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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner has gone away for a few days to a hotel with another woman

781 replies

desolate · 13/10/2009 12:25

Hi!

Is there anyone out there who can find a few kind words for me please?

I've been with my partner for four years and we've lived together for most of that. I will be 50 on 3rd November and was hoping for a surprise from my partner for my birthday. The surprise has come early.

About six weeks ago I saw him making furtive mobile calls and when I checked his mobile found several late night texts saying things like "I love you so much". I asked him about it and he told me without any concern for my reaction that they were from a woman he had dated 10 years ago and had recently refound on FaceBook. They'd met up since. He said that she was in the process of a divorce.

He's been getting behind at work recently so I've spent a few weekends helping in the office and I found a letter from her in which she said that she was staying with her husband (2nd one) because her kids needed to stay at their school but hoped N would wait for her. She said that fate had brought them together again and there was lots of undying love stuff.

I decided to do my best to repair my relationship and asked him what his plans were. He said he didn't know and was confused. I asked if he had plans to see her again soon and he said probably not.

He came home last night and said that our relationship was over and that he was heading off today to treat her to a hotel stay till Sunday, when he will come home, so that they could see how they got on - her husband thinks she's gone to see a girlfriend.

My world has fallen apart. Does anyone have a kind word for me or any advice as to how best to navigate such a painful situation. I will be really grateful. Thank you.

OP posts:
6feetundertheGroundhogs · 25/10/2009 10:01

It was supposed to be the liverpool weekend this weekend.... Hope she went with a friend.

diddl · 25/10/2009 10:41

Oh yes!

Let´s hope the silence means that she is out and about & enjoying herself.

gonnabehappy · 26/10/2009 14:22

bump

What is happening - anyone know?

mother3 · 26/10/2009 15:40

just read through the posts 2 get an overal pic wot was going on.hope it wasnt a wind up as its wasted every ones time to feel truly sorry for her.On the other hand she might not have acces to computer just yet.but theere are internet cafes .Any 1 looked up her profile.

abedelia · 26/10/2009 19:38

Suspect she has much bigger things to deal with than making sure she gets in touch with us...

ellieloooooooooooooween · 26/10/2009 22:34

Desolate hope you are ok, thinking of you

overmydeadbody · 26/10/2009 22:37

I hope desolate is too busy sorting out her new life to post, rather than anything else.

desolate · 27/10/2009 09:10

I'm still around, still real and not a troll!

There have been various developments, not good ones really.

I did go to Liverpool, after all.

I'm so grateful to everyone who has helped me on this thread over two of the most difficult weeks of my life.

OP posts:
GooseyLoosey · 27/10/2009 09:11

Glad you're OK. Have you left him?

QuintessentialShadowsOfDoom · 27/10/2009 09:11

Good to see you post again, I was lurking on your thread earlier. You showed much courage in a bad situation. How are you doing

WartoScreamo · 27/10/2009 09:29

What's happened Desolate? Don't worry if you're still there. No one is judging you - we j want to help!

SprocketAndTubbs · 27/10/2009 09:36

Good to know you are still here Desolate

Stay strong, thinking of you x x

6feetundertheGroundhogs · 27/10/2009 09:52

Desolate: Get the feeling that you could still use our help. Even if it's just to be heard and for you to vent.

Whatever it is, literally, we'll be here for you. Please talk to us, we all, every one of us, is right behind you.

There'll be no judgements, we all know that the best advice is the hardest to actually take in reality.

StillSquiffy · 27/10/2009 10:36

Quint - look out for a thread on chat - am about to write one - only you can answer a very random qn.

Desolate - have been lurking. Hope things improve for you.

diddl · 27/10/2009 11:41

Anything you need/want to talk about, desolate?

QuintessentialShadowsOfDoom · 27/10/2009 12:37

I am intrigued, and keeping my eyes peeled, Squiffy!

theworldsgoneDMmad · 27/10/2009 12:38

Glad to see you back desolate, but please do keep posting

overmydeadbody · 27/10/2009 13:46

Is your lack of any more information with any substance to it due to the fact that you are still with the bastard?

Please reassure me that you did actually leave for good.

Iklboo · 27/10/2009 13:47

Please keep posting desolate - we've been worried about you

BitOfCock · 27/10/2009 13:50

Look, let's put to one side for a moment that you didn't invite me out in Liverpool , and that you might not have taken any of the advice...just let us know how you are and if we can help any more. Nobody is going to shout at you.

Oh, it's BitOfFun here btw, don't ask about the namechange, long story...

JustAnotherManicMummy · 27/10/2009 13:53

Glad you're posting again. I was a bit worried you'd vanished.

Are you up to telling us what happened?

dittany · 27/10/2009 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gonnabehappy · 27/10/2009 14:58

Yes, that is so true. No one can know what it is like to be you...BUT we do care and if talking online helps keep posting! I am sure that whatever you are doing some will agree and some disagree but also sure all will be supportive.

You take care of yourself.

PS I am lousy at taking advice but good at dishing it out!!! Reckon that might be true for a lot of mumsnetters! Tho - I do like hearing the other side, it helps me to get things straight in my mind. Hopefully all the comments will help here even if some sting a little at first!

Jujubean77 · 27/10/2009 15:01

Desolate please reach out. We are here to talk things through, slowly please don't feel bad if you haven't left. Just talk it out we can help

Jacksmamwahahaha · 27/10/2009 18:57

Desolate, please update. We're here to help.
(((HUG)))
(Un-MN but what the hell...)

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