Beautiful's Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether we were dating, cohabiting or married, we are now to use therapist-speak well effed-off about the whole business and are desperate to regain our fabulosity.

Well, this is the place! This is where we regain our positivity, our self-confidence and eventually our mojos. We might think at the moment that we'd also like to regain our men, but that might not last long, as we'll soon realise that anyone who could put us through this does not deserve us.

Come in and start regaining your brilliance! I will be setting us exercises to complete that are based vaguely on self-help books, beauy tips and Feng Shui, or we'll just have a right good bitch until we feel completely drained and sick of the sound of our ex's names. Whatever works.

I want to move on but he's the one. Everyone else is second best. I am getting used to second best in this life. Apart from dd of course. She is the best thing ever!

PSM I can relate to your story so what I do is the dating/chatting thing but because of circs with a detached air ie have some fun (not sleeping around fun but fun nonetheless)

This works for me most of the time. It may or may not work for you. My expectations are low but maybe I will meet someone I hit it off with.

I'm still very picky about who I respond or chat to.

So haven't totally moved on but not going to sit around mooning around all the time (just some of it lol).

oh and keep it separate from dcs

Oh posh so sorry to hear about your predicament.

I know how you feel because I feel the same about xp. I was only with him for 3 months but really love him still and believed that I was going to be with him for the rest of my life. However, that's not going to happen and like so many others i appear to have been cast aside like an old ragdoll even though we could have had a shot at happiness. However, for me too no-one else will do but I do believe that in the future this will change.

When I was 16 I met the love of my life and went out with him for about 4 years on and off. I still occasionally think of him now. Years ago, when I was single, we bumped into each other and had a bit of a fling and I was right back there again for a bit but we both realised that it couldn't go any further for various reasons. He will always be a little bit in my heart but I did then go on to be with xh and then xp. I got over all this with time passing and I guess we all will get there over time. Can't bear to be this miserable for years!

In your case, it might be best to continue in the belief that nothing will happen so that you are not pining after him and feeling crap (easier said than done I know). If it is meant to be it will be and sometimes the romantic notion is lovelier than the reality anyway. If he is interested in you then he will bring it about anyway.

I do see the irony of my own relationship advice but there you go! Just sharing my own life observations I guess.

Take care of yourself.

I'm back!

posh: Don't get despondent, I wouldn't give up. He's only got a gf, not a wife, not a "soul mate" . You could easily get him! Just be nice, and do a Cosmic Shopping list: where you write "I want [his name] to realise he loves me by Christmas, ask me out, and for us to be married by June 2010." Then shove the letter behind a photo of a dead relative (apparently, according to some wank self-help book I read, this gives the list ExTrA PoWeR because the dead granny helps you cosmically from other side, or summink.)

Will give full date report in a sec...

A cosmic shopping list?? I've not heard of one of these.

Beautiful's First date as Singleton

I wore: lovely new brown wrapover dress from John Lewis, black patent boots, new push-up bra!, silver necklace and silver cuff bracelet. Hair: down, curly. Coat: black fur (real). (Bought secondhand so am not helping to kill baby seals).

Got to restaurant at 8pm, he was there outside in the queue (can't book at this place), he looked NICE. Taller than I was expecting, nice face, friendly, open. I was still shitting self and think looked a bit nervous. Eeek. We stood in queue and I bumped into a local Mum friend! We chatted, then Date and I decided to sod queue and go over road to other restaurant.

He was vvvv attentive, generous and gentlemanly. A "You can have anything you want" sort of man. (I can't tell you how different this is to X.) We had cocktails, then sat down for dinner. Tapas. I let him order as couldn't be bothered!

Chatted vvv easily. He has done lots of stuff. I kept going out for cigarettes and he came out with me, despite not being a smoker! Aawww. Lots more chatting. We did NOT talk about marriage/divorce, any of that.

At one point he mentioned an ex-gf and a brief battle with depression , so I said I was going out for another fag! Do not want to hear talk of other women, tyvm, I am not a friend. (Did not say that to him, obv, just to self.)

After dinner I said I had to go as had lots to do tomorrow. he was pushing to find out what, I was non-commital. (As all I am doing tomorrow daytime is cleaning the house!) He bought me coffee and brandy and i sat back in chair, very content, and he said, "You look so happy!" and was very proud of himself. I was vv effusively grateful for dinner which he paid for without batting eyelid.

He offered to walk me home (miles), saying "Think of all the cigarettes you can smoke on the way!" and "I'm not ready to stop talking to you yet!" But I let him walk me halfway back then flagged taxi. Kiss on cheek.

He hasn't mentioned seeing me again... But I would be surprised if he didn't ring. Tonight has reminded me what a lovely date I am!! Home by 11.15pm, kinickers intact.

Did not miss X at all. Did not for single oment think to self "Wish I was here with X."

Well done you! It sounds like a lovely evening. I hope he calls you. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you have your prince. Sounds good though.

He was v funny. I made him laugh too, it was all nicely light-hearted and banter-y. At one point he said, "You look very young for a smoker." I said: "You should see my X-rays!" He laughed so much he spat out his mojito.

Uh-oh. Just looked at mobile and saw he sent me a text at 11.15pm: "I miss you so much".

No, no, no, no, no. Easy boy. Shit. He's bonkers. FARK.

Is that weirdly overly keen in anyone else's opinion?

No! You're fine. it's still a valid guess! Maybe it was for his ex-wife, and here I am being all cocky about what a great date I am! lololol

Bloody glad I didn't let him see where I live though.

Ah BEAUTIFUL!!! Really sorry your dh is a cunt. Seem to remember we chatted on a thread AGES ago which was about pleasing your dh. Prat doesn't know what he's lost but he will! Good luck, enjoy your dates.
x

Thanks minky! That is a very perceptive description of DH! It made me laugh.

Thanks for your support!

That's a tad keen!!

Well, it makes a nice turnaround, dunnit? Last week I was all boo-hoo about ex DH not liking me enough, tonight I'm freaked out that someone likes me too much!

It's a tough one, it would give me alarm bells though, it would be too much for me.

I've not heard from my frog/prince today, I know pretty much what he's been up to because he told me yesterday, he didn't say what he was up to this evening though. Ds and I are going into his shop tomorrow and he's coming here after to set off some fireworks.

Lovely, lovely Fluff: Why are (fabulous) you and (gorgeous!) DS going into the shop tomorrow? Do you just sit in there, sort of hanging around? (What kind of shop is it? Is it fun for your DS?)

Sweetie -- it's Saturday tomorrow! I'm sure I can list 25 more fun places for you and your lovely son to go tomorrow that don't involve being in very close contact with a man who does your head in!

Sorry to be harsh, but it's doormatty to hang around his shop. It is. It's his space, you have nothing to do in there except chat to him, you've gone to him, you've done all the work, he'd be there anyway... Bleurgh.

Why not get a pretty coat on, slap on some lipgloss and take your lovely DS to an organised fireworks display tomorrow? You might meet someone thrilling.

Am I being too harsh? It's just you are spending a lot of time wondering what he's up to, and where he's going, etc... Meanwhile, your own amazing life is passing by!

Morning all! Beautiful, your date sounds great although text is indeed a bit keen. Still, benefit of the doubt and all that - just hold off letting him know where you live!

Off to try and prise ds1 away from the tv. Will check in later.

Cor you lot don't hang about......there's a bit to catch up on!

Glad your date went well Beautiful!

Am feeling decidely crap - know there are more important things going on in peoples lives/world in general but am feeling a fat lump at the mo....think i've put half a stone on in the past month.

I am therefore going to try and do Atkins for a month to give myself a kick up the arse (as its bread which is my downfall) and have just done my tesco shop online.

Am off to try and catch up.....

Mutha -- dieting is great first step into fabulosity! Healthy and positive too. Plus feeling foxy will boost your confidence no end.

I have bought singleton clothes and feel soo much better.

Text flurry from Date this morning. He is keen, but I like it. It's all very easy, not at all like hard-work X. It would have put me off a few years ago, but now it feels blissfully staightforward. Don't know when am going to fit dates in though!

Spoke to X earlier to check kids OK. He couldn't resist asking how last night went. I resisted temptation to tease him and fake-whisper, "Ssshh! He's right here next to me", and just said "Lovely. It went really well." X said, "Good." So that's friendly then!

Hi beautiful. Thanks for your post. I don't know if it will work but may be worth a try. You are one of the only people who hasn't taken the moral high ground about this girl friend s**t aswell!
It's funny as a lot of my girlfriends used to lust after people's boyfriends when they were single! Naughty.

I am not going to wait for him though. I am going to try to get back out there and then I will stop pining! Someone bettre may come my way!