DP is going on 'finding himself' trip to India for 6 weeks next June, can I vent?

[stellamel]

Just wanted some perspective on this! I am very new to mumsnet. Also am 18 wks preggers with DC2.

Now for his 40th B/day (March this year) DP decided he wanted to go on a sort of 'boys own' trip to India - next June (major project at work finishes then, so he should be able to get a sabbatical, he will quit if not as he hates his job anyway). DP intention is to fly out to India, buy a Royal Enfield motorbike (still made in Dehli), then ride it home to Derbyshire. We've worked out this will take approx 6 weeks - all being well, cost @ £4K (including bike) money we will need a loan for, and take him close to several conflict zones (including Afghanistan) and require him to ride through Iran.

Now aside from all these worries, plus the fact i will have a 6mth old and 4 yr old to look after (I am not the world's most confident parent!) I made a gargantuan effort to see this trip from his point of view and am now on-board with it, and am supporting his choice. However when I declined helping with the logistics, (I pointed out it wasn't something I knew anything about, and as it was his trip it was up to him to sort it out), he was a bit grumbly. I replied I felt pretty proud of myself for even excepting and being happy for him to go away for such a long time, to which he laughed and said 6 weeks wasn't a long time, it was like a summer holiday (I wish i had 6 week summer holidays!), when I said I didn't agree, he just shook his head and said I was being ridiculous - and believe it or not this is what has me annoyed , I'm still behind the trip, but am seething about him belittling what I see as a pretty good thing on my part.

Am I being unreasonable and and silly to expect him to understand that 6 weeks is a fairly long time to go away for?

FBGIB, she signed off about 200 posts ago, to say she would be back tomorrow

Surely as a man with a family doing anything that actually invalidates your life cover would be completely wrong.

You could be left homeless and penniless with two young children.

I would make a phone call to check this.

Tell him you would also like £4000 + (for you) a live in nanny (for the kids) while he is away on his jaunt. otherwise, all deals are off.

"find yourself" = wanting to lose who you're with atm.... Sorry.

Good point daftpunk.

It will of course end up costing you more than £4000 with interest on top - around 6k at least I expect. Not to mention the costs he hasnt figured in. Plus probably coming back to no job.
I wouldn't agree to it and if he still wanted to go I'd let him but certainly wouldnt be here waiting when he returned.

Make sure you're set up financially and you are not liable for the loan as others have said.

There isn't a name I could call this man which hasn't already been used on this thread. Quite apart from being a selfish twat, he is completely mad.

The thing that gets me is that he is behaving like such a spoilt brat that he would even jack in his job to go on this trip if he isn't allowed a sabbatical. Horrendously childish.

I would spend the next few days putting together a detailed plan of what you are going to do with your 6 weeks off when you go and find yourself OP. Really research it so that you can present it as a serious idea with routes/costings/places to stay/must do activities and see him squirm. Don't even mention the children except to say that they will be with him and that you are sure he will cope.

Tbh I partly posted to bookmark the thread as I want to know what the stupid idiot has to say for himself when the OP puts all these points to him. I would love to be a fly on the wall!

Surely part of the fun of any trip like this is organising it. If he can't cope with arranging the trip by himself how on earth will he cope oce he's actually there and problems with visa, borders, breakdowns, floods, etc cause problems?

Get yourself a job, make sure the loan is in his name only, change the locks and start internet dating.

So would I neicie.

Madness

utter, utter madness.

he obviously hasn't seen those documentaries where people tell their stories about being kidnapped in these remote places, it's scary shit!

Like others have said, why not start planning your own 6 week trip and tell him you will be leaving the kids with him?

5,000 miles through India, Pakistan, Iran and Turkey and then across continental Europe on a motorbike. Six weeks? £4,000? Not bloody likely.
Even if he was lucky enough to average 50 miles a day (which is on the hopeful side I should have thought) you are looking at three months, counting the time it will take in Delhi to sort out his arrangements.
He is being completely unrealistic from a practical point of view as well as everything else.
Stellamel's DH, for example, is a twat.

and a misinformed twat, to boot

Just found myself in agreement with Daftpunk

BTW - has anyone used 'cuntwad' yet?

And he's happy to leave his DCs when one of them is only just getting to know who he is???
(I know some people don't have a choice, forces, working away, but would anyone choose to have it that way?)
DH planned while I was pg to do the (safe) coast to coast walk when DS was a few months old - would ahve been 2 weeks. I said I wasn't happy and in the end he agreed not to do it. After DS was born he agreed (unprompted!) that there was no way he would have wanted to spend that time away from his small baby.

I was so shocked at this I asked my DH for his opinion. I think he was even more outranged than I was!

For me going to India for 6 wks to 'find myself' sounds like: ... and I will hopefully get to screw female backpackers I meet along the way.

Then when he gets home he will be a 'different person' who cannot see eye to eye with you anymore. see what I mean.

Either the whole family goes off to India together or nobody goes.

for some perspective, dh went to work in the Middle East for 7 weeks leaving me with a 3yo and a 2 wk old. It was hard as hell. This is including the fact that dd1 was in nursery 2 full days a week and I have a cleaner and gardener. DH missed his family like hell and could hardly wait to be together once more.

My friend who works for Lonely Planet says that it will take ages just to get through the relevant borders. Six weeks in total? Your DP is somewhat deluded.

I'm also, like stealthpolarbear, sad and somewhat surprised that he is happy to miss out on his new child's life.You couldn't have prised my DH away. DH does want to travel yes, but realises that we need to put big fancy travel plans on hold for at least a decade. Or scale them back considerably, save up for them, and do them together.

This thread is sounding great big red flashing warning signs to me.

Tell him from me, as a fellow mum of 2, that he has the very good fortune to have a saint for a wife and should never ever grumble at her again.

If my DH said he wanted to go biking for 6 wks and leave me alone with a BABY and a toddler, my response would be "fine then off you go, but let's hope you don't just find yourself, but also find a new home, a new wife and new kids, plus a big new job for all the alimony you'll be paying when you get back and find yourself divorced". Mind you, I am totally unreasonable and once dumped him (when our baby was 5 months old) for going on a surfing weekend!

Your way is much more reasonable, but he shouldn't take the piss and expect you to help him with the admin of the bloody trip too!

I don't agree that the OP is a saint

I believe she is a fool

At best, a naive one, at worst, one that is controlled by her tosser of a partner

so much so, that she cannot see how wrong this is, on so many levels

I wonder if he's actually trying to get you to stop him so that it won't be his decision not to go, it's because his wife "won't let me". Therefore he keeps his rolling stone free spirit whatever status without actually having to do a dangerous trip.
The reason I say this is 1) sheer magnitude of the plan, something you would be expected to say no to and 2) seeing that you did say yes, the fact that he's tried to wind you up further with the "it's only 6 weeks" comment.

Unanimous thread is this a first?!

I know people that drove to Australia via Pakistan. They planned the trip for months, were seasoned travellers, and did it BEFORE having a family. Plus they had a camper van that they slept in. Even they found it tough - ended up in a Pakistani prison on made up visa charges, people threw stones at them etc. The whole idea is utter madness on a motorbike surely? And as for leaving OP alone with a baby and a toddler and getting into debt to do this well words fail.

He should have done all this before you had any children at all and surely would have done if he was that bothered about it.

Not read whole thread but I would say if he has to borrow to do it he is insane

Never mind quote of the week, we need a twat of the week!

There are so many to choose from - errant DPs and DHs, twattish exes, not to mention twattishly behaved MPs and slebs. "Ewan" here would be a contender of course.

I couldn't find a medal so here's the prize