Beautiful's Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether we were dating, cohabiting or married, we are now to use therapist-speak well effed-off about the whole business and are desperate to regain our fabulosity.

Well, this is the place! This is where we regain our positivity, our self-confidence and eventually our mojos. We might think at the moment that we'd also like to regain our men, but that might not last long, as we'll soon realise that anyone who could put us through this does not deserve us.

Come in and start regaining your brilliance! I will be setting us exercises to complete that are based vaguely on self-help books, beauy tips and Feng Shui, or we'll just have a right good bitch until we feel completely drained and sick of the sound of our ex's names. Whatever works.

IWCAS: No, you're right. You are! I understand what you mean and it's all true. I am not proud of rubbing X's face into my new-found lust for life. As he left yesterday I said, as nicely as I could, "I'm really pleased we're friends again" and he said, vv warmly, "Me too". So I think we're going to be OK.

When you think about it, all I'm doing is giving him what he wanted: his own life. If I can do that and make myself happy in the process, there is a lot less guilt for him. Remember, X wanted this split. So he's got it. In spades!

And it is better for the DC. I feel a lot happier when X and I are getting on well, and am less shouty and preoccupied.

Part of me is kicking myself for ever letting X go, to be honest. But now he has, what can I do? You could even argue that my method has the best chance of making him regret the split and want to come home, but that's only 25% of my motivation now, instead of 100% like it was before.

I know what you mean, absolutely. I'm still a bit confoozled about it. But still, there is no dignity in moping. Going out for dinner with men - and remember, X and I have agreed that no dates meet the DC for months - is fine. I'm only 38. And I'm not a grieving widow!

It also helps if I describe how I date. I don't sleep with blokes (my average waiting time is 3 months). I don't get drunk. I don't go to their house, they don't come to mine, until after a few weeks. I don't even snog on first date!

Of course, I dated X like this too, so he's not going to be thinking that I'm off drunk shagging loads of random men. I'm a nice girl.

Sorry, am still guilty and justifying! But also this bit:

"I can't get over someone while they're in my life. Maybe you can."

I can't normally, but this time - since we have DC together - I have no choice! He is all about his children and wants to be hands-on. I want the DC to have him in their life, and I need his help with them too. (One DC is under 2 y/o.) So as long as that bit is happy and settled, my romantic life is up to me.

I do feel odd about it all, bit I'm just finding my way. Maybe this will all burn itself out then I'll go mopey and grief-stricken. Oh, I just don't know. I really don't do. Am I a total bitch? Is that why he left?? I'm just not a nice person??? Argh!

Thank you so much! That was so lovely to read, I burst into tears!

Ohh, this is so hard, isn't it?! I can't wait till the day, 5 years from now, when we're all happy again.

I just texted tonight's date: "V late now, but shouldn't we talk on the phone before we meet? We have skipped a step."

He replied: "You might not like my speech impediment."

I replied: "Exactly!"

So he rang, and sounds v nice. I answered the phone with a stupid voice on and he said, "Sorry, wrong number!" lololol.

I'm looking forward to this now.

Beautiful - I could have written your post about being friends with X. We have no choice really if we want to do the best for our children. And anyway, surely it's better for ourselves if we can get past this, move on as friends rather than being consumed by bitterness. Have a great time tonight, I'm looking forward to the update!

Itwas...don't forget as well as dealing with a breakup you're hugely hormonal whilst pregnant. I was still pregnant when H first suggested a break and I just couldn't see how on earth I'd cope with 2 children on my own. But, really I just didn't know then how I'd cope with 2 children full stop. Turns out it's mostly fine!

Anyway, I have applied for teacher training back home so whether or not I get on this determines whether or not I move. Needless to say I've totally jumped the gun and been looking at property in the area - well a girl can dream!

Hope you're all having a good day.

Ooh Im finding this very thought provoking. I couldnt be in the position Beauty is -maybe I should. It sounds very positive and grown up . I am being cooperative with H and kids are happy but I dont wish him well at present in split -he has s**t on me from incredible height - done worst stuff he could do. I dont feel like positively enabling the end result of his actions at present.

But Beauty you are probably doing right thing in moving on so positively- and glad you sound to be getting quality matches! Good luck for tonight. And I do think your dating rulees are sound- got to protect yourself. As a friend said to another friend recently remember that this is a vulnerable time for you and look after yourself!

And IWCAS - good last para!

And Mavis - what girl with future salry prospects can resist property shopping!

I just wanted to say that you all seem impressively positive today, moving forward in fabulous fascinating dumpette fashion - Mavis, good luck with the applications, ICWS, I do so hope to be one of the laughing, glamorous figures in 5 years time ( kind of doubtful right now but hey ho )and Beautiful, have the best first date in the world.

And d'oh, should have been IWCAS, please excuse me

Beautiful, hope your date goes well tonight. Are you nervous? Can't wait to hear all about it (living vicariously through you as are so many others!)

Have had an OK day today but more bad news about the house etc. Bring it all on! It's getting almost funny now.

Had to fight terrible urge to contact xp again but so far haven't done it. Please someone talk me out of it. I am constantly fantasising about him realising the error of his ways and coming back to me. Does this make a door mat? Should I be thinking he's a shit and has hurt me so badly so I wouldn't have him back if he begged me? God I don't feel like this. If he wanted to come back he would certainly have to work at it. Hey it's a fantasy isn't it. Do any of you believe that these things can get resolved when they realise how much they have lost. He kept saying he realised he may have made the biggest mistake of his life in leaving but does that mean that he would have replied to my texts week ago? God I'm so confused.

I love the idea of going on a dating website but I just don't want any other man. I don't find anyone attractive because I'm pining so badly for xp. He really was a lovely person and treated me well apart from the crap at the end.

It's official - I'm in total denial and am rather pathetic and weak and let men walk all over me. I need to get tough. Also I miss his kids, his mum and sisters. I miss the walks on the beach, the cuddles, the warm feeling of being in a couple.

I'll stop now before you all fall asleep. Sorry girls - still right in the throws of it all and still feel like someone has died.

I. AM. SHITTING. MY. SELF.

It will be OK beautiful. You are worth it, be brave!!

Hi all. Sorry to barge in but I have been dumped a lot, most recently when pregnant. at the moment i love someone i cannot have.

What I want to know is how do you recover from a relationship ending with someone who is that special''one''? Everyone tells you to move on and find someone else but after the ''one'' everyone else is second best. No one else will do.

Can anyone relate to this an dif so, what do you do?

Posh totally relate to you. H was love of my life -the best ever person I ever found -waited a long time for him - 'settled down' late in life. With him very long time.

Dont have answers for you sorry - still trying to work them out. But as I think SGB says (Sold Gold Brass-other MN poster) you cant make anyone love you -also cant make anyone be with you if they dont want to be.

Life is s**t sometimes. One answer is the eternal healer - time but nothing seems the answer right now except to immerse myself in love and affection of my kids!

Also yep Beaut would be s**tting myself in your sitch too. But nothing ventured, cliche cliche. It will be lovely having a restaurant tete a tete dinner with some good conversation ?

I'm in love with the most wonderful man ever. I had a chance with him ten years ago but I didn't go for it as I was so messed up about some arsehole. He's back in town, being lovely to dd an dme, no flirting as he has a gf. So i haven't been dumped but I am in pain as I lost my chance with him. He is taken. We spent a lovely summer in the caribbean ten years ago (not a romantic holiday but a uni trip.) We both had partners then. I was with the abusive twat. Turns out we were both from the same town. Fate or what?I love him so much. He went bright red last time I saw him. Everyone thinks he likes me but there's nowt we can do. God is laughing at me for messing it up with him.
Sorry to hijack.

You're not hijacking posh.

I don't think anyone's laughing at you, if it was ment to happen then it would have done. You have both done alot of growing over the past 10 years. If it's ment to happen then it will, don't punish yourself though, you can't change what's already happened, you can change your future though.

I've not heard from my frog/prince today, I'm seeing him tomorrow with ds though. I found out today there is only three other people on his MSN network (I didn't find out in a bad/snoopy way), the other 2 are people he used to speak to a couple of years ago so it means he only speaks to me on it. It's confused me even more as I had assumed he was talking to other people he'd met on plenty of fish, I was wrong about this.

Aw, posh, that sucks. Time to move on although it's really hard. He has a gf, you took a different path. Unless he parts with his gf there is nothing you can do so it's best to distance yourself for your own sake.

This really doesn't mean that there isn't someone else out there for you. I figure that it's better to be on my own than with someone who isn't good for my or my dcs. Although it's fucking hard sometimes.

No apologies needed, no hijack. We're all on our own here so more the merrier!

Hope rules firmly in place