Beautiful's Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether we were dating, cohabiting or married, we are now to use therapist-speak well effed-off about the whole business and are desperate to regain our fabulosity.

Well, this is the place! This is where we regain our positivity, our self-confidence and eventually our mojos. We might think at the moment that we'd also like to regain our men, but that might not last long, as we'll soon realise that anyone who could put us through this does not deserve us.

Come in and start regaining your brilliance! I will be setting us exercises to complete that are based vaguely on self-help books, beauy tips and Feng Shui, or we'll just have a right good bitch until we feel completely drained and sick of the sound of our ex's names. Whatever works.

Mavis, you could offer to re-take the Maths GCSE whilst on the course, as an evening class thing. I did Maths O Level (and failed!), then retook Maths GCSE the following year and got an A. The exam is so, so, so much easier now than it was.

I have swapped thinking about X for thinking about the one I've got a date with tomorrow. Completely pointless. However, have tweaked Match profile and have had a raft of much better-looking men.

I am definitly blanking-out problems by doing this, though. Need to focus. Must start with house (soo messy!) and work. X has DC this weekend and I can't wait - am so tired, really, really need a rest.

Caramela - all those things you did seem logical to me! I'd have done the same. Really. The email one sounds v enterprising!

Have been crap on this thread past few days, sorry, will definitely pull self together and write some uplifting stuff. Am re-reading wonderful relationship book that is putting this into perspective, willhave to post snippets.

Alas no, Beautiful - I am mad as Mad Jack McMad , in fact I've just been looking at a clip of him on youtube - 15 seconds of him looking like a lardy assed pillock in a cheap jacket ( just to clarify, it's a work-related film, I'm not so far gone that I'd fall for some amateur rapper/ Jackass stunt attempter ) and I'm toying with sending off for the full length version in full-on, tragic, bunny-boiler fashion.

I hope your date is absolutely fantastic by the way.

Well, I contacted the course director and apparently it's up to the Scottish govenment that 20 yrs of work experience, the equiv of 2 degrees and mothering experience are not worth the same as a single grade at maths

Now seriously considering moving back to England to study. I know this would take the dcs away from their father but you know what, he was supposed to skype today and hasn't bothered so I think I'll just get on with planning my life and bugger him.

Sorry for the me me me posts today - will get back to being supportive later!

Afternoon fellow dumplings.

Caramela, been there, done that, got teeshirt, nothing to be ashamed of, all part of the grieving process. Have to admit though to being very impressed at the ingenious lenghts you have gone to, im well impressed.

Beauty, good to see you back & best of luck with tomorrow (keep you new knickers on or better still save them for a later occassion & wear your most horrible pair to be sure to be sure). I advise this as sex depravation does funny things to the mind & body, & you don't want to add to your misery by doing anything you regret.

Mavis, I would deffinatley look at doing the GCSE. It'll give you something to focus on & you'll be working towards your goal. I went back to college last year & it's a great outlet & a good way of meeting people etc.

Re the grieving thing, i agree it's the whole package I'm grieving rather that just for my ex twunt.

Veryconfused, good luck with the weigh in.

Loobie, enjoy the cakes.

I'm trying to stay positively focused this morning. Am not feeling as miserable as past few days. Have a function tomorrow so I'm going to make an effort to dress up & enjoy.

Afternoon dumplings

Yes Carmela I havent deserted the dumplings yet and hope to live vicariously through others dating experiences for the mo

Beauty - dress and underwear are a great investment in you! - and haircut would I think be better then facelift at this late stage. Hope the date is fab and he has the charm and mystery appropriate to an Alan. I have invested in gorgeous new underwear without a date so am in a different sadness league to you but it makes you feel good

Lamby - you are going through major grief - as far as Im concerned all non destructive/violent behaviour is normal - major anger also allowed and dodgy behaviour very forgiveable. You are doing well to get out of bed!

Having a good weekend I hope - lunch out and then dinner on Saturday at lovely supportive friend's! Staying over so can drink what I like

Yes def up to meet Beauty another weekend - our free weekend cycle is in tune - am also now proud possessor of CAT ability so will try to get you over next week.

And Mavis -cant believe they turned you down - Im sure you would pass the modern maths equivalent no problem -go for it!

Mavis, if only I was talking to Bollock Face at the moment, he would be a very good person to ask about your problem. If he crawls on his hands and knees to me in the very near future, I will enquire for you.

I'm finding that laughing at my ridiculous behaviour is the way to go, well that and doing the vicarious dating thing. Frankly this thread is a lifesaver.

Mavis- well naughty naughty Scottish government, that's a bit unreasonable isn't it? I agree with all the others who suggested you take a GCSE if that's what it takes- don't let them trample on your dreams for something so trivial. (I'm sure that a GCSE will be a piece of piddle if you've got 2 degrees).

I had a brief go at online dating, and found a good quality of man on Guardian Soulmates (at least able to string a sentence together anyway..).

Beautiful: Some men actually like a bit of wobble on a woman. Just get a good uplift bra and flash plenty of cleavage and ankle...

For those worried about the dating whilst breastfeeding and oozing lark; ahem, I have a dreadful suspicion that there might be a whole gang of men out there who find that very erotic......(gulp)

Caramela so glad it's not just me that does bunny boilerish stuff. God it's so not me normally but hey - normal no longer figures!

Mavis - do what's best for you and retake that GCSE - you'll walk it no probs.

Beautiful - hope your date goes how you want it to tomorrow. Have you got your chastity belt securely fastened? (or not as the case may be!)

Have any of you reached the point where you are thinking of your x as a sex object? Or is that just me.

Mumfun, I'm going to give myself big pat on the back for getting out of bed. Difficult some days but bit better today than complete bunny boilerish crazy mad woman sat outside of house of xp trying to catch a glimpse whilst he has a fag in the back garden sort of day yesterday (won't miss the smoking thing though - or the slightly excessive drinking).

Kidding myself again - dont' care JUST WANT HIM TO COME BACK. Want cuddle, kiss and etc etc etc.

Crap, here we go again.

Lambypoo - get back from the brink lady, you're doing great however don't be so hard on yourself, remember this really is going to take time.

Maledetta - sadly I'm sure there is a market for leaky mama boobs, just not something I'm particularly looking for. In fact, ewww at the thought

Beautiful - good luck tomorrow, do let us know all the gory details how it goes - remember the army of dumpettes are right behind you!

Thanks for all your kind words re the Maths Issue. It really knocked me as I really didn't think it would be an problem. I've been looking for places to take the standard grade required but it doesn't look like I'll be able to do it this year (and that's not even taking into consideration the small matter of no childcare for evening classes). Tbh it's a matter of principle. I'm already spending every fecking evening studying my arse of with the OU and have been doing this for the last 2 years. I have rafts of qualifications, relevant experience - everything except one poxy 'o' level is a C rather than a B. I mean, I passed the bloody thing. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Anyhoo, I'm breaking my cardinal rule and opening a bottle of wine now and Considering My Position.

Hope you all have a lovely evening and I'll try not to get pissed and come slobbering back here!

Hello

I hope you are all well, stay strong all you dumplings, there's a hot, fantastic bloke out there for you all somewhere, keep kissing those princes!

I went to see my frog prince, he was busy at work, had a chat about work, I can't understand why he allowed his legs to get really close to mine under the table though, he did say he was trying not to stroke mine, he's coming here to set off some fireworks off on Saturday, he sent me a MSN message to say he was tired (when he was at work), bugger all I can do about it.

Hey I know this is supposed to be wallowing time.

Anyway had a great evening. For various complex reasons fireworks have always been a problem in this house - eldest DC very frightened. Well he decided he wanted to go tonight. We didnt go to actual display as too noisy but stood in a road overlooking and had a brilliant (quieter) view. Both DCs ecstatic and a very happy night.

Will be around tomorrow night and in spirit with datee Beauty.

And as someone else said this thread is a lifesaver!

That sounds really good mumfun. Well done your DC!!

I forgot to turn MSN off, I got collered by my frog/prince. ARGH!!

Mumfun - glad you had a good firework-y evening!

Fluffy - this is really unfair of him - you need to step back now or you risk being really hurt.

I'm off to bed - have checked out match where I would live if I moved back to England - 32 dire pages up here, 1 dire page back there.....
what is the term for moving to an area more remote than the sticks?!

Night all!

Night Mavis. Are they all bad on Match?

We are getting closer all the time. I won't let him hurt me though, I deserve better.

Fluffy, just ignore him! i think you're perhaps too "nice" and feel it's rude to ignore a message or a text, or a call. it's NOT. But until you try it, you won't know how good it feels.

Spoke to X tonight, here. H no knows I'm dating (and even saw [over my shoulder] a flattering message from a hot hot hot new prospect on Match; reassuringly, one handsome enough to give even the cockiest ex nightmares!).

I also know that X is currently "making sense of everything" and planning to relaunch himself onto dating scene in New Year. He has someone in mind. ! Actually she sounds nice so I was v encouraging.

Hmm. It's slightly weird where I am now, but I do feel that this split is "right", in terms of the universe. I do worry that I might have slightly upper-hand now but that that will all end and he will eventually win - being in blissful long-term rel'p while I ricochet from one wanker to another - but if I regain my poise, dignity, self-discipline and hotness, that shouldn't happen! And then X and I can remain friends, like we are now. I feel we are getting the friendship groundwork laid... if nothing else.

Ugh. Exhausting! No word either from tomorrow night's date. I'm going to turn up anyway as we have a date/time/venue organised, but have made plans if stood up to head over to best-friend's house 5 minutes away!

You are all sounding soooooo good! Keep those tits up and chins out... er...

Evening Ladies, at least those who haven't abandoned us to match etc.

Mavis, the term for more remote than the sticks is 'the arsehole of nowhere'.

Checked his voicemail again, female voice saying she missed him & looked forward to seeing him. Why the fu*k do I keep doing this to myself, I stoped checking his messages wks ago to avoid this very same thing happening & here I go again. Message to self, let go & move on. Why or why is this so hard.

Don't give up on Match. Tinker about with your profiles -- add/change bits. Keep them brief though, and concentrate on geting scorchio photos uploaded.

Seeisly girls, I did that today and had emails after from two lovely-sounding men.

I am also reading "The Rules", you know - that dating book from US so slated by everyone? It's harsh but slap-in-the-face no-nonsense about mooooooving on, and not hanging about, wasting time, where you're not wanted.

For example, X now knows I'm dating again but has not called or texted to say "Eek". I wasn't expecting him to at all, but I can look at these actions and get a very clear idea of where his head's at. Even though tonight he said he still thinks I'm pretty, misses my company, and my cooking! But that's all nothing, compared to what he actually does. Which is nothing! So, next.

This is one bit from The Rules. (What is it with me and my addiction to unpopular self-help books?! Dittany's going to kill me if she reads this!) Read this, girls:

"Be a 'Creature Unlike Any Other':

"It doesn't matter if you're not a beauty queen, if you didn't finish college or don't keep up with current events. You think you're enough! You have more confidence than women with MBAs or money in the bank.

"You don't grovel. You're not desperate or anxious. You don't date men who don't want you. You trust in the abundance and goodness of the Universe: if not him, someone better, you say. You don't settle. You don't chase anyone. You don't use sex to make men love you. You're not cynical. You don't go to pieces when a relationship doesn't work out. Instead, you get a manicure and go on another date or to a singles dance.

"You're an optimist. You brush away a tear so that it doesn't smudge your make-up and you move on! Of course, that's not how you really feel. This is how you pretend to feel until it feels real. You act as if."

The Rules for dealing with rejection. (This is mostly about when being dumped during dating, not abandoned by a wanky ex-DH, but I think the basic principle remains the same...)

"Our natural reaction [to dumpage] may be to stagnate and isolate, wish we were dead, not wash our hair or wear make-up, cry, sleep a lot, play sad love songs over and over, and swear we'll never meet anyone as perfect as him again. We might find comfort in the refridgerator () or talk non-stop about him to our friends ( ). Obviously, this is ridiculous. Allow yourself about two days (!!!!!!) of this behaviour and then go on.

"The Rules recipe for rejection is to wear a great dress and flatering make-up and go to the very next party or singles dance. Nothing is better for cushioning the blow than the adoring attention of other men.

"Whatever you do, don't lose your cool over this man. now is the time to acquire faith, to believe in abundance. Tell yourself he is not the last man on earth, there are many others and certainly at least one out there for you. Talk to women friends who were dumped then met 'The One'. They will tell you that they are so happy now that so-and-so broke up with them, even though they didn't realise it at the time.

"Remember, Rules girls don't get hung up on men who reject them. They say, 'His loss' or 'Next!'. They carry on. They don't tear themselves apart an wish they had done this differently or said this and not that. They don't write men letters offering to change or make things work out. They don't call or send messages vis friends. They accept it's over and get on with it. They don't waste time."

This morning, I've been mostly romanticising my X, making him out to be the World's most perfect husband, lover and father. This is purely because another woman might be dating him very soon, and if you'd been on your own for a while, or dated some turds, then my X would probably seem lovely.

Bugger.

My date for tonight has texted me (after I bit my nails for 3 days waiting for contact!) to say "I'm looking forward to seeing you tonight". I replied "Me too".

And the hothothot new prospect on Match (tall, dark, 43, 2 kids - he has custody!) has written again. That's 1 wink and 2 emails without ANYTHING back from me! I changed my profile text to mention something we had in common and he picked up on it and emailed me about it!

Really... I wish you lot would get profiles on dating sites. It has SAVED me. Even if nothing comes of any of these - which I'm actually fully expecting, tbh! - I feel so much better.

In a way, I feel a bit guilty! but then, there's no nobility in moping, is there? My husband didn't die, he effed off!

That's the Dumpling's new motto, by the way: There Is No Nobility In Moping.

I am going to reply to Hot New Prospect (HNP) later on today. Very light and breezy.

itwascertainlyasurprise: why can't I be friends with X? The best revenge is living well. If X sees me happy, cheerful, friendly but not "interested", dating other men, working, doing courses and looking gorgeous -- AND encouraging him to see other women who sound like they'd be lovely with our DC - surely we all gain? The DC don't get rows or atmospheres when we're all together, and we're more cooperative when arranging custody. I get to be filled with pride, dignity and optimism. And X gets to kick himself, which will hurt a lot more than if I kicked him.

If I'm lurking in the corner all moody and bitter, surely that's just a huge ego-stroke for him? "Look at her, she's soo not over me. Ha!" Sod that.

I need now to look for more work to do.