DP is going on 'finding himself' trip to India for 6 weeks next June, can I vent?

[stellamel]

Just wanted some perspective on this! I am very new to mumsnet. Also am 18 wks preggers with DC2.

Now for his 40th B/day (March this year) DP decided he wanted to go on a sort of 'boys own' trip to India - next June (major project at work finishes then, so he should be able to get a sabbatical, he will quit if not as he hates his job anyway). DP intention is to fly out to India, buy a Royal Enfield motorbike (still made in Dehli), then ride it home to Derbyshire. We've worked out this will take approx 6 weeks - all being well, cost @ £4K (including bike) money we will need a loan for, and take him close to several conflict zones (including Afghanistan) and require him to ride through Iran.

Now aside from all these worries, plus the fact i will have a 6mth old and 4 yr old to look after (I am not the world's most confident parent!) I made a gargantuan effort to see this trip from his point of view and am now on-board with it, and am supporting his choice. However when I declined helping with the logistics, (I pointed out it wasn't something I knew anything about, and as it was his trip it was up to him to sort it out), he was a bit grumbly. I replied I felt pretty proud of myself for even excepting and being happy for him to go away for such a long time, to which he laughed and said 6 weeks wasn't a long time, it was like a summer holiday (I wish i had 6 week summer holidays!), when I said I didn't agree, he just shook his head and said I was being ridiculous - and believe it or not this is what has me annoyed , I'm still behind the trip, but am seething about him belittling what I see as a pretty good thing on my part.

Am I being unreasonable and and silly to expect him to understand that 6 weeks is a fairly long time to go away for?

Oh, yes, the bribes. DH did some motorbiking in India as a teenager with friends. He could speak the language and had lots of money for bribes etc, went to school in India etc. I'll ask him what he thinks.

TOld dh and he said is he mad? He must be really thick. He said it's not safe and he will probably be hit by a yellow truck as he reckons most people there are drunk when they drive. No speed limits in country lanes.
He said if he wants to die then fine, go and do it.
Oh and to watch out for the drug traffikers who are mainly active at night time.

Jesus, dh spent his teens and early twenties in India and wouldnt do it.

Very unusual for dh to comment on a mumsnet thread but this one got a reaction.

Love the start a nice safe evening class!

I would take out some really good life insurence on him if he goes TBH

Forgot to say that my Grandparents were almost killed in a RTA in India while travelling in an ambulance! They had to get medi-vacced home, and took months to recuperate.

I have lived in India for 3 months at a time through work, and there is no way I would travel on a bike there. Its frightening enough in a car.

Also my DP tours on his bike - I too have no issue with him being free to do what he wants. The difference is, he wouldn't ever want to be away from me for 6 weeks, especially if we had children at the age yours will be - that just makes him a selfish, irresponsible idiot. The longest my DP has ever been away is for 2 weeks (and definately did not get us into debt for it - quite the opposite, the agreement was that I could spend just as much money on me as he did). He only toured UK to Sweden/France/Germany/Belgium and back to UK. This took 10 days and actually cost him around 2K - this was just for his accommodation(b&b), food, insurance for breakdown etc and safety clothing for the trip. He didn't have a bike to buy, but I think your DP needs a serious reality check if he thinks 6 weeks and 4K will cover it - I don't think it will.

That aside your DP sounds like a real twat - why on earth would he think it reasonable to leave you to manage alone for 6 weeks with a new baby and a 4 year old? And to get you into debt for the pleasure of it?

I'm afraid I'd be telling him to go for as long as he wanted because he wouldnt be coming back home.

I don't think he could even get cover for that Kimi, not if most policies exclude things like accidents while doing dangerous sports. I imagine biking through a war-zone in possession of two brain cells would come under the exclusions category too.

He's thick as shit really, isn't he? Thick for the poor planning, thick for the poor finances, thick for thinking you're being ridiculous.

get him to re-plan a cycle rise from John O'Groats to Land's End with the 5yo in a cart he pulls behind his bike - using national cycle routes only, of course.

AnybodyHome, i think you are spot on. I was thinking the same when i read it again and read that he hasn't really done his homework.

Yes. 'i m so brave and free spirit etc and i could do a lot if my wife and children let me'. I 'll not be surprised if he is scared to ride in Devon let alone Afgan!

If he really wanted to do it he would have done some research. He 'll probably say 'oh i need more money than i thought' and he will stay.

I wonder what the OPs response will be?

He is being really selfish.

Please make sure the loan is just in his name.

2 children to support and he will quit his job 'if he needs to'. Very irresponsible imo.

Cheeky B#$%^&D!!!!! And thats my DHs opinion too after I read your post to him! You must be an incredibly giving person is all I can say cos not a cat in hells chance would I agree to it!!!

ALSO, has he spent 6 weeks riding a motorbike before? Maybe he should watch that episode of top gear where hammond (on classic bike) races clarkson (steam train) and may (classic car) to edinburgh... think SORE would not describe it. My DH has a bike and rides it regularly but says hammonds experience is pretty accurate even if you're used to a bike and that is only from one end of the country to the other (barely).

Has he looked into slightly more sensible alternatives like this for example. There is a very nice motorbike factory in Minsk too, google informs me. I fear he may have fallen for this rather romantic advertising campaign, over a few beers with his mates. Is he planning to go alone?

Take out massive life insurance on him before he goes, won't you? It's the only way he's going to be worth anything.

Oh dear, did I say that?

Point out very sweetly and innocently all the cons that have been set out here (need for visa, orange puddles, crap roads etc) - but do not agree to help him sort any of them out. Having scared him shitless, tell him how important his happiness is to you, tell him you know you will have the odd moan, but that he must on no account take it seriously. You are naturally worried that you may not be able to cope at home with two children under three/four (can't remember, sorry) but you will certainly muddle through and he has your blessing, and he must of course go, as it is sooooo important to him, and therefore sooo important to you.

Then let him stew and find another excuse to back out of it.

Maybe point out that if he shags a backpacker in Iran "adultery and sex outside of marriage are illegal under Iranian law and can carry the death penalty" (Foreign Office website)

I don't think OP is married to the bloke

But it's sex outside marriage...anyway, we digress, it's a crap idea anyway, and I'll eat my hat if he goes ahead with it

I wonder if it would help if we make a list of all the ways the Op's partner can DIE on this little escapade? I've got:

Hit by yellow truck

Killed by bandits

Killed by warzone related catastrophe

Executed for (presumed) adultery

Killed by drug smugglers

Killed by lack of available healthcare and money/insurance for air ambulance when develops horrible tropical disease

Killed by hordes of irate musmnetters who think he is a pillock

Squashed by elephant

(may have made the last two up....)

Rogered to death in prison over trumped-up drug smuggling/ visa violation charges?

I forgot natural disasters - earthquakes/mudslides (monsoon season) - any volcanos on route?