Beautiful's Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether we were dating, cohabiting or married, we are now to use therapist-speak well effed-off about the whole business and are desperate to regain our fabulosity.

Well, this is the place! This is where we regain our positivity, our self-confidence and eventually our mojos. We might think at the moment that we'd also like to regain our men, but that might not last long, as we'll soon realise that anyone who could put us through this does not deserve us.

Come in and start regaining your brilliance! I will be setting us exercises to complete that are based vaguely on self-help books, beauy tips and Feng Shui, or we'll just have a right good bitch until we feel completely drained and sick of the sound of our ex's names. Whatever works.

Hello fellow dumpettes, I hope you're all having lovely Saturdays.

Thank you for the date report Beautiful - he certainly seems keen, blimey - enjoy yourself.

Mutha, good luck with the carb avoidance -this morning I tried on a dress I last wore in 1990 ( admittedly it's full of lycra ) and it looks half decent ( well it will with appropriate gut-restraining underpinnings ) and it made me feel a bit better.

Hi Fellow Dumplings, it's great to see the progress forward.

Beauty, God you've come so far so quick. Glad date went well & that you're enjoying yourself.

I am feeling great again also, got presented with an award for my academic achievements at the function I was at yesterday. I was picked out of 50/60 others, it has boosted me no end. I'm feeling like a proud, amazing, singledon. Ex has gone off the rails again but I am just ignoring all & basking in my own glory!

Hello can I join this club for the recently dumped?

thanks for your support....am gunna need it!! am off out tonight with my friend and i shall be donning my bridget jones vast knickers.......sexy! (though the last time i wore them i pulled - typical!!)

welcome squirrel and well done starting

I have been reading this thread and you are all doing so well.

For me it seems to get harder not easier, its the little things like his friends deleting me from their facebook friends, the tv breaking, the feeling so alone.

This thread gives me hope that one day I will be able to move on.

chin up squirrel. sometimes it does seem that a few things coincide with the dumping. and for a while, things do seem to be very hard, the hardest thing you've ever had to do without you actually having made the decision for this happen in the first place.

one of the good things that will come from a time like this is that you will get to know who your real friends are - mine where fab.

I do have a thread here

squirrel, i remember your thread now. it hasn't been long at all and I do think you need to give yourself a bit of time to grieve...after all the death of a relationship and what might of been is like a bereavement.

but no matter how long and dark the tunnel may seem now, you are heading in the right direction and it will get lighter and brighter

thank you, I do so hope you are right.

Hi everyone

Bad day yesterday I had managed to get to 2 months with no contact with the ex and then I got a text saying can i ring you i need to talk.

Anyway he did need to ask me something about me buying the house in just my name but he started saying how much he still loves me, misses me and how much he is raw and hurting. it made me cry again it's almost like he senses i'm getting over him and wants to rake it all up again.

So spent yesterday in misery land and actully spent today frantically cleaning the house plotting how I could snare him away from his 24 year old...... what am I thinking this is the bloke that loves me so much he cheated on me 5 times i need to stop thinking i want him back what am I doing??!!

I can't just cut him off completely because his mum has terminal cancer and it's very close to the end and I love that woman even though she is his mum .... why is life so damn hard ??

Going out with my mate later for glass of wine or two and I have got to stop thinking about him

Squirrel, really good to see you on here. I'm sorry it's not getting any easier but I do understand because it's not getting any easier for me either. More like I have some good days but always go back to the bad ones. It's awful isn't it. Have you heard from xp again at all?

Have been refelcting on my previous comments. I guess the best way to think about it is this:

If you know that you will always love your ex find a little corner of your heart. wrap up your most positive and beautiful memories of them and bury them there. Mentally burn the bad memories. That leaves more space in your heart for someone new. I am a firm believer in several ''ones'' throughout our lives and that you can love in different ways.

When I am in love and especially if I am pining I am consumed by it!

Posh what a lovely idea! I will try to do the same with xp. God I would do anything to touch him again. Pathetic eh.

Where are all my fellow dumpettes tonight? Match.com I would imagine or more exciting lives than me sat at home watching X factor. I love it though.

Am feeling slightly more philosophical about it all today. I feel like I should hate xp for leaving or more like the way he did it. I don't though - just lots of sadness.

It's a games shop beautiful, the sort you um... do a hobby in , ds paints in there, then he plays with other children, he really loves the shop. I help him, I did get collered by my 'friend', we just chatted about work stuff, he asked me if I wanted to go for lunch with him, we just talked about nothing though, just work and how we were both doing. He came round for tea and fireworks, ds commented on how he must have been happy to have been fed, have fireworks and walk down the road with his "sexy mum" He just laughed. Did a bit of silly flirting.

Morning Fellow Dumplings, hope by the time you read this that those who are still in a lot of pain will be feeling a bit better.

Following on from what posh said. I read in one of the many self help books I pursued in my darker moments that a good idea is to have a little funeral ceremony i.e. bury a small box in garden with a photo or something symbolic & that it should help the whole grieving, letting go process. I never actually did this but I have thought about doing it in the past.

Another thing which I have done & find v helpful is to keep a diary. It will help you see that you are making progress & is also somewhere where you can write down or vent all the things you would like to say to x, wether they be good or bad. I have found this has saved me many an arguement & it's good for clearing & letting go.

I think though women are biologically programmed to be more emotional & so a traumatic breakup can hit us a lot harder. At the end of the day I think you've just got to go through the grief & pain, and I think we will all come out of our experiences stronger & probabely better people for it. Something good will come out of these black days for all of us, it might be that we become more loving, kind, tolerent, better mother's, have better relationships in the future etc.. But something better will deffinately come into our lives if we are able to learn from our experiences & grow as human beings.

I think it's important to try to by nice to ourselves during this process though & make sure to do at least one nice thing for ourselves everyday. It could be taking time out to meet a friend, a bath, painting you nails, treating yourself to something nice etc.

Another good thing to do when you're feeling down is write a gratitude list (in diary possibly). Write down all of the things in your life you have to be grateful about, it helps make you feel more positive when you see it in black & white.

God, I'm on a roll. The two younger dc's woke up earlier & by time I got them settled I was wired, hense the midnight ramblings of a deranged dumpling!!

Take care fellow dumplings & remember you are never alone.

Beautiful, I have only just caught this thread - was going to say I am so sorry that you have split up with your H, especially after all your efforts last year on your Stepford thread - but you sound like you're doing fabulously well so I'm not sure that I am sorry after all!
have an unMNly ((hug)) anyway - am proud of you, have been there myself (although now it is lots of years ago) and I still remember it all too well. Mind you, it did do me one big favour - I lost 1.5 stone in 4 weeks! And kept it off for ages (not now though) And in the end, another big favour or several - I never had to see his mother again (yay!), I never had to put up with his antisocial attitudes (yay!!) and best of all, I got my own house out of the settlement (yay!!!)

Always a bright side... plus I wouldn't now be married to a lovely DH with a gorgeous DS and living in not-so-sunny Australia now.

Keep up the good work, and lots of strong and good vibes coming your way.

StartingOver what a lovely post. Have you ever thought of becoming a counsellor specialising in the niche field of dumping! You'd be fab.

I suppose I must be feeling a bit better because I'm interested in eating again but don't want to put the weight back on. Always remember xp's daughter telling me I was fat and xp slightly smirking and saying "kids tell the truth". Remind me why I'm missing him? Actually (light bulb moment) that was pretty shit.

I always got the impression he wanted young (his xw was 14 year younger)bit of attractive stuff on his arm. I did not fit the bill as am a couple of years older than him.

I'm going off on one again - thinking out loud the cogs never stop whirring do they.

How are things with you Starting?

lambypoo,

XP did email me, we talked for a little while via email, then he emailed me to say we are not together and he doesn't want any contact at all ever.

Why on earth did he raise my hopes only to stick the knife back in?

I haven't contacted him since, not going to either. What a piece of work eh? Dumps me by msn, gets my hopes up via email, then sticks the knife back in and twists it via email.

Yet as crazy as it sounds I still miss the twunt, I miss his daughter and I feel so alone.

I know he doesn't derserve my tears but...

That light at the end of the tunnel is so far away it seems unreachable.

Sorry for being so negative on such a positive thread. I know I have to look for the positives, make a list but it is easier said than done.

Hi can I join this club? I became a dumpling in September and am trying to regain my fabulosity but (as you know ladies) it can be hard. Could do with a few laughs as well

Oh squirrel I'm so so sorry. I know the pain you're feeling - it's awful isn't it.

He has treated you very badly to get your hopes up and dash you down like that. What a complete tosser and you deserve so much better.

Don't feel like you're bringing the thread down, there are plenty of us on here suffering the same. I'm still feeling absolutely crap. Good days bad days and some inbetween.

I e-mailed a very last e-mail last night, bearing my heart but in a very positive non-judgmental way and nothing - no reply. He is not worthy of my love and I am getting that now.

All I can say to you is that time is the only healer and keep yourself as busy as you can. The only time I feel OK is when I don't have time to think about xp.

Hang on in there, we'll get through this together.

Wendy just come on in and tell us your story if you feel able to. We're all in the same boat here and want to support each other. Hope you're OK and looking forward to you posting more.

Thanks for your encouraging words,

Keeping busy is easier said than done the weather change has affected the chronic pain disorder I have and I can't physically do much. Walking and even typing this causes so much pain.

It is times like this I miss xp, he is a paramedic who wasn't phased by the pain I am in. it was him that nagged me to take my meds, him that would massage my shoulders to try and help ease the pain.

Sorry Squirrel and Wendy you had to find your self here - but hope this thread helps you as much as me.

Posh - lovely thoughts of what to do after the split - not quite ready yet but when I am....

Working now and then kids coming back to watch the Aristocats film on round teatime so will enjoy that

Glad date good Beauty - seems a tad keen but I agree in the scheme of things not big deal at this stage I cant belive you can discuss with H - wow -very adult/surprising to me!

Hoep all have good Sundays as poss

Bloody Hell this thread moves soooo fast! A massive, fabulous, glittering HELLO to all the new Dumplings! It's lovely to have you here, and to know that I'm not the only woman who can't keep her bloke we can all get through this together.

and yes lamby that was a s**t thing to say by ex

And Starting - good ideas for us all!

Hello all. Welcome to squirrel and wendy. Not the kind of thread you hope to end up on but there you go!

Some lovely thoughts about how to handle moving on. I can't help thinking that although we react to these situations more emotionally, women are better at being practical and keeping it, mainly, together. When there are dcs involved you have to keep getting out of bed!

Having a very lazy day today just like yesterday. Ds2 is teething and ill so I was up half the night and simply can't be bothered to do anything improving - DVDs all the way today!

Hope you all have a lovely day.