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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

So dp says those words that I have been dreading 'We need to talk'

141 replies

squirrel3 · 24/10/2009 18:20

Then he carries on 'But it will have to be next week because I am 'busy' now! WTF!!!!

I am so blooming angry I can't begin to describe how angry!

OP posts:

Report

squirrel3 · 30/10/2009 14:14

My cat has just caught a mouse in my kitchen! Yuck! I have taken off one of the kickboards from under the unit and there is ...errr... evidence of mice! I have never had mice in the house before!!

I have thrown the cat in the and kitchen and shut the door!!! Going to have to get some traps...

Its things like that that make you miss the xp isn't it? He would be the first person I would call about it...

OP posts:

lambypoo · 30/10/2009 14:41

God yes Squirrel. I broke down yesterday and the first thing I felt was "you bastard, why aren't you here for me anymore". Think that was what set me off yesterday. Crying lots at the moment - feel very lost without him.

lambypoo · 30/10/2009 14:42

Broke down in my car that is!

squirrel3 · 30/10/2009 14:50

I didn't feel angry xp wasn't here, I just felt very, very sad.

We will get through this Lamby, what other option have we got?

I have never felt this 'helpless' and pathetic over a man before... but, we will get through it!

OP posts:

lambypoo · 30/10/2009 15:04

I'm sure we will Squirrel but it feels so crap right now. Today is a very bad day. Can't stop crying. I think I will always love him though.

How's the mouse situation going?

squirrel3 · 30/10/2009 15:15

Don't know how the mouse situation is going, I am waiting for my son to get in from work to put some traps down.

I would look under every unit but I have something called Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy effecting all four limbs so it isn't something I can physically do myself.

I miss 'him' nagging at me to take my meds, I miss him helping me through the bad pain I am in 24/7, and I tell you what, the pain of losing him is worse than anything the RSD can throw at me...

Beginning to weaken again... Bloody Men!!!!

OP posts:

squirrel3 · 30/10/2009 16:31

Someone just reminded me how strong I am, how I have been through so much crap that would have floored most people and came out fighting (and that is without living with the RSD).

It may not feel like it now but I know I will get over this and be stronger for it.

OP posts:

squirrel3 · 30/10/2009 18:05

Both of us have Lamby, we are strong women! We have been through crap before and have come out fighting, why would this be any different?

OP posts:

squirrel3 · 31/10/2009 08:35

Another bad day, I spoke to a friend of his last night. It helped in some ways and made things worse in others.

I bloomimg miss him! I want to email him, phone him to hear his voice. I wont I will give him the space he needs.

Feel like my heart has been ripped out...

Wish I could stop thinking about him, feeling the loss...

I had a nightmare about the rape again last night and all I wanted was xp's arms around me to comfort me, make me feel safe...

OP posts:

lambypoo · 31/10/2009 10:26

Squirrel I know how that feels to have had your heart ripped out and stamped on. So awful that you still have nightmares about the rape - that's terrible and yes, it's at times like that that you need to be held and know someone is with you to share it all.

There will be someone again for both of us.

Biobytes · 01/11/2009 00:08

Squirrel, some time ago the man I thought was the one left me quite suddenly. And with that I lost the family I always dreamt to have. I could "understand" why I was better off without him, but there was nothing that could minimise the physical pain I felt at loosing him and his sons.

I howled, cried my head off, lost a couple of stones, but the worse was that pain, physical pain, in the chest that made me feel as if my heart had been taken out, chopped into little pieces and put back in its place, and it hurt with every beat. And that feeling was always there, at any time of the day. No metaphor here.

I tried everything to make that pain go away. It simply didn't. So at some point I accepted it was there to stay for a long time and that I just needed to cope with it the best that I could while it was there. This may sound strange but what helped me to keep my sanity was not to play movies in my mind of what was, could have been and weren't, it was already bad enough even without thinking of it.

Just remember, what you resist, persist. So allow yourself to grieve, but do NOT pitty yourself. You have done the best you could, this doesn't have anything to do with you (if so, your efforts would have worked). At the moment is impossible to feel this end is for the best, but in time you will understand why this happened.

squirrel3 · 07/11/2009 15:31

biobytes, you decribe exactly how I feel and it hasn't got any easier, if anything it has got harder.

OP posts:

squirrel3 · 07/11/2009 16:25

I don't understand why it is getting worse.

I guess it is making me look closely at my life and I feel like I mess everything up no matter how hard I try.

I guess I am having a hard time coming to terms with the 'other stuff', losing a grandchild, coping with some very painful memories.

It is all bound to make recovery from losing the relationship too much harder, I suppose.

I know he is a self-centred pig who dumped me I needed him the most but I (completely wrong I know) really want a big hug from him.

OP posts:

mother3 · 09/11/2009 11:26

it will take time but u will get through it.I have bad days when i miss people who have passed away but time is a great healer.He will not help your self esteem if he starts treating u like crap.You didnt mess up it was him.

Biobytes · 15/11/2009 21:25

oh squirrel

i hope you are feeling slightly better.
For me it was a long process, the first months full of questions for which there were no answers, the second one was simply unbearable, the third misserable (I know I'm not helping here) but what I want to say is that after several months things got better, I was able to put my head up and start smiling and eventually, I found a new person who loved me enough and had the patience to rebuilt my trust again.

Now I understand why it was better for that relationship to end, but it took me almost a year not to miss a beat every time someone mentioned anything about the ex.

Biobytes · 15/11/2009 21:28

I'm sorry to hear about your grandchild

the only thing I can say is to open yourself up and let everyone in. Allow any friend, person or acquaintance to want to help you to do it. You will be surprised about how many people is genuinely interested in helping you through this difficult time.

Flip

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