall see. Apart from that much else to report. Just tired!

Startingover well done you for getting your award - you must be good!! You are a busy lady and you sound like those elusive super women I hear of! Do you work outside the home too?

Squirrel it's horrible when they do things like block you on Facebook, that really hurts. It's like a rejection of you as a person and all you stand for. That's how it feels to me anyway, like the very person I am has been rejected and found wanting and thrown away. Although I'm feeling better as every day goes by, today I have been thinking about how he could just cut me from his life so utterly and completely - that's set me off with a tear in my eye! Like the last 13 months meant absolutely nothing to him when they meant everything to me. He couldn't even be bothered to reply to my really nice e-mail. Guilt because he has someone else I would imagine. Now I'm crying but not just for him but for the mess that is my life at the moment.

Squirrel, it may not feel like a step at all but it is a step in the right direction.

I think the majority of people do worry about being alone, nobody wanting them. Being lonely isn't nice. I used to not only miss him but the thought of the lovely future of growing old together and still do sometimes.

But it does lessen.....I promise. You will still have the odd lonely moment (who doesn't - I think it is more sad to have these moments when with someone) but if you can live your life and fill it with things you enjoy it will help. The amdram sounds good, or maybe a local book group/wine tasting? The old cliches do work....time, keeping busy, making plans for you. Maybe a pet would be nice to keep you company too.

I sometimes think that I will end up being that slightly scary old woman who lives with 71 cats that kids dare to knock on her door at halloween.

but at least the cats will bloody love me!

beautiful - you've probably done the right thing re womaniser....if it doesn't feel right then it probably isn't. sounds a bit of a slime.

On another note, my Atkins diet as kicked off well...my daughter has had a 48hr vomitting bug and has kindly passed it on to me. I had an egg and some bacon for breakfast, felt dodgy and then have been hugging the toilet since about 4pm...nice!