FAB & GLAM 10 - Gosh, Do We Really Talk That Much???

[Dumbledior]

Hi, new thread

Lovely to see all the old posters again. Don't go now you are back.

Annie/UC/MHIS - lovely to see you and thanks MHIS for the FB chat.

Hi Lily hi everyone!

I'm sorry to see all the faces, use this thread for what it was intended and have a good moan and gather some support from fellow teabags.

My op went really well Lily. I was up and about in no time at all and have a lovely new foot with no bunion!! I am delighted with it. DP has just bought me new boots for my birthday, narrow fit not wide fit Yippee!!! I've whizzed all the others, the one's with the bunion shape set in them, I want no reminders! I was talking to one of the mum's at school this morning and she was wearing a gorgeous pair of new boots which were already being pushed out of shape by her bunion so she is coming round later for a coffee and a 'viewing'. Yes, I am doing viewings of my new foot If I had a profile I would post you a pic!!

Gosh, how sad when all I have to talk about is my bunion op!

Hope everyone else is well xx

PS Lily PC is now in a relationship, she changed her status on FB.

Congrats PC (how is her brother ??)

TFM great news about the op. My neighbour just had hers done and i am at all the new shoes!
Lol at giving viewings , i know my nan was offered an op and was too scared. She has recently had to give up dancing as it is too painful She absolutely regrets not having it done!

On me and dp front. I am just so tired of supporting him. I think i had a straw broke camels back moment yesterday. Basically he got two months extra pay from his old job. Tells me it's safe in an account. Anyhow they ask for it back turns out it has been spent (he can't even tell me what on) and we are in even more debt
Just feel like i can't trust him iykwim.
It just seems one thing after another.
He had serious money issues when i met him (i put it down to being young and naive) and i recently trusted all our finances to him. Big mistake and i feel let down all over again!

Just not sure how much more i can give him tbh.
Feels like having another child to look after which i certainly don't need.

Oh no Lily! I am so sorry to hear this. you know, if he wants to act like an irresponsible teenager then treat him like one. Take control of the finances and give him 'pocket money'. I'm afraid if you continue to let your DH run that department you may never get back on your feet again. There is also the issue that he is actually lying to you, telling you the money is safe in an account when in fact he has spent it, that's not good either. I can understand why you are so upset with him and I can certainly understand why you feel this is the final straw after everything you have been through with him. Sometimes, it just seems that we women 'grow up' much faster than men do, we are responsible and become more responsible while they stay just the same. Then suddenly we realise there is a massive void between us IYSWIM.

What do you want to do Lily? Do you want to save the relationship or are you really wanting to call time on it?

And also, why the heck do his old firm want the money back? Was it paid in error or something? If this was the case then DH will have to tell them that he no longer has it and make an arrangement to pay it back that won't skint you!

I'm just going to send you a quick email with something that may help xx

PS PC's brother has moved to a fantastic hospital and is making great progress. PC keep posting photo's of him and he is looking really good.

Baffy is doing well too. All blissfully happy

Yeah it was paid in error but some of it was holiday pay etc we were just never sure of exact amount which is why i thought it was best kept safe.
I know i need to take back over the finances , stupid mistake to trust him again
I don't really know the answer to that TFM it seems so trivial after all we have been through but for me shows he cannot support 'me'. However there is the kids etc to think of. I just think 12mth from here we are going to be in a worse position not better and who is going to take responsibility for keeping a roof over our heads!
Obv it will be me , again
Then the old insecurities rise again , am just tired of this life [sad

Thanks TFM your a star.

Great news about Baffy and PC brother cannot get on with FB so lurk on here but not many of you about anymore!!!

Bless you, you really are fed up aren't you, and understandably so. It's ok to be angry with him you know, it will do him good to know you are angry with him too! Trouble is it may not change anything. FWIW I don't think you were stupid for trusting him with the finances, I think he is the stupid one for showing he can't be trusted.

You are a very strong woman Lily, you have proved that time and time again, your DH is very lucky to have you. You will get through this, I have every faith in you xx

Anyhow on a brighter note it has just started raining again Supposed to be taking dc's to bonfire and fireworks tonight!!
Anyone else going to one ?

x post TFM thanks very much sometimes it's good to know it's not me getting too cynical!
And good to know this corner of mn still here when you need some sound advice (think mnet becoming too much like a shark pit to risk that now)!!

Can I just say something though, in defence of DH? You say that he has shown he can't support 'you' BUT, he did actually agree to you giving up work for a while to enable you to be a full time mum to DD while study so, although I think he has been a bit of a plonker I think he does support you, in his own way

Yes, it has just started to rain here too, just in time for school run . I've just got changed into a nice outfit so I can wear my new boots but they are nubuck leather and don't want to get them wet so am going to put my wellies on instead

We had fireworks last night. I hate the things and so wanted to get it out of the way! It poured it down but we still had a nice night, I did a little party for the family and showed everyone my new foot I feel rally sad for your Nan Lily. How old is she? Does she feel too old to still have the op? It's not too bad but should would need someone to wait on her for a few days. I was walking about almost normally, in my special sandal of course, within 4 days.

Hope I wasn't out of order adding that bit about your DH Lily, it's just that sometimes, when things are feeling and seeming so crap it does help a little to search for a positive

TFM not at all and you are right he has done that and it has increased the pressure r/e money.
No signs of rain letting up here so hope we have nice night like you
My nan is in her late 80's and suffers with angina , heart probs. Doubt they would put her through an op now!
How do you show your foot off at a firework party ? I have just been telling dd that no one will be able to see her if she wears wellies and waterproofs tonight rather than her leggings and ugg boots she wants to wear.

Glad the thread has been rescusitated I won't mention dd's toilet habits
All well here though am not enjoying the dark days - bit of SAD setting in I think. dd is doing really well, gaining good weight. ds happy in Year One. Dh getting social life back on track - mostly sports orientated. Don't think I will ever trust him again completely but have to go with it as I don't want him to feel a prisoner in our relationship.
LL - you must be feeling pretty cheesed off with dh What are you going to do?
TFM - glad you are enjoying your bunion free feet
PC - great news about new relationship and db
Tanee - hello Hope all well with you.
Annie - sorry to hear about work Hope new arrangement with ds helps him. Glad your mood is better
Baffy - glad all is going well

Xmas meet up - would love to but dd is clamped on my boob 24/7 so probably pretty unrealistic especially as she has rejected the bottle for the past 6 weeks despite dh trying every night. Stubborn little thing

Lily I hosted the firework party so in my kitchen I whipped off my sock and gave em all a flash! Good job it wasn't a boob job I had eh?

LL Glad all is going well for you It must be difficult for you but I personally think you have every right to reserve trust knowing that he has already abused it. I think you have to do what makes you feel comfortable and safe. You will have to make sure that once dd isn't as boob clamped as she is that you get time to do things for yourself while DH does his bit at home.

Some people just are crap with money. It is a great shame if you have to take complete control of the finances - more burden on you and bad for DH's delicate self esteem; maybe you can overcome the second problem by consulting him about money matters without letting him actually do the spending bit?

I don't think an employer can just insist one pays back money received in good faith. If they do have a right to claim it back, which perhaps your local CAB can help with, surely they should agree to take it in installments out of the next few months' wages. Still a nasty blow to the household income but not so devastating as having to find a whole (HOW much did he spend without even realising?) in one go.

That's the practicalities. The lies, of course, that's a different matter. Some people grow out of that stuff at the age of 6 or so. It's like the Simpsons episode with the gun: "But Marge, I swear to you, I never thought you'd find out!" What would we say to Marge Simpson if she came on Mumsnet, I wonder...

TFM is a foot fetishist! Giss a flash o' yer tootsies, darlin', fnarr fnarr.

Annie that's just it i guess i relised he won't grow out of it.
Not really talked to him tbh have just come back from bonfire. But hoping he sorted the repayment today. Will see what tom brings.
Had good night TFM and no rain. Even dd2 managed to stay awake for fireworks despite the 5am wake up!!
LL the bf thing is so tying but so rewarding at the same time. I still feel sad my bf days are over!! Great to hear she is doing so well!! I agree about resurecting the thread (although it has been ticking over) reminds me of the old mnet doubt a thread like this would emerge now!)

Tfm you can even start selling your second hand shoes on ebay they fetch a fortune you know (others with similair fetishes i guess)

Lily!!! I never thought of that!! That is a brilliant idea! There is bound to be someone with a bunion shaped shoe fetish on there, I am sure!!

eeewwww at bunion fetish!!!

Blimey - you lot don't speak for a month, then I have a day off and you go mad!!!
Sorry things are bad again Lily. I think its the trust issue which is a dangerous thing to lose, especially after what you have already been through.
TFM - lol at your foot viewings! I remember my Mum being the same when she had hers done too.
I've been feeling really unsettled for a while now regarding DP but I seem to be stuck like a rabbit in the headlights about it. Its not the drink (although that still happens but not as often and I can cope with that) but I just keep feeling "is this it?" I do love him, but just don't think its enough any more.
We had a brilliant weekend away last weekend and seemed to get some of the old spark back, but as soon as we got home it was back to the same old shit again.
We are moving in totally different directions, we have totallly separate social lives. I hate his drunks friends and he hates mine because most of them are single and he thinks every time I see them I'm 'on the pull' {shock] as if I would!!!
There's no easy answer to it. I need to make a horrible decision, end it after everything we've been through and upset both our families and dc again and run the risk of regrettiing it like I did last time, or plod along as we are hoping things will improve and this is just a bad patch.

You only get one life Ginny, this is it! And it's far too short to just sit around waiting to see if things improve, it's also far to short to stay with someone just because you don't want to hurt them. In a way if it was the drink to blame it would make things much easier for you wouldn't it? BUT, you count too you know. You are in this relationship for you too, not just DP and so if it isn't working for you, you have every right to leave it without feeling guilty or bad about doing so.

Why don't you suggest that you and he take a break for 3 months or so. A clean break, no contact, see how you feel for not seeing him at all. Go out and enjoy yourself, have some fun!! Meet new people and experience different things. I think it will do you the world of good!

And can I just add, after 'everything you have been through', I think you are more entitled to take a break from this relationship than you are obliged to stay in it. xx

Thanks TFM. You are very sensible and so so right that it would be easier if it was the drink, but that has really improved over the last year and now the problem really is me and whats going on in my head. I'm 40 next year and I think I'm having a bit of a midlife crisis
He is moving house soon as he has to leave the one near me and is looking at places further afield, so I think that will be the time to have a break if things are still the same. Its so hard to back off when he is living in the same road and I'm seeing him every day whether I like it or not.

I'm 45 on Monday!! I've yet to have my midlife crisis - I think

I think also you know, the drinking problem could have also deflected from how you maybe felt IYSWIM. It might not be that you suddenly feel like this (at 40 ) but that the drinking overshadowed everything else. And...... there is also the fact that it was more of a challenge, maybe he just seems a bit dull to you now

Whatever the reason you don't need it. You know how you feel and you know what would make you happy, so go for it!!!

ooh TFM Hapy Birhtday for Monday you doing anything nice ?

Ginny i agree with TFM i think it's easy to focus on the thing you can't change (drink) but now that's no longer the focus you can begin to see the relationship for what it is.
How do you feel about him moving away ?
I feel the same i guess. I think sometimes because you have such a difficult history it's hard to give up on it. Maybe it seems like all those years of energy and fight are wasted ?

OOoh Jamie on X Factor got to go

Thanks Lily no plans but will probably go out for a meal, tbh am not really bothered about that, I want to watch Collision on tv boring aren't I? Might be different though when I'm allowed to wear heels!

I agree with what you say to Ginny about finding it hard to leave after you have invested so much emotionally, its a shame men don't think the same way isn't it? Or maybe it's just time we started behaving the way they do and think of ourselves and do what's best for US!