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Original poster

DP is going on 'finding himself' trip to India for 6 weeks next June, can I vent?

665 replies

stellamel · 29/07/2009 15:28

Just wanted some perspective on this! I am very new to mumsnet. Also am 18 wks preggers with DC2.

Now for his 40th B/day (March this year) DP decided he wanted to go on a sort of 'boys own' trip to India - next June (major project at work finishes then, so he should be able to get a sabbatical, he will quit if not as he hates his job anyway). DP intention is to fly out to India, buy a Royal Enfield motorbike (still made in Dehli), then ride it home to Derbyshire. We've worked out this will take approx 6 weeks - all being well, cost @ £4K (including bike) money we will need a loan for, and take him close to several conflict zones (including Afghanistan) and require him to ride through Iran.

Now aside from all these worries, plus the fact i will have a 6mth old and 4 yr old to look after (I am not the world's most confident parent!) I made a gargantuan effort to see this trip from his point of view and am now on-board with it, and am supporting his choice. However when I declined helping with the logistics, (I pointed out it wasn't something I knew anything about, and as it was his trip it was up to him to sort it out), he was a bit grumbly. I replied I felt pretty proud of myself for even excepting and being happy for him to go away for such a long time, to which he laughed and said 6 weeks wasn't a long time, it was like a summer holiday (I wish i had 6 week summer holidays!), when I said I didn't agree, he just shook his head and said I was being ridiculous - and believe it or not this is what has me annoyed , I'm still behind the trip, but am seething about him belittling what I see as a pretty good thing on my part.

Am I being unreasonable and and silly to expect him to understand that 6 weeks is a fairly long time to go away for?

OP posts:
LadyGlencoraPalliser · 29/07/2009 23:21

Drives over edge of precipice when brakes fail.

msled · 29/07/2009 23:22

You forget develops a septic arse ulcer from going over potholes on a motorbike for weeks on end in a place with not proper medical care so develops fatal blood poisoning and everyone at the funeral will laugh because he died from an arse ulcer.

Northernlurker · 29/07/2009 23:23

I can't believe I forgot arse ulcers!

snice · 29/07/2009 23:34

Beaten to death by angry MNetters on return to UK

Northernlurker · 29/07/2009 23:38

Come on snice - we don't want to wait - probably should nip over to Asia for 6 weeks to hunt him down? Visas permitting.

BitOfFun · 29/07/2009 23:42

Beheaded on Youtube by miltants?

zazen · 29/07/2009 23:43

A friend of mine tried to do the same thing, and his bones now lie at the bottom of a cliff on the Karakorum highway. We don't know exactly where he died. Just that he's dead now. He was a nice guy, but he's dead all the same.

Your Dh needs to find himself in a mirror I think, or on a couch in a psychiatrist's office.

If he goes, he needs to fund it from his savings, and on no account is he to quit his job as well, last thing a family needs is to be in debt and unemployed in a recession. Does he really expect you to sort out his logistics for him as well as the money? Is he your teenage son? Fancy sulking cos he can't even plan it on his own...
You say you weren't preggo when he hatched his erm... Plan, but you are now, and he has to just suck it up, and grow some.

He does know, Afghanistan is a freaking war zone, and Iran is having a revolution - is he out of his mind?
I mean that: really, Is he out of his mind?

Does he speak Ughr? Or Farsi? Does he expect that every one will be all happy as Larry to help him out because he's speaking the Queen's English? That no one will try and nick his bike (a friend of mine had his bike nicked in the Altiplano in Bolivia - a LONG walk to the road and a LONG wait for a truck) with a heavy, heavy bivvy bag and rucksack, and little supplies and water.

Why doesn't he join mountain rescue or the Territorial Army if he's lacking 'manly' excitement - he might actually do someone some good rather than desert his wife when she needs him, put his life in danger, quit his job in a recession and get into debt.

Complete self indulgence, I vote you are not being unreasonable, but he's a blinking idiot, and will be a drain on the Foreign Office personnel who he'll go crying to when his gear is nicked.. if he's lucky enough to be able to get to an Embassy.

And don't tell me he's going on his own?

BitOfFun · 29/07/2009 23:44

Or shot by loansharks on his return after consolidating his loan and defaulting?

seeker · 29/07/2009 23:44

A friend of ours went to Wales to "find himself" a year or two ago. My dp said "What's he looking for, a big field with an arsehole in the middle of it?"

msled · 29/07/2009 23:46

Yes, sobbing like a baby in front of a banner proclaiming Allah is Great and Gordon Brown is the Great Satan while a bloke sharpens his machete just out of shot.. what an IDIOT.

zazen · 29/07/2009 23:50

Oh congratulations on your pregnancy BTW!

Hope he comes to his senses soon.

choosyfloosy · 30/07/2009 02:30

God almighty. There are several elements to this which sound quite wrong, and a few that sound fine. I don't think a 6-week trip away is a completely unreasonable thing to do even at that time (can you ask for any grandparent help?) but to ask you to be super-cheerful about it is just childish. And if he can't even plan the journey without your help, what is he going to do when he breaks down in the middle of nowhere? How are his languages, mechanical skills, people skills? What's the health insurance going to cost for a trip like this?

You could of course 'help' by feeding him as much negative information as possible, starting perhaps with Foreign Office travel advice. I think the Lands End/John O Groats substitution is a good one. Or what about a trip within India?

He could have this trip as an aim to SAVE UP FOR - the amount to be saved per month to be agreed with you. And if it takes him until he's 60 to save it then so bloody be it, it's just possible that Afghanistan and Iran will no longer be war zones by then.

StealthPolarBear · 30/07/2009 05:14

"Killed by elephant

Squashed by hordes of irate musmnetters who think he is a pillock"

PMSL
(and yes, I did swap them round slightly)

OP - sorry for the diversion, what are you going to do?

sarah293 · 30/07/2009 08:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

magnummum · 30/07/2009 08:45

Agree with all the above - also - is there anyway this is actually likely to happen without your input into logistics? Ie if it's not all organised for him is he really likely to do it himself? (and congrats on your pregnancy and hope you have an easier time second time round).

ssd · 30/07/2009 09:05

op I think you're mad for even giving this eedjit a chance

Tortington · 30/07/2009 09:19

when is your holiday?

dya think shes coming back?

ssd · 30/07/2009 09:21

nah she'll be ironing his knickers for the trip

expatinscotland · 30/07/2009 09:34

she'll come back and scold all you lot. because she wanted 'support'.

Katz · 30/07/2009 09:36

she said she'd be back today but it might take her a while to get through all the posts!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 30/07/2009 09:37

She'll be back, she's new though and isn't as addicted as the rest of us, yet!

Northernlurker · 30/07/2009 09:42

expat - I think it was very supportive of us to point out exactly how much of a bad idea this was! She asked for perspective and she's got a united view

mumof2teenboys · 30/07/2009 09:45

She's had loads of support! Lots of ideas how to cope alone when she's a single mum!

She's had a 1001 suggestions to put to the wanker DP about the basic practicalities of a trip like this, I can't believe that he expects her to help organise such a wankfest.

Does she honestly think that this will be the end of it? If when he gets back he will be planning the next wankfest, because he will of met people on the road with loads more ideas of how to run away from responsibilty to find yourself. And because she agreed to this one, he won't see why he can't do lots more.

The more I think about this, the angrier I get. how could he risk his life to find himself? take up skydiving, bungee jumping, theres lots of things that he could do in England without risking his life. What an absolute wanker.

expatinscotland · 30/07/2009 09:46

I agree with Riven regardin quote of the week.

hocuspontas · 30/07/2009 10:02

Could we nominate this thread for Most Quotes of the Week?

MN at it's best. I keep coming back for more

Thanks op. Even If you made this up for a laugh it's a good one!